^|aAlone she cannot have indited it for the hand was fair. We can suppose it that of Shem the penman, a village soak, who when snugly liquid limed, cd.^a|

Revered

Majesty well Ive heard all those birds what theyre ^|asaying bringing up^a| about him bu and welcome ^|afor they will come to no good^a|. The Honourable Mr Earwicker, my devout husband, is a true gentleman which is what none of the sneakers ever was or will be because in the words of a royal poet such are born and not made and that he was and it was between Williamstown and ^|athe^a| Ailesbury road on the long car I first saw the lovelight in his eyes. ^|aWhen he told me ^|bto pardon him^b| his true opinion ^|bbut^b| that I had got a lovely face ^|bthat day^{b|a| |a}I thought I was ^|bon the top of the world back in paradise^b|.^a| Well, revered Majesty, I hereafter swear he never once sent out the swags with a drop in ^|aany them^a| but the milk as it came from the cow ^|alike he did^a| and all that is ^|ainvented all ^|bpure^b| made up ^|bby a snake in the grass and his name is^b|a| by McGrath Bros against that dear man, my honorary husband. If I were only to tell your revered all ^|ahe that caffler^a| said to me was it this time last year as I told Mrs ^|aJoe Tom^a| for his accomodation, McGrath Bros, I'm saying and his bacon not fit to look at never mind butter which is forbidden by the eight commandment y thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour ^|awife^a|. ^|aBut I could read him.^a| Aha, McGrath, the lies are out on him like freckles. When I think of what he had the face to say about my dearly respected husband, can I ever forget that. Never, so may God forgive McGrath
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Bros all his trespasses against the Hon Mr Earwicker. ^|aIf I was only For two straws^a| to tell someone I know & they would make a corpse of him with the greatest of pleasure & not leave enough for the peelers to pick up.

There never was any girl in my house expecting trouble out of my ^|anoble^a| husband, never, and ^|aI shall bring under your notice, majesty,^a| those two hussies neither ^|aof them^a| was virtuous after the ^|aPublic^a| Doctor's declaration ^|aout of the Lock^a| and whereas the ^|asaid^a| Honourable Mr Earwicker has ^|aa very hairy chest a chest very hairy for it to be able to be seen^{a| |a}from a child^a| which I am the privileged one to see and whereas he is pursuant to that very ^|aaffectionate attblank^a| for ^|aladies' salesladies'^a| society I will not have a reptile the like of McGrath Bros ^|awho thinks he's the big noise here^a| to be spreading his ^|adirty^a| lies all round where we live as I simply agree to it, the obnoxious liar, ^|aI wdn't dream of a sausage of his not even for catsmeat &^a| he was fired out of Clune's ^|awhen he forget he was ^|ba mere only a common^b| floorwalker^a| for giving ^|ahis^a| guff.

I've heard it stated about the military but, did space permit, it is my belief I could show it was ^|athe wish of his mind^a| to cure the King's evil and I hereinafter swear by your revered majesty that he ^|agave me the price of a ^|bnew bulletproof^b| dress ^|bwith angel sleeves^b|a| said in my presence ^|athat^a|: As there is a God of all things my mind is a complete blank.

Well, revered Majesty, I tender
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you heartest thanks & regrets for lettering you and I shall ^|anow^a| close hoping you are in the best ^|aof health^a|. ^|aI don't Not that I^a| care that for him and lies about an experience of mine ^|aof a girl^a| with a clerical friend. Ask him what about his wife and Mr John Brophy ^|a& Son^a|, the kissing solicitor ^|awhich is engaging the attention of private detectives^a|. I only wish he wd look in through ^|athe his^a| letterbox some day. What ho, she bumps. ^|aHe wd not say that was a solicitor's business.^a| He wd be surprised to see her & Mr Brophy quite affectionate together kissing & looking into a mirror.

So much for the ^|alies sneakery^a| that I was treated not very grand by the thicks ^|aoff Bully's acre^a|. If any ^|aof ^|bSully's Master M'Grath's^b|a| thick goes to pull a gun on me, worse for him he'll know better manners. ^|aI I will complain on them to policesergeant Laracy ^|bat the corner of Buttermilk lane^b| & he^a| will have his head ^|awell ^|b& lawfully^b|a| broken by a Norwegian who has been expelled from christianity. I am perfectly proud of Mr Earwicker ^|amy once handsome husband; who is as gentle as a woman & more attractable ^|band he always ^|cspoke to me sat fornenst me^{c| |c}making conversation about business & pleasure^c| most attractable ^|cwhen he was^c| after he had his third ^|cor fourth^c| mug^{b| |b}& he never chained me to a chair since this island was born^b|a|. ^|aI can show anyone the bag of cakes given to me by Mr Earwicker for our last wedding day. Thank you, beloved, for your beautiful parcel. You are always the gentleman.^a| I tell Sneakers and Mr Sausage McGrath, creeping Christy. back & streaky, ninepence.

^|aHoping ^|bthe clouds will soon dissipate^b| you will enjoy perusal and completely^a|

(Signed)

PS. This will put the tin hat on McGrath
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^|x|aHer Mark & Seal^a| Dame Lara Prudence Earwicker (valued wife of —)^x|