The Letter

1st draft, December 1923, I.5§2 (FH X) draft level 0

MS British Library 47471b 30-31 Draft details

{ms, 031}

|aAlone she cannot have indited it for the hand was fair. We can suppose it that of Shem the penman, a village soak, who when snugly liquid limed, cd.a|


Majesty well Ive heard all those birds what theyre |asaying bringing upa| about him bu and welcome |afor they will come to no gooda|. The Honourable Mr Earwicker, my devout husband, is a true gentleman which is what none of the sneakers ever was or will be because in the words of a royal poet such are born and not made and that he was and it was between Williamstown and |athea| Ailesbury road on the long car I first saw the lovelight in his eyes. |aWhen he told me |bto pardon himb| his true opinion |bbutb| that I had got a lovely face |bthat dayb|a| |aI thought I was |bon the top of the world back in paradiseb|.a| Well, revered Majesty, I hereafter swear he never once sent out the swags with a drop in |aany thema| but the milk as it came from the cow |alike he dida| and all that is |ainvented all |bpureb| made up |bby a snake in the grass and his name isb|a| by McGrath Bros against that dear man, my honorary husband. If I were only to tell your revered all |ahe that cafflera| said to me was it this time last year as I told Mrs |aJoe Toma| for his accomodation, McGrath Bros, I'm saying and his bacon not fit to look at never mind butter which is forbidden by the eight commandment y thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour |awifea|. |aBut I could read him.a| Aha, McGrath, the lies are out on him like freckles. When I think of what he had the face to say about my dearly respected husband, can I ever forget that. Never, so may God forgive McGrath
{ms, 032}
Bros all his trespasses against the Hon Mr Earwicker. |aIf I was only For two strawsa| to tell someone I know & they would make a corpse of him with the greatest of pleasure & not leave enough for the peelers to pick up.

There never was any girl in my house expecting trouble out of my |anoblea| husband, never, and |aI shall bring under your notice, majesty,a| those two hussies neither |aof thema| was virtuous after the |aPublica| Doctor's declaration |aout of the Locka| and whereas the |asaida| Honourable Mr Earwicker has |aa very hairy chest a chest very hairy for it to be able to be seena| |afrom a childa| which I am the privileged one to see and whereas he is pursuant to that very |aaffectionate attblanka| for |aladies' salesladies'a| society I will not have a reptile the like of McGrath Bros |awho thinks he's the big noise herea| to be spreading his |adirtya| lies all round where we live as I simply agree to it, the obnoxious liar, |aI wdn't dream of a sausage of his not even for catsmeat &a| he was fired out of Clune's |awhen he forget he was |ba mere only a commonb| floorwalkera| for giving |ahisa| guff.

I've heard it stated about the military but, did space permit, it is my belief I could show it was |athe wish of his minda| to cure the King's evil and I hereinafter swear by your revered majesty that he |agave me the price of a |bnew bulletproofb| dress |bwith angel sleevesb|a| said in my presence |athata|: As there is a God of all things my mind is a complete blank.

Well, revered Majesty, I tender
{ms, 033}
you heartest thanks & regrets for lettering you and I shall |anowa| close hoping you are in the best |aof healtha|. |aI don't Not that Ia| care that for him and lies about an experience of mine |aof a girla| with a clerical friend. Ask him what about his wife and Mr John Brophy |a& Sona|, the kissing solicitor |awhich is engaging the attention of private detectivesa|. I only wish he wd look in through |athe hisa| letterbox some day. What ho, she bumps. |aHe wd not say that was a solicitor's business.a| He wd be surprised to see her & Mr Brophy quite affectionate together kissing & looking into a mirror.

So much for the |alies sneakerya| that I was treated not very grand by the thicks |aoff Bully's acrea|. If any |aof |bSully's Master M'Grath'sb|a| thick goes to pull a gun on me, worse for him he'll know better manners. |aI I will complain on them to policesergeant Laracy |bat the corner of Buttermilk laneb| & hea| will have his head |awell |b& lawfullyb|a| broken by a Norwegian who has been expelled from christianity. I am perfectly proud of Mr Earwicker |amy once handsome husband; who is as gentle as a woman & more attractable |band he always |cspoke to me sat fornenst mec| |cmaking conversation about business & pleasurec| most attractable |cwhen he wasc| after he had his third |cor fourthc| mugb| |b& he never chained me to a chair since this island was bornb|a|. |aI can show anyone the bag of cakes given to me by Mr Earwicker for our last wedding day. Thank you, beloved, for your beautiful parcel. You are always the gentleman.a| I tell Sneakers and Mr Sausage McGrath, creeping Christy. back & streaky, ninepence.

|aHoping |bthe clouds will soon dissipateb| you will enjoy perusal and completelya|


PS. This will put the tin hat on McGrath
{ms, 030}

|x|aHer Mark & Seala| Dame Lara Prudence Earwicker (valued wife of —)x|