— Amtsadam! Sir, to you! Eternest cittas, heil! Here we are again! I am bubub brought up under a camel act of dynasties long since out of print, the first of Shitric Shilkanbeard, but I am known throughout the world wherever my good Allenglisches' Angleslachsen is spoken by Sall and Will from Augustanus to Ergastulus, as this is, protested by saints and
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sinners eyeeye alike as a cleanliving man and, as a matter of fact, by my halfwife, I think how our public at large appreciates it most highly from me that I am as cleanliving as could be and that my game was a fair average since I perpetually kept my ouija ouija wicket up. On my very wife I never was nor can afford to be guilty of breach, crim crig con, malfeasance or trespass against parson with the person of a youthful girl frifrif friend chirped Apples, acted by Miss Dashe, when I would touch to her dot and feel most greenily of her unripe ones, as it should prove most unniece and far too baad, nieceless to say, to my reputation for daughters-in-trade being lightly clad. I should her have awristed was she but tinkling of such a tink. And as a mere matter of fact I tell of myself how I popo possess the ripest littlums wifukie around the globelettes globes upon which she was raping away first with the consolation prize in my serial dreams of fair women, Mannequins Passe, handicapped by two breasts in opera tops. A remarkable little garment. What spurt! I kickkick keenly love
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such, particularly while savouring of their flavours at their most perfect best when served with heliotrope eyelips, as this is, where I do drench my jolly soul on the pupure beauty of hers past.

She is my bestpreserved wholewife, sowell her as herafter, in Evans's eye, with the smallest shoenumber outside of Chinatins. They are jolly dainty. May we not recommend them? And, alas, our private chaplain of Lambeyth and Dolekey, an always sadfaced man, who has visited our various hard hearts and reins by imposition of fufuf fingers, in that Upper Room, can speak loud to you some quite complimentary things about my clean characteracting even, when detected, in the dusk, painful though such recital prove to me, as this is, when I introduced her (frankfurters numbourines why drive fear!) to our fourposter singing with euphonium in our altogether duckkyheim homesweetened gleegloom there's gnome sweeplaces like theresweep Norwage. First Murkiss, or so they sang. Dodo! O Clearly! And the gregorio at front with Johannes far in back. Aw aw! By whom, as my Church Findlaters
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enjoineth in the belief and as you all know as a matter of pure fact, dear humans, of a child one of my life's ambitions of my yougend from an early peepee period intended for broadchurch, I was confirmed in bed by our bujibuji beloved curate-author. Michael Engels is your man. Let Michael relay Sutton and tell you people here who have the phoney habit (it was remarketable) in his clairaudience, as this is, as only our own Michael can, when reacherout at superstation, to bring ruptures to our roars how I am amp ^|s11amp^s11| amplify Guinness's Ornery fortninehalf. Shaun Shemsen saywhen saywhen. Livpoomark lloyrge hoggs one four tupps noying. Sorry! Thnkyou! Thatll beall fortoday.
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Call it off! Godnat, vrybolly! End a muddy chrushmess! Abbreciades York gustoms. Kyow! Tak!

Calm has entered. Big Big Calm, announcer! It is ernst terooly most moresome immusin. Colt's tooth! I protest there is not one teaspoonspill of evidence at bottomlie to my baad as you shall see, as this is, Keemun Lapsang of first pickings. And I contango I can take off my dudud my dirtynine articles of quoting here before those in heaven to prove myself a virgoman and enter under the advicies to their favoured client from Messires Norris, Sotheby, Yates and Weston, Inc, into my preprotestant Caveat against the pupup publication of libel by any Ticks Tipsyloon to that highest personage at moments holding down the throne. So to speak of beauty scouts and the celluloid art! The caca cad! A blueeyed man in the lowbelt suit. Snakeeye! Strangler of green parrots! I protest it that he is, by my wipehalf, my nomesuch! Hourspringlike his jousture, blank my gruss! As you blank, so we then. Shame upon pipip Private M—! Shames on his foulsomeness! Shamus on his lulul lying suulen! And mine it was, Barktholed von Hunarig, Soesown af Furrows, when to our lot it fell on my poplar sexsex, my sexencentaurnary, when I holded up to His Mam His Mamam Majuscules His Magnus Maggerstick the city keys of our Nova Tara, when hrossbucked on his pricelist charger, Pferdinamd Allibuster, with my allbum's greethims: Handshakey Congrandyoulikethems, Excellency!

Whosaw dares at handgripper thisa breast? Dose makkers ginder! Some ome we was with us all fours. Adversarian! First liar in landend. And those meisies! Sulk e'en taarts! Man sicker at I ^|s11are ere^s11| bluffit konservateve? Shucks! Such bughouse filth so I cannot barely conceive of! The brknhrtd vlln! Hole affair is rotten pig's draff!

— Is that yu, Whitehead?

— Have you Headnoise now?

— Give us your muddy reception, will yous?

— Pass the fish for Christ' sake!

Old Whitehowth is speaking again. Pity poor Whiteoath! Dear gone mumum mummeries, goby! Tell the woyld I have livet true thousand hells. Pity, please, lady, for poor O. W. in this profoundest snobbing I have caught. Nine dirty years mine age, hairs white, mummery failing, deaf as Adder, I askt you, dear lady, to judge on my tree by our fruits. I gave you of the tree. I gave two smells, three eats. My freeandies, my celeberrimates! My happybossoms, my allfalling fruits of my boom. Pity poor Haveth Children Everywhere with Mudder!

That was Communicator, a former colonel, disincarnated. He is not all here. A
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spirit called Sebastian may phone shortly. He does not believe in our psychous of the Real Absence. Let us cheer him up a little and make an appointment for a future date. Hello, Communicator! Eh? How's the butts? Everscepistic! He
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has had some indiejestings, poor thing, for quite a little while. Poor Felix Culaper! I deplore over him. So enjoying of old thick whiles, in tall white hat of four reflections, he would puffout a smokeful bock! He shall have his glad stein of our beerbest. The voice is still flutish and his mounth still wears that soldier scarlet though the hairs, alas, are peppered with silvern. It is bycause of what he was ascend into his prisons on account of. I wit it well. Hence he's deepraised words. Some day I may tell the story. Mood! Mood! It looks like someone else bearing my burdens. I cannot let it. Cans nought.

Well, sir, I have bared my whole past on both sides. Give me even my two months by laxlaw in second division and my first broadcloth is business will be to protest if it does not occur again. There is nothing like leuther and Nosty
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mens in gladshouses they shad not peggott stones! O shee! I am here to tell you, indeed to goodness, I am thoughtful to do dope me of her misciswassers ^|s11and^s11| become a Selt when, being fully alive to it, as Sigismond Stolterforth (Ehren til viketrae!, I will westerneyes those poor sunuppers and outbreiten their land's eng. A man should stump up and I will pay my pretty decent trade price for my glueglue glucose, peebles, were it even, as this is, the legal eric for wholewiping clean infelicitous conduct and, as a matter of fact, I undertake to discontinue all practices
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and I deny in toto at my own request in all stoutness to have confermentated and agreed in times prebellic, when here were waders for the trainsfolk, as it is laid to me, with a friend from mine, Mr Billups, who sometimes he is doing my locum for me and whom I have called clean, at goodbuy cootcoop by usucapiture a mouthless niggeress, Blanchette Brewster from Blawlawnd-via-Brigstow, or to illsell my fourth part in her, which although allowed of in Deuterogamy and excluded books (they should quite rightly verbanned be) would seem eggseggs excessively harroween to my feelimbs, for twa punt scotch or three pipples on the bitch. Thou, Frick's flame, Uden Sulfer, who strikest only on the marryd bokks, entquick me if so be I did cophetuise milady's maid, Such wear a frillick for my comic strip. The preemption
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of all of her of yourn, by Juno Moneta! If she has been disposed of for her consideration, I am tradefully unintiristid. And if she is still further talc slopping over her cocoa contours I, hwat mick angars, am strongly of opinion why I should not be. Improbable! I do not credit one word of it. Or to have resold same means help, best Briston, high yellow, no outings, cent for cent on Auction's Bridge. Utterly improperable! Not for alled Crusos or white soul of gold! A pipple on the panis, two claps on the cansill, or three pack pocks on the postern! Not for one scrupleless culprick's coynde! So help me Cash! I meanit.

My herrings! The surdity of it, mean to say. Her bare idears, it is too chucklesome. Absurd bargain, mum, will call. One line, with! One line, with, with! The two cherrypickers Lizzy and Lissy Mycock I would not know to contact such gretched youngsters in my ways from Hadem or any suistersees or heiresses of theirn, claiming by, through, or under them. Her is one which rassembled to mein enormally. He is Deucollion. Each habe goheard: Uptaking you are innersence but we sen you meet sose infance. Deucollion! Odor: Evilling chimbes is smutsick rivulverblott but thee hard casted thereass pigstenes upann Congan's shootsmen, ekeascent? Igen Deucollion! What a shrubbery trick to play! Hear this! I will put my oathhead unner my whitepot and will stand me where I stood mine in all free heat between Pelagios and little
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Chistaias by our most monolith, after my both earstoear and brebreeches buybibles and public testify to my unclothed virtue by the longstone erectheion of our allfirst manhere. I should tell you that honestly, on my honour of a Nearwicked, I always think (in a wordsworth of that primed favourite continental poet, Daunty, Gouty and Shopkeeper, A. G.,) as my palmer's best policy I have had my best master's lesson as the public he knows. And do you know, homesters, I honestly think if I have failed lamentably by accident benefits, though shintoed, spitefired, perplagued and cramkrieged, I have made of my prudentials good. I have been told I own stolemines or something of that sort in the sooth of Spainien. Hohohoho! Have I said ogso how I abhor myself vastly (truth to tell) and do repent me to my nether heart of sundry clothing? The amusin part is, I will say, hotelmen, that, after martiel siegewin on yon slauchterday of cleantarriffs, since I ran a Brixtol selection here, for mean straits male with evorage fimmel, in common soccage, among strange and enemy, among these building sites, at Hoplinstown, alore Fort Dunlip, then-on-sea, in that year which I have called mirabellous, and overdrave these marken under our good kingsabout T.R.H. Urban First and Champaign Chollyman and Hungry the Loaved and Hangry the Hathed, here where my toils of domestication first began, with weight of woman wund my nack famine has completely seceded from this landleague of many nations. Here popjay piped now pep goes the whistle. Here Tyeburn throttled, massed marmurs march: where the bus stops, there shop I: here which ye see, yea reste. Peace and plenty! New highs for all! Our bourse and our politico-ecomedy are in safe with good Jock Shepherd, our lives are on sure in sorting with Jonathans, wild and great. Been so free! Thank you, besters! Hattentats have mindered, thuggeries are rere as glovers meeting, lepers lack and ignorants show beneath suspicion like the bitterharfs of esculapuloids. In midday's mallsight let Miledd discurverself, Meludd in her hide park seek Minuitette. All is waldly bonums. Aeros, we luft to you! Firebugs, good blazes! Lubbers, keep your poudies drier! Seamen, we bless your ship and wives!
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Seven ills havd I habt, seaventy seavens are your prospect. The chort of Nicholas Within was my guide and I raised a dom on the bog of Michan. Further this. By fineounce I grew and by grossscruple I grew outreachesly: To Milud old money and to Madame fresh advances. Paybads florinners moved against us and I matt them Bartholomew: milreys (mark!) onfell and (luc!) I arose, Daniel in Leonden. The soord of Whenhislaws was mine and mine great great great. I schicked Duke Wellinghof to shockle Roy Shackleton, walhalloo, walhalloo, walhalloo mourn in playn! I braved Brien Berueme to berow him against the Loughlins, all her tolkies shraking: Fugabollags! Lusqu'au bou! Under law's marshall did I thole till lead's plumbate relieved me. I made preyer upon acorpolous and fastings down in Neederthorpe. Can you tell their tale whom I filled ad liptum on the plain of Soulsbury? With three hunkered peepers and twa and twas! For sleeking beautes I spinned their nightinveils, to slumbred beasts I tummed the tief air. All in my thicville was thorough fair but in the meckling of my burgh was the site forbid: I made uisance of wellpressed meadows and peddled freely in the scrub: I heard my libertilads making fray through their curraghcoombs and my trueblues herusalaming before Wailingtone's Wall: I have reared my vonderbilt hut in the night and at morn I was encompassed of mushroofs: the more secretly bi built, the more openly plastered. I considered the lilies on the veldt and unto Balkis did I disclothe mine glory. Lo, I have looked long upon my pompadours in their easancies and my drummers have told tall tales of me in the land. Fulgent I funked forth (drat it!); voldsom (veh!) they veered. And this. This mayds my taughters and these man my son, from the Villa of the Ostmannorum to Thorstan's, recte Thomars Sraid, they are my vill villeins, with chartularies I have talledged them. Struggling forlongs I have freed, milles on milles of mancipelles. Mint outskirts benlewd, men breaches portpoinsed: in morgenattics litt I hope, in seralcellars louched I bleakmealers: on my seats of my mighty I was parciful of my subjects, but in streets that are darkest I debelled em superb: at Guy's they were swathed, as Foulkes's slashed, the game for a Gomez, the law for a Lynch: on high and by bye I scattered em, in my holy fields I gathered em: Wherefore has my sovereign lord V. King regards for me and he has given to me my neckname (flister it!) which is second fiddler to nomen. Idle were it, repassing to the elder disposition, in so and such a matter as me it so besitteth, to inquire whether I, huddledtogether, be the massproduct of teamwork or I, draggedasunder, the forced outcome of group marriage or carried of cloud from land of locust, three surtouts wripped up in itchothers, two twin pretticoaxes lived as one, troubled in trine or dubildin too, for, holocryptogam of my essenses, abram nude be I or roberoyed with the faineans, surrounded by obscurity, most surely I pretend by virtue of creation and by boon of promise my naturalborn freeman's journeyman right and my Other Church's inher lights to opt for simultaneous. Till daybow break and showshadows flee. Thus be Hek! Verily! Verily! Time, place!

— What is your numb? Bun!

— Who gave you that numb? Poo!

— Have you put in all your spare pennies? I'm listening. Sree!

— Keep clear of propennies! Kore!

Mr Televox, Mrs Taubiestimm, and invisible friends! I maymay mean to say. Annoyin part of it was, had my faithful Fulvia, following the courses of this world, turned her back on her ways to go on the hills in search of brunette men of Earalend, Chief Nightcloud by the Deeps and Chief Goes-in-Blackwater and Chief Northpaw and Chief Brown Pool, or, again, had Fluvia left her crookcrook crocus bed at the bare suggestions of some bywaymen
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who would have abused of her there might accrue advantage to ask. Yet know of old it was vastly otherwise which I have heard it by my goods waif, as I chiefly endmost heartily aver, for Fulvia Fluvia ever did ensue tillstead the things that pertained unto fairness. Even so. For I waged love on her: and spoiled her undines: and she wept. O my lors!

— Till we meet!

— Ere we part!

— Tollollall!

— This time a hundred years!

But I was firm with her. And I did take the reached of my delights, my jealousy, and did raft her riverworthily and did leftlead her overland the pace, whimpering by Kevin's port and Hurdlesfjord and Gardener's Mall to Ringsend Ferry
{f10, 426}
: and there, on wavebrink, by mace of masthigh, taillas Cowhowling, quailless Highjakes, did I uplift my magicianer's puntpole and I bade those pollyfizzyboisterous seas to retire with hemselves from os (rookwards, thou seasea stammerer!) and I abridged with domfine norsemanship her maiden race, my baresark bride, and knew her fleshly when with all my bawdy did I her whorship, min bryllupswipe: Heaven, he hallthundered; Heydays, he flung blissforhers. And I cast my tenspan joys on her by dint of strongbow (Galata! Galata!), so strong we were in one, malestream and shegulf: and with iren of ierne I thumbringed her and tradesmanmarked her lieflang mine for all and singular, iday, igone, imorgens and for ervigheds (what screech of shippings! what low of dampfbulls!):
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goosegaze annoynted uns, canailes canzoned; from Livland, hock zivios, from Lettland, skall vives! With Impress of Asias and Queen Columbia for her pairanymphs and the singing sands for herbrides' music, I chained a name and wedlock round her the which to carry till her grave, Appa Lippia Pluviabille, my dirty deary, whiles I herr lifer been: I chained her chastemate to grippe fiuming snugglers, her chambrett I bestank so to spunish furiosos: I was her hochsized, her cleaveinto, her everest, she was my annointed, my laurelled, my proved: who cut her ribbons when nought my prowes? who expoused that havenliness to collective anchorrides when not I, freipforter? in trinity huts they met my dama, pick of their pock for me: when I forgether 'twas my sumbad, if I farseeker itch my list: had I not workit in my cattagut and had I not giftet of my coataways? and, fortiffed by my right, I did encompass her about, my vermincelly vinegarette, with all loving kindness as far as in man's might it lay and enfranchised her to liberties of fringes: and I gave until my lilienyounger turkeythighs soft goods and hardware and fine ladderproof hosiery lines and potted fleshmeats and pennigsworths of the best of taste of knaggy jets and silvered waterroses and geegaws of my pretty novelties and wispy frocks, trancepearances of redferns and lauralworths, such as women cattle wear, the pick of Pim's and Slyne's and Sparrow's, loomends day lumineused, luxories on looks, La Primamère, Pyrrha Pyrrhine, Or de Reinebeau, Sourire d'Hiver, and a crinoline, wide a shire, and pattens for her trilibies for all daintiness by teatime: and I wound around my swanchen's neckplace a school of joys of moyles marine to sing their seasangs in her silence: and, upping her as king's count, I pierced her beak with order of the
{f39, 549}
Danabrog (Cunnig's great! Sall live! Sall live!): and I hung up at Yule my pigmy suns, helphelped of Kettil Flashnose, for the supperhour of my frigid one, coulomba mea, frimosa mia, through all Livania's volted ampire, from anods to cathods and from the topazolites of Mourne by Arklow's sapphire seamanslure and Waterford's hook and crook lights to the polders of Hy Kinsella: her intellects I charmed with I called them thoughts, great great great peace and plenty!
{f10, 428}
And after these things I fed her, my carleen, my little lean steer, upon spiceries for her garbage breath, italics of knobbyleek and swinespepper and gothakrauts and the drugs of Kafa and Jelapa and shallots out of Ascalon: and to my saffronbreathing mongoloid I gave powlver and gentle oils for the swarthy face on her and handewers and loinscrubbers and a currycomb to tease her tuzzy out and clubmoss and wolvesfoot for her more moister wards (amazing efficiencies!): and for my shopsoiled doveling, when weeks of kindness skinly civicised, in our salons esquirial I did devise my prizeless telltale sports at evenbread to wring her withers limberly, wheatears, slapbang, draper-cut-dean, bray, nap, spinado and ranter-go-round: in our windtor palast it vampared fore elenden, we lubded Sir Wohl for the sleep and the ghoasts: she chauffed her feusies at my Wigan's jewels while she skalded her mermeries on my Snorryson's sagos: I foredreamed for her and, more than fallmaked, I prevened for her in the haunts that joybelled frail light-a'-leaves for sturdy traemen: Pelves ad Hombres
{f10, 429}
Sumus: I said to the shiftless prostitute, Let me be your fodder; and ^|s11I said to the to^s11| roadies ^|s11and^s11| prater brothers, Chau, Camerade! and I built in Urbs in Rure for mine elskede, my shiny brows, an earthcloset wherewithin to be quit in most convenience from her sabbath needs: did not I festfix my unniversiries, wholly, rational and gottalike? was not I rosetted on two stelas of little egypt? had not I rockcut reders, hieros, gregos and democriticos? and by my syvendialed changing charties Hibernska Ulitzas made not I to pass through twelve Threadneedles and Newgade and Vicus Veneris to cooinsight? my camels' walk, kolossa! kolossa!, no porte sublimer benared my ghates: Oi polled ye Many but my fews were chousen (voter, voter, early voter,
{f39, 552}
he was never too oft for Old Sarum): and I set up twinminsters, the pro and the con, woven of peeled wands and attachattouchy floodmud, Arched for the covenanters and shinners' rifuge: all truant trulls made I comepull, all rubbeling gnomes I pushed, go, go: oathiose infernals, to Booth Salivation! arcane celestials, to Sweatenburg's Welhell! and thirdly, for evigs, I did reform and restore for my smuggy piggiesknees her paddypalace on the crossknoll with massgo bell clashcloshant, duominous and muezzatinties to commind the fitful: doom adimdim adoom adimadim: and the oragel of the lauds to tellforth's glory: and I added thereunto a shallow laver to put out her hellfire and posied windows for her oriel house: gospelly pewmillieu, kristeichy pewmillieu: ze zackbutts
{f10, 430}
zounded, ze ollgunnes rulled: and she sass her nach, chillybombom and forty bonnets, upon the altarstane, may all have mossyhonours!

— Hoke!

— Hoke!

— Hoke!

— Hoke!

And hail or rain or drizzle or sleet, where it froze in chalice eller great and great with fairskin
{f39, 553}
book and ruling rod, vain of my vergin page, I did learn my little anna countrymouse in alpabeater cameltemper, from alderbirch to tannenyou, with my rattan at her drum ooah oyir oyir oyir: my seven wynds I trailed to maze her and ever a wynd had saving closes and all these closes flugged with the gust, hoops for her, hats off for him and great great great and I did spread before my Livvy, where Lord Street lolls and ladies linger and Cammomile row cuts Primrose Rise but never a bled had bladed since the whole budding acre was pessovered, my selvage mats of lecheworked lawn, my carpet gardens of Guerdon City, with chopes peramidous and mouselimes and beaconphires and colossets and pensilled turrisses for the busspleaches of summiramies and statuesques and templeogues: for irkdays and for folliedays till the comple anniums of calendarias, gregoromaios and gypsyjuliennes as such are pleased of theirs to walk: and I planted for my own hot lass a vineyard, Finmark's Howe, and I fenced it about with huge Chesterfield elms and Kentish hops against budmonth and gleanermonth: and (hush! hush!) I brewed for my alpine plurabelle (speakeasy!) my brandold Dublin lindub, the free, the froh, the frothy freshener, the pusspuss pussyfoot, to split the spleen of her maw: and I laid down before the trotters of my eblanite my stonybattered waggonways, my nordsoud circulums, my eastmoreland and westlandmore,
{f10, 431}
whereon, in mantram of truemen like yahoomen (expect till dutc cundoctor summoneth him all fahrts to pay, velkommen all hankinhunkn in this vogn of Hoseyeh!), claudesdales with arabstreeds, Roamer Reich's rickyshaws with Hispain's king's trombateers, my pricking gents aroger, aroger, my great great so covertly, covertly, the mule and the hinny and the jennet and the mustard nag and piebald shjelties and skewbald awknees steppit lively for her pleashadure (lift ye the left and rink ye the right!): and she lafaughed in her diddydid domino to the switcheries of the whip. Down with them! Kick! Playyup!

— Mattahah! Marahah! Luahah! Joahanahanahana!