ULYSSES
Key: 1922 text
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(Theº Mabbot street entrance of nighttown, before which stretches an uncobbled tramsiding set with skeleton tracks, red and green will-o'-the wispsº and danger signals. Rows of flimsyº houses with gaping doors. Rare lamps with faint rainbow fans. Round Rabaiotti's halted ice gondola stunted men and women squabble. They grab wafers between which are wedged lumps of coalº and copper snow. Sucking, they scatter slowly. Childrenº. The swancomb of the gondola, highreared, forges on through the murk, white and blue under a lighthouse. Whistles call and answer.)
THE CALLSº
Wait, my love, and I'll be with you.
THE ANSWERSº
Round behind the stable.
(A deafmute idiot with goggle eyes, his shapeless mouth dribbling, jerks past, shaken in Saint Vitus' dance. A chain of children's hands imprisons him.)
THE CHILDREN
Kithogue! Salute!
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THE IDIOT
(Lifts a palsied left arm and gurgles.) Grhahuteº!
THE CHILDREN
Where's the great light?
THE IDIOT
(Gobbling.) Ghaghahest.
(They release him. He jerks on. A pigmy woman swings on a rope slung between theº railings, counting. A form sprawled against a dustbin and muffled by its arm and hat movesº, groans, grinding growling teeth, and snores again. On a step a gnome totting among a rubbishtip crouches to shoulder a sack of rags and bones. A crone standing by with a smoky oil lampº rams theº last bottle in the maw of his sack. He heaves his booty, tugs askew his peaked cap and hobbles off mutely. The crone makes back for her lairº swaying her lamp. A bandy child, asquat on the doorstep with a papershuttlecockº, crawls sidling after her in spurts, clutches her skirt, scrambles up. A drunken navvy grips with both hands the railings of an area, lurching heavily. At a corner two night watch in shoulder capesº, their hands upon their staffholsters, loom tall. A plate crashes;º a woman screams;º a child wails. Oaths of a man roar, mutter, cease. Figures wander, lurk, peer from warrens. In a room lit by a candle stuck in a bottleneck a slut combs out the tatts from the hair of a scrufulousº child. Cissy Caffrey's voice, still young, sings shrill from a lane.)
I gave it to Molly
Because she was jolly,
The leg of the duckº
The leg of the duck.
(Private Carr and Private Compton, swaggersticks tight in their oxters, as they march unsteadilyº rightaboutface and burst together from their mouths a volleyed fart. Laughter of men from the lane. A hoarse virago retorts.)
THE VIRAGO
Signs on you, hairy arse. More power the Cavan girl.
CISSY CAFFREY
More luck to me.
Cavan, Cootehill and Belturbet. (She sings.)
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I gave it to Nelly
To stick in her bellyº
The leg of the duck
The leg of the duck.
(Private Carr and Private Compton turn and counterretort, their tunics bloodbright in a lampglow, black sockets of caps on their blond cropped polls. Stephen Dedalus and Lynch pass through the crowd close to the redcoats.)
PRIVATE COMPTON
(Jerks his finger.) Way for the parson.
PRIVATE CARR
(Turns and calls.) What ho, parson!
CISSY CAFFREY
(Her voice soaring higher.)
She has it, she got it,
Wherever she put itº
The leg of the duck.
(Stephenº flourishing the ashplant in his left hand, chants with joy the introit for paschal time. Lynch, his jockey capº low on his brow, attends him, a sneer of discontent wrinkling his face.)
STEPHEN
Vidi aquam egredientem de templo a latere dextro. Alleluia.
(The famished snaggletusks of an elderly bawd protudeº from a doorway.)
THE BAWD
(Her voice whispering huskily.) Sst! Come,º here till I tell you. Maidenhead inside. Sst.º
STEPHEN
(Altius aliquantulum.) Et omnes ad quos pervenit aqua ista.
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THE BAWD
(Spits in their trail her jet of venom.) Trinity medicals. Fallopian tube. All prick and no pence.
(Edy Boardman, sniffling, crouched with Bertha Supple, draws her shawl across her nostrils.)
EDY BOARDMAN
(Bickering.) And says the one: I seen you up Faithful place with your squarepusher, the greaser off the railway, in his cometobed hat. Did you, says I. That's not for you to say, says I. You never seen me in the mantrap with a married highlander, says I. The likes of her! Stag that one is.º Stubborn as a mule! And her walking with two fellows the one time, Kildbrideº the enginedriver, and lancecorporal Oliphant.
STEPHEN
(Triumphaliter.) Salvi facti iº sunt.
(He flourishes his ashplantº shivering the lamp image, shattering light over the world. A liver and white spaniel on the prowl slinks after him, growling. Lynch scares it with a kick.)
(Looks behind.) So that gesture, not music not odoursº, would be a universal language, the gift of tongues rendering visible not the lay sense but the first entelechy, the structural rhythm.
LYNCH
Pornosophical philotheology. Metaphysics in
Mecklenburgº
street!
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STEPHEN
We have shrewridden Shakespeare and henpecked Socrates. Even the allwisest stagyriteº was bitted, bridled and mounted by a light of love.
LYNCH
Ba!
STEPHEN
Anyway, who wants two gestures to illustrate a loaf and a jug!º This movement illustrates the loaf and jug of bread andº wine in Omar. Hold my stick.
LYNCH
Damn your yellow stick. Where are we going?
STEPHEN
Lecherous lynx, to la belle dame sans merci, Georgina Johnson, ad deam qui laetificat juventutem meam.
(Stephen thrusts the ashplant on him and slowly holds out his hands, his head going back till both hands are a span from his breast, down turnedº in planes intersecting, the fingers about to part, the left being higher.)
LYNCH
Which is the jug of bread? It skills not. That or the customhouse. Illustrate thou. Here take your crutch and walk.
(They pass. Tommy Caffrey scrambles to a gaslamp and, clasping, climbs in spasms. From the top spur he slides down. Jacky Caffrey clasps to climb. The navvy lurches against the lamp. The twins scuttle off in the dark. The navvy, swaying, presses a forefinger against a wing of his nose and ejects from the farther nostril a long liquid jet of snot. Shoulderiugº the lamp he staggers away through the crowd with his flaring cresset.
Snakes of river fog creep slowly. From drains, clefts,
cesspools,
middensº arise on all sides
stagnant fumes. A glow leaps in the south beyond the seaward reaches of the
river. The navvy staggering
forwardº cleaves the crowd and
lurches towards the tramsiding. On the farther side under the railway bridge
Bloom
appearsº flushed, panting,
cramming bread and chocolate into a
side
pocketº. From Gillen's
hairdresser's window a composite portrait shows him gallant Nelson's
image. A concave mirror
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at the side presents to him lovelorn longlost lugubru Booloohoom.
Grave Gladstone sees him level, Bloom for Bloom. He passes, struck by the stare
of truculent Wellington but in the
convex mirror
grin unstruck the
bonham eyes and
fatchuck cheekchops of Jollypoldyº the rixdix doldy.
At Antonio Rabaiotti's door Bloom halts, sweated under the bright arclampsº. He disappears. In a moment he reappears and hurries on.)
BLOOM
Fish and taters. N.g. Ah!
(He disappears into Olhousen'sº, the pork butcher's, under the downcoming rollshutter. A few moments later he emerges from under the shutter, puffing Poldy, blowing Bloohoom. In each hand he holds a parcel, one containing a lukewarm pig's crubeen, the other a cold sheep's trotter, sprinkled with wholepepper. He gasps, standing upright. Then bending to one side he presses a parcel against his ribº and groans.)
BLOOM
Stitch in my side. Why did I run?
(He takes breath with care and goes forward slowly towards the lampset siding. The glow leaps again.)
BLOOM
What is that? A flasher? Searchlight.
(He stands at Cormack's corner, watching.)
BLOOM
Aurora borealis or a steel foundry? Ah, the brigade, of course. South side anyhow. Big blaze. Might be his house. Beggar's bush. We're safe. (He hums cheerfully.) London's burning, London's burning! On fire, on fire! (He catches sight of the navvy lurching through the crowd at the farther side of Talbot street.) I'll miss him. Run. Quick. Better cross here.
(He darts to cross the road. Urchins shout.)
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THE URCHINS
Mind out, mister!
(Two cyclists, with lighted paper lanterns awsingº, swim by him, grazing him, their bells rattling.)
THE BELLS
Haltyaltyaltyall.
BLOOM
(Halts erectº stung by a spasm.) Ow.º
(He looks round, darts forward suddenly. Through rising fog a dragon sandstrewer, travelling at caution, slews heavily down upon him, its huge red headlight winking, its trolley hissing on the wire. The motorman bangs his footgong.)
THE GONG
Bang Bang Bla Bak Blud Bugg Bloo.
(The brake cracks violently. Bloom, raising a policeman's whitegloved hand, blundersº stifflegged, out of the track. The motormanº thrown forward, pugnosed, on the guidewheel, yells as he slides past over chains and keys.)
THE MOTORMAN
Hey, shitbreeches, are you doing the hattrick?
BLOOMº
(Bloom trickleaps to the curbstone and halts again. He brushes a mudflake from his cheek with a parcelled hand.)
No
thoroughfare.º
Close shave that
but cured the stitch. Must take up Sandow's
exerciserº again. On the hands down.
Insure against street accident too. The Providential. (He feels his trouser
pocket.) Poor mamma's panacea.
Heel easily catch in
tracksº
or bootlace in a
cog. Day,º the wheel of the
blackº
Maria,º peeled off my shoe at
Leonard's corner. Third time is the charm. Shoe trick. Insolent driver. I
ought to report him. Tension makes them nervous. Might
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be the fellow balked me this morning with that horsey woman.
Same style of
beauty. Quick of him all heº same.
The stiff walk. True word spoken in jest. That awful cramp in Lad lane.
Something poisonous I ate. Emblem of luck. Why? Probably lost cattle. Mark of
the beast. (He closes his eyes an instant.) Bit light in the head.
Monthly or effect of the other. Brainfogfag. That tired feeling. Too much for me now. Ow!
(A sinister figure leans on plaited legs against O'Beirne's wall, a visage unknown, injected with dark mercury. From under a wideleaved sombrero the figure regards him with evil eye.)
BLOOM
Bueñasº noches, señorita Blanca, queº calle es esta?
THE FIGURE
(Impassive, raises a signal arm.) Password. Sraid Mabbot.
BLOOM
Haha. Merci. Esperanto. Slan leath. (He mutters.) Gaelic league spy, sent by that fireeaterº.
(He steps forward. A sackshouldered ragman bars his path. He steps left, ragsackman left.)
BLOOM
I beg.
(He swerves, sidles, stepaside, slips past and on.)
BLOOM
Keep to the right, right, right. If there is a fingerpost planted by the Touring Club at Stepaside who procured that public boon? I who lost my way and contributed to the columns of the Irish Cyclist the letter headed,º In darksetº Stepaside. Keep, keep, keep to the right. Rags and bones,º at midnight. A fence more likely. First place murderer makes for. Wash off his sins of the world.
(Jacky Caffrey, hunted by Tommy Caffrey, runs full tilt against Bloom.)
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BLOOM
O.
(Shocked, on weak hams, he halts. Tommy and Jacky vanish there, there. Bloom pats with parcelled hands watch, fobpocket, bookpocket, pursepoke, sweets of sin, potato soapº.)
BLOOM
Beware of pickpockets. Old thievesº dodge. Collide. Then snatch your purse.
(The retriever approchesº snifflingº, nose to the ground. A sprawled form sneezes. A stooped bearded figure appears garbed in the long caftan of an elder in Zion and a smoking capº with magenta tassels. Horned spectacles hang down at the wings of the nose. Yellow poison streaks are on the drawn face.)
RUDOLPH
Second halfcrown waste money today. I told you not go with drunken goy ever. So.º You catch no money.
BLOOM
(Hides the crubeen and trotter behind his back and, crestfallen, feels warm and cold feetmeat.) Ja, ich weiss, papachi.
RUDOLPH
What you making down this place? Have you no soul? (With feeble vulture talons he feels the silent face of Bloom.) Are you not my son Leopold, the grand sonº of Leopold? Are you not my dear son Leopold who left the house of his father and left the god of his fathers Abraham and Jacob?
BLOOM
(With precaution.) I suppose so, father. Mosenthal. All that's left of him.
RUDOLPH
(Severely.) One night they bring you home drunk as dog
after spend your good money. What you call them running chaps?
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BLOOM
(In youth's smart blue Oxford suit with white vestslips, narrowshouldered, in brown Alpine hat, wearing gent's sterling silver waterburyº keyless watch and double curb Albert with seal attached, one side of him coated with stiffening mud.) Harriers, father. Only that once.
RUDOLPH
Once! Mud head to foot. Cut your hand open. Lockjaw. They make you kaput, Leopoldleben. You watch them chaps.
BLOOM
(Weakly.) They challenged me to a sprint. It was muddy. I slipped.
RUDOLPH
(With contempt.) Goim nachezº Nice spectacles for your poor mother!
BLOOM
Mamma!
ELLEN BLOOM
(In pantomime dame's stringed mobcap,º crinoline and bustle, widow Twankey'sº blouse with muttonleg sleeves buttoned behind, grey mittens and cameo brooch, her hair plaitedº in a crispine net, appears over the staircase banisters, a slanted candlestick in her handº and cries out in shrill alarm.) O blessed Redeemer, what have they done to him! My smelling salts! (She hauls up a reef of skirt and ransacks the pouch of her striped blayº petticoat. A phial, an Agnus Dei, a shrivelled potato and a celluloid doll fall out.) Sacred Heart of Mary, where were you at all,º at all?
(Bloom, mumbling, his eyes downcastº begins to bestow his parcels in his filled pockets but desists, muttering.)
A VOICE
(Sharply.) Poldy!
BLOOM
Who? (He ducks and wards off a blow clumsily.) At your service.
(He looks up. Beside her
mirage of
datepalms a handsome woman in Turkish costume stands before him. Opulent curves fill out her scarlet
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trousers and jacketº
slashed with
gold. A wide yellow
cummerbund girdles
her. A white yashmakº violet in
the night, covers her face, leaving free only her large dark eyes and raven hair.)
BLOOM
Molly!
Welly? Mrs Marion from this out, my dear man, when you speak to me. (Satirically.) Has poor little hubby cold feet waiting so long?
BLOOM
(Shifts from foot to foot.) No, no. Not the least little bit.
(He breathes in deep agitation, swallowing gulps of air, questions, hopes, crubeens for her supper, things to tell her, excuses,º desire, spellbound. A coin gleams on her forehead. On her feet are jewelled toerings. Her anklesº are linked by a slender fetterchain. Beside her a camel, hooded with a turreting turban, waits. A silk ladder of innumerable rungs climbs to his bobbing howdah. He ambles near with disgruntled hindquarters. Fiercely she slaps his haunch, her goldcurb wristbangles angriling, scolding him in Moorish.)
MARION
Nebrakada! Feminimum!º
(The camel, lifting a foreleg, plucks from a tree a large mango fruit, offers it to his mistress, blinking, in his cloven hoofº then droops his head and, grunting, with uplifted neck, fumbles to kneel. Bloom stoops his back for leapfrog.)
BLOOM
I can give you … I mean as your business menagerer … Mrs Marion … if you …
MARION
So you notice some change? (Her hands passing slowly over
her trinketed
stomacher. A slow
friendly mockery in her eyes.) O Poldy, Poldy, you are a poor old stick in
the mud! Go and see
life. See theº wide world.
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BLOOM
I was just going back for that lotion whitewax, orangeflower water. Shop closes early on Thursday. But the first thing in the morning. (He pats divers pockets.) This moving kidney. Ah!
(He points to the south, then to the east. A cake of new clean lemon soap arises, diffusing light and perfume.)
THE SOAP
We're a capital couple are Bloom and Iº
He brightens the earth, I polish the sky.
(The freckled face of Sweny, the druggist, appears in the disc of the soapsun.)
SWENY
Three and a penny, please.
BLOOM
Yes. For my wife,º Mrs Marion. Special recipe.
MARION
(Softly.) Poldy!
BLOOM
Yes, ma'am?
MARION
Ti trema un poco il cuore?
(In disdain she saunters away, plump as a pampered pouter pigeon, humming the duet from Don Giovanniº.)
BLOOM
Are you sure about that Voglio? I mean the pronunciati …
(He follows, followed by the sniffing terrier. The elderly
bawd seizes his sleeve, the bristles of her
chinmole glittering.)
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THE BAWD
Ten shillings a maidenhead. Fresh thing was never touched. Fifteen. There's no-one in it only her old father that's dead drunk.
(She points. In the gap of her dark den furtive, rainbedraggled, Bridie Kelly stands.)
BRIDIE
Hatch street. Any good in your mind?
(With a squeak she flaps her bat shawl and runs. A burly rough pursues with booted strides. He stumbles on the steps, recovers, plunges into gloom. Weak squeaks of laughter are heard, weaker.)
THE BAWD
(Her wolfeyes shining.) He's getting his pleasure. You won't get a virgin in the flash houses. Ten shillings. Don't be all night before the polis in plain clothes sees us. Sixtyseven is a bitch.
(Leering, Gerty MacDowell limps forward. She draws from behind, ogling, and shows coyly her bloodied clout.)
GERTY
With all my worldly goods I thee and thou. (She murmurs.) You did that. I hate you.
BLOOM
I? When? You're dreaming. I never saw you.
THE BAWD
Leave the gentleman alone, you cheat. Writing the gentleman false letters. Streetwalking and soliciting. Better for your mother take the strap to you at the bedpost, hussy like you.
GERTY
(To Bloom.) When you saw all the secrets of my bottom drawer. (She paws his sleeve, slobbering.) Dirty married man! I love you for doing that to me.
(She slidesº
away crookedly.
Mrs Breen
in man's frieze overcoat with loose
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bellows pockets, stands in the causeway, her roguish eyes wideopen,
smiling in all her herbivorous buckteeth.)
MRS BREEN
Mr …
BLOOM
(Coughs gravely.) Madam, when we last had this pleasure by letter dated the sixteenth instant …
MRS BREEN
Mr Bloom! You down here in the haunts of sin! I caught you nicely! Scamp!
BLOOM
(Hurriedly.) Not so loud my name. Whatever do you thinkº me? Don't give me away. Walls have hearsº. How do you do? It's ages since I. You're looking splendid. Absolutely it. Seasonable weather we are having this time of year. Black refracts heat. Short cut home here. Interesting quarter. Rescue of fallen womenº Magdalen asylum. I am the secretary …
MRS BREEN
(Holds up a finger.) Nowº don't tell a big fib! I know somebody won't like that. O just wait till I see Molly! (Slily.) Account for yourself this very sminuteº or woe betide you!
BLOOM
(Looks behind.) She often said she'd like to visit. Slumming. The exotic, you see. Negro servants too in liveryº if she had money. Othelloblack brute. Eugene Stratton. Even the bones and cornerman at the Livermore christies. Bohee brothers. Sweep for that matter.
(Tom
and Sam Bohee, coloured coons in white duck suits, scarlet socks, upstarched
Sambo chokers and large scarlet asters in their
buttonholesº leap out. Each has
his banjo slung. Their paler smaller negroid hands jingle the twingtwang wires.
Flashing white
Kaffirº
eyes and
tusks they rattle through a
breakdown in
clumsy
clogs, twinging,
singing, back to
back, toe heel, heel toe, with smackfatclacking nigger lips.)
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TOM AND SAM
There's
someone in the house with Dinaº
There's someone in the house, I know,
There's someone in the house with Dina
Playing on the old banjo.
(They whisk black masks from raw babby faces: then, chuckling, chortling, trumming, twangingº they diddle diddle cakewalk dance away.)
BLOOM
(With a sour tenderish smile.) A little frivol, shall we, if you are so inclined? Would you like me perhaps to embrace you just for a fraction of a second?
MRS BREEN
(Screams gaily.) O, you ruck! You ought to see yourself!
BLOOM
For old sake' sake. I only meant a square party, a mixed marriage mingling of our different little conjugials. You know I had a soft corner for you. (Gloomily.) 'Twas I sent you that valentine of the dear gazelle.
MRS BREEN
Glory Alice, you do look a holy show! Killing simply. (She puts out her hand inquisitively.) What are you hiding behind your back? Tell us, there's a dear.
BLOOM
(Seizes her wrist with his free hand.) Josie Powell that was, prettiest deb in Dublin. How time flies by! Do you remember, harking back in a retrospective arrangement, Old Christmas nightº Georgina Simpson's housewarming while they were playing the Irving Bishop game, finding the pin blindfold and thoughtreading!º Subject, what is in this snuffbox!º
MRS BREEN
You were
the lion of the
night with your seriocomic recitation and you
looked the part.
You were always a favourite with the ladies.
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BLOOM
(Squire of dames, in dinner jacket with watered silkfacingsº, blue masonic badge in his buttonhole, black bow and mother-of-pearº studs, a prismatic champagne glass tilted in his hand.) Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Ireland, home and beauty.
MRS BREEN
The dear dead days beyond recall. Love's old sweet song.
BLOOM
(Meaningfully dropping his voice.) I confess I'm teapot with curiosity to find out whether some person's something is a little teapot at present.
MRS BREEN
(Gushingly.) Tremendously teapot! London's teapot and I'm simply teapot all over me.º (She rubs sides with him.) After the parlour mystery games and the crackers from the tree we sat on the staircase ottoman. Under the mistletoe. Two is company.
BLOOM
(Wearing a purple Napoleon hat with an amber halfmoon, his fingers and thumb passing slowly down to her soft moist meaty palm which she surrenders gently.) The witching hour of night. I took the splinter out of this hand, carefully, slowly. (Tenderly, as he slips on her finger a ruby ring.) Là ci darem la mano.
MRS BREEN
(In a onepiece evening frock executed in moonlight blue, a tinsel sylph's diadem on her brow with her dancecard fallen beside her moonblue satin slipper, curves her palm softly, breathing quickly.) Voglio e non.º You're hot! You're scalding! The left hand nearest the heart.
BLOOM
When you made your present choice they said it was beauty and the beast. I can never forgive you for that. (His clenched fist at his brow.) Think what it means. All you meant to me then. (Hoarsely.) Woman, it's breaking me!
(Denis
Breen, whitetallhatted, with Wisdom Hely's
sandwichboardº, shuffles past them
in carpet slippers, his dull beard thrust out, muttering to
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right and left. Little
Alf Bergan,
cloaked in the pall of
the ace of
spadesº dogs him to left and right, doubled in laughter.)
ALF BERGAN
(Points jeering at the sandwich boards.) U. p: Upº.
MRS BREEN
(To Bloom.) High jinks below stairs. (She gives him the glad eye.) Why didn't you kiss the spot to make it well!º You wanted to.
BLOOM
(Shocked.) Molly's best friend! Could you?
MRS BREEN
(Her pulpy tongue between her lips, offers a pigeon kiss.) Hnhn. The answer is a lemon. Have you a little present for me there?
BLOOM
(Offhandedly.) Kosher. A snack for supper. The home without potted meat is incomplete. I was at Leah, Mrs Bandmanº Palmer. Trenchant exponent of Shakespeare. Unfortunately threw away the programme. Rattling good place round there for pig'sº feet. Feel.
(Richie Goulding, three ladies' hats pinned on his head, appears weighted to one side by the black legal bag of Collis and Ward on which a skull and crossbones are painted in white limewash. He opens it and shows it full of polonies, kippered herrings, Findon haddies and tightpacked pills.)
RICHIE
Best value in Dub.
(Bald Pat, bothered beetle, stands on the curbstone, folding his napkin, waiting to wait.)
PAT
(Advances with a
tilted dish of
spillspilling gravy.) Steak and kidney. Bottle of lager. Hee hee hee. Wait till I wait.
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RICHIE
Goodgod. Inev erate inall …
(With hanging head he marches doggedly forward. The navvy, lurching by, gores him with his flaming pronghorn.)
RICHIE
(With a cry of pain, his hand to his back.) Ah! Bright's! Lights!
BLOOM
(Points to the navvy.) A spy. Don't attract attention. I hate stupid crowds. I am not on pleasure bent. I am in a grave predicament.
MRS BREEN
Humbuggingº and deluthering as per usual with your cock and bull story.
BLOOM
I want to tell you a little secret about how I came to be here. But you must never tell. Not even Molly. I have a most particular reason.
MRS BREEN
(All agog.) O, not for worlds.
BLOOM
Let's walk on. Shall us?
MRS BREEN
Let's.
(The bawdº makes an unheeded sign. Bloom walks on with Mrs Breen. The terrier follows, whining piteously, wagging his tail.)
THE BAWD
Jewman's melt!
BLOOM
(In an oatmeal sporting suit, a sprig of woodbine in the
lapel, tony buff shirt, shepherd's plaid Saint Andrew's cross
scarftie, white spats, fawn dustcoat on his
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arm, tawny red
brogues,
fieldglasses in bandolier and a grey billycock hat.)
Do you remember a
long long time, years and years ago, just after
Milly,º
Marionette we
called her, was weaned
when we all went
together to Fairyhouse races, was it?
MRS BREEN
(In smart Saxe tailormade, white velours hat and spider veil.) Leopardstown.
BLOOM
I mean, Leopardstown. And Molly won seven shillings on a three year old named Nevertell and coming home along by Foxrock in that old fiveseater shanderadan of a waggonette you were in your heyday then and you had on that new hat of white velours with a surround of molefur that Mrs Hayes advised you to buy because it was marked down to nineteen and eleven, a bit of wire and an old rag of velveteen, and I'll lay you what you like she did it on purpose …
MRS BREEN
She did, of course, the cat! Don't tell me! Nice adviser!
BLOOM
Because it didn't suit you one quarter as well as the other ducky little tammy toque with the bird of paradise wing in it that I admired on you and you honestly looked just too fetching in it though it was a pity to kill it, you cruelº creature, little mite of a thing with a heart the size of a fullstop.
MRS BREEN
(Squeezes his arm, simpers.) Naughty cruel I was.º
BLOOM
(Low, secretly, ever more rapidly.) And Molly was eating a sandwich of spiced beef out of Mrs Joe Gallaher's lunch basket. Frankly, though she had her advisers or admirers, I never cared much for her style. She was …
MRS BREEN
Too …
BLOOM
Yes. And Molly was laughing because Rogers and
Maggot O'Reilly were
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mimicking a
cock as we passed a farmhouse and
Marcus Tertius
Moses, the tea merchant, drove past us in a gig with his daughter,
Dancer Moses was
her name, and the
poodle
in her lap
bridled up and you
asked me if I ever heard or read or knew or came across …
MRS BREEN
(Eagerly.) Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
(She fades from his side. Followed by the whining dog he walks on towards hellsgates. In an archway a standing woman, bent forward, her feet apart, pisses cowily. Outside a shuttered pub a bunch of loiterers listen to a tale which their broken snoutedº gaffer rasps out with raucous humour. An armless pair of them flop wrestling, growling, in maimed sodden playfight.)
THE GAFFER
(Crouches, his voiceº twisted in his snout.) And when Cairns came down from the scaffolding in Beaver Streetº what was he after doing it into only into the bucket of porter that was there waiting on the shavings for Derwan's plasterers.
(Guffaw with cleft palates.) O jays!
(Their paintspeckled hats wag. Spattered with size and lime of their lodges they frisk limblessly about him.)
BLOOM
Coincidence too. They think it funny. Anything but that.º Broad daylight. Trying to walk. Lucky no woman.
Jays, that's a good one. Glauber salts. O jays, into the men's porter.
(Bloom passes. Cheap whores, singly, coupled, shawled,
dishevelled, call from lanes, doors, corners.)
{u22, 428}
THE WHORES
Are you going far, queer fellow?
Got a match on you?
Eh, come herº till I stiffen it for you.
(He plodges through their sump towards the lighted street beyond. From a bulge of window curtains a gramophone rears a battered brazen trunk. In the shadow a shebeenkeeper haggles with the navvy and the two redcoats.)
THE NAVVY
(Belching.) Where's the bloody house?
THE SHEBEENKEEPER
Purdon street. Shilling a bottle of stout. Respectable woman.
THE NAVVY
(Gripping the two redcoats, staggers forward with them.) Come on, you British army!
PRIVATE CARR
(Behind his back.) He aint half balmy.
PRIVATE COMPTON
(Laughs.) What ho!
PRIVATE CARR
(To the navvy.) Portobello barracks canteen. You ask for Carr. Just Carr.
THE NAVVY
(Shouts.)
We are the boys. Of Wexford.
PRIVATE COMPTON
Say! What price the sergeantmajor?
{u22, 429}
PRIVATE CARR
Bennett? He's my pal. I love old Bennett.
THE NAVVY
(Shouts.)
The galling chain.
And free our native land.
(He staggers forward, dragging them with him. Bloom stops, at fault. The dog approchesº, his tongue outlolling, panting.)
BLOOM
Wildgoose chase this. Disorderly houses. Lord knows where they are gone. Drunks cover distance double quick. Nice mixup. Scene at Westland row. Then jump in first class with thirdº ticket. Then too far. Train with engine behind. Might have taken me to Malahide or a siding for the night or collision. Second drink does it. Once is a dose. What am I following him for? Still, he's the best of that lot. If I hadn't heard about Mrs Beaufoy Purefoy I wouldn't have gone and wouldn't have met. Kismet. He'll lose that cash. Relieving office here. Good biz for cheapjacks, organs. What do ye lack? Soon got, soon gone. Might have lost my life too with that mangongwheeltracktrolleyglarejuggernaut only for presence of mind. Can't always save you, though. If I had passed Truelock's window that day two minutes later would have been shot. Absence of body. Still if bullet only went through my coat get damages for shock, five hundred pounds. What was he? Kildare street club toff. God help his gamekeeper.
(He gazes aheadº reading on the wall a scrawled chalk legend Wet Dream and a phallic design.)
Odd!º Molly drawing on the frosted carriagepane at Kingstown. What's that like?º (Gaudy dollwomen loll in the lighted doorways, in window embrasures, smoking birdseye cigarettes. The odour of the sicksewetº weed floats towards him in slow round ovalling wreaths.)
THE WREATHS
Sweet are the sweets. Sweets of sin.
BLOOM
My spine's a bit limp. Go or turn? And this food? Eat it and get all
{u22, 430}
pigsticky. Absurd I am. Waste of money. One and eight
penceº too much. (The retriever drives
a cold snivelling muzzle against his hand,
wagging his
tail.) Strange how
they take to me.
Even that brute today. Better speak to him first. Like women they like
rencontres.
Stinks like a
polecat. Chacun
son goût. He
might be mad.
Fidoº.
Uncertain in his
movements. Good fellow!
Garryowen!º
(The wolfdog
sprawls on his back, wriggling obscenely with begging paws, his long black
tongue lolling out.) Influence of his surroundings. Give and have done with
it. Provided nobody. (Calling encouraging words he shambles back with a
furtive
poacher's
tread, dogged by the setter into a dark stalestunk corner. He unrolls one parcel
and goes to dump
the crubeen softly but holds back and feels the trotter.) Sizeable for
threepence. But then I
have it in my left hand.
Calls for more
effort. Why?
Smaller from want of use. O,
let it slide.
Two and six.
(With regret he letsº unrolled crubeen and trotter slide. The mastiff mauls the bundle clumsily and gluts himself with growling greed, crunching the bones. Two raincaped watch approach, silent, vigilant. They murmur together.)
THE WATCH
Bloom. Of Bloom. For Bloom. Bloom.
(Each lays hand on Bloom's shoulder.)
FIRST WATCH
Caught in the act. Commit no nuisance.
BLOOM
(Stammers.) I am doing good to others.
(A covey of gulls, storm petrels, rises hungrily from Liffey slime with Banbury cakes in their beaks.)
THE GULLS
BLOOM
The friend of man. Trained by kindness.
(He points.
Bob Doran,
toppling from a high barstool, sways over the munching spaniel.)
{u22, 431}
BOB DORAN
Towser. Give us the paw. Give the paw.
(The bulldog growls, his scruff standing, a gobbet of pig's knuckle between his molars through which rabid scumspittle dribbles. Bob Doran falls silently into an area.)
SECOND WATCH
Prevention of cruelty to animals.
BLOOM
(Enthusiastically.) A noble work! I scolded that tramdriver on Harold's cross bridge for illusing the poor horse with his harness scab. Bad French I got for my pains. Of course it was frosty and the last tram. All tales of circus life are highly demoralising.
(Signor Maffei, passion paleº, in liontamer's costume with diamondsº studs in his shirtfrontº steps forward, holding a circus paper hoop, a curling carriagewhip and a revolver with which he covers the gorging boarhound.º
SIGNOR MAFFEI
(With a sinister smile.) Ladies and gentlemen, my educated greyhound. It was I broke in the bucking broncho Ajax with my patent spiked saddle for carnivores. Lash under the belly with a knotted thong. Block tackle and a strangling pullyº will bring your lion to heel, no matter how fractious, even Leo ferox there, the Libyan maneater. A redhot crowbar and some liniment rubbing on the burning part produced Fritz of Amsterdam, the thinking hyena. (He glares.) I possess the Indian sign. The glint of my eye does it with these breastsparklers. (With a bewitching smile.) I now introduce Mademoiselle Ruby, the pride of the ring.
FIRST WATCH
Come. Name and address.
BLOOM
I
have forgotten for the moment. Ah, yes! (He
takes off his high
grade hat,
saluting.) Dr Bloom, Leopold, dental surgeon. You have heard of von
Bloomº
Pasha. Umpteen
millions.
Donnerwetter! Owns half Austria. Egypt. Cousin.
{u22, 432}
FIRST WATCH
Proof.
(A card falls from inside the leather headband of Bloom's hat.)
BLOOM
(In red fez, cadi's dress coat with broad green sash, wearing a false badge of the Legion of Honour, picks up the card hastily and offers it.) Allow me. My club is the Junior Army and Navy. Solicitors: Messrs John Henry Menton, 27 Bachelor's Walk.
FIRST WATCH
(Reads.) Henry Flower. No fixed abode. Unlawfully watching and besetting.
SECOND WATCH
An alibi. You are cautioned.
BLOOM
(Produces from his heartpocket a crumpled yellow flower.) This is the flower in question. It was given me by a man I don't know his name. (Plausibly.) You know that old joke, rose of Castile. Bloom. The change of name. Virag. (He murmurs privately and confidentially.) We are engaged you see, sergeant. Lady in the case. Love entanglement. (He shoulders the second watch gently.) Dash it all. It's a way we gallants have in the navy. Uniform that does it. (He turns gravely to the first watch.) Still, of course, you do get your Waterloo sometimes. Drop in some evening and have a glass of old Burgundy. (To the second watchº gaily.) I'll introduce you, inspector. She's game. Do it in the shake of a lamb's tail.
(A dark mercurialised face appears, leading a veiled figure.)
THE DARK MERCURY
The Castle is looking for him. He was drummed out of the army.
(Thickveiled, a crimson halter round her neck, a copy of
the Irish Times in her hand, in tone of reproach, pointing.) Henry!
Leopold! Leopold!
Lionel, thou
lost one! Clear my name.
{u22, 433}
FIRST WATCH
(Sternly.) Come to the station.
BLOOM
(Scared, hats himself, steps backº then, plucking at his heart and lifting his right forearm on the square, he gives the sign and dueguard of fellowcraft.) No, no, worshipful master, light of love. Mistaken identity. The Lyons mail. Lesurques and Dubosc. You remember the Childs fratricide case. We medical men. By striking him dead with a hatchet,º I am wrongfully accused. Better one guilty escape than ninetynine wrongfully condemned.
MARTHA
(Sobbing behind her veil.) Breach of promise. My real name is Peggy Griffin. He wrote to me that he was miserable. I'll tell my brother, the Bective rugger fullback, on you, heartless flirt.
BLOOM
(Behind his hand.) She's drunk. The woman is inebriated. (He murmurs vaguely the pastº of Ephraim.) Shitbroleeth.
SECOND WATCH
(Tears in his eyes, to Bloom.) You ought to be thoroughly well ashamed of yourself.
BLOOM
Gentlemen of the jury, let me explain. A pure mare's nest. I am a man misunderstood. I am being made a scapegoat of. I am a respectable married man, without a stain on my character. I live in Eccles street. My wife, I am the daughter of a most distinguished commander, a gallant upstanding gentleman, what do you call him, Majorgeneral Brian Tweedy, one of Britain's fighting men who helped to win our battles. Got his majority for the heroic defence of Rorke's Drift.
FIRST WATCH
Regiment.
BLOOM
(Turns to the gallery.) The royal Dublins, boys, the
salt of the
earth, known the
world over. I think I see some old comrades in arms up there
{u22, 434}
among you. The R.D.F.º With our own
Metropolitan police, guardians of our homes, the pluckiest lads and the finest
body of men, as physique, in the service of
our sovereign.
A VOICE
Turncoat! Up the Boers! Who booed Joe Chamberlain?
BLOOM
(His hand on the shoulder of the first watch.) My old dad too was a J.P. I'm as staunch a Britisher as you are, sir. I fought with the colours for king and country in the absentminded war under general Gough in the park and was disabled at Spion Kop and Bloemfontein, was mentioned in dispatches. I did all a white man could. (With quiet feeling.) Jim Bludso. Hold her nozzle again the bank.
FIRST WATCH
Profession or trade.
BLOOM
Well, I follow a literary occupation. Author-journalistº. In fact we are just bringing out a collection of prize stories of which I am the inventor, something that is an entirely new departure. I am connected with the British and Irish press. If you ring up …
(Myles Crawford strides out jerkily, a quill between his teeth. His scarlet beak blazes within the aureole of his straw hat. He dangles a hank of Spanish onions in one hand and holds with the other hand a telephone receiver nozzle to his ear.)
MYLES CRAWFORD
(His cock's wattles wagging.) Hello, seventyseven eightfour. Hello. Freeman's Urinal and Weekly Arsewiperº here. Paralyse Europe. You which? Bluebags? Who writes? Is it Bloom?
(Mr
Philip Beaufoy,
palefaced,
stands in the witnessbox, in accurate morning dress, outbreast pocket with peak
of handkerchief showing, creased lavender trousers and patent boots. He carries
a large portfolio labelled Matcham's Masterstrokes.)
{u22, 435}
BEAUFOY
(Drawls.) No, you aren't, notº by a long shot if I know it. I don't see it, that's all. No born gentleman, no oneº with the most rudimentary promptings of a gentleman would stoop to such particularly loathsome conduct. One of those, my lord. A plagiarist. A soapy sneak masquerading as a literateurº. It's perfectly obvious that with the most inherent baseness he has cribbed some of my bestselling booksº, really gorgeous stuff, a perfect gem, the love passages in which are beneath suspicion. The Beaufoy books of love and great possessionsº with which your lordship is doubtless familiar, are a household word throughout the kingdom.
BLOOM
(Murmurs with hangdog meeknessº.) That bit about the laughing witch hand in hand I take exception to, if I may …
BEAUFOY
(His lip upcurled, smiles superciliously on the court.) You funny ass, you! You're too beastly awfully weird for words! I don't think you need over excessively disincommodate yourself in that regard. My literary agent Mr J.B. Pinker is in attendance. I presume, my lord, we shall receive the usual witnesses' fees, shan't we!º We are considerably out of pocket over this bally pressman johnny, this jackdaw of Rheims, who has not even been to a university.
BLOOM
(Indistinctly.) University of life. Bad art.
BEAUFOY
(Shouts.) It's a damnably foul lie showing the moral rottenness of the man! (He extends his portfolio.) We have here damning evidenceº the corpus delicti, my lord, a specimen of my maturer work disfigured by the hallmark of the beast.
A VOICE FROM THE GALLERY
Moses, Moses, king of the jews,
Wiped his arse in the Daily News.
{u22, 436}
BLOOM
(Bravely).º Overdrawn.
BEAUFOY
You low cad! You ought to be ducked in the horsepond, you rotter! (To the court.) Whyº look at the man's private life! Leading a quadruple existence! Street angel and house devil. Not fit to be mentioned in mixed society. The arch conspiratorº of the age.º
BLOOM
(To the court.) And he, a bachelor, how …
FIRST WATCH
The King versus Bloom. Call the woman Driscoll.
THE CRIER
Mary Driscoll, scullerymaid!
(Mary Driscoll, a slipshod servant girlº approaches. She has a bucket on the crook of her arm and a scouringbrush in her hand.)
SECOND WATCH
Another! Are you of the unfortunate class?
MARY DRISCOLL
(Indignantly.) I'm not a bad one. I bear a respectable character and was four months in my last place. I was in a situation, six pounds a year and my chances with Fridays outº and I had to leave owing to his carryings on.
FIRST WATCH
What do you tax him with?
MARY DRISCOLL
He made a certain suggestion but I thought more of myself as poor as I am.
BLOOM
(In housejacket of
rippleclothº flannel trousers,
heelless slippers, unshaven,º his
hair rumpledº softly.)
I treated you
white. I gave you mementos, smart emerald
{u22, 437}
garters far above your station. Incautiously I took your part when you were
accused of pilfering. There's a medium in all things. Play cricket.
MARY DRISCOLL
(Excitedly.) As God is looking down on me this night if ever I laid a hand to them oylsters!
FIRST WATCH
The offence complained of? Did something happen?
MARY DRISCOLL
He surprised me in the rere of the premises, yourº honour, when the missus was out shopping one morning with a request for a safety pin. He held me and I was discoloured in four places as a result. And he interfered twict with my clothing.
BLOOM
She counterassaulted.
MARY DRISCOLL
(Scornfully.) I had more respect for the scouringbrushº, so I had. I remonstrated with him, yourº lord, and he remarked: Keepº it quiet!º
(General laughter.)
GEORGESº FOTTRELL
(Clerk of the crown and peace, resonantly.) Order in court! The accused will now make a bogus statement.
(Bloom,
pleading not
guilty and holding a fullblown waterlily, begins
a long
unintelligible speech. They would hear what counsel had to say in his
stirring address to the
grandjuryº.
He was down and out but, throughº
branded as a
black sheep, if
he might say so, he meant to reform,
to retrieve the
memory of the past
in a purely sisterly
way and return to nature as a purely domestic animal. A seven
monthsº
childº he had been
carefully brought up
and nurtured by an
aged
bedridden
parent. There
might have been lapses of
an erring father
but he wanted to
turn over a new
leaf and now, when at long last
in sight of the
whipping post, to lead a homely life
in the evening of his
days, permeated by the affectionate
{u22, 438}
surroundings of the heaving
bosom of the
family. An
acclimatised
Britisher, he had seen that summer eve from the
footplate of
an engine cab of
the Loop line railway company while
the rain refrained
from falling glimpses,
as it were,
through the windows of loveful households in
Dublin city
and urban district of scenes
truly
rural of happiness of the better land with
Dockrell's
wallpaper at one and ninepence a dozen, innocent
Britishborn
bairns lisping
prayers to the Sacred Infant, youthful scholars grappling with their
pensums,º model young ladies
playing on
the pianoforte or anon all with fervour reciting the family rosary
round the crackling Yulelog while in the boreens and green lanes the colleens
with their swains strolled what times the strains of the organtoned melodeon
Brittaniaº metalbound with four
acting stops and
twelvefold
bellows, a sacrifice, greatest bargain ever …)
(Renewed laughter. He mumbles incoherently. Reporters complain that they cannot hear.)
(Without looking up from their notebooks.) Loosen his boots.
(From the presstable, coughs and calls.)
º Cough it up, man. Get it out in bits.
(The crossexamination proceeds re Bloom and the bucket. A large bucket. Bloom himself. Bowel trouble. In Beaver street. Gripe, yes. Quite bad. A plasterer's bucket. By walking stifflegged. Suffered untold misery. Deadly agony. About noon. Love or burgundy. Yes, some spinach. Crucial moment. He did not look in the bucket. Nobody. Rather a mess. Not completely. A Titbits back number.)
(Uproar and cat callsº. Bloomº in a torn frockcoat stained with whitewash, dinged silk hat sideways on his head, a strip of stickingplaster across his nose, talks inaudibly.)
(In barrister's grey wig and stuffgown, speaking with
a voice of pained protest.) This is no place for indecent levity at the
expense of an erring mortal
disguised in
liquor. We are not in a beargarden nor at an Oxford
rag nor is this
{u22, 439}
a travesty of justice. My client is
an infant, a
poor foreign immigrant who
started scratch as
a stowaway and
is now trying to turn an honest penny. The
trumped up
misdemeanour was due to a momentary aberration of heredity, brought on by
hallucination,
such familiarities as the alleged
guilty
occurrence being
quite permitted in
my client's native place, the land of
the Pharaoh.
Prima
facie, I put
it to you that there was no attempt at
carnally
knowing.
Intimacy did not
occur and the
offence complained of by Driscoll, that
her virtue was
solicited, was not repeated.
I would deal in
especial with
atavism. There
have been cases of shipwreck and
somnambulismº
in my client's family.
If the accused could
speak he could a
tale unfoldº one of the strangest
that have ever been narrated
between the covers
of a book. He himself, my lord, is a physical wreck from
cobbler's weak
chest. His submission is that he is of Mongolian extraction and
irresponsible for his actions. Not all there, in fact.
BLOOM
(Barefoot, pigeonbreasted, in lascar's vest and trousers, apologetic toes turned in, opens his tiny mole's eyes and looks about him dazedly, passing a slow hand across his forehead. Then he hitches his belt sailor fashion and with a shrug of oriental obeisance salutes the court, pointing one thumb heavenward.) Him makee velly muchee fine night. (He begins to lilt simply.)
Li li poo lil chile.
Blingee pigfoot evly night.º
Payee two shilly …
(He is howled down.)
J.J. O'MOLLOY
(Hotly to the populace.) This is a lonehand fight.
By Hades, I will
not have any client of mine
gagged and
badgered in this
fashion by a pack
of curs and laughing
hyenas. The Mosaic code has superseded the law of the jungle. I say it and I
say it emphaticallyº without wishing for
one moment to defeat
the ends of justice, accused,º was
not accessory before
the act and
prosecutrixº
has not been
tampered with.
The young person
was treated by
defendant as if she were his very own daughter.
(Bloom takes J.J.
O'Molloy's hand and raises it to his lips.) I shall call
rebutting evidence to prove up to the hilt that the hidden hand is again at its
old game. When in
doubt persecute Bloom. My client, an innately
bashful man,
would be the last man in the world to do anything
ungentlemanly
which injured modesty could object to
{u22, 440}
or cast a stone at a girl who took the wrong turning when some
dastard,
responsible for her
condition, had worked his own sweet will on her. He wants to go straight.
I regard him as the
whitest man I know. He is
down on his luck
at present owing to the mortgaging of his
extensive
property at Agendath Netaim in
faraway Asia
Minor, slides of which will now be shown. (To Bloom.)
I suggest that
you will do the handsome thing.
BLOOM
A penny in the pound.
(The mirageº of the lake of Kinnereth with blurred cattle cropping in silver haze is projected ouº the wall. Moses Dlugacz, ferreteyed albino, in blue dungarees, stands up in the gallery, holding in each hand an orange citron and a pork kidney.)
DLUGACZ
(Hoarsely.) Bleibtreustrasse, Berlin, W,º 13º.
(J.J. O'Molloy steps on to a low plinth and holds the lapel of his coat with solemnity. His face lengthens, grows pale and bearded, with sunken eyes, the blotches of phthisis and hectic cheekbones of John F. Taylor. He applies his handkerchief to his mouth and scrutinises the galloping tide of rosepink blood.º
J.J. O'MOLLOY
(Almost voicelessly.) Excuse me, I am suffering from a severe chill, have recently come from a sickbed. A few wellchosen words. (He assumes the avine head, foxy moustache and proboscidal eloquence of Seymour Bushe.) When the angel's book comes to be opened if aught that the pensive bosom has inaugurated of soultransfigured and of soultransfiguring deserves to live I say accord the prisoner at the bar the sacred benefit of the doubt.º (A paper with something written on it is handed into court.)
BLOOM
(In court dress.) Can give best references. Messrs
Callan, Coleman. Mr Wisdom Hely J.P.
My old chief Joe
Cuffe. Mr V.B. Dillon, ex-lord mayor of Dublin. I have moved in the
charmed circle
of the highest …
Queens of Dublin
Societyº. (Carelessly.) I was
just chatting this afternoon at the viceregal lodge to
my old pals, sir
Robert and lady
Ball, astronomer
royal, at the levee. Sir Bob, I said …
{u22, 441}
MRS YELVERTON BARRY
(In lowcorsaged opal balldress and elbowlength ivory gloves, wearing a sabletrimmed brick quilted dolman, a comb of brilliants and panache of osprey in her hair.) Arrest him, constable. He wrote me an anonymous letter in prentice backhand when my husband was in the North Riding of Tipperary on the Munster circuit, signed James Lovebirch. He said that he had seen from the gods my peerless globes as I sat in a box of the Theatre Royal at a command performance of La Cigale. I deeply inflamed him, he said. He made improper overtures to me to misconduct myself at half past four p.m. on the following Thursday, Dunsink time. He offered to send me through the post a work of fiction by Monsieur Paul de Kock, entitled The Girl with the Three Pairs of Stays.
MRS BELLINGHAM
(In cap and seal coney mantle, wrapped up to the nose, steps out of her brougham and scans through tortoiseshell quizzing-glasses which she takes from inside her huge opossum muff.) Also to me. Yes, I believe it is the same objectionable person. Because he closed my carriage door outside sir Thornley Stoker's one sleety day during the cold snap of February ninetythree when even the grid of the wastepipe andº ballstop in my bath cistern were frozen. Subsequently he enclosed a bloom of edelweiss culled on the heights, as he said, in my honour. I had it examined by a botanical expert and elicited the information that it was a blossom of the homegrown potato plant purloined from a forcingcase of the model farm.
MRS YELVERTON BARRY
Shame on him!
(A crowd of sluts and ragamuffins surges forward.)
THE SLUTS AND RAGAMUFFINS
(Screaming.) Stop thief! Hurrah there, Bluebeard! Three cheers for Ikey Mo!
SECOND WATCH
(Produces handcuffs.) Here are the darbies.
MRS BELLINGHAM
He addressed me in several handwritings with
fulsome compliments as a
{u22, 442}
Venus in furs and alleged profound pity for my frostbound coachman
Palmerº while in the same breath he
expressed himself as envious of his earflaps and
ffeecyº
sheepskins and
of his fortunate proximity to my person, when
standing behind my
chair wearing my livery and the
armorial
bearings of the
Bellingham
escutcheon
garnished sable, a
buck's head couped or. He lauded almost extravagantly my nether
extremities, my
swelling calves in silk hose drawn up to the
limitº and eulogised glowingly my other
hidden treasures in priceless lace which, he said, he could conjure up. He urged
me,stating that he felt it his mission in life to urge me, to defile the
marriage bed, to commit adultery at the earliest possible opportunity.
THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS
(In amazon costume, hard hat, jackboots cockspurred, vermilion waistcoat, fawn musketeer gauntlets with braided drums, long train held up and hunting crop with which she strikes her welt constantly.) Also me. Because he saw me on the polo ground of the Phœnixº park at the match All Ireland versus the Rest of Ireland. My eyes, I know, shone divinely as I watched Captain Slogger Dennehy of the Inniskillings win the final chukkar on his darling cob Centaur. This plebeian Don Juan observed me from behind a hackney car and sent me in double envelopes an obscene photograph, such as are sold after dark on Paris boulevards, insulting to any lady. I have it still. It represents a partially nude señorita, frail and lovely (his wifeº as he solemnly assured me, taken by him from nature)º practising illicit intercourse with a muscular torero, evidently a blackguard. He urged me to do likewise, to misbehave, to sin with officers of the garrison. He implored me to soil his letter in an unspeakable manner, to chastise him as he richly deserves, to bestride and ride him, to give him a most vicious horsewhipping.
MRS BELLINGHAM
Me too.
MRS YELVERTON BARRY
Me too.
(Several
highly respectable Dublin ladies hold up improper letters received from Bloom.)
{u22, 443}
THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS
(Stamps her jingling spurs in a sudden paroxysm of suddenº fury.) I will, by the God above me. I'll scourge the pigeonlivered cur as long as I can stand over him. I'll flay him alive.
BLOOM
(His eyes closing, quails expectantly.) Here? (He squirms.) Again! (He pants cringing.) I love the danger.
THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS
Very much so! I'll make it hot for you. I'll make you dance Jack Latten for that.
MRS BELLINGHAM
Tan his breech well, the upstart! Write the stars and stripes on it!
MRS YELUERTONº BARRY
Disgraceful! There's no excuse for him! A married man!
BLOOM
All these people. I meant only the spanking idea. A warm tingling glow without effusion. Refined birching to stimulate the circulation.
THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS
(Laughs derisively.) O, did you, my fine fellow? Well, by the living God, you'll get the surprise of your life now, believe me, the most unmerciful hiding a man ever bargained for. You have lashed the dormant tigress in my nature into fury.
MRS BELLINGHAM
(Shakes her muff and quizzing-glasses vindictively.) Make him smart, Hanna dear. Give him ginger. Thrash the mongrel within an inch of his life. The cat-o'-nine tailsº. Geld him. Vivisect him.
BLOOM
(Shuddering, shrinking, joins his
handsº with hangdog mien.)
O cold! O
shivery! It was your ambrosial beauty. Forget, forgive. Kismet. Let me off this
once. (He offers the other cheek.)
{u22, 444}
MRS YELVERTON BARRY
(Severely.) Don't do so on any account, Mrs Talboys! He should be soundly trounced!
THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS
(Unbuttoning her gauntlet violently.) I'll do no such thing. Pig dogº and always was ever since he was pupped! To dare address me! I'll flog him black and blue in the public streets. I'll dig my spurs in him up to the rowel. He is a wellknown cuckold. (She swishes her huntingcrop savagely in the air.) Take down his trousers without loss of time. Come here, sir! Quick! Ready?
BLOOM
(Trembling, beginning to obey.) The weather has been so warm.
(Davy Stephens, ringletted, passes with a bevy of barefoot newsboys.)
Messenger of the Sacred Heart and Evening Telegraph with Saint Patrick's Day Supplementº. Containing the new addresses of all the cuckolds in Dublin.
(The very reverend Canon O'Hanlon in cloth of gold cope elevates and exposes a marble timepiece. Before him Father Conroy and the reverend John Hughes S.J. bend low.)
THE TIMEPIECE
(Unportalling.)
(The brass quoits of a bed are heard to jingle.)
THE QUOITS
(A
panel of fog rolls back rapidly, revealing rapidly in the
juryboxº the
faces of
Martin
Cunningham, foreman, silkhatted,
Jack Power,
Simon Dedalus,
Tom Kernan,
Ned Lambert,
John Henry
Menton, Myles
Crawford,
Lenehan,
Paddy Leonard,
Nosey Flynn,
M'Coy and
the featureless face of a Nameless One.)
{u22, 445}
Bareback riding. Weight for age. Gob, he organised her.
THE JURORS
(All their heads turned to his voice.) Really?
(Snarls.) Arse over tip. Hundred shillings to five.
THE JURORS
(All their heads lowered in assent.) Most of us thought as much.
FIRST WATCH
He is a marked man. Another girl's plait cut. Wanted: Jack the Ripper. A thousand pounds reward.
SECOND WATCH
(Awed, whispers.) And in black. A mormon. Anarchist.
THE CRIER
(Loudly.) Whereas Leopold Bloom of no fixed abode is a wellknown dynamitard, forger, bigamist, bawd and cuckold and a public nuisance to the citizens of Dublin and whereas at this commission of assizes the most honourable …
(His Honour, sir Frederick Falkiner, recorder of Dublin,º in judicial garb of grey stone rises from the bench, stonebearded. He bears in his arms an umbrella sceptre. From his forehead arise starkly the Mosaic ramshorns.)
THE RECORDER
I will put an end to this
white slave
traffic and rid
Dublin of this
odious
pest. Scandalous!
(He dons the black
cap.) Let him be taken, Mr
Subsheriff,º from the dock where he now
stands and detained
in custody in Mountjoy prison during His Majesty's pleasure and there be hanged by the neck until he
{u22, 446}
is dead and
therein fail not at
your peril or may the Lord have mercy on your soul.
Remove him.
(A black skullcap descends upon his head.)
(The subsheriff Long John Fanning appears, smoking a pungent Henry Clay.)
LONG JOHN FANNING
(Scowls and calls with rich rolling utterance.) Who'll hang Judas Iscariot?
(H. Rumbold, master barber, in a bloodcoloured jerkin and tanner's apron, a rope coiled over his shoulder,º mounts the block. A life preserver and a nailstudded bludgeon are stuck in his belt. He rubs grimly his grappling hands, knobbed with knuckledusters.)
RUMBOLD
(To the recorder with sinister familiarity.) Hanging Harry, your Majesty, the Mersey terror. Five guineas a jugular. Neck or nothing.
(The bells of George's church toll slowly, loud dark iron.)
THE BELLS
Heigho! Heigho!
BLOOM
(Desperately.) Wait. Stop. Gulls. Good heart. I saw. Innocence. Girl in the monkeyhouse. Zoo. Lewd chimpanzeesº. (Breathlessly.) Pelvic basin. Her artless blush unmanned me. (Overcome with emotion.) I left the precincts. (He turns to a figure in the crowd, appealing.) Hynes, may I speak to you? You know me. That three shillings you can keep. If you want a little more …
HYNES
(Coldly.) You are a perfect stranger.
SECOND WATCH
(Points to the corner.) The bomb is here.
FIRST WATCH
Infernal machine with a time fuse.
{u22, 447}
BLOOM
No, no. Pig's feet. I was at a funeral.
FIRST WATCH
(Draws his truncheon.) Liar!
(The beagle liftº his snout, showing the grey scorbutic face of Paddy Dignam. He has gnawed all. He exhales a putrid carcasefed breath. He grows to human size and shape. His dachshund coat becomes a brown mortuary habit. His green eye flashes bloodshot. Half of one ear, all the nose and both thumbs are ghouleaten.)
PADDY DIGNAM
(In a hollow voice.) It is true. itº was my funeral. Doctor Finucane pronounced life extinct when I succumbed to the disease from natural causes.
(He lifts his mutilated ashen face moonwards and bays lugubriously.)
BLOOM
(In triumph.) You hear?
PADDY DIGNAM
Bloom, I am Paddy Dignam's spirit. List, list, O list!
BLOOM
The voice is the voice of Esau.
SECOND WATCH
(Blesses himself.) How is that possible?
FIRST WATCH
It is not in the penny catechism.
PADDY DIGNAM
By metempsychosis. Spooks.
A VOICE
O rocks.
{u22, 448}
PADDY DIGNAM
(Earnestly.) Once I was in the employ of Mr J.H. Mentonº solicitor, commissioner for oaths and affidavits, of 27 Bachelor's Walk. Now I am defunct, the wall of the heart hypertrophied. Hard lines. The poor wife was awfully cut up. How is she bearing it? Keep her off that bottle of sherry. (He looks round him.) A lamp. I must satisfy an animal need. That buttermilk didn't agree with me.
(The portly figure of John O'Connell, caretaker, stands forth, holding a bunch of keys tied with crape. Beside him stands Father Coffey, chaplain, toadbellied, wrynecked, in a surplice and bandanna nightcap, holding sleepily a staff of twisted poppies.)
FATHER COFFEY
(Yawns, then chants with a hoarse croak.) Namine. Jacobsº Vobiscuits. Amen.
JOHN O'CONNELL
(Foghorns stormily through his megaphone.) Dignam, Patrick T, deceased.
PADDY DIGNAM
(With pricked up ears, winces.) Overtones. (He wriggles forward,º places an ear to the ground.) My master's voice!
JOHN O'CONNELL
Burial docket letter number U.P. Eightyfiveº thousand. Field seventeen. House of Keys,º Plot, one hundred and one.
(Paddy Dignam listens with visible effort, thinking, his tail stiffpointed, his ears cocked.)
PADDY DIGNAM
Pray for the repose of his soul.
(He worms down through a coalhole, his brown habit
trailing its
tether over rattling pebbles. After him toddles an obese grandfather rat on
fungus turtle
paws under a grey
carapace.
Dignam's voice, muffled, is heard baying under ground:
Dignam's dead and
gone below.
Tom Rochford,
robinredbreasted, in cap and breeches, jumps from his twocolumned machine.)
{u22, 449}
TOM ROCHFORD
(A hand to his breastbone, bows.) Reuben J. A florin I find him. (He fixes the manhole with a resolute stare.) My turn now on. Follow me up to Carlow.
(He executes a daredevil salmon leap in the air and is engulfed in the coalhole. Two discs on the columns wobble eyes of nought. All recedes. Bloom plodges forward again.º He stands before a lighted house, listening. The kisses, winging from their bowersº fly about him, twittering, warbling, cooing.)
THE KISSES
(Warbling.) Leo! (Twittering.) Icky licky micky sticky for Leo! (Cooing.) Coo coocoo! Yummyumm Womwomº! (Warbling.) Big comebig! Pirouette! Leopopold! (Twittering.) Leeolee! (Warbling.) O Leo!
(They rustle, flutter upon his garments, alight, brightº giddy flecks, silvery sequins.)
BLOOM
A man's touch. Sad music. Church music. Perhaps here.
(Zoe Higgins, a young whore in a sapphire slip, closed with three bronze buckles, a slim black velvet fillet round her throat, nods, trips down the steps and accosts him.)
ZOE
Are you looking for someone? He's inside with his friend.
BLOOM
Is this Mrs Mack's?
ZOE
No, eightyone. Mrs Cohen's.
You might go farther
and fare worse.
Mother
Slipperslapper. (Familiarly.) She's
on the job herself
tonight with the vet,
her tipster, that
gives her all the winners and pays for her son in Oxford.
Working overtime
but her luck's
turned today. (Suspiciously.)
You're not his father, are you?
{u22, 450}
BLOOM
ZOE
You both in black. Has little mousey any tickles tonight?
(His skin, alert, feels her fingertips approach. A hand slides over his left thigh.)
ZOE
How's the nuts?
BLOOM
Off side. Curiously they are on the right. Heavierº I suppose. One in a million my tailor, Mesias, says.
ZOE
(In sudden alarm.) You've a hard chancre.
BLOOM
Not likely.
ZOE
I feel it.
(Her hand slides into his left trouser pocket and brings out a hard black shrivelled potato. She regards it and Bloom with dumb moist lips.)
BLOOM
A talisman. Heirloom.
ZOE
For Zoe? For keeps? For being so nice, eh?
(She puts the potato greedily into a pocket,º then links his arm, cuddling him with supple warmth. He smiles uneasily. Slowly, note by note, oriental music is played. He gazes in the tawny crystal of her eyes, ringed with kohol. His smile softens.)
ZOE
You'll know me the next time.
{u22, 451}
BLOOM
(Forlornly.) I never loved a dear gazelle but it was sure to …
(Gazelles are leaping, feeding on the mountains. Near are lakes. Round their shores file shadows black of cedargroves. Aroma rises, a strong hairgrowth of resin. It burns, the orient, a sky of sapphire, cleft by the bronze flight of eagles. Under it lies the womancity, nude, white, still, cool, in luxury. A fountain murmurs among damask roses. Mammoth roses murmur of scarlet winegrapes. A wine of shame, lust, blood exudes, strangely murmuring.)
ZOE
(Murmuring singsong with the music, her odalisk lips lusciously smeared with salve of swinefat and rosewater.)
º Schorach ani wenowach, benoith Hierushaloim.
BLOOM
(Fascinated.) I thought you were of good stock by your accent.
ZOE
And you know what thought did?
(She bites his ear gently with little goldstopped teethº sending on him a cloying breath of stale garlic. The roses draw apart, disclose a sepulchre of the gold of kings and their mouldering bones.)
BLOOM
(Draws back, mechanically caressing her right bub with a flat awkward hand.) Are you a Dublin girl?
ZOE
(Catches a stray hair deftly and twists it to her coil.) No bloody fear. I'm English. Have you a swaggerroot?
BLOOM
(As before.) Rarely smoke, dear. Cigar now and then.
Childish device. (Lewdly.)
The mouth can be
better engaged than with a cylinder of rank weed.
{u22, 452}
ZOE
Go on. Make a stump speech out of it.
BLOOM
(In workman's corduroy overalls, black gansy with red floating tie and apache cap.) Mankind is incorrigible. Sir Walter Raleighº brought from the new world that potato and that weed, the one a killer of pestilence by absorption, the other a poisoner of the ear, eye, heart, memory, will, understanding, all. That is to say, he brought the poison a hundred years before another person whose name I forget brought the food. Suicide. Lies. All our habits. Why, look at our public life!
(Midnight chimes from distant steeples.)
THE CHIMES
Turn again, Leopold! Lord mayor of Dublin!
BLOOM
(In alderman's gown and chain.) Electors of Arran Quay, Inns Quay, Rotunda, Mountjoy and North Dockº better run a tramline, I say, from the cattlemarket to the river. That's the music of the future. That's my programme. Cui bono? But our bucaneeringº Vanderdeckens in their phantom ship of finance …
AN ELECTOR
Three times three for our future chief magistrate!
(The aurora borealis of the torchlight procession leaps.)
THE TORCHBEARERS
Hooray!
(Several wellknown burgesses, city magnates and freemen of
the city shake hands with Bloom and congratulate him. Timothy Harrington, late
thrice Lord Mayor of Dublin, imposing in mayoral scarlet,
gold
chain and white silk tie, confers with councillor Lorcan Sherlock,
locum tenens. They nod vigorously in agreement.)
{u22, 453}
LATE LORD MAYOR HARRINGTON
(In scarlet robe with mace, gold mayoral chain and large white silk scarf.) That alderman,º sir Leo Bloom's speech be printed at the expense of the ratepayers. That the house in which he was born be ornamented with a commemorative tablet and that the thoroughfare hitherto known as Cow Parlour off Cork street be henceforth designated Boulevard Bloom.
COUNCILLOR LORCAN SHERLOCK
Carried unanimously.
BLOOM
(Impassionedly.) These flying Dutchmen or lying Dutchmen as they recline in their upholstered poop, casting dice, what reck they? Machines is their cry, their chimera, their panacea. Laboursaving apparatuses, supplanters, bugbears, manufactured monsters for mutual murder, hideous hobgoblins produced by a horde of capitalistic lusts upon our prostituted labour. The poor man starves while they are grassing their royal mountain stags or shooting peasants and phartridges in their purblind pomp of pelf and power. But their reign is rover for rever and ever and ev …
(Prolongedº
applause.
Venetian masts,
maypoles and festal arches spring up. A streamer bearing the legends
Cead Mile Failte
and Mah Ttob Melek Israel spans the street. All the windows are
thronged with sightseers, chiefly ladies. Along the route the regiments
of the royal Dublin fusiliers, the King's own Scottish
borderers,º the Cameron
Highlanders and the Welsh Fusiliers, standing to attention, keep back the crowd.
Boys from High school are perched on the lampposts, telegraph poles,
windowsills, cornices, gutters, chimneypots, railings, rainspouts, whistling and
cheering. The pillar of the cloud appears. A
fife and drum
band is heard in the distance playing the Kol Nidre. The beaters
approach with imperial
eagles hoisted, trailing banners and waving oriental palms. The
chryselephantine
papal standard
rises high, surrounded by pennons of the
civic
flāgº. The
van of the
procession appears headed by
John Howard Parnell,
city marshal, in a chessboard tabard, the
Athlone Poursuivant
and Ulster King of Arms. They are followed by the Right Honourable Joseph
Hutchinson, lord mayor
of Dublin,º
the lord mayor of
Cork, their worships the mayors of Limerick, Galway,
{u22, 454}
Sligo and Waterford, twentyeight Irish representative peers,
sirdars,
grandees and
maharajahs
bearing the cloth of
estate, the Dublin Metropolitan Fire Brigade, the
chapter of the
saints of
finance in their
plutocratic order of precedence,
the bishop of Down
and Connor, His Eminence Michael cardinal
Logueº archbishop of Armagh,
primate of all
Ireland, His Grace, the most reverend Dr William Alexander, archbishop of
Armagh, primate of all Ireland, the chief rabbi, the presbyterian moderator, the
heads of the baptist, anabaptist, methodist and Moravian chapels and the
honorary secretary of the society of friends. After them march
the guilds and
trades and trainbands with flying colours: coopers, bird fanciers, millwrights,
newspaper canvassers, law scriveners, masseurs, vintners, trussmakers, chimney
sweepsº, lard refiners, tabinet
and poplin weavers, farriers, Italian warehousemen, church decorators, bootjack
manufacturers, understakersº, silk
mercers, lapidaries, salesmasters, corkcutters, assessors of fire losses, dyers
and cleaners, export bottlers, fellmongers, ticketwriters, heraldic seal
engravers, horse repository hands, bullion brokers, cricket and archery
outfitters, riddlemakers, egg and potato factors, hosiers and glovers, plumbing
contractors. After them march
gentlemen of the
bedchamber,
Black Rod, Deputy
Garter, Gold
Stick, the master of horse,
the lord great
chamberlain, the
earl marshal, the high constable carrying the sword of state,
saint Stephen's
iron crown, the
chalice and
bible. Four buglers on foot blow a sennet. Beefeaters reply, winding
clarions of welcome. Under
an arch of
triumph Bloom appearsº
bareheaded, in a
crimson velvet
mantletrimmedº
with ermine,
bearing Saint
Edward's staff, the orb and sceptre with the dove, the curtana. He is
seated on a milkwhite horse with long flowing
crimson tail,
richly caparisoned, with golden
headstall.
Wild excitement.
The ladies from
their balconies throw down rosepetals. The air is perfumed with essences.
The men cheer.
Bloom's boys
run amid the bystanders with branches of hawthorn and wrenbushes.)
The wren, the wren,
The king of all birds,
Saint Stephen's his day
Was caught in the furze.
{u22, 455}
A BLACKSMITH
(Murmurs.) For the honour of God! And is that Bloom? He scarcely looks thirtyone.
That's the famous Bloom now, the world's greatest reformer. Hats off!
(All uncover their heads. Women whisper eagerly.)
A MILLIONAIRESS
(Richly.) Isn't he simply wonderful?
A NOBLEWOMAN
(Nobly.) All that man has seen!
A FEMINIST
(Masculinely.) And done!
A classic face! He has the forehead of a thinker.
(Bloom's weather. A sunburst appears in the northwest.)
I here present your undoubted emperor president and king chairmanº, the most serene and potent and very puissant ruler of this realm. God save Leopold the First!
ALL
God save Leopold the First!
BLOOM
(In dalmatic and purple mantle, to the bishop of Down and Connor, with dignity.) Thanks, somewhat eminent sir.
WILLIAM, ARCHBISHOP OF ARMAGH
(In
purple stock and
shovel hat.) Will you to your power cause law and mercy to be executed in
all your judgments in Ireland and territories thereunto belonging?
{u22, 456}
BLOOM
(Placing his right hand on his testicles, swears.) So may the Creator deal with me. All this I promise to do.
MICHAEL, ARCHBISHOP OF ARMAGH
(Pours a cruse of hairoil over Bloom's head.) Gaudium magnum annuntio vobis. Habemus carneficem. Leopold, Patrick, Andrew, David, George, be thou anointed!
(Bloom assumes a mantle of cloth of gold and puts on a ruby ring. He ascends and stands on the stone of destiny. The representative peers put on at the same time their twentyeight crowns. Joybells ring in Christ church, Saint Patrick's, George's and gay Malahide. Mirus bazaar fireworks go up from all sides with symbolical phallopyrotechnic designs. The peers do homage, one by one, approaching and genuflecting.)
THE PEERS
I do become your liege man of life and limb to earthly worship.
(Bloom holds up his right hand on which sparkles the Koh-i-Noor diamond. His palfrey neighs. Immediate silence. Wireless intercontinental and interplanetary transmitters are set for reception of message.)
BLOOM
My subjects! We hereby nominate our faithful charger Copula Felix hereditary Grand Vizier and announce that we have this day repudiated our former spouse and have bestowed our royal hand upon the princess Selene, the splendour of night.
(The former morganatic spouse of Bloom is hastily removed in the Black Maria. The princess Selene, in moonblue robes, a silver crescent on her head, descends from a Sedan chair, borne by two giants. An outburst of cheering.)
JOHN HOWARD PARNELL
(Raises the royal standard.) Illustrious Bloom! Successor to my famous brother!
BLOOM
(Embraces John Howard Parnell.) We thank
youº from our heart, John,
{u22, 457}
forº this right royal welcome to
green Erin, the
promised land of our common ancestors.
(The freedom of the city is presented to him embodied in a charter. The keys of Dublin, crossed on a crimson cushion, are given to him. He shows all that he is wearing green socks.)
TOM KERNAN
BLOOM
On this day twenty years ago we overcame the hereditary enemy at Ladysmith. Our howitzers and camel swivel guns played on his lines with telling effect. Half a league onward! They charge! All is lost now! Do we yield? No! We drive them headlong! Lo! We charge! Deploying to the left our light horse swept across the heights of Plevna and, uttering thierº warcry, Bonafide Sabaoth, sabred the Saracen gunners to a man.
THE CHAPEL OF FREEMAN TYPESETTERS
Hear! Hear!
JOHN WYSE NOLAN
There's the man that got away James Stephens.
A BLUECOAT SCHOOLBOY
You're a credit to your country, sir, that's what you are.
AN APPLEWOMAN
He's a man like Ireland wants.
BLOOM
My beloved subjects, a new era is about to dawn. I, Bloom, tell you verily it is even now at hand. Yea, on the word of a Bloom, ye shall ere long enter into the golden city which is to be, the new Bloomusalem in the Nova Hibernia of the future.
(Thirty twoº
workmenº wearing
rosettes, from all the counties of Ireland,
{u22, 458}
under the guidance of Derwan the builder, construct the new Bloomusalem.
It is a colossal edifice,
with crystal
roof, built in the shape of a huge pork kidney, containing forty
thousand rooms. In the course of its extension several buildings and monuments
are demolished. Government offices are temporarily transferred to railway sheds.
Numerous houses are razed to the ground. The
inhahitantsº are lodged in barrels
and boxes, all marked in red with the letters: L.B. Several paupers fall from a
ladder. A part
of the walls of Dublinº
crowded with loyal sightseers, collapses.)
THE SIGHTSEERS
(Dying.) Morituri te salutant. (They die.)
(A man in a brown macintosh springs up through a trapdoor. He points an elongated figureº at Bloom.)
THE MAN IN THE MACINTOSH
Don't you believe a word he says. That man is Leopold M'Intosh, the notorious fireraiser. His real name is Higgins.
BLOOM
Shoot him! Dog of a christian! So much for M'Intosh!
(A cannonshot. The man in the macintosh
disppearsº.
Bloom with his
sceptre strikes down poppies. The instantaneous deaths of many powerful
enemies, graziers, members of parliament,
members of standing
committees, are reported.
Bloom's
bodyguard distribute
Maundy money,
commemoration
medals, loaves
and fishes, temperance badges, expensive Henry Clay cigars, free cowbones for
soup, rubber preservatives,º
in sealed
envelopes tied with gold thread, butter scotch, pineapple rock,
billets doux in the form of cocked hats, readymade suits, porringers of
toad in the hole,
bottles of
Jeyes'
Fluid, purchase stamps, 40 days' indulgences, spurious coins, dairyfed
pork sausages, theatre passes, season tickets available for all tram
linesº, coupons of the royal and
prvilegedº Hungarian lottery,
penny dinner counters, cheap reprints of the World's Twelve Worst Books:
Froggy and Fritz (politic), Care of the Baby
(infantilic), 50
Meals for 7/6 (culinic), Was Jesus a Sun Myth? (historic), Expel that Pain (medic), Infant's Compendium of the
{u22, 459}
Universe (cosmic), Let's All Chortle (hilaric), Canvasser's
Vade Mecum (journalic), Loveletters of Mother Assistant (erotic), Who's Who
in Space (astric), Songs that Reached
'Ourº Heart (melodic),
Pennywise's Way to Wealth (parsimonic). A general rush and scramble.
Women press forward
to touch the hem of Bloom's robe.
The lady
Gwendolen Dubedat bursts through the throng, leaps on his horse and kisses
him on both cheeks amid great
acclamation.
A magnesium
flashlight photograph is taken.
Babes and sucklings are held up.)
THE WOMEN
THE BABES AND SUCKLINGS
Clap clap hands till Poldy comes home,
Cakes in his pocket for Leo alone.
(Bloom, bending down, pokes Baby Boardman gently in the stomach.)
BABY BOARDMAN
(Hiccups, curdled milk flowing from his mouth.) Hajajaja.
BLOOM
(Shaking hands with a blind stripling.)
My more than
Brother! (Placing his arms round the shoulders of an old couple.)
Dear old friends! (He playesº
pussy
fourcorners with ragged boys and girls.) Peep!
Bopeep! (He
wheels twins in a perambulator.)
Ticktacktwo
wouldyousetashoe? (He performs juggler's
tricks, draws
red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet silk
haudherchiefsº from his
mouth.) Roygbiv. 32 feet per second. (He consoles a widow.) Absence
makes the heart grow younger. (He dances the Highland fling with grotesque
antics.) Leg
it, ye devils!
(He kisses the
bedsores of a palsied veteran.) Honourable wounds!
(He trips up a fat
policeman.) U. p: up. U. p: up. (He whispers in the ear of a blushing
waitress and laughs kindly.) Ah, naughty, naughty! (He eats a raw turnip
offered him by Maurice Butterly, farmer.) Fine! Splendid! (He refuses to
accept three shillings offered him by Joseph Hynes, journalist.)
My dear fellow,
not at all! (He
gives his coat to a beggar.) Please accept. (He takes part in a
stomach race with elderly male and female cripples.) Come on, boys! Wriggle it, girls!
{u22, 460}
THE CITIZEN
(Choked with emotion, brushes aside a tear in his emerald muffler.) May the good God bless him!
(The ram'sº horns sound for silence. The standard of Zion is hoisted.)
(Uncloaks impressively, revealing obesity, unrolls a paper and reads solemnly.) Aleph Beth Ghimel Daleth Hagadah Tephilim Kosher Yom Kippur Hanukah Roschaschana Beni Brith Bar Mitzvah Mazzoth Askenazim Meshuggah Talith.
(An official translation is read by Jimmy Henry, assistant town clerk.)
JIMMY HENRY
The Court of Conscience is now open. His Most Catholic Majesty will now administer open air justice. Free medical and legal advice, solution of doubles and other problems. All cordially invited. Given at this our loyal city of Dublin in the year 1 of the Paradisiacal Era.
PADDY LEONARD
What am I to do about my rates and taxes?
BLOOM
Pay them, my friend.
PADDY LEONARD
NOSEY FLYNN
Can I raise a mortgage on my fire insurance?
BLOOM
(Obdurately.) Sirs, take notice that by the law of torts you are bound over in your own recognisances for six months in the sum of five pounds.
J.J. O'MOLLOY
A Daniel did I say? Nay! A Peter O'Brien!
NOSEY FLYNN
Where do I draw the five pounds?
{u22, 461}
PISSER BURKE
For bladder trouble?
BLOOM
Acid. nit.
hydrochlorº dil,º 20 minims
Tinct. mix.º
vom,º 5 minims
Extr. taraxel. lig.º 30 minims.
Aq. dis. ter in die.
What is the parallax of the subsolar ecliptic of Aldebaran?
BLOOM
Pleased to hear from you, Chris. K. 11.
JOE HYNES
Why aren't you in uniform?
BLOOM
When my progenitor of sainted memory wore the uniform of the Austrian despot in a dank prison where was yours?
BEN DOLLARD
Pansies?
BLOOM
Embellish (beautify) suburban gardens.
BEN DOLLARD
When twins arrive?
BLOOM
Father (pater, dad) starts thinking.
LARRY O'ROURKE
An eight dayº licence
for my new premises. You remember me,
sir Leo, when you
were in number seven.
I'm sending around a dozen of stout for the missus.
{u22, 462}
BLOOM
(Coldly.) You have the advantage of me. Lady Bloom accepts no presents.
This is indeed a festivity.
BLOOM
(Solemnly.) You call it a festivity. I call it a sacrament.
ALEXANDER KEYES
When will we have our own house of keys?
BLOOM
I stand for the reform of municipal morals and the plain ten commandments. New worlds for old. Union of all, jew, moslem and gentile. Three acres and a cow for all children of nature. Saloon motor hearses. Compulsory manual labour for all. All parks open to the public day and night. Electric dishscrubbers. Tuberculosis, lunacy, war and mendicancy must now cease. General amnesty, weekly carnival,º with masked licence, bonuses for all, esperantoº theº universal brotherhood. No more patriotism of barspongers and dropsical impostors. Free money,º free love and a free lay church in a free lay state.
DAVY BYRNE
(Yawning.) Iiiiiiiiiaaaaaaach!
BLOOM
Mixed races and mixed marriage.
LENEHAN
(Bloom
explains to
those near him
his schemes for
social regeneration. All agree with him.
The keeper of the
Kildare Streetº
museum appears,
dragging a lorry on which are the shaking statues of several naked
{u22, 463}
goddesses,
Venus Callipyge,
Venus Pandemos, Venus Metempsychosis, and plaster figures, also naked,
representing the new nine muses,
Commerce, Operatic
Music, Amor, Publicity, Manufacture, Liberty of Speech,
Plural Voting,
Gastronomy, Private Hygiene, Seaside Concert Entertainments, Painless Obstetrics and Astronomy for the People.)
FATHER FARLEY
He is an episcopalian, an agnostic, an anythingarian seeking to overthrow our holy faith.
MRS RIORDAN
(Tears up her will.) I'm disappointed in you! You bad man!
(Removes her boot to throw it at Bloom.) You beast! You abominable person!
NOSEY FLYNN
Give us a tune, Bloom. One of the old sweet songs.
BLOOM
(With rollicking humour.)
I vowed that I never would leave her,
She turned out a cruel deceiver.
With my tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom.
HOPPY HOLOHAN
Good old Bloom! There's nobody like him after all.
PADDY LEONARD
Stage Irishman!
BLOOM
What railway opera is like a tramline in Gibraltar? The Rows of Casteeleº
(Laughter.)
LENEHAN
Plagiarist! Down with Bloom!
{u22, 464}
THE VEILED SIBYL
(Enthusiastically.) I'm a Bloomite and I glory in it. I believe in him in spite of all. I'd give my life for him, the funniest man on earth.
BLOOM
(Winks at the bystanders.) I bet she's a bonny lassie.
THEODORE PUREFOY
(In fishingcap and oilskin jacket.) He employs a mechanical device to frustrate the sacred ends of nature.
THE VEILED SIBYL
(Stabs herself.) My hero god! (She dies.)
(Many most attractive and enthusiastic women also commit suicide by stabbing, drowning, drinking prussic acid, aconite, arsenic, opening their veins, refusing food, casting themselves under steamrollers, from the top of Nelson's Pillar, into the great vat of Guinness's brewery, asphyxiating themselves by placing their heads in gas ovens, hanging themselves in stylish garters,º leaping from windows of different storeys.)
ALEXANDER J.º DOWIE
(Violently.) Fellowchristians and antiBloomites, the man called Bloom is from the roots of hell, a disgrace to christian men. A fiendish libertine from his earliest years this stinking goat of Mendes gave precocious signs of infantile debaucheryº recalling the cities of the plain, with a dissolute granddam. This vile hypocrite, bronzed with infamy, is the white bull mentioned in the Apocalypse. A worshipper of the Scarlet Woman, intrigue is the very breath of his nostrils. The stake faggots and the caldron of boiling oil are for him. Caliban!
THE MOB
Lynch him! Roast him! He's as bad as Parnell was. Mr Fox!
(Mother
Grogan throws her boot at Bloom. Several shopkeepers from upper and lower
Dorset street throw objects of little or no commercial value,
hambones,
condensed milk tins, unsaleable cabbage, stale bread,
sheeps'tailsº, odd pieces of fat.)
{u22, 465}
BLOOM
(Excitedly.) This is midsummer madness, some ghastly joke again. By heaven, I am guiltless as the unsunned snow! It was my brother Henry. He is my double. He lives in number 2 Dolphin's Barn. Slander, the viper, has wrongfully accused me. Fellowcountrymen, sgenlº inn banº bata coisde gan capall. I call on my old friend, Dr Malachi Mulligan, sex specialist, to give medical testimony on my behalf.
DR MULLIGAN
(In motor jerkin, green motorgoggles on his brow.) Dr Bloom is bisexually abnormal. He has recently escaped from Dr Eustace's private asylum for demented gentlemen. Born out of bedlock hereditary epilepsy is present, the consequence of unbridled lust. Traces of elephantiasis have been discovered among his ascendants. There are marked symptoms of chronic exhibitionism. Ambidexterity is also latent. He is prematurely bald from selfabuse, perversely idealistic in consequence, a reformed rake, and has metal teeth. In consequence of a family complex he has temporarily lost his memory and I believe him to be more sinned against than sinning. I have made a pervaginal examination and, after application of the acid test to 5427 anal, axillary, pectoral and pubic hairs, I declare him to be virgo intacta.
(Bloom holds his high grade hat over his genital organs.)
DR MADDEN
Hypsospadiaº is also marked. In the interest of coming generations I suggest that the parts affected should be preserved in spirits of wine in the national teratological museum.
DR CROTTHERS
I have examined the patient's urine. It is albuminoid. Salivation is insufficient, the patellar reflex intermittent.
DR PUNCH COSTELLO
Theº fetor judaicus is most perceptible.
DR DIXON
(Reads
a bill of
health.) Professor Bloom is a finished
example of the new
womanly man. His
moral nature is simple and lovable. Many have found
{u22, 466}
him a dear man, a
dear person. He is a rather quaint fellow on the whole,
coy though not
feebleminded in the medical sense.
He has written a
really beautiful letter,
a poem in
itself, to the
court missionary
of the Reformed
Priestsº
Protection Society
which clears up everything. He is practically a total abstainer and I can affirm
that he sleeps on a
straw litter and
eats the most
Spartan food, cold dried grocer's peas.
He wears a
hairshirtº winter and summer and
scourges himself
every Saturday. He was, I understand, at one time a firstclass misdemeanant in
Glencree reformatory. Another report states that he was a very
posthumous child.
I appeal for clemency in the name of the most sacred word
our vocal organs
have ever been called upon to speak.
He is about to have a baby.
(General commotion and compassion. Women faint. A wealthy American makes a street collection for Bloom. Gold and silver coins, blank cheques, banknotes, jewels, treasury bonds, maturing bills of exchange, I.O.U's, wedding rings, watchchains, lockets, necklaces and bracelets are rapidly collected.)
BLOOM
O, I so want to be a mother.
MRS THORNTON
(In nursetender's gown.) Embrace me tight, dear. You'll be soon over it. Tight, dear.
(Bloom embraces her tightly and bears eight male yellow and white children. They appear on a redcarpeted staircase adorned with expensive plants. Allº are handsome, with valuable metallic faces, wellmade, respectably dressed and wellconducted, speaking five modern languages fluently and interested in various arts and sciences. Each has his name printed in legible letters on his shirtfront: Nasodoro, Goldfinger, Chrysostomos, Maindorée, Silversmile, Silberselber, Vifargent, Panargyros. They are immediately appointed to positions of high public trust in several different countries as managing directors of banks, traffic managers of railways, chairmen of limited liability companies, vice chairmenº of hotel syndicates.)
A VOICE
Bloom, are you the
Messiah
ben Joseph or ben David?
{u22, 467}
BLOOM
(Darkly.) You have said it.
BROTHER BUZZ
Prophesy who will win the Saint Leger.
(Bloom walks on a net, covers his left eye with his left ear, passes through several walls, climbs Nelson's Pillar, hangs from the top ledge by his eyelids, eats twelve dozen oysters (shells included), heals several sufferers from king's evil, contracts his face so as to resemble many historical personages, Lord Beaconsfield, Lord Byron, Wat Tyler, Moses of Egypt, Moses Maimonides, Moses Mendelssohn, Henry Irving, Rip van Winkle, Kossuth, Jean Jacques Rousseau, Baron Leopold Rothschild, Robinson Crusoe, Sherlock Holmes, Pasteur, turnsº each foot simultaneously in different directions, bids the tide turn back, eclipses the sun by extending his little finger.)
BRINI, PAPAL NUNCIO
(In papal zouave's uniform, steel cuirasses as breastplate, armplates, thighplates, legplates, large profane moustaches and brown paper mitre.)
º Leopoldi autem
generatio.
Moses begat Noah and Noah begat Eunuch and Eunuch begat
O'Halloran and
O'Halloran begat Guggenheim and Guggenheim begat Agendath
and Agendath begat
Netaim and Netaim begat Le Hirsch and Le Hirsch begat Jesurum and Jesurum
begat MacKay and MacKay begat Ostrolopsky and Ostrolopsky begat Smerdoz and
Smerdoz begat Weiss and Weiss begat Schwarz and Schwarz begat Adrianopoli and
Adrianopoli begat Aranjuez and Aranjuez begat Lewy Lawson and Lewy Lawson begat
Ichabudonosor and Ichabudonosor begat O'Donnell Magnus and O'Donnell
Magnus begat Christbaum and Christbaum begat ben Maimun and ben Maimun begat
Dusty Rhodes and Dusty Rhodes begat Benamor and Benamor begat Jones-Smith and
Jones-Smith begat Savorgnanovich and Savorgnanovich begat Jasperstone and
Jasperstone begat Vingtetunieme and Vingtetunieme begat Szombathely and
Szombathely begat Virag and Virag begat Bloom et vocabitur nomen eius
Emmanuel.
{u22, 468}
A DEADHAND
(Writes on the wall.) Bloom is a cod.
(In bushranger's kit.) What did you do in the cattlecreep behind Kilbarrack?
A FEMALE INFANT
(Shakes a rattle.) And under Ballybough bridge?
A HOLLYBUSH
And in the devil's glen?
BLOOM
(Blushes furiously all over from frons to nates, three tears falling from his left eye.) Spare my past.
THE IRISH EVICTED TENANTS
(In bodycoats, kneebreeches, with Donnybrook fair shillelaghs.) Sjambok him!
(Bloom with asses' ears seats himself in the pillory with crossed arms, his feet protruding. He whistles Don Giovanni, a cenar teco. Artane orphans, joining hands, caper round him. Girls of the Prison Gate Mission, joining hands, caper round in the opposite direction.)
THE ARTANE ORPHANS
You hig, you hog, you dirty dog!
You think the ladies love you!
THE PRISON GATE GIRLS
If
you see kayº
Tell him he may
See you in tea
Tell him from me.
(In ephod and huntingcap, announces.)
And he shall carry
the sins of the people to Azazel, the spirit which is in the wilderness, and to Lilith, the
{u22, 469}
nighthag. And they shall
stone him and
defile him, yea,
all from Agendath
Netaim and from Mizraim, the land of Ham.
(All the people cast soft pantomime stones at Bloom. Many bonafide travellers and ownerless dogs come near him and defile him. Mastiansky and Citron approach in gaberdines, wearing long earlocks,º They wag their beards at Bloom.)
MASTIANSKY AND CITRON
Belial! Laemlein of Istria!º the false Messiah! Abulafia!º
(George S.º Mesias, Bloom's tailor, appears, a tailor's goose under his arm, presenting a bill.)
MESIAS
To alteration one pair trousers eleven shillings.
BLOOM
(Rubs his hands cheerfully.) Just like old times. Poor Bloom!º
(Reuben J.º Dodd, blackbearded Iscariot, bad shepherd, bearing on his shoulders the drowned corpse of his son, approaches the pillory.)
REUBEN J.
(Whispers hoarsely.) The squeak is out. A split is gone for the flatties. Nip the first rattler.
THE FIRE BRIGADE
Pflaap!
BROTHER BUZZ
(Invests Bloom in a yellow habit with embroidery of painted flames and high pointed hat. He places a bag of gunpowder round his neck and hands him over to the civil power, saypingº.) Forgive him his trespasses.
(Lieutenant Myers of the Dublin Fire Brigade by general request sets fire to Bloom. Lamentations.)
THE CITIZEN
Thank heaven!
{u22, 470}
BLOOM
(In a seamless garment marked I.H.S. stands upright amid phoenix flames.) Weep not for me, O daughters of Erin.
(Heº exhibits to Dublin reporters traces of burning.Theº daughters of Erin, in black garmentsº with large prayerbooks and long lighted candles in their hands, kneel down and pray.)
THE DAUGHTERS OF ERIN
Kidney of Bloom, pray for us.
Flower of the Bath, pray for us.
Mentor of Menton, pray for us.
Canvasser for the Freeman, pray for us.
Charitable Mason, pray for us.
Wandering Soap, pray for us.
Sweets of Sin, pray for us.
Music without Words, pray for us.
Reprover of the Citizen, pray for us.
Friend of all Frillies, pray for us.
Midwife Most Merciful, pray for us.
Potato Preservative against Plague and Pestilence, pray for us.º
(A choir of six hundred voices, conducted by Mrº Vincent O'Brien, sings the Alleluia chorus,º accompanied on the organ by Joseph Glynn. Bloom becomes mute, shrunken, carbonised.)º
ZOE
Talk away till you're black in the face.
BLOOM
(In
caubeen with clay
pipe stuck in the band, dsutyº
brogues, an
emigrant's red
handkerchief bundle in his handº
leading a black bogoak pig by a sugaun, with a smile in his eye.) Let me
be going now, woman of
the house, for by all the goats in Connemara I'm after having the
father and mother of a bating. (With a tear in his eye.) All
insanityº. Patriotism, sorrow for the
dead, music, future of the race. To be or not to be.
Life's dream is
o'er. End it peacefully. They can live on. (He gazes far away
mournfully.) I
am ruined. A few pastilles of
aconite. The
blinds drawn. A letter. Then lie back to rest. (He breathes softly.) No
more. I have lived. Fare. Farewell.
{u22, 471}
ZOE
(Stiffly, her finger in her neckfillet.) Honest? Till the next time. (She sneers.) Suppose you got up the wrong side of the bed or came too quick with your best girl. O, I can read your thoughts.º
BLOOM
(Bitterly.) Man and woman, love, what is it? A cork and bottle.º
ZOE
(In sudden sulks.) I hate a rotter that's insincere. Give a bleeding whore a chance.
BLOOM
(Repentantly.) I am very disagreableº. You are a necessary evil. Where are you from? London?
ZOE
(Glibly.) Hog's Norton where the pigs playsº the organs. I'm Yorkshire bornº (She holds his hand which is feeling for her nipple.) I say, Tommy Tittlemouse. Stop that and begin worse. Have you cash for a short time? Ten shillings?
BLOOM
(Smiles, nods slowly.) More, houri, more.
ZOE
And more's mother? (She pats him offhandedly with velvet paws.) Are you coming into the musicroom to seeº our new pianola? Come and I'll peel off.
BLOOM
(Feeling his occiput dubiously with the unparalleled embarrassment of a harassed pedlar gauging the symmetry of her peeled pears.) Somebody would be dreadfully jealous if she knew. The greeneyed monsterº (Earnestly.) You know how difficult it is. I needn't tell you.
ZOE
(Flattered.) What the eye can't see the heart can't grieve forº (She pats him.) Come.
BLOOM
Laughing witch! The hand that rocks the cradle.
{u22, 472}
ZOE
Babby!
BLOOM
(In babylinen and pelisse, bigheaded, with a caul of dark hair, fixes big eyes on her fluid slip and counts its bronze buckles with a chubby finger, his moist tongue lolling and lisping.) One two tlee: tlee tlwo tlone.
THE BUCKLES
Love me. Love me not. Love me.
ZOE
Silent means consent. (With little parted talons she captures his hand, her forefinger giving to his palm the passtouch of secret monitor, luring him to doom.) Hot hands cold gizzard.
(He hesitates amid scents, music, temptations. She leads him towards the steps, drawing him by the odour of her armpits, the vice of her painted eyes, the rustle of her slip in whose sinuous folds lurks the lion reek of all the male brutes that have possessed her.)
THE MALE BRUTES
(Exhaling sulphur of rut and dung and ramping in their loosebox, faintly roaring, their drugged heads swaying to and fro.) Good!
(Zoe and Bloom reach the doorway where two sister whores are seated. They examine him curiously from under their pencilled brows and smile to his hasty bow. He trips awkwardly.)
ZOE
(Her lucky hand instantly saving him.) Hoopsa! Don't fall upstairs.
BLOOM
The just man falls seven timesº (He stands aside at the threshold.) After you is good manners.
ZOE
Ladies first, gentlemen after.
(She crosses the threshold. He hesitates. She turns and, holding out her hands,
{u22, 473}
draws
him over. He
hops. On the antlered rack of the hall hang a man's hat and
waterproof,º Bloom uncovers
himself but, seeing them, frownsº
then smiles,
preoccupied. A
door on the return landing is thrownº
open. A man in purple shirt and grey
trousersº brownsocked, passes with
an ape's gait, his bald head and goatee beard upheld, hugging a full
waterjugjar, his
twotailed black braces dangling at heels.
Averting his face
quickly Bloom bends to examine on the halltable the spaniel eyes of a running
fox: then, his lifted head
sniffing,
follows Zoe into the musicroom. A shade of mauve tissuepaper dims the light of
the chandelier. Round and round a moth flies, colliding, escaping. The floor is
covered with an oilcloth
mosaic of jade and
azure and cinnabar rhomboids.
Footmarks are
stamped over it in all senses, heel to heel, heel to hollow, toe to toe, feet
locked, a morris
of shuffling feetº without body
phantoms, all in a scrimmage
higgledypiggledy.
The walls are tapestried with a paper of yewfronds and clear glades. In the
grate is spread a screen of peacock feathers. Lynch squats crosslegged on the
hearthrug of matted hair, his cap back to the front. With a wand he beats time
slowly. Kitty Ricketts, a bony pallid whore in navy costume, doeskin gloves
rolled back from a coral wristlet, a
chain purse in
her hand, sits
perched on the
edge of the table swinging her leg and glancing at herself in the gilt mirror
over the mantlepieceº. A tag of
her corset laceº hangs slightly
below her jacket. Lynch indicates mockingly the couple at the piano.)
KITTY
(Coughs behind her hand.) She's a bit imbecillic. (She signs with a waggling forefinger.) Blemblem. (Lynch lifts up her skirt and white petticoat with theº wand. She settles them down quickly.) Respect yourself. (She hiccups, then bends quickly her sailor hat under which her hair glows, red with henna.) O, excuse!
ZOE
More limelight, Charley. (She goes to the chandelier and turns the gas full cock.)
KITTY
(Peers at the gasjet.) What ails it tonight?
{u22, 474}
LYNCH
(Deeply.) Enter a ghost and hobgoblins.
ZOE
(The wand in Lynch's hand flashes: a brass poker. Stephen stands at the pianola on which sprawl his hat and ashplant. With two fingers he repeats once more the series of empty fifths. Florry Talbot, a blond feeble goosefat whore in a tatterdemalion gown of mildewed strawberryº lolls spreadeagle in the sofa cornerº, her limp forearm pendent over the bolster, listening. A heavy stye droops over her sleepy eyelid.)
KITTY
(Hiccups again with a kick of her horsed foot.) O, excuse!
ZOE
(Promptly.) Your boy's thinking of you. Tie a knot on your shift.
(Kitty Ricketts bends her head. Her boa uncoils, slides, glides over her shoulder, back, arm, chair to the ground. Lynch lifts the curled catterpillarº on his wand. She snakes her neck, nestling. Stephen glances behind at the squatted figure with its cap back to the front.)
STEPHEN
As a matter of fact it is of no importance whether Benedetto Marcello found it or made it. The rite is the poet's rest. It may be an old hymn to Demeter or also illustrate Cœlaº enarrant gloriam Domini. It is susceptible of nodes or modes as far apart as hyperphrygian and mixolydian and of texts so divergent as priests haihooping round David's that is Circe's or what am I saying Ceres' altar and David's tip from the stable to his chief bassoonist about the alrightinessº of his almightiness. Mais,º nom de nom, that is another pair of trousers. Jetez la gourme. Faut que jeunesse se passe. (He stops, points at Lynch's cap, smiles, laughs.) Which side is your knowledge bump?
THE CAP
(With saturnine spleen.) Bah! It is because it is.
Woman's reason. Jewgreek is greekjew. Extremes meet. Death is the highest form of life. Bah!
{u22, 475}
STEPHEN
You remember fairly accurately all my errors, boasts, mistakes. How long shall I continue to close my eyes to disloyalty? Whetstone!
THE CAP
Bah!
STEPHEN
Here's another for you. (He frowns.) The reason is because the fundamental and the dominant are separated by the greatest possible interval which …
THE CAP
STEPHEN
(With an effort.) Interval which. Is the greatest possible elipseº. Consistent with. The ultimate return. The octave. Which.
THE CAP
Which?
(Outside the gramophone begins to blare The Holy City.)
STEPHEN
(Abruptly.) What went forth to the ends of the world to traverse not itself, God, the sun, Shakespeare, a commercial traveller, having itself traversed in reality itself becomes that self. Wait a moment. Wait a second. Damn that fellow's noise in the street. Self which it itself was ineluctably preconditioned to become. Ecco!
LYNCH
(With a mocking whinny of laughter grins at Bloom and Zoe Higgins.) What a learned speech, eh?
ZOE
(Briskly.) God help your head, he knows more than you have forgotten.
(With obese stupidity Florry Talbot regards Stephen.)
FLORRY
They say the last day is coming this summer.
KITTY
ZOE
(Explodes in laughter.) Great unjust God!
FLORRY
(Offended.) Well, it was in the papers about Antichrist. O, my foot's tickling.
(Ragged barefoot newsboysº jogging a wagtail kite, patter past, yelling.)
THE NEWSBOYS
Stop press edition. Result of the rockinghorse races. Sea serpent in the royal canal. Safe arrival of Antichrist.
(Stephen turns and sees Bloom.)
STEPHEN
A time, times and half a time.
(Reuben J.º Antichrist, wandering jew, a clutching hand open on his spine, stumps forward. Across his loins is slung a pilgrim's wallet from which protrude promissory notes and dishonoured bills. Aloft over his shoulder he bears a long boatpole from the hook of which the sodden huddled mass of his only son, saved from Liffey watersº hangs from the slack of its breeches. A hobgoblin in the image of Punch Costello, hipshot, crookbacked, hydrocephalic, prognaticº with receding forehead and Ally Sloper noseº tumbles in somersaults through the gathering darkness.)
ALL
What?
THE HOBGOBLIN
(His jaws
chattering,
capers to and
fro, goggling his eyes, squeaking,
kangaroohopping,º
with outstretched clutching armsº
then all at
once thrusts his
lipless face
through the fork of his thighs.) Il vient! C'est moi!
L'homme qui rit!
{u22, 477}
L'homme primigène!
(He whirls round
and round with dervish howls.) Sieurs et dames,
faites vos
jeux! (He crouches
juggling. Tiny
roulette planets
fly from his hands.)
Les jeux sont
faits! (The planets rush together, uttering crepitant cracks.)
Rien
n'vaº
plus.
(The planets, buoyant
balloons, sail
swollen up and away. He springs off into vacuum.)
FLORRY
(Sinking into torpor, crossesº herself secretly.) The end of the world!
(A female tepid effluvium leaks out from her. Nebulous obscurity occupies space. Through the drifting fog without the gramophone blares over coughs and feetshuffling.)
THE GRAMOPHONE
Jerusalem!
Open your gates and sing
Hosanna …
(A rocket rushes up the sky and bursts. A white star falls from it, proclaiming the consummation of all things and second coming of Elijah. Along an infinite invisible tightrope taut from zenith to nadir the End of the World, a twoheaded octopus in gillie's kilts, busby and tartan filibegsº whirls through the murk, head over heels, in the form of the Three Legs of Man.)
(With a Scotch accent.) Wha'll dance the keel row, the keel row, the keel row?
(Over the passingº drift and choking breathcoughs, Elijah's voice, harsh as a corncrake's, jars on high. Perspiring in a loose lawn surplice with funnel sleeves he is seen, vergerfaced, above a rostrum about which the banner of old glory is draped. He thumps the parapet.)
ELIJAH
No yapping, if you please, in this booth. Jake Crane, Creole
Sue, Daveº Campbell, Abe Kirschner,
do your coughing with
your mouths shut. Say, I am operating all this trunk line. Boys,
do it now.
God's time is
12.25. Tell mother you'll be there. Rush your order and you play a
slick ace. Join on right here!º
{u22, 478}
Book through to
eternity
junction, the nonstop run.
Just one word
more. Are you a
god or a
doggone
clod? If the
second advent came to Coney Island are we ready? Florry Christ, Stephen Christ,
Zoe Christ, Bloom Christ, Kitty Christ, Lynch Christ, it's
up to you to sense
that cosmic force.
Have we cold
feet about the cosmos? No. Be on the side of the angels.
Be a prism. You
have that something
within, the higher self. You can
rub shoulders with
a Jesus, a Gautama, an
Ingersoll. Are you all
in this vibration?
I say you are. You once nobble that,
congregation, and
a buck joyride to
heaven becomes a back
number. You got
me? It's a lifebrightener, sure.
The hottest stuff ever
was. It's the whole pie with jam in. It's just the cutest
snappiest line out. It
is immense,
supersumptuous.
It restores. It vibrates. I know and
I am some
vibrator. Joking
apart andº getting down to bedrock,
A.J. Christ Dowie and the
harmonial
philosophyº have you got that? O.K.
Seventyseven west sixtyninth street.
Got me?
That's it. You
call me up by sunphone any old time.
Bumboosers, save
your stamps. (He shouts.) Now then our glory song. All join heartily
in the singing. Encore! (He sings.) Jeru …
THE GRAMOPHONE
(Drowning his voice.)
º Whorusalaminyourhighhohhhh … (The disc rasps gratingly against the needle.)
THE THREE WHORES
(Covering their ears, squawk.) Ahhkkk!
ELIJAH
(In rolledup shirtsleeves, black in the face, shouts at the top of his voice, his arms uplifted.) Big Brother up there, Mr President, you hear what I done just been saying to you. Certainly, I sort of believe strong in you, Mr President. I certainly am thinking now Miss Higgins and Miss Ricketts got religion way inside them. Certainly seems to me I don't never see no wusser scared female than the way you been, Miss Florry, just now as I done seed you. Mr President, you come long and help me save our sisters dear. (He winks at his audience.) Our Mr President, he twig the whole lot and he ain'tº saying nothing.
KITTY-KATE
I
forgot myself. In a weak moment I
erred and
did what I did on
{u22, 479}
Constitution hill. I was confirmed by the bishop. My mother's sister
married a Montmorency. It was a working
plumber was my
ruination when I was pure.
ZOE-FANNY
I let him larrup it into me for the fun of it.
FLORRY-TERESA
It was in consequence of a portwine beverage on top of Hennessy's three stars.º I was guilty with Whelan when he slipped into the bed.
STEPHEN
In the beginning was the word, in the end the world without end. Blessed be the eight beatitudes.
(The beatitudes, Dixon, Madden, Crotthers, Costello, Lenehan, Bannon, Mulligan and Lynchº in white surgical students' gowns, four abreast, goosestepping, tramp fast past in noisy marching.)
THE BEATITUDES
(Incoherently.) Beer beef battledog buybull businum barnum buggerum bishop.
(In quakergrey kneebreeches and broadbrimmed hat, says discreetly.) He is our friend. I need not mention names. Seek thou the light.
(He corantos by. Best enters in hairdresserº attire, shinily laundered, his locks in curlpapers. He leads John Eglinton who wears a mandarin's kimono of Nankeen yellow, lizardlettered, and a high pagoda hat.)
BEST
(Smiling, lifts the hat and displays a shaven poll from the crown of which bristles a pigtail toupee tied with an orange topknot.) I was just beautifying him, don't you know. A thing of beauty, don't you know, Yeats says, or I mean, Keats says.
JOHN EGLINTON
(Produces a greencapped dark lantern and flashes it towards
a corner;º with carping
accent.) Esthetics and cosmetics are for the boudoir. I am out for truth.
{u22, 480}
Plain truth for a plain man. Tanderagee wants the facts and means to get them.
(In the cone of the searchlight behind the coalscuttle, ollave, holyeyed, the bearded figure of Mananannº Mac Lirº broods, chin on knees. He rises slowly. A cold seawind blows from his druid mantle. About his head writhe eels and elvers. He is encrusted with weeds and shells.º His right hand holds a bicycle pump. His left hand grasps a huge crayfish by its two talons.)
(With a voice of waves.) Aum! Hek! Wal! Ak! Lub! Mor! Ma! White yoghin of the Godsº. Occult pimander of Hermes Trismegistos. (With a voice of whistling seawind.) Punarjanam patsypunjaub! I won't have my leg pulled. It has been said by one: beware the left, the cult of Shakti. (With a cry of stormbirds.) Shakti,º Shiva!º Dark hidden Father! (He smites with his bicycle pump the crayfish in his left hand. On its cooperative dial glow the twelve signs of the zodiac. He wails with the vehemence of the ocean.) Aum! Baum! Pyjaum! I am the light of the homestead.º I am the dreamery creamery butter.
(A skeleton judashand strangles the light. The green light wanes to mauve. The gasjet wails whistling.)
THE GASJET
Pooah! Pfuiiiiii!º
(Zoe runs to the chandelier and, crooking her leg, adjusts the mantle.)
ZOE
Who has a fag as I'm here?
LYNCH
(Tossing a cigarette on to the table.) Here.
ZOE
(Her
head perched aside in mock pride.) Is that the way to hand the
pot to a lady? (She stretches up to light the cigarette over the
flame, twirling it slowly, showing the brown tufts of her armpits. Lynch with
his poker lifts boldly a side of her slip. Bare from her garters up her flesh
appears under the sapphire a nixie's green. She puffs calmly at her
cigarette.) Can you see the beauty spot of my behind?
{u22, 481}
LYNCH
I'm not looking.
ZOE
(Makes sheep's eyes.) No? You wouldn't do a less thing. Would you suck a lemon?
(Squinting in mock shame she glances with sidelong meaning at Bloomº then twists round towards him, pulling her slip free of the poker. Blue fluid again flows over her flesh. Bloom stands, smiling desirously, twirling his thumbs. Kitty Ricketts licks her middle finger with her spittle andº gazing in the mirror, smooths both eyebrows. Lipoti Virag, basilicogrammate, chutes rapidly down through the chimneyflue and struts two steps to the left on gawky pink stilts. He is sausaged into several overcoats and wears a brown macintosh under which he holds a roll of parchment. In his left eye flashes the monocle of Cashel Boyle O'Connor Fitzmaurice Tisdall Farrell. On his head is perched an Egyptian pshent. Two quills project over his ears.)
VIRAG
(Heels together, bows.) My name is Viragº Lipoti, of Szombathely. (He coughs thoughtfully, drily.) Promiscuous nakedness is much in evidence hereabouts, eh? Inadvertently her backview revealed the fact that she is not wearing those rather intimate garments of which you are a particular devotee. The injection mark on the thigh I hope you perceived? Good.
BLOOM
Granpapachi. But …
VIRAG
Number two on the other hand, she of the cherry rouge and coiffeuse white, whose hair owes not a little to our tribal elixir of gopherwoodº is in walking costume and tightly staysed by her sit, I should opine. Backbone in front, so to say. Correct me but I always understood that the act so performed by skittish humans with glimpses of lingerie appealed to you in virtue of its exhibitionististicicity. In a word. Hippogriff. Am I right?
BLOOM
She is rather lean.
{u22, 482}
VIRAG
(Not unpleasantly.) Absolutely! Well observed and those pannier pockets of the skirt and slightly pegtop effect are devised to suggest bunchiness of hip. A new purchase at some monster sale for which a gull has been mulcted. Meretricious finery to deceive the eye. Observe the attention to details of dustspecks. Never put on you tomorrow what you can wear todayº Parallax!º (With a nervous twitch of his head.) Did you hear my brain go snap? Pollysyllabax!
BLOOM
(An elbow resting in a hand, a forefinger against his cheek.) She seems sad.
VIRAG
(Cynically, his weasel teeth bared yellow, draws down his left eye wilhº a finger and barks hoarsely.) Hoax! Beware of the flapper and bogus mournful. Lily of the alley. All possess bachelor's button discovered by Rualdus Columbus. Tumble her. Columble her. Chameleon. (More genially.) Well then, permit me to draw your attention to item number three. There is plenty of her visible to the naked eye. Observe the mass of oxygenated vegetable matter on her skull. What ho, she bumps! The ugly duckling of the party, longcasted and deep in keel.
BLOOM
(Regretfully.) When you come out without your gun.
VIRAG
We can do you all brandsº mlldº, medium and strong. Pay your money, take your choice. How happy caouldº you be with either …
BLOOM
With? …º
VIRAG
(His
tongue upcurling.) Lyum! Look.
Her beam is
broad. Sbeº is coated with quite a
considerable layer of fat. Obviously mammal in
weight of bosom
you remark that she has in front well to the fore two protuberances of very
respectable dimensions,
inclined to fall in
the noonday soupplate, while on her rere lower down are two additional
protuberances, suggestive of potent
rectum and
tumescent for
palpation which
leave nothing to be desired save compactness.
{u22, 483}
Such fleshy parts are the product of careful nurture. When
coopfattened
their livers reach an
elephantine size.
Pellets of new bread with fennygreek and
gumbenjamin
swamped down by potions of green tea endow them during their brief existence
with natural pincushions of quite colossal blubber. That suits your book, eh?
Fleshhotpots of Egypt to
hanker after.
Wallow in it. Lycopodium. (His throat twitches.) Slapbang! There he goes again.
BLOOM
The stye I dislike.
VIRAG
(Arches his eyebrows.) Contact with a goldring, they say. Argumentum ad feminam, as we said in old Rome and ancient Greece in the consulship of Diplodocus and Ichthyosaurusº. For the rest Eve's sovereign remedy. Not for sale. Hire only. Huguenot. (He twitches.) It is a funny sound. (He coughs encouragingly.) But possibly it is only a wart. I presume you shall have remembered what I will have taught you on that head? Wheatenmeal with honey and nutmeg.
BLOOM
(Reflecting.) Wheatenmeal with lycopodium and syllabax. This searching ordeal. It has been an unusually fatiguing day, a chapter of accidents. Wait. I mean, wartsblood spreads warts, you said …
VIRAG
(Severely, his nose hardhumped,º his side eye winking.) Stop twirling your thumbs and have a good old thunk. See, you have forgotten. Exercise your mnemotechnic. La causa è santa. Tara. Tara. (Aside.) He will surely remember.
BLOOM
Rosemary also did I understand you to say or willpower over parasitic tissues. Then nay no I have an inkling. The touch of a deadhand cures. Mnemo?
VIRAG
(Excitedly.) I say so. I say so. E'en so. Technic.
(He taps his parchment roll energetically.)
This book tells
you how to act with all
descriptive
particulars. Consult index for
agitated fear of
aconite, melancholy of muriatic,
priapic
pulsatilla. Virag is
going to talk
about
amputation.
Our old friend
caustic.
{u22, 484}
They must be starved. Snip off with horsehair under the denned neck.
But, to change the venue to the
Bulgar and the
Basque,º have you made up your mind
whether you like or dislike women in male
habiliments.º (With a dry
snigger.) You intended
to devote an entire
year to the study of the religious problem and the summer months of
1882º to square the circle and win that
million.
Pomegranate!
From the sublime to
the ridiculous is but a step. Pyjamas, let us say? Or
stockingette
gussetted knickers, closed? Or,
put we the case,
those complicated combinations,
camiknickers?
(He crows derisively.) Keekeereekee!
(Bloom surveys incertainlyº the three whoresº then gazes at the veiled mauve light, hearing the everflying moth.)
BLOOM
I wanted then to have now concluded. Nightdress was never. Hence this. But tomorrow is a new day will be. Past was is today. What now is will then tomorrowº as now was be past yester.
VIRAG
(Prompts into his ear inº a pig's whisper.) Insects of the day spend their brief existence in reiterated coition, lured by the smell of the inferiorly pulchritudinous fumaleº possessing extendified pudendal verveº in dorsal region. Pretty Poll! (His yellow parrotbeak gabbles nasally.) They had a proverb in the Carpathians in or about the year five thousand five hundred and fifty of our era. One tablespoonful of honey will attract friend Bruin more than half a dozen barrels of first choice malt vinegar. Bear's buzz bothers bees. But of this apart. At another time we may resume. We were very pleased, we others. (He coughs and,º bending his brow, rubs his nose thoughtfully with a scooping hand.) You shall find that these night insects follow the light. An illusion for remember their complex unadjustable eye. For all these knotty points see the seventeenth book of my Fundamentals of Sexology or the Love Passion which Doctor L.B. says is the book sensation of the year. Some, to example, there are again whose movements are automatic. Perceive. That is his appropriate sun. Nightbird nightsun nighttown. Chase me, Charley! Buzz!º
BLOOM
Bee or
bluebottle too
other day butting shadow on wall dazed self then me wandered dazed down shirt good job I …
{u22, 485}
VIRAG
(His face impassive, laughs in a rich feminine key.) Splendid! Spanish fly in his fly or mustard plaster on his dibble. (He gabblesº gluttonously with turkey wattles.) Bubbly jock! Bubbly jock! Where are we? Open Sesame! Cometh forth! (He unrolls his parchment rapidly and reads, his glowworm's nose running backwards over the letters which he claws.) Stay, good friend. I bring thee thy answer. Redbank oysters will shortly be upon us. I'm the best o'cook. Those succulent bivalves may help us and the truffles of Perigord, tubers dislodged through mister omnivorous porker, were unsurpassed in cases of nervous debility or viragitis. Though they stink yet they sting. (He wags his head with cackling raillery.) Jocular. With my eyeglass in my ocular.º
BLOOM
(Absently.) Ocularly woman's bivalve case is worse. Always open sesame. The cloven sex. Why they fear vermin, creeping things. Yet Eve and the serpent contradictº. Not a historical fact. Obvious analogy to my idea. Serpents too are gluttons for woman's milk. Wind their way through miles of omnivorous forest to sucksucculent her breast dry. Like those bubblyjocular Roman matrons one reads of in Elephantuliasis.
VIRAG
(His mouth projected in hard wrinkles, eyes stonily forlornly closed, psalms in outlandish monotone.) That the cowsº with their those distended udders that they have been the known …
BLOOM
I am going to scream. I beg your pardon. Ah? So.º (He repeats.) Spontaneously to seek out the saurian's lair in order to entrust their teats to his avid suction. Ant milks aphis. (Profoundly.) Instinct rules the world. In life. In death.
VIRAG
(Head askew, arches his back and
hunched
wingshoulders, peers at the moth out of blear bulged eyes,
points a horning
claw and
cries.) Who's Ger Ger?º
Who's dear Gerald?º O, I much fear
he shall be most badly burned.º Will some
pleashe pershon
not now impediment so catastrophics
mit agitation of
firstclass
tablenumpkin?
(He
mews.)
Lussº
puss puss puss!
(He sighs,º
draws back and
stares sideways down with dropping underjaw.) Well, well. He doth rest
anon.º
{u22, 486}
THE MOTH
I'm a tiny tiny thing
Ever flying in the spring
Round and round a ringaring.
Long ago I was a king,º
Now I do this kind of thing
On the wing, on the wing!
Bing!
(He rushes against the mauve shadeº flapping noisily.)º Pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty petticoats.
(From left upper entrance with two slidingº steps Henry Flower comes forward to left front centre. He wears a dark mantle and drooping plumed sombrero. He carries a silverstringed inlaid dulcimer and a longstemmed bamboo Jacob's pipe, its clay bowl fashioned as a female head. He wears dark velvet hose and silverbuckled pumps. He has the romantic Saviour's face with flowing locks, thin beard and moustache. His spindlelegs and sparrow feet are those of the tenor Mario, prince of Candia. He settles down his goffered ruffs and moistens his lips with a passage of his amorous tongue.)
HENRY
(In a low dulcet voice, touching the strings of his guitar.) There is a flower that bloometh.
(Virag truculent, his jowl set, stares at the lamp. Grave Bloom regards Zoe's neck. Henry gallant turns with pendantº dewlap to the piano.)
STEPHEN
(To himself.) Play with your eyes shut. Imitate pa. Filling my belly with husks of swine. Too much of this. I will arise and go to my. Expect this is the. Steve, thou art in a parlous way. Must visit old Deasy or telegraph. Our interview of this morning has left on me a deep impression. Though our ages. Will write fully tomorrow. I'm partially drunk, by the way.º (He touches the keys again.) Minor chord comes now. Yes. Not much however.
(Almidano
Artifoni holds
out a batonroll of music with vigorous moustachework.)
{u22, 487}
ARTIFONI
Ci rifletta. Lei rovina tutto.
FLORRY
Sing us something. Love's old sweet song.
STEPHEN
No voice. I am a most finished artist. Lynch, did I show you the letter about the lute?
FLORRY
(Smirking.) The bird that can sing and won't sing.
(The Siamese twins, Philip Drunk and Philip Sober, two Oxford dons with lawnmowers, appear in the window embrasure. Both are masked with Matthew Arnold's face.)
PHILIP SOBER
Take a fool's advice. All is not well. Work it out with the buttend of a pencil, like a good young idiot. Three poundsº twelve you got, two notes, one sovereign, two crowns, if youth but knew. Mooney's en ville, Mooney's sur mer, the Moira, Larchet's, Holles street hospital, Burke's. Eh? I am watching you.
PHILIP DRUNK
(Impatiently.) Ah, bosh, man. Go to hell! I paid my way. If I could only find out about octaves. Reduplication of personality. Who was it told me his name? (His lawnmower begins to purr.) Aha, yes. Zoe mou sas agapo. Have a notion I was here before. When was it not Atkinson his card I have somewhere. Mac somebody. Unmackº I have it. He told me about, hold on, Swinburne, was it, no?
FLORRY
And the song?
STEPHEN
Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
FLORRY
Are
you out of Maynooth?
You're like someone I knew once.
{u22, 488}
STEPHEN
Out of it nowº (To himself.) Clever.
PHILIP DRUNK AND PHILIP SOBER
(Their lawnmowers purring with a rigadoon of grasshalms.) Clever ever. Out of it. Out of it.º By the byeº have you the book, the thing, the ashplant? Yes, there it, yes. Cleverever outofitnow. Keep in condition. Do like us.
ZOE
There was a priest down here two nights ago to do his bit of business with his coat buttoned up. You needn't try to hide, I says to him. I know you've a Roman collar.
VIRAG
Perfectly logical from his standpoint. Fall of man. (Harshly, his pupils waxing.) To hell with the pope! Nothing new under the sun. I am the Virag who disclosed the sex secretsº of monks and maidensº. Why I left the Churchº of Rome. Read the Priest, the Woman and the Confessional. Penrose. Flipperty Jippert. (He wriggles.) Woman, undoing with sweet pudor her belt of rushrope, offers her allmoist yoni to man's lingam. Short time after man presents woman with pieces of jungle meat. Woman shows joy and covers herself with featherskins. Man loves her yoni fiercely with big lingam, the stiff one. (He cries.) Coactus volui. Then giddy woman will run about. Strong man grapsesº woman's wrist. Woman squeals, bites, spucks. Man, now fierce angry, strikes woman's fat yadgana. (He chases his tail.) Piffpaff! Popo! (He stops, sneezes.) Pchp! (He worries his butt.) Prrrrrht!
LYNCH
I hope you gave the good father a penance. Nine glorias for shooting a bishop.
ZOE
(Spouts walrus smoke through her nostrils.) He couldn't get a connection. Only, you know, sensation. A dry rush.
BLOOM
Poor man!
{u22, 489}
ZOE
(Lightly.) Only for what happened him.
BLOOM
How?
VIRAG
(A diabolic rictus of black luminosity contracting his visage, cranes his scraggy neck forward. He lifts a mooncalf nozzle and howls.) Verfluchte Goim! He had a father, forty fathers. He never existed. Pig God! He had two left feet. He was Judas Iacchiasº, a Lybianº eunuch, the pope's bastard. (He leans out on tortured forepaws, elbows bent rigid, his eye agonising in his flat skullneck and yelps over the mute world.) A son of a whore. Apocalypse.
KITTY
And Mary Shortall that was in the lock with the pox she got from Jimmy Pidgeon in the blue caps had a child off him that couldn't swallow and was smothered with the convulsions in the mattress and we all suscribedº for the funeral.
PHILIP DRUNK
(Gravely.) Qui vous a mis dans cette fichue position, Philippe?
PHILIP SOBER
(Gaily.) C'était le sacré pigeon, Philippe.
(Kitty unpins her hat and sets it down calmly, patting her henna hair. And a prettier, a daintier head of winsome curls was never seen on a whore's shoulders. Lynch puts on her hat. She whips it off.)
LYNCH
(Laughs.) And to such delights has Metchnikoff inoculated anthropoid apes.
FLORRY
(Nods.) Locomotor ataxy.
ZOE
(Gaily.) O, my dictionary.
{u22, 490}
LYNCH
Three wise virgins.
VIRAG
(Agueschakenº, profuse yellow spawn foaming over his bony epileptic lips.) She sold lovephiltres, whitewax, orange flowerº. Panther, the Roman centurion, polluted her with his genitories. (He sticks out a flickering phosphorescent scorpion tongue, his hand on his fork.) Messiah! He burst her tympanum. (With gibbering baboon's cries he jerks his hips in the cynical spasm.) Hik! Hek! Hak! Hok! Huk! Kok! Kuk!
(Ben Jumbo Dollard, rubicund, musclebound, hairynostrilled, hugebearded,º cabbageeared, shaggychested, shockmaned, fatpapped, stands forth, his loins and genitals tightened into a pair of black bathing bagslops.)
BEN DOLLARD
(Nakkering castanet bones in his huge padded paws, yodels jovially in base barreltone.) When love absorbs my ardent soul.
(Theº virgins,º Nurse Callan and Nurse Quigleyº burst through the ringkeepers and the ropes and mob him with open arms.)
THE VIRGINS
(Gushingly.) Big Ben! Ben Mac Chree!º
A VOICE
Hold that fellow with the bad breeches.
BEN DOLLARD
(Smites his thigh in abundant laughter.) Hold him now.
HENRY
(Caressing on his breast a severed female head, murmurs.) Thine heart, mine love. (He pluksº his lutestrings.) When first I saw …
VIRAG
(Sloughing
his skins, his multitudinous plumage
moulting.)
Rats! (He
yawns,º showing a coalblack
throat and closes his jaws by an upward push of his parchment
{u22, 491}
rollº.) After having said
which I took my departure. Farewell. Fare thee well.
Dreck!
(Henry Flower combs his moustache and beard rapidly with a pocketcomb and givesº a cow's lick to his hair. Steered by his rapier,º he glides to the door, his wild harp slung behind him. Virag reaches the door in two ungainly stilthops, his tail cocked, and deftly claps sideways on the wall a pusyellow flybill, butting it with his head.)
THE FLYBILL
K. 11. post no bills.º Strictly confidential. Dr Hy Franks.
HENRY
All is lost now.
(Virag unscrews his head in aº trice and holds it under his arm.)
VIRAG'S HEAD
(Exeunt severally.)
STEPHEN
(Over his shoulder to Zoe.) You would have preferred the fighting parson who founded the protestant error. But beware Antisthenes, the dog sage, and the last end of Arius Heresiarchus. The agony in the closet.
LYNCH
All one and the same God to her.
STEPHEN
(Devoutly.) And Sovereignº Lord of all things.
FLORRY
(To Stephen.) I'm sure you areº a spoiled priest. Or a monk.
LYNCH
He is. A cardinal's son.
{u22, 492}
STEPHEN
Cardinal sin.º Monks of the screw.
(His Eminence,º Simon Stephen Cardinalº Dedalus,º Primateº of allº Ireland,º appears in the doorway, dressed in red soutane, sandals and socks. Seven dwarf simian acolytes, also in red, cardinal sins, uphold his train, peeping under it. He wears a battered silk hat sideways on his head. His thumbs are stuck in his armpits and his palms outspread. Round his neck hangs a rosary of corks ending on his breast in a corkscrew cross. Releasing his thumbs,º he invokes grace from on high with large wave gestures and proclaims with bloated pomp.)º
THE CARDINAL
Conservio lies captured
He lies in the lowest dungeon
With manacles and chains around his limbs
Weighing upwards of three tons.
(He looks at all for a moment,º his right eye closed tight, his left cheek puffed out. Then, unable to repress his merriment, he rocks to and fro, arms akimbo, and sings with broad rollicking humour.)º
O, the poor little fellow
Hi-hi-hi-hi-hisº legs they were yellow
He was plump, fat and heavy and brisk as a snake
But some bloody savage
To graize his white cabbage
He murdered Nell Flaherty's duckloving drake.
(A multitude of midges swarmsº over his robe. He scratches himself with crossed arms at his ribs, grimacing, and exclaims.)º
I'm suffering the agony of the damned. By the hoky fiddle,º thanks be to Jesus those funny little chaps are not unanimous. If they were they'd walk me off the face of the bloody globe.
(His head
aslant,º he blesses curtly with
fore and middle fingers, imparts
the Easter kiss
and doubleshuffles off comically, swaying his hat from side to side, shrinking
quickly to the size of his trainbearers. The dwarf
acolytes,º
giggling,
peeping, nudging, ogling, Easterkissingº,
{u22, 493}
zigzag
behind him. His voice is heard mellow from afar,
merciful,º male, melodious.)
Shall carry my heart to thee,
Shall carry my heart to thee,
And the breath of the balmy night
Shall carry my heart to thee.º
THE DOORHANDLE
Theeee.º
ZOE
(A male form passes down the creaking staircase and is heard taking the waterproof and hat from the rack. Bloom starts forward involuntarily and, half closing the door as he passes, takes the chocolate from his pocket and offers it nervously to Zoe.)
ZOE
(Sniffs his hair briskly.) Hum.º Thank your mother for the rabbits. I'm very fond of what I like.
BLOOM
(Hearing a male voice in talk with the whores on the doorstep, pricks his ears.) If it were he? After? Or because not? Or the double event?
ZOE
(Tears open the silverfoil.) Fingers was made before forks.º (She breaks off and nibbles a piece, gives a piece to Kitty Ricketts and then turns kittenishly to Lynch.) No objection to French lozenges? (He nods. She taunts him.) Have it now or wait till you get it? (He opens his mouth, his head cocked. She whirls the prize in left circle. His head follows. She whirls it back in right circle. He eyes her.) Catch.º
(She tosses a piece. With an adroit snap he catches it and bites it through with a crack.)
{u22, 494}
KITTY
(Chewing.) The engineer I was with at the bazaar does have lovely ones. Full of the best liqueurs. And the viceroy was there with his lady. The gas we had on the Toft's hobbyhorses. I'm giddy still.
BLOOM
(In Svengali's fur overcoat, with folded arms and Napoleonic forelock,º frowns in ventriloquial exorcism with piercing eagle glance towards the door. Then, rigid, with left foot advanced,º he makes a swift pass with impelling fingers and gives the sign of past masterº drawing his right arm downwards from his left shoulder.) Go, go, go, I conjure you, whoever you are.º
(A male cough and tread are heard passing through the mist outside. Bloom's features relax. He places a hand in his waistcoat, posingº calmly. Zoe offers him chocolate.)
BLOOM
(Solemnly.) Thanks.
ZOE
Do as you're bid. Here.º
(A firm heelclackingº is heard on the stairs.)
BLOOM
(Takes the chocolate.) Aphrodisiac?º But I bought it. Vanilla calms or? Mnemo. Confused light confuses memory. Red influences lupus. Colours affect women's characters, any they have. This black makes me sad. Eat and be merry for tomorrow.º (He eats.) Influence taste too, mauve. But it is so long since I. Seems new. Aphro. That priest. Must come. Better late than never. Try truffles at Andrews.
(The door opens.
Bella Cohen, a
massive whoremistressº enters. She
is dressed in a threequarter ivory
gown,º fringed round the hem with
tasselled selvedge and cools
herself,º flirting a black horn
fan like Minnie
Hauck in
Carmen. On her
left hand are
wedding and keeper
rings. Her eyes are deeply carboned. She has a sprouting moustache. Her
olive face is heavy, slightly sweated and
fullnosed,º with orangetainted
nostrils. She has large pendantº beryl eardrops.)
{u22, 495}
BELLA
My word! I'm all of a mucksweat.
(She glances aroundº her at the couples. Then her eyes rest on Bloom with hard insistence. Her large fan winnows wind towards her heated face, neckº and embonpoint. Her falcon eyes glitter.)
(Flirting quickly, then slowly.) Married, I see.
BLOOM
Yes …º Partly, I have mislaid …
THE FAN
(Half opening, then closing.) And the missus is master. Petticoat government.
BLOOM
(Looks down with a sheepish grin.) That is so.
(Folding together, rests against herº eardrop.) Have you forgotten me?
BLOOM
Nes. Yo.
THE FAN
(Folded akimbo against her waist.) Is me her was you dreamed before? Was then she him you us since knew? Am all them and the same now weº?
(Bella approaches, gently tapping with the fan.)
BLOOM
(Wincing.) Powerful being. In my eyes read that slumber which women love.
THE FAN
(Tapping.) We have met. You are mine. It is fate.
{u22, 496}
BLOOM
(Cowed.) Exuberant female. Enormously I desiderate your domination. I am exhausted, abandoned, no more young. I stand, so to speak, with an unposted letter bearing the extra regulation fee before the too late box of the general postoffice of human life. The door and window open at a right angle cause a draught of thirtytwo feet per second according to the law of falling bodies. I have felt this instant a twinge of sciatica in my left glutear muscle. It runs in our family. Poor dear papa, a widower, was a regular barometer from it. He believed in animal heat. A skin of tabby lined his winter waistcoat. Near the end, remembering king David and the Sunamite, he shared his bed with Athos, faithful after death. A dog's spittle,º as you probably … (He winces.) Ah!
(Bagweighted, passes the door.) Mocking is catch. Best value in Dub. Fit for a prince's liverº and kidney.
THE FAN
(Tapping.) All things end. Be mine. Now.
BLOOM
(Undecided.) All now? I should not have parted with my talisman. Rain, exposure at dewfall on the sea rocksº, a peccadillo at my time of life. Every phenomenon has a natural cause.
THE FAN
(Points downwards slowly.) You may.
BLOOM
(Looks downwards and perceives her unfastened bootlace.) We are observed.
THE FAN
(Points downwards quickly.) You must.
BLOOM
(With desire, with reluctance.) I can make
a true
black knot.
Learned when
{u22, 497}
I served my
time and worked
the mail order line for Kellett's. Experienced hand. Every knot says a
lot. Let me. In
courtesy. I knelt once before today. Ah!
(Bella raises her gown slightly and, steadying her pose, lifts to the edge of a chair a plump buskined hoof and a full pastern, silksocked. Bloom, stifflegged, agingº, bends over her hoof and with gentle fingers draws out and in her laces.)
BLOOM
(Murmurs lovingly.) To be a shoefitter in Mansfield'sº was my love's young dream, the darling joys of sweet buttonhooking, to lace up crisscrossed to kneelength the dressy kid footwear satinlined, so incrediblyº small, of Clyde Road ladies. Even their wax model Raymonde I visited daily to admire her cobweb hose and stick of rhubarb toe, as worn in Paris.
THE HOOF
Smell my hot goathide. Feel my royal weight.
BLOOM
(Crosslacing.) Too tight?
THE HOOF
If you bungle, Handy Andy, I'll kick your football for you.
BLOOM
Not to lace the wrong eyelet as I did the night of the bazaar dance. Bad luck. Nookº in wrong tache of her … person you mentioned. That night she met … Now!
(He knots the lace. Bella places her foot on the floor. Bloom raises his head. Her heavy face, her eyes strike him in midbrow. His eyes grow dull, darker and pouched, his nose thickens.)
BLOOM
(Mumbles.) Awaiting your further orders,º we remain, gentlemen …º
BELLO
(With a hard basilisk stare, in a baritone voice.) Hound of dishonour!
BLOOM
(Infatuated.) Empress!
{u22, 498}
BELLO
(His heavy cheekchops sagging.) Adorer of the adulterous rump!
BLOOM
(Plaintively.) Hugeness!
BELLO
Dungdevourer!
BLOOM
(With sinews semiflexed.) Magnificence!º
BELLO
Down! (He taps her on the shoulder with his fan.) Incline feet forward! Slide left foot one pace back.º You will fall. You are falling. On the hands down!
BLOOM
(Her eyes upturned in the sign of admiration, closingº.) Truffles!
(With a piercing epileptic cry she sinks on all fours, grunting, snuffling, rooting at his feet,º then lies, shamming deadº with eyes shut tight,º trembling eyelids, bowed upon the ground in the attitude of most excellent master.)
BELLO
(With bobbed hair,º purple gills, fat moustache rings ronndº his shaven mouth, in mountaineer's puttees, green silverbuttoned coat, sport skirt and alpine hat with moorcock's feather, his hands stuck deep in his breeches pockets, places his heel on her neck and grinds it in.)º Feel my entire weight. Bow, bondslave, before the throne of your despot's glorious heels,º so glistening in their proud erectness.
BLOOM
(Enthralled, bleats.) I promise never to disobey.
BELLO
(Laughs loudly.) Holy smoke! You little know what's in store for you. I'm the tartarº to settle your little lot and break you in! I'll bet Kentucky cocktails all round I shame it out of you, old son. Cheek me, I dare you. If you do tremble in anticipation of heel discipline to be inflicted in gym costume.
(Bloom
creeps under the sofa and peers out through the fringe.)
{u22, 499}
ZOE
(Widening her slip to screen her.) She's not here.
BLOOM
(Closing her eyes.) She's not here.
FLORRY
(Hiding her with her gown.) She didn't mean it, Mr Bello. She'll be good, sirº.
KITTY
Don't be too hard on her, Mr Bello. Sure you won't, ma'amsir.
BELLO
(Coaxingly.) Come, ducky dear. I want a word with you, darling, just to administer correction. Just a little heart to heart talk, sweety. (Bloom puts out her timid head.) There's a good girly now.º (Bello grabs her hair violently and drags her forward.) I only want to correct you for your own good on a soft safe spot. How's that tender behind? O, ever so gently, pet. Begin to get ready.
BLOOM
BELLO
(Savagely.) The nosering, the pliers, the bastinado, the hanging hook, the knout I'll make you kiss while the flutes play like the Nubian slave of old. You're in for it this time.º I'll make you remember me for the balance of your natural life. (His forehead veins swollen, his face congested.) I shall sit on your ottomansaddlebackº every morning after my thumping good breakfast of Matterson's fat ham rashersº and a bottle of Guinness's porter. (He belches.) And suck my thumping good Stock Exchange cigar while I read the Licensed Victualler's Gazette. Very possibly I shall have you slaughtered and skewered in my stables and enjoy a slice of you with crisp crackling from the baking tin basted and baked like sucking pig with rice and lemon or currant sauce. It will hurt you.
(He twists her arm. Bloom squeaks,º turning turtle.)
BLOOM
Don't be cruel, nurse! Don't!
{u22, 500}
BELLO
(Twisting.) Another!
BLOOM
(Screams.) O, it's hell itself! Every nerve in my body aches like mad!
BELLO
(Shouts.) Good, by the rumping jumping general! That's the best bit of news I heard these six weeks. Here, don't keep me waiting, damn you.º (He slaps her face.)
BLOOM
(Whimpers.) You're after hitting me. I'll tell …
BELLO
Hold him down, girls, till I squat on him.
ZOE
Yes. Walk on him! I will.
FLORRY
I will. Don't be greedy.
KITTY
No, me. Lend him to me.
(The brothel cook, Mrs Keogh, wrinkled, greybearded, in a greasy bib, men's grey and green socks and brogues, floursmeared, a rollingpin stuck with raw pastry in her bare red arm and hand, appears at the door.)
MRS KEOGH
(Ferociously.) Can I help?º (They hold and pinion Bloom.)
BELLO
(Squats,º
with a grunt on Bloom's upturned face, puffing cigarsmoke, nursing a fat
leg.) I see
Keating Clay is elected chairmanº
of the Richmond
Asylumº and
bythebyº Guinness's preference
shares are at sixteen three quarters. Curse me for a fool that
Iº didn't buy
that lot Craig
and Gardner told me about. Just my
infernal luck,
curse it. And that Goddamned outsider Throwaway at twenty
{u22, 501}
to one.º (He quenches his cigar
angrily on Bloom's ear.) Where's that Goddamned cursed ashtray?
BLOOM
(Goaded, buttocksmothered.) O! O! Monsters! Cruel one!
BELLO
Ask for that every ten minutes. Beg, prayº for it as you never prayed before. (He thrusts out a figged fist and foul cigar.) Here, kiss that. Both. Kiss. (He throws a leg astride and, pressing with horseman's knees, calls in a hard voice.) Gee up! A cockhorse to Banbury cross. I'll ride him for the Eclipse stakes. (He bends sideways and squeezes his mount's testicles roughly, shouting.º) Ho! offº we pop! I'll nurse you in proper fashion. (He horserides cockhorse, leaping in the, in the saddle.) The lady goes a pace a pace and the coachman goes a trot a trot and the gentleman goes a gallop a gallop a gallop a gallop.
FLORRY
(Pulls at Bello.) Let me on him now. You had enough. I asked before you.
ZOE
(Pulling at Florry.) Meº Me. Are you not finished with him yet, suckeress?
BLOOM
(Stifling.) Can't.
BELLO
Well, I'm not. Wait. (He holds in his breath.) Curse it. Here. This bung's about burst. (He uncorks himself behind: then, contorting his features,º farts loudlyº.) Take that! (He recorks himself.) Yes, by Jingo, sixteen three quarters.
BLOOM
(A sweat breaking out over him.) Not man. (He sniffs.) Woman.
BELLO
(Stands up.) No more blow hot and cold. What you longed
for has come to pass. Henceforth you are unmanned and mine in earnest, a thing
under the yoke.
Now for your
punishment frock.
You will shed your
male garments, you understand, Ruby
Cohen? and don
the shot silk
luxuriously rustling over head and shoulders
andº
quickly too.º
{u22, 502}
BLOOM
(Shrinks.) Silk, mistress said! O crinkly! scrapy! Must I tiptouch it with my nails?
BELLO
(Points to his whores.) As they are now,º so will you be, wigged, singed, perfumesprayed, ricepowdered, with smoothshaven armpits. Tape measurements will be taken next your skin. You will be laced with cruel force into vicelike corsets of soft dove coutille,º with whalebone busk,º to the diamond trimmedº pelvis, the absolute outside edge, while your figure, plumper than when at large, will be restrained in nettight frocks, pretty two ounce petticoats and fringes and things stamped, of course, with my houseflag, creations of lovely lingerie for Alice and nice scent for Alice. Alice will feel the pullpull. Martha and Mary will be a little chilly at first in such delicate thighcasing but the frilly flimsiness of lace round your bare knees will remind you …
BLOOM
(Aº charming soubrette with dauby cheeks, mustard hair and large male hands and nose, leering mouth.) I tried her things on only onceº, a small prank, in Holles street. When we were hardupº I washed them to save the laundry bill. My own shirts I turned. It was the purest thrift.
BELLO
(Jeers.) Little jobs that make mother pleased, eh! andº showed off coquettishly in your domino at the mirror behind closedrawn blinds your unskirted thighs and hegoat's udders,º in various poses of surrender, eh? Ho! Ho!º I have to laugh! That secondhand black operatop shift and short trunk leg naughties all split up the stitches at her last rape that Mrs Miriam Dandrade sold you from the Shelbourne Hotelº, eh?
BLOOM
Miriam. Black. Demimondaine.
BELLO
(Guffaws.) Christ
Almighty,º it's too tickling, this!
You were a nicelooking
Miriam when you
clipped off your
backgate hairs and lay swooning in the thing across the bed
as Mrs
Dandrade,º
about to be
violated by Lieutenantº
{u22, 503}
Smythe-Smythe, Mr
Philip Augustus
Blockwell, M.P.,º
Signorº Laci Daremo, the robust tenor,
blueeyed Bert, the liftboy, Henryº Fleury
of Gordon Bennett fame,
Sheridan, the
quadroon Crœsusº, the
varsity
wetbob
eight from old
Trinity, Ponto, her splendid Newfoundland and
Bobs,
dowager duchess of
Manorhamilton. (He guffaws again.) Christ, wouldn't it make a Siamese cat laugh?
BLOOM
(Her hands and features working.) It was Gerald converted me to be a true corsetlover when I was female impersonator in the High School play Vice Versa. It was dear Gerald. He got that kink, fascinated by sister's stays. Now dearest Gerald uses pinky greasepaint and gilds his eyelids. Cult of the beautiful.
BELLO
(With wicked glee.) Beautiful! Give us a breather! When you took your seat with womanish care, lifting your billowy flounces, on the smoothworn throne.
BLOOM
Science. To compare the various joys we each enjoy.º (Earnestly.) andº really it's better the position … because often I used to wet …
BELLO
(Sternly.) No insubordination.º The sawdust is there in the corner for you. I gave you strict instructions, didn't I? Do it standing, sir! I'll teach you to behave like a jinkleman! If I catch a trace on your swaddles. Aha! By the ass of the Dorans'º you'll find I'm a martinet. The sins of your past are rising against you. Many. Hundreds.
THE SINS OF THE PAST
(In a medley of voices.) He
went through a form
of
clandestine
marriage
with at least one
woman in the shadow of the
Black Church.
Unspeakable messages
he telephoned mentally to
Miss Dunn
at an address in
d'Olier Streetº while he presented
himself indecently to the instrument in the
callbox. By word
and deed he encouragedº a
nocturnal
strumpet to deposit fecal and other matter
in an unsanitary
outhouse attached to empty premises.
In five
public
conveniences he
wrote pencilled messages offering his
nuptial partner to
all strongmembered males. And by the
offensively
smelling vitriol
works did he not
pass night after night by loving
courting
couples to see if and what
{u22, 504}
and how much he
could see? Did
he not lie in bed, the gross boar,
gloating over a
nauseous
fragment of wellused toilet paper presented to him by a
nasty harlot,
stimulated by gingerbread and a postal order?
BELLO
(Whistles loudly.) Say! Whatº was the most revolting piece of obscenity in all your career of crime? Go the whole hog. Puke it out.º Be candid for once.
(Mute inhuman faces throng forward, leering, vanishing, gibbering, Booloohoom.º Poldy Kock, Bootlaces a penny.º Cassidy's hag, blind stripling, Larry Rhinocerosº, the girl, the woman, the whore, the other, the …º)
BLOOM
Don't ask me:º Our mutual faith. Pleasants street. I only thought the half of the … I swear on my sacred oath …
BELLO
(Peremptorily.) Answer. Repugnant wretch! I insist on knowing. Tell me something to amuse me, smut or a bloody good ghoststory or a lineº of poetry, quick, quick, quick! Where? How? What time? With how many? I give you just three seconds. One! Two! Thr …!º
BLOOM
(Docile, gurgles.) I rererepugnosed in rerererepugnant …
BELLO
(Imperiously.) Oº get out, you skunk! Hold your tongue! Speak when you're spoken to.
BLOOM
(Bows.) Master! Mistress! Mantamer!
(He lifts his arms. His bangle bracelets fall.)
BELLO
(Satirically.) By day you will souse and bat our smelling underclothes,º also when we ladies are unwell, and swab out our latrines with dress pinned up and a dishclout tied to your tail,º Won't that be nice? (He places a ruby ring on her finger.) And there now! With this ring I thee own. Say, thank you, mistressº.
BLOOM
Thank you, mistress.
{u22, 505}
BELLO
You will make the beds, get my tub ready, empty the pisspots in the different rooms, including old Mrs Keogh's the cook's, a sandy one. Ay, and rinse the seven of them well, mind, or lap it up like champagne. Drink me piping hot. Hop! youº will dance attendance or I'll lecture you on your misdeeds,º Miss Ruby, and spank your bare bot right well, miss, with the hairbrush. You'll be taught the error of your ways. At night your wellcreamed bracelettedº hands will wear fortythreebutton gloves newpowdered with talc and having delicately scented fingertips. For such favours knights of old laid down their livesº (He chuckles.) My boys will be no end charmed to see you so ladylike, the colonel, aboveº all. Whenº they come here the night before the wedding to fondle my new attraction in gilded heels. First,º I'll have a go at you myself. A man I know on the turf named Charles Alberta Marsh (I was in bed with him just now and another gentleman out of the Hanaper and Petty Bag office) is on the lookout for a maid of all work at a short knock. Swell the bust. Smile. Droop shoulders. What offers? (He points.) For that lotº trainedº by owner to fetch and carry, basket in mouth. (He bares his arm and plunges it elbowdeep in Bloom's vulva.) There's fine depth for you! What, boys? That give you a hardon? (He shoves his arm in a bidder's face.) Hereº wet the deck and wipe it round!
A BIDDER
A florin.
(Dillon's lacquey rings his handbell.)
A VOICE
One and eightpence too much.
Barang!º
CHARLES ALBERTA MARSH.º
Must be virgin. Good breath. Clean.
BELLO
(Gives a rap with his gavel.) Two bar.
Rockbottom figure
and cheap at the
price. Fourteen
hands high.
Touch and
examine shis points.
Handle hrim.
This downy skin, these soft muscles, this tender flesh. If I had only my gold
piercer here! And quiteº easy to milk.
Three
newlaid
gallons a day.
A pure
{u22, 506}
stockgetter,
due to lay
within the hour. His
sire's milk record was a thousand
gallons of whole
milk in forty
weeks. Whoa, my jewel! Beg up! Whoa!
(He brands his
initial
C
on Bloom's
croup.) So! Warranted Cohen! What advance on two bob, gentlemen?
A DARKVISAGED MAN
(In disguised accent.) Hoondert punt sterlink.
VOICES
(Subdued.) For the Caliphº Haroun Al Raschid.
BELLO
(Gaily.) Right. Let them all come. The scanty, daringly short skirt, riding up at the knee to show a peep of white panteletteº, is a potent weapon and transparent stockings, emeraldgartered,º with the long straight seam trailing up beyond the knee, appeal to the better instincts of the blasé man about town. Learn the smooth mincing walkº on four inch Louis XVº heels, the Grecian bend with provoking croup, the thighs fluescent, knees modestly kissing. Bring all your powerº of fascination to bear on them. Pander to their Gomorrahan vices.
BLOOM
(Bends his blushing face into his armpit and simpers with forefinger in mouth.) O, I know what you're hinting at now.º
BELLO
What else are you good for, an impotent thing like you? (He stoops and, peering, pokes with his fan rudely under the fat suet folds of Bloom's haunches.) Up! Up! Manx cat! What have we here? Where's your curly teapot gone to or who docked it on you, cockyolly? Sing, birdy, sing. It's as limpº a boy of six's doing his pooly behind a cart. Buy a bucket or sell your pump. (Loudly.) Can you do a man's job?
BLOOMº
Eccles Streetº …
BELLO
(Sarcastically.)
I wouldn't hurt
your feelings for the world but there's a man of brawn in possession
there. The tables
are turned, my
gay young fellow! He is
something like a
fullgrown
outdoor man.
Well for you,
you muff,
if you had that
weapon with knobs and lumps and
warts all over
it. He shot his
{u22, 507}
bolt, I can
tell you! Foot to foot, knee to knee, belly to belly, bubs to breast!
He's no eunuch. A
shock of red hair he has sticking out of him behind like a furzebush!
Wait for nine months,
my lad! Holy
ginger,
it's
kicking and coughing
up and down in her guts already!
That makes you wild,
don't it?
Touches the spot?
(He spits in contempt.) Spittoon!
BLOOM
I was indecently treated, I … informº the police. Hundred pounds. Unmentionable. I …
BELLO
Would if you could, lame duck. A downpour we wantº not your drizzle.
BLOOM
To drive me mad! Moll! I forgot! Forgive! Moll! …º We … Still …
BELLO
(Ruthlessly.) No, Leopold Bloom, all is changed by woman's will since you slept horizontal in Sleepy Hollow your night of twenty years. Return and see.
(Old Sleepy Hollow calls over the wold.)
SLEEPY HOLLOW
Rip Van Winkle! Rip Vanº Winkle!
BLOOM
(In tattered mocassinsº with a rusty fowlingpiece, tiptoingº, fingertipping, his haggard bony bearded face peering through the diamond panes, cries out.) I see her! It's she! The first night at Mat Dillon's! But that dress, the green! And her hair is dyed gold and he …
BELLAº
(Laughs mockingly.) That's your daughter, you owl, with a Mullingar student.
(Milly Bloom, fairhaired, greenvested, slimsandalled, her blue scarf in the seawind simply swirling, breaks from the arms of her lover and calls, her young eyes wonderwide.)
MILLY
My! It's Papli! But, O Papli, how old you've grown!
{u22, 508}
BELLO
Changed, eh? Our whatnot, our writing tableº where we never wrote, Auntº Hegarty's armchair, our classic reprints of old masters. A man and his menfriends are living there in clover. The Cuckoos' Rest! Why not? How many women had you, say? Followingº them up dark streets,,º flatfoot, exciting them by your smothered grunts. Whatº, you male prostitute? Blameless dames with parcels of groceries. Turn about. Sauce for the goose, my gander, O.
BLOOM
They … I …
BELLO
(Cuttingly.) Their heelmarks will stamp the Brusselette carpet you bought at Wren's auction. In their horseplay with Moll the romp to find the buck flea in her breeches they will deface the little statue you carried home in the rain for art for art'º sake. They will violate the secrets of your bottom drawer. Pages will be torn from your handbook of astronomy to make them pipespills. And they will spit in your ten shillingº brass fender from Hampton Leedom's.
BLOOM
Ten and six. The act of low scoundrels. Let me go. I will return. I will prove …
A VOICE
(Bloom clenches his fists and crawls forward, a bowie knifeº between his teeth.)
BELLO
As a paying guest or a kept man? Too late. You have made your secondbest bed and others must lie in it. Your epitaph is written. You are down and out and don't you forget it, old bean.
BLOOM
Justice! All Ireland versus one! Has nobody …?
º (He bites his thumb.)
BELLO
Die and be damned to you if you have any sense of decency or
grace
{u22, 509}
about you. I can give you a rare old wine that'll send you
skipping to hell and
back. Sign a
will and leave us any coin you have. If you have none see you damn well get
it, steal it, rob
it! We'll bury you in our
shrubbery
jakes where
you'll be dead and dirty with old Cuck Cohen, my
stepnephew
I married, the
bloody old gouty
procurator and
sodomite with a
crick in his
neck, and my other ten or eleven husbands, whatever the buggers' names
were, suffocated
in the one
cesspool. (He
explodes in a loud
phlegmy
laugh.)
We'll manure
you, Mr Flower! (He pipes scoffingly.) Byby, Poldy! Byby.º Papli!
BLOOM
(Clasps his head.) My will power!º Memory! I have sinned! I have suff …
º (He weeps tearlessly.)
BELLO
(Sneers.) Crybabby! Crocodile tears!
(Bloom, broken, closely veiled for the sacrifice, sobs, his face to the earth. The passing bell is heard. Darkshawled figures of the circumcised, in sackcloth and ashes, stand by the wailing wall.º M. Shulomowitz, Joseph Goldwater, Moses Herzog, Harris Rosenberg, M. Moisel, J. Citron, Minnie Watchman, O.º Mastiansky, the Reverendº Leopold Abramovitz, Chazenº. With swaying arms they wail in pneuma over the recreant Bloom.)
THE CIRCUMCISED
(In aº dark guttural chant as they cast dead sea fruit upon him, no flowers.) Shema Israel Adonai Elohenu Adonai Echad.
VOICES
(Sighing.) So he's gone. Ah yes. Yes, indeed. Bloom? Never heard of him. No? Queer kind of chap. There's the widow. That so? Ah, yes.
(From the suttee pyre the flame of gum camphire ascends. The pall of incense smoke screens and disperses. Out of her oak frameº a nymph with hair unbound, lightly clad in teabrown art coloursº, descends from her grotto and passing under interlacing yews,º stands over Bloom.)
THE YEWS
(Their
leaves whispering.) Sister. Our sister. Ssh.º
{u22, 510}
THE NYMPH
(Softly.) Mortal! (Kindly.) Nay, dost not weepest!
BLOOM
(Crawls jellily forward under the boughtº, streaked by sunlight, with dignity.) This position. I felt it was expected of me. Force of habit.
THE NYMPH
Mortal! You found me in evil company, highkickers, coster picnic makersº, pugilists, popular generals, immoral panto boys in flesh tightsº and the nifty shimmy dancers, La Auroraº and Karini, musical act, the hit of the century. I was hidden in cheap pink paper that smelt of rock oil. I was surrounded by the stale smut of clubmen, stories to disturb callow youth, adsf orº transparencies, truedup dice and bustpads, proprietary articles and why wear a truss with testimonial from ruptured gentleman. Useful hints to the married.
BLOOM
(Lifts a turtle head towards her lap.) We have met before. On another star.
THE NYMPH
(Sadly.) Rubber goods. Neverrip.º Brandº as supplied to the aristocracy. Corsets for men. I cure fits or money refunded. Unsolicited testimonials for Professor Waldmann's wonderful chest exuber. My bust developed four inches in three weeks, reports Mrs Gus Rublin with photo.
BLOOM
You mean Photo Bits?
THE NYMPH
I do. You bore me away, framed me in oak and tinsel, set me above your marriage couch. Unseen, one summer eve, you kissed me in four places. And with loving pencil you shaded my eyes, my bosom and my shame.
BLOOM
(Humbly kisses her long hair.) Your classic curves, beautiful immortal.º I was glad to look on you, to praise you, a thing of beauty, almost to pray.
THE NYMPH
During dark nights I heard your praise.
{u22, 511}
BLOOM
(Quickly.) Yes, yes. You mean that I … Sleep reveals the worst side of everyone, children perhaps excepted. I know I fell out of myº bed or rather was pushed. Steel wine is said to cure snoring. For the rest there is that English invention, pamphlet of which I received some days ago, incorrectly addressed. It claims to afford a noiselessº inoffensive vent. (He sighs.) 'Twas ever thus. Frailty, thy name is marriage.
THE NYMPH
(Her fingers in her ears.) And words. They are not in my dictionary.
BLOOM
You understood them?
THE YEWS
Ssh.º
THE NYMPH
(Covers her face with her handº.) What have I not seen in that chamber? What must my eyes look down on?
BLOOM
(Apologetically.) I know. Soiled personal linen,º wrong side up with care. The quoits are loose. From Gibraltar by long sea,º long ago.
THE NYMPH
(Bends her head.) Worse! Worse!º
BLOOM
(Reflects precautiously.) That antiquated commode. It wasn't her weight. She scaled just eleven stone nine. She put on nine pounds after weaning. It was a crack and want of glue. Eh? And that absurd orangekeyed utensil which has only one handle.
(The sound of a waterfall is heard in bright cascade.)
THE WATERFALL
Poulaphouca Poulaphouca
Poulaphouca Poulaphouca.
THE YEWS
(Mingling their boughs.) Listen. Whisper. She is right,
our sister. We grew by
Poulaphouca
waterfall. We gave shade on languorous summer days.
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JOHN WYSE NOLAN
(In the background, in Irish National Forester's uniform, doffs his plumed hat.) Prosper! Give shade on languorous days, trees of Ireland!
THE YEWS
(Murmuring.) Who came to Poulaphouca with the high schoolº excursion? Who left his nutquesting classmates to seek our shade?
BLOOMº
(Pigeonbreasted, bottleshouldered, padded, in nondescript juvenile grey and black striped suit, too small for him, white tennis shoes, bordered stockings with turnover tops,º and a red school capº with badge.) I was in my tensº, a growing boy. A little then sufficed, a jolting car, the mingling odours of the ladies' cloakroom and lavatory, the throng penned tight on the old Royal stairsº forº they love crushes, instinct of the herd, and the dark sexsmelling theatre unbridles vice.º Evenº a pricelist of their hosiery. And then the heat. There were sunspots that summer. End of school. And tipsycake. Halcyon days.
(Halcyon Days, high schoolº boys in blue and white football jerseys and shorts,º Master Donald Turnbull, Master Abraham Chatterton, Master Owen Goldberg, Master Jack Meredith, Master Percy Apjohn, stand in a clearing of the trees and shout to Master Leopold Bloom.)
Mackerel! Live us again. Hurray! (They cheer.)
BLOOM
(Hobbledehoy, warmgloved, mammamufflered, stunnedº with spent snowballs, struggles to rise.) Again! I feel sixteen! What a lark! Let's ring all the bells in Montague Streetº. (He cheers feebly.) Hurray for the High School!
THE ECHO
Fool!
THE YEWS
(Rustling.) She is right, our sister. Whisper.
(Whispered kisses are heard in all the wood. Faces of hamadryads peep out
from the boles and among the leaves and
breakº blossoming into bloom.) Who profaned our silent shade?
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THE NYMPH
(Coylyº through parting fingers.) There!º In the open air?
THE YEWS
(Sweeping downward.) Sister, yes. And on our virgin sward.
THE WATERFALL
Poulaphouca Poulaphouca
Phoucaphouca Phoucaphoucaº
THE NYMPH
(With wide fingers.) O! Infamy!º
BLOOM
I was precocious. Youth. The faunsº. I sacrificed to the god of the forest. The flowers that bloom in the spring. It was pairing time. Capillary attraction is a natural phenomenon. Lotty Clarke, flaxenhaired, I saw at her night toilette troughº illclosed curtains,º with poor papa's operaglasses.º The wanton ate grass wildly. She rolled downhill at Rialto Bridgeº to tempt me with her flow of animal spirits. She climbed their crooked tree and I … A saint couldn't resist it. The demon possessed me. Besides,º who saw?
(Staggering Bob, a white polledº calf, thrusts a ruminating head with humid nostrils through the foliage.)
STAGGERING BOB
Me.º Me see.
BLOOM
Simply satisfying a need.º (With pathos.) No girl would when I went girling. Too ugly. They wouldn't play …
(High on Ben Howth through rhododendrons a nannygoatº passes, plumpuddered, buttytailed, dropping currants.)
THE NANNYGOAT
(Bleats.) Megegaggegg! Nannannanny!
BLOOM
(Hatless,
flushed,º covered with burrs of
thistledown and
gorsepineº.) Regularly
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engaged. Circumstances alter cases.º
(He gazes intently downwards on the water.)
Thirtytwo
head over heels
per second.
Press nightmare.
Giddy
Elijah. Fall
from cliff. Sad end of government printer's
clerk.º (Through silversilent summer
air the dummy of Bloom, rolled in a mummy, rolls
roteatinglyº from the Lion's
Head cliff into the purple waiting waters.)
THE DUMMYMUMMY
(Far out in the bay between Bailey and Kish lights the Erin's King sails, sending a broadening plume of coalsmoke from her funnel towards the land.)
COUNCILLOR NANNETTI
(Alone on deck, in dark alpaca, yellow kitefacedº, his hand in his waistcoat,º opening, declaims.) When my country takes her place among the nations of the earth, then, and not till then, let my epitaph be written. I have …
BLOOM
Done. Prff!
THE NYMPH
(Loftily.) We immortals, as you saw todayº have not such a place and no hair there either. We are stonecold and pure. We eat electric light.º (She arches her body in lascivious crispation,º placing her forefinger in her mouth.) Spoke to me. Heard from behind. How then could you …?
BLOOM
(Pacingº the heather abjectly.) O, I have been a perfect pig. Enemas too, Iº have administered. One third of a pint ofº quassiaº to which add a tablespoonful of rocksalt. Up the fundament. With Hamilton Long's syringe, the ladies' friend.
THE NYMPH
In my presence. The powderpuff. (She blushes and makes a knee.) And the rest.º
BLOOM
(Dejected.) Yes. Peccavi! I have paid homage on that living altar where
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the back changes name.º (With
sudden fervour.) For why should the dainty scented jewelled hand, the hand
that rules …?º
(Figures wind serpenting in slow woodland pattern around the treestems, cooeeing.)
THE VOICE OF KITTY
(In the thicket.) Show us one of them cushions.
THE VOICE OF FLORRY
Here.
(A grouse wings clumsily through the underwood.)
THE VOICE OF LYNCH
(In the thicket.) Whew! Piping hot!
THE VOICE OF ZOE
(Fromº the thicket.) Came from a hot place.
THE VOICE OF VIRAG
(A birdchief, bluestreaked and feathered in war panoply with his assegai, striding through a crackling canebrake over beechmast and acorns.) Hot! Hot! Ware Sitting Bull!
BLOOM
It overpowers me. The warm impress of her warm form. Even to sit where a woman has sat, especially with divaricated thighs, as though to grant the last favours, most especially with previously well uplifted white sateen coatpans. So womanly full. It fills me full.
THE WATERFALL
Phillaphulla Poulaphouca
Poulaphouca Poulaphoucaº
THE YEWS
Ssh! Sister, speak!
THE NYMPH
(Eyeless, in nun's white habit, coif and huge
wingedº wimple, softly, with remote
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eyes.) Tranquilla convent. Sister
Agatha. Mount
Carmel, theº
apparitions of
Knock and
Lourdes. No more
desire. (She reclines her head, sighing.)
Onlyº the ethereal. Where dreamy creamy gull waves o'er the waters dull.
(Bloom half rises. His back trousers' buttonº snaps.)
THE BUTTON
Bip!
(Two sluts of the Coombe dance rainily by, shawled, yelling flatly.º)
THE SLUTS
O Leopold lost the pin of his drawers
He didn't know what to do,
To keep it up,
To keep it up.
BLOOM
(Coldly.) You have broken the spell. The last straw. If there were only ethereal where would you all be, postulants and novices? Shy but willingº like an ass pissing.
THE YEWS
(Their silverfoil of leaves precipitating, their skinny arms agingº and swaying.) Deciduously!º
THE NYMPHº
Sacrilege!º To attempt my virtue! (A large moist stain appears on her robe.) Sully my innocence! You are not fit to touch the garment of a pure woman.º (She clutches in her robe.) Wait, Satan. You'llº sing no more lovesongs.º Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. (She draws a poniard and, clad in the sheathmail of an elected knight of nine, strikes at his loins.) Nekum!
BLOOM
(Starts
up, seizes her hand.) Hoy!
Nebrakada!
Cat
ofº
nine lives! Fair
play, madam. No pruning knifeº. The fox
and the grapes, is it? What do weº lack
with your barbed
wire? Crucifix not
thick enough? (He clutches her veil.) A
holy abbot you
want or Brophy, the
lame gardener,
or the spoutless statue of the watercarrier or good
Motherº Alphonsus, eh
Reynard?
{u22, 517}
THE NYMPH
(With a cry,º flees from him unveiled, her plaster cast cracking, a cloud of stench escaping from the cracks.) Poli …!
BLOOM
(Calls after her.) As if you didn't get it on the double yourselves. No jerks and multiple mucosities all over you. I tried it. Your strength our weakness. What's our studfee? What will you pay on the nail? You fee men dancersº on the Riviera,º I read.º (The fleeing nymph raises a keen.) Eh? I have sixteen years of black slave labour behind me. And would a jury give me five shillings alimony to morrowº, eh? Fool someone else, not me. (He sniffs.) But,º Onions. Stale. Sulphur.º Grease.
(Theº figure of Bella Cohen stands before him.)
BELLA
You'll know me the next time.
BLOOM
(Composed, regards her.) Passée. Mutton dressed as lamb. Long in the tooth and superflousº hair. A raw onion the last thing at night would benefit your complexion. And take some double chin drill. Your eyes are as vapid as the glass eyesº of your stuffed fox. They have the dimensions of your other features, that's all. I'm not a triple screw propeller.
BELLA
(Contemptuously.) You're not game, in fact. (Her sowcunt barks.) Fohracht!º
BLOOM
(Contemptuously.) Clean your nailless middle finger first, the cold spunk of your bully is dripping from your cockscomb. Take a handful of hay and wipe yourself.
BELLA
I know you, canvasser! Dead cod!
BLOOM
I saw him, kipkeeper!
Pox and gleet vendor!
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BELLA
(Turns to the piano.) Which of you was playing theº dead march from Saul?
ZOEº
Me. Mind your cornflowers. (She darts to the piano and bangs chordsº on it with crossed arms.) The cat's rambleº through the slag. (She glances back.) Eh? Who's making love to my sweeties? (She darts back to the table.) What's yours is mine and what's mine is my own.
(Kitty disconcertedº coats her teeth with the silver paper. Bloom approaches Zoe.)
BLOOM
(Gently.) Give me back that potato, will you?
ZOE
Forfeits, a fine thing and a superfine thing.
BLOOM
(With feeling.) It is nothingº but stillº a relic of poor mamma.
ZOE
Give a thing and take it back
God'll ask you where is
thatº
You'll say you don'tº
know
God'll send you down below.
BLOOM
There is a memory attached to it. I should like to have it.
STEPHEN
To have or not to have,º that is the question.
ZOE
Here. (She hauls up a reef of her slip, revealing her bare
thigh and unrolls the potato from the top of her stocking.)
Those that hides knows where to find.
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BELLA
(Frowns.) Here.º This isn't a musical peepshow.º And don't you smash that piano. Who's paying here?
(She goes to the pianola. Stephen fumbles in his pocket and, taking out a banknote by its corner, hands it to her.)
STEPHEN
(With exageratedº politeness.) This silken purse I made out of the sow's ear of the public. Madam, excuse me. If you allow me. (He indicates vaguely Lynch and Bloom.) We are all in the same sweepstake, Kinch and Lynch. Dans ce bordel où tenons nostre état.
LYNCH
(Calls from the hearth.) Dedalus! Give her your blessing for me.
STEPHEN
(Hands Bella a coin.) Gold. She has it.
BELLA
(Looks at the money,º then at Zoe, Florrieº and Kitty.) Do you want three girls? It's ten shillings here.
STEPHEN
(Delightedly.) A hundred thousand apologies. (He fumbles again and takes out and hands her two crowns.) Permit, brevi manu, my sight is somewhat troubled.
(Bella goes to the table to count the money while Stephen talks to himself in monosyllabbesº. Zoe bounds over toº the table. Kitty leans over Zoe's neck,º Lynch gets up, rights his cap andº clasping Kitty's waist, adds his head to the group.)
FLORRY
(Strives heavily to rise.) Ow! My foot's asleep. (She limps over to the table. Bloom approaches.)
BELLA, ZOE, KITTY, LYNCH, BLOOM
(Chattering
and squabbling.) The gentleman … ten shillings …
paying for the three … allow me a moment … this
gentleman pays separate … who's touching it? …
ow …º mind who you're
pinching … are you staying the night or a
{u22, 520}
short time? … who did? … you're a liar, excuse
me … the gentleman paid down like a gentleman …
drink … it's long after eleven.
STEPHEN
(At the pianola, making a gesture of abhorrence.) No bottles! What, eleven? A riddle.º
ZOE
(Lifting up her pettigown and folding a half sovereign into the top of her stocking.) Hard earned on the flat of my back.
LYNCH
(Lifting Kitty from the table.) Come!
KITTY
Wait. (She clutches the two crowns.)
FLORRY
And me?
LYNCH
Hoopla!
(He lifts her, carries her and bumps her down on the sofa.)
STEPHEN
The fox crew, the cocks flew,
Theº bells in heaven
Were striking eleven.
'Tis time for her poor soul
To get out of heaven.
BLOOM
(Quietly lays a half sovereign on the table between Bella and Florry.) So. Allow me.º (He takes up the poundnote.) Three times ten. We're square.
BELLA
(Admiringly.)
You're such a
slyboots,
old cocky. I could kiss you.
{u22, 521}
ZOE
(Points.) Hum?º Deep as a drawwell.º (Lynch bends Kitty back over the sofa and kisses her. Bloom goes with the poundnote to Stephen.)
BLOOM
This is yours.
STEPHEN
How is that? Le distrait or absentminded beggar. (He fumbles again in his pocket and draws out a handful of coins. An object falls.) That fell.
BLOOM
(Stooping, picks up and hands a box of matches.) This.
STEPHEN
Lucifer. Thanks.
BLOOM
(Quietly.) You had better hand over that cash to me to take care of. Why pay more?
STEPHEN
(Hands him all his coins.) Be just before you are generous.
BLOOM
I will but is it wise? (He counts.) One, seven, eleven, and five. Six. Eleven. I don'tº answer for what you may have lost.
STEPHEN
Why striking eleven? Proparoxyton. Moment before the next Lessing says. Thirsty fox.º (He laughs loudly.) Burying his grandmother. Probably he killed her.
BLOOM
That is one poundº six and eleven. One pound seven, say.
STEPHEN
Doesn't matter a rambling damn.
BLOOM
No, but …
{u22, 522}
STEPHEN
(Comes to the table.) Cigarette, please. (Lynch tosses a cigarette from the sofa to the table.) And so Georgina Johnson is dead and married. (A cigarette appears on the tableº Stephen looks at it.) Wonder. Parlour magic. Married. Hm. (He strikes a match and proceeds to light the cigarette with enigmatic melancholy.)
LYNCH
(Watching him.) You would have a better chance of lighting it if you held the match nearer.
STEPHEN
(Brings the match nearerº his eye.) Lynx eyeº. Must get glasses. Broke them yesterday. Sixteen years ago. Distance. The eye seesº all flat.º (He draws the match away. It goes out.) Brain thinks. Near: far.º Ineluctable modality of the visible. (He frowns mysteriouslyº.) Hm. Sphinx. The beast that has two backs at midnight. Married.
ZOE
It was a commercial traveller married her and took her away with him.
FLORRY
(Nods.) Mr Lambe from London.
STEPHEN
Lamb of London, who takest away the sins of our world.
LYNCH
(Embracing Kitty on the sofa, chants deeply.) Dona nobis pacem.
(The cigarette slips from Stephen's fingers. Bloom picks it up and throws it intoº the gateº.)
BLOOM
Don't smoke. You ought to eat. Cursed dog I met. (To Zoe.) You have nothing?
ZOE
Is he hungry?
{u22, 523}
STEPHEN
(Extends his hand to her smiling and chants to the air of the bloodoath in theº Dusk of the Gods.)
Hangendeº
Hunger,
Fragende Frau,
Macht uns alle kaput.
ZOE
(Tragically.) Hamlet, I am thy father's gimlet! (She takes his hand.) Blue eyes beautyº I'll read your hand. (She points to his forehead.) No wit, no wrinklesº (She counts.) Twoº, three,º Mars, that's courage. (Stephen shakes his head.) No kid.
LYNCH
Sheet lightning courage. The youth who could not shiver and shake.º (To Zoe.) Who taught you palmistry?
ZOE
(Turns.) Ask my ballocks that I haven't got. (To Stephen.) I see it in your face. The eye, like that. (She frowns with lowered head.)
LYNCH
(Laughing, slaps Kitty behind twice.) Like that.º Pandy batº.
(Twice loudly a pandybat cracks, the coffin of the pianola flies open, the bald tittleº round jack-in-the-box head of Father Dolan springs up.)
FATHER DOLAN
Any boy want flogging? Broke his glasses? Lazyº idle little schemer. See it in your eye.
(Mild, benign, rectorial, reproving, the head of Donº John Conneeº rises from the pianola coffin.)
DON JOHN CONNEEº
Now, Father Dolan! Now. I'mº sure that Stephen is a very good little boy.º
ZOE
(Examining Stephen's palm.) Woman's hand.
{u22, 524}
STEPHEN
(Murmurs.) Continue. Lie. Hold me. Caress. I never could read His handwriting except His criminal thumbprint on the haddock.
ZOE
What day were you born?
STEPHEN
Thursday. Today.
ZOE
Thursday's child has far to go. (She traces lines on his hand.) Line of fate. Influential friends.
FLORRY
(Pointing.) Imagination.
ZOE
Mount of the moon. You'll meet with a … (She peers at his handsº abruptly.) I won't tell you what's not good for you. Or do you want to know?
BLOOM
(Detaches her fingers and offers his palm.) More harm than good. Here. Read mine.
BELLA
Show. (She turns up Bloom's hand.) I thought so. Knobby knuckles,º for the women.
ZOE
(Peering at Bloom's palm.) Gridiron. Travels beyond the sea and marry money.
BLOOM
Wrong.
ZOE
(Quickly.) O, I see. Short little finger. Henpecked husband. That wrong?
(Blackº Liz, a
huge rooster
hatching in a chalked
circle, rises, stretches her wings and clucks.)
{u22, 525}
BLACK LIZ
Gara. Klook. Klook. Klook.
(Sheº sidles from her newlaid egg and waddles off.)
BLOOM
(Points to his hand.) That weal there isº an accident. Fell and cut it twentytwo years ageº. I was sixteen.
ZOE
I see, says the blind man. Tell us news.
STEPHEN
See? Moves to one great goal. I amº twentytwo too. Sixteen years ago I twentytwo tumbled,º twentytwoº years ago he sixteen fell off his hobbyhorseº (He winces.) Hurt my hand somewhere. Must see a dentist. Money?
(Zoe whispers to Florry. They giggle. Bloom releases his hand and writes idly on the table in backhand, pencilling slow curves.)
FLORRY
What?
(A hackneycar, number three hundred and twentyfour, with a gallant buttockedº mare, driven by James Barton, Harmony Avenueº, Donnybrook, trots past. Blazes Boylan and Lenehan sprawl swaying on the sideseats. The Ormond boots crouches behind on the axle. Sadly over the crossblind Lydia Douce and Mina Kennedy gaze.)
THE BOOTS
(Jogging, mocks them with thumb and wriggling wormfingers.) Haw,º haw, have you the horn?
(Bronze by gold they whisper.).º
ZOE
(To Florry.) Whisper.
(They whisper again.)
(Over the well of the car
Blazes Boylan
leans, his
boater
straw,º set sideways, a red
flower in his mouth. Lenehan, in a yachtsman's cap and
{u22, 526}
white shoes, officiously detaches a long hair from Blazes Boylan's shoulder.)
LENEHAN
Ho! What do I here behold? Were you brushing the cobwebs off a few quims?
BOYLAN
(Sated, smiles.) Plucking a turkey.
LENEHAN
BOYLAN
(Holding up four thick bluntungulated fingers, winks.) Blazes Kate! Up to sample or your money back. (He holds out a forefinger.) Smell that.
LENEHAN
(Smells gleefully.) Ah! Lobster and mayonnaise. Ah!
ZOE AND FLORRY
(Laugh together.) Ha ha ha ha.
BOYLAN
(Jumps surely from the car and calls loudly for all to hear.) Hello, Bloom! Mrs Bloom upº yet?
BLOOM
(In a flunkey'sº plumº plush coat and kneebreeches, buff stockings and powdered wig.) I'm afraid not, sir, theº last articles …
BOYLAN
(Tosses him sixpence.) Here, to buy yourself a gin and splash. (He hangs his hat smartly on a peg of Bloom's autleredº head.) Show me in. I have a little private business with your wife. You understand?
BLOOMº
Thank you, sir. Yes,
sir,º
Madam
Tweedy is in her bath, sir.
{u22, 527}
MARION
He ought to feel himself highly honoured. (She plops splashing out of the water.) Raoul,º darling, come and dry me. I'm in my pelt. Only my new hat and a carriage sponge.
BOYLAN
(A merry twinkle in his eye.) Topping!
BELLA
What? What is it?
(Zoe whispers to her.)
MARION
Let him look, the pishogue! Pimp! And scourge himself! I'll write to a powerful prostitute or Bartholomona, the bearded woman, to raise weals out on him an inch thick and make him bring me back a signed and stamped receipt.
BELLA
(Laughing.) Ho ho ho ho.
BOYLAN
(To Bloom, over his shoulder.) You can apply your eye to the keyhole and play with yourself while I just go through her a few times.
BLOOM
Thank you, sir. I will, sir. May I bring two men chums to witness the deed and take a snapshot? (He holdsº an ointment jar.) Vaseline, sir? Orangeflower? … Lukewarm water? …
KITTY
(From the sofa.) Tell us, Florry. Tell us. What …
(Florry whispers to her. Whispering lovewords murmurº liplapping loudly, poppysmic plopslop.)
MINA KENNEDY
(Her eyes upturned.) O, it must be like the scent of
geraniums and lovely peaches! O,
he simply
idolises every bit
of her!
Stuck together! Covered with kisses!
{u22, 528}
LYDIA DOUCE
(Her mouth opening.) Yumyum. O, he's carrying her round the room doing it! Ride a cock horse. You could hear them in Paris and New York. Like mouthfuls of strawberries and cream.
KITTYº
(Laughing.) Hee hee hee.
BOYLAN'S VOICE
(Sweetly, hoarsely, in the pit of his stomach.) Ah! Gooblazeqruk brukarchkrasht!º
MARION'S VOICE
(Hoarsely, sweetlyº rising to her throat.) O! Weeshwashtkissimapooisthnapoohuck!º
BLOOM
(His eyes wildly dilated, clasps himself.) Show! Hide! Show! Plough her! More! Shoot!
BELLA, ZOE, FLORRY, KITTY
LYNCH
(Points.) The mirror up to nature. (He laughs.) Hu hu hu hu hu.º
(Stephen and Bloom gaze in the mirror. The face of William Shakespeare, beardless, appears there, rigid in facial paralysis, crowned by the reflection of the reindeer antlered hatrack in the hall.)
SHAKESPEARE
(In dignified ventriloquy.) 'Tis the loud laugh bespeaks the vacant mind.º (To Bloom.) Thou thoughtest as how thou wastest invisible. Gaze. (He crows with a black capon's laugh.) Iagogo! How my Oldfellow chokit his Thursdaymomunº. Iagogogo!
BLOOM
(Smiles yellowly at the
whoresº.) When will I hear the joke?
{u22, 529}
ZOE
Before you're twice married and once a widower.
BLOOM
Lapses are condoned. Even the great Napoleon, when measurements were taken nearº the skin after his death …
(Mrs Dignam, widow woman, her snubnose and cheeks flushed with deathtalk, fearsº and Tunny'sº tawny sherry, hurries by in her weeds, her bonnet awry, rouging and powdering her cheeks, lips and noseº a pen chivvying her brood of cygnets. Beneath her skirt appear her late husband's everydayº trousers and turnedup boots, large eights. She holds a Scottish widow'sº insurance policy andº large marqueeumbrellaº under which her brood runsº with her, Patsy,º hopping on one shortº foot, his collar loose, a hank of porksteaks dangling, Freddy,º whimpering, Susy with a crying cods'º mouth, Alice,º struggling with the baby. She cuffs them on, her streamers flaunting aloft.)
FREDDY
Ah, ma, you're dragging me along!
SUSY
Mamma, the beeftea is fizzing over!
SHAKESPEARE
(With paralytic rage.) Weda seca whokilla farst.
(The face of Martin Cunningham, bearded, refeatures Shakespeare's beardless face. The marqueeumbrellaº sways drunkenly, the children run aside. Under the umbrella appears Mrs Cunningham in Merry Widowº hat and kimono gown. She glides sidling and bowing, twistingº japanesily.)
MRS CUNNINGHAM
(Sings.)
And they call me the jewel of Asia.º
MARTIN CUNNINGHAM
(Gazes on herº
impassive.) Immense! Most bloody awful demirep!
{u22, 530}
STEPHEN
Et exaltabuntur cornua iusti. Queens lay with prize bulls. Remember Pasiphae for whose lust my grandoldgrossfather made the first confessionbox. Forget not Madam Grissel Steevens nor the suine scions of the house of Lambert. And Noah was drunk with wine. And his ark was open.
BELLA
None of that here. Come to the wrong shop.
LYNCH
Let him alone. He's back from Paris.
ZOE
(Runs to Stephen and links him.) O go on! Give us some parleyvoo.
(Stephen claps hat on head and leaps over to the fireplace,º where he stands with shrugged shoulders, finny hands outspread, a painted smile on his face.)
LYNCH
(Pommelling on the sofa.) Rmm Rmm Rmm Rrrrrrmmmmmº.
STEPHEN
(Gabbles, with marionette jerks.) Thousand places of entertainment to expenses your evenings with lovely ladies saling gloves and other things perhaps herº heart beerchops perfect fashionable house very eccentric where lots cocottes beautiful dressed much about princesses like are dancing cancan and walking there parisian clowneries extra foolish for bachelors foreigns the same if talking a poor english how much smart they are on things love and sensations voluptuous. Misters very selects for is pleasure must to visit heaven and hell show with mortuary candles and they tears silver which occur every night. Perfectly shocking terrific of religion's things mockery seen in universal world. All chic womans which arrive full of modesty then disrobe and squeal loud to see vampire man debauch nun very fresh young with dessous troublantsº (He clacks his tongue loudly.) Ho, la la!º Ce pif qu'il a!º
LYNCH
Vive le vampire!
{u22, 531}
THE WHORES
Bravo! Parleyvoo!
STEPHEN
(Grimacingº with head back, laughs loudly, clapping himself.) Great success of laughing. Angels much prostitutes like and holy apostles big damn ruffians. Demimondaines nicely handsome sparkling of diamonds very amiable costumed. Or do you are fond better what belongs they moderns pleasure turpitude of old mans? (He points about him with grotesque gestures which Lynch and the whores reply to.) Caoutchouc statue woman reversible or lifesize tompeeptomsº virgins nudities very lesbic the kiss five ten times. Enter gentlemen to see in mirrors every positions trapezes all that machine there besides also if desire act awfully bestial butcher's boy pollutes in warm veal liver or omletteº on the belly pièce de Shakespeare.
BELLA
(Clapping her bellyº sinks back on the sofa with a shout of laughter.) An omelette on the … Ho! ho! ho! ho! … Omeletteº on the …
STEPHEN
(Mincingly.) I love you, Sirº darling. Speak you englishman tongue for double entente cordiale. O yes, mon loup. How much cost? Waterloo. Watercloset. (He ceases suddenly and holds up a forefinger.)
BELLA
(Laughing.) Omelette …
THE WHORES
(Laughing.) Encore! Encore!
STEPHEN
Mark me. I dreamt of a watermelon.
ZOE
Go abroad and love a foreign lady.
LYNCH
Across the world for a wife.
{u22, 532}
FLORRY
STEPHEN
(Extendingº his arms.) It was here. Street of harlots. In Serpentine Avenueº Beelzebub showed me her, a fubsy widow. Where's the red carpet spread?
BLOOM
(Approaching Stephen.) Look …
STEPHEN
No, I flewº My foes beneath me. And ever shall be. World without end. (He cries.) Pater! Free!
BLOOM
I say, look …
STEPHEN
Break my spirit, will he? O merde alors! (He cries, his vulture talons sharpened.) Hola!º Hillyho!
(Simon Dedalus' voice hilloes in answer, somewhat sleepy but ready.)
SIMON
That's all right. (He swoops uncertainly through the air, wheeling, uttering cries of hearkening,º on strong ponderous buzzard wings.) Ho, boy! Are you going to win? Hoop! Pschatt! Stable with those halfcastes. Wouldn't let them within the bawl of an ass. Head up! Keep our flag flying! An eagle gules volant in a field argent displayed. Ulster king at arms! hai hoop!º (He makes the beagle's callº giving tongue.) Bulbul! Burblblbrurblbl!º Hai, boy!
(The
fronds and spaces of the wall
paperº
file rapidly
across countryº.
A stout
foxº
drawn from
covert, brush pointed, having buried his grandmother, runs swift,
forº
the
openº brighteyed, seeking
badger earth,
under the leaves. The
pack of
staghounds
follows, nose to the
ground, sniffing
their
quarry,
beaglebaying,
burblbrbling to be blooded.
Ward Union
huntsmen and huntswomen live with them, hot for
a kill. From
Six Mile Point,
Flathouse,
Nine Mile Stone
follow the
footpeople with
knotty sticks,º
salmongaffs,
lassos, flockmasters with stockwhips,
{u22, 533}
bearbaiters
with tomtoms, toreadors with bullswords, grey negroes waving torches. The
crowd bawls of dicers, crown and anchor players, thimbleriggers, broadsmen.
Crows and touts,º hoarse bookies
in high wizard hats clamour deafeningly.)
THE CROWD
Card of the races. Racing card!
Ten to one the field!
Tommy on the clay here! Tommy on the clay!
Ten to one bar one. Ten to one bar one.º
Try your luck on spinning Jenny!
Tenº to one bar one!
Sell the monkey, boys! Sell the monkey!
I'll give ten to one!
Ten to one bar one!
(A dark horseº riderless, bolts like a phantom past the winningpost, his mane moonfoaming, his eyeballs stars. The field follows, a bunch of bucking mounts. Skeleton horses:º Sceptre, Maximum the Second,º Zinfandel, the Dukeº of Westminster's Shotover, Repulse, The Dukeº of Beaufort's Ceylon, prix de Paris. Dwarfs ride them, rusty armoured, leaping, leaping in their, in their saddles. Last in a drizzle of rain,º on a brokenwinded isabelle nag.º Cock of the North, the favourite, honey cap, green jacket, orange sleeves, Garrett Deasy up, gripping the reins, a hockey stickº at the ready. His nag, stumbling on whitegaitered feet, jogs along the rocky road.)
THE ORANGE LODGES
(Jeering.) Get down and push, mister. Last lap! You'll be home the night!
(Bolt upright,º his nailscraped face plastered with postage stampsº , brandishes his hockeystick, his blue eyes flashing in the prism of the chandelier as his mount lopes by at schooling gallop.)
(A
yoke of buckets
leopards all
over him and his
rearing
nag,º a torrent of
mutton broth with
dancing coins of carrots, barley, onions, turnips, potatoes.)
{u22, 534}
THE GREEN LODGES
Soft day, sir John! Soft day, your honour!
(Private Carr, Private Compton and Cissy Caffrey pass beneath the windows, singing in discord.)
STEPHEN
Hark! Our friend, noise in the street!
ZOE
(Holds up her hand.) Stop!
PRIVATE CARR, PRIVATE COMPTON andº CISSY CAFFREY
Yet I've a sortº a
Yorkshire relish for …
ZOE
That's me. (She claps her hands.) Dance! Dance! (She runs to the pianola.) Who has twopence?
BLOOM
Who'll? …º
LYNCH
(Handing her coins.) Here.
STEPHEN
(Cracking his fingers impatiently.) Quick! Quick! Where's my augur's rod? (He runs to the piano and takes his ashplant, beating his foot in tripudium.)
ZOE
(Turns the drumhandle.) There.
(She drops two pennies in the slot.
Goldº pink and violet lights start
forth. The drum turns purring in low
hesitation
waltz.
Professor
Goodwin, in a bowknotted
periwig,
in court
dress,
wearing a stained
invernessº
cape,
bent in two from incredible age, totters across the room, his hands
fluttering. He sits tinily on the piano
stoolº and lifts and beats
handless sticks of arms on the keyboard, nodding with damsel's grace, his bowknot bobbing.)
{u22, 535}
ZOE
(Twirls aroundº herself, heeltapping.) Dance. Anybody here for there? Who'll dance?
(The pianola,º with changing lights plays in waltz time the prelude of My Girl's a Yorkshire Girl. Stephen throws his ashplant on the table and seizes Zoe aroundº the waist. Florry and Bella push the table towards the fireplace. Stephen, arming Zoe with exaggerated grace, begins to waltz her aroundº the room. Her sleeve, falling from gracing arms, reveals a white fleshflower of vaccination. Bloom stands aside. Between the curtains, Professor Maginni inserts a leg on the toepoint of which spins a silk hat. With a deft kick,º he sends it spinning to his crown and jauntyhatted skates in. He wears a slate frockcoatº with claret silk lapels, a gorget of cream tulle, a green lowcut waistcoat, stock collar with white kerchief, tight lavender trousers, patent pumps and canary gloves. In his buttonhole is aº dahlia. He twirls in reversed directions a clouded cane, then wedges it tight in his oxter. He places a hand limplyº on his breastbone, bowsº and fondles his flower and buttons.)
MAGINNI
The poetry of motion, art of calisthenics. No connection withº Madam Legget Byrne's or Levinstone'sº. Fancy dress balls arranged. Deportment. The Katty Lanner stepsº. So. Watch me! My terpsichorean abilities.º (He minuets forward three pacesº on tripping bee's feet.) Tout le monde en avant! Reverence!º Tout le monde en place!
(The prelude ceases. Professor Goodwin, beating vague arms, shrivels, shrinksº, his live cape falling about the stool. The air, in firmer waltz time, poundsº. Stephen and Zoe circle freely. The lights change, glow, fade, gold, rose,º violet.)
THE PIANOLA
Two young fellows were talking about their girls, girls, girls,
Sweethearts they'd left behind …
(From a corner the morning hours run out, goldhaired,
slimº, in girlish blue,
waspwaisted,
with innocent
hands. Nimbly they dance, twirling their
skipping ropes.
The hours of noon follow in amber gold.
Laughingº
{u22, 536}
linked, high haircombs flashing, they
catch the sun in
mocking mirrors, lifting their arms.)
MAGINNI
(Clipclaps glovesilent hands.) Carré! Avant deux! Breathe evenly! Balance!º
(The morning and noon hours waltz in their places, turning,º advancing to each other, shaping their curves, bowing vis a visº. Cavaliers behind them arch and suspend their arms, with hands descending to, touching, rising from their shoulders.)
HOURS
CAVALIERS
May I touch your?
HOURS
CAVALIERS
O, so lightly!
THE PIANOLA
My little shy little lass has a waist.
(Zoe and Stephen turn boldly with looser swing. The twilight hours advance,º from long landshadows, dispersed, lagging, languideyed, their cheeks delicate with cipria and false faint bloom. They are in grey gauze with dark bat sleeves that flutter in the land breezeº.)
MAGINNI
Avant huit! Traversé! Salut! Cours de mains! Croisé!
(The night hoursº steal to the last place. Morning, noon and twilight hours retreat before them. They are masked, with daggered hair and bracelets of dull bells. Weary, they curchycurchy under veils.)
THE BRACELETS
Heigho! Heigho!
{u22, 537}
ZOE
(Twistingº, her hand to her brow.) O!
MAGINNI
Les tiroirs!º Chaîneº de dames! La corbeille! Dos ຠdos!º
(Arabesquing wearily, they weave a pattern on the floor, weaving, unweaving, curtseying, twisting,º simply swirling.)
ZOE
(She frees herself, droops on a chair,º Stephen seizes Florry and turns with her.)
MAGINNIº
Boulangère! Les ronds! Les ponts! Chevaux de bois! Escargots!
(Twining, receding, with interchanging hands,º the night hours link, eachº with arching arms,º in a mosaic of movements,º Stephen and Florry turn cumbrously.)
MAGINNI
Dansez avec vos dames! Changez de dames! Donnez le petit bouquet à votre dame! Remerciez!
THE PIANOLA
Best, best of all,
Baraabum!
KITTY
(Jumps up.) O, they played that on the hobbyhorses at the Mirus bazaar!
(She runs to Stephen. He leaves Florry brusquely and seizes Kitty. A screaming bittern's harsh high whistle shrieks. Groangrousegurgling Toft's cumbersome whirligig turns slowly the room right roundabout the room.)
THE PIANOLA
My girl's a Yorkshire girl.
{u22, 538}
ZOE
Yorkshire through and through.
Come on all!
(She seizes Florry and waltzes her.)
STEPHEN
Pas seul!º
(He wheels Kitty into Lynch's arms, snatches up his ashplant from the table and takes the floor. All wheel, whirl, waltz, twirl.º Bloombella, Kittylynch, Florryzoe, jujuby women. Stephen with hat ashplant frogsplits in middle highkicks with skykicking mouth shut hand clasp part under thigh, withº clang tinkle boomhammer tallyho hornblower blue green yellow flashes Toft's cumbersome turns with hobbyhorse riders from gilded snakes dangled, bowels fandango leaping spurn soil foot and fall again.)
THE PIANOLA
Though she's a factory lass
And wears no fancy clothes.
(Closeclutched swift swifter with glareblareflare scudding they scotlootshootº lumbering by. Baraabum!)
TUTTI
Encore! Bis! Bravo! Encore!
SIMONº
Think of your mother's people!
STEPHEN
(Bang fresh barang bang of lacquey's bell, horse, nag, steer, piglings.º Conmee on Christassº lame crutch and leg sailor in cockboat armfolded ropepulling hitching stamp hornpipe through and through,º Baraabum! On nags, hogs, bellhorses,º Gadarene swine,º Corny in coffin. Steelº shark stone onehandled Nelson,º two trickies Frauenzimmer plumstained from pram falling bawling. Gum,º he's a champion. Fuseblue peer from barrel rev. evensong Love on hackney jaunt Blazes blind coddoubled bicyclers Dilly with snowcake no fancy clothes. Then in last wiswitchbackº lumbering up and down bump mashtub sort of viceroy and reine relish for tublumber bumpshire rose. Baraabum!)
(The couples fall aside. Stephen whirls giddily. Room whirls back. Eyes closed,º he totters. Red rails fly spacewards. Stars all around suns turn roundabout. Bright midges dance on wallº. He stops dead.)
STEPHEN
Ho!
(Stephen's mother, emaciated, rises stark through the floorº in leper grey with a wreath of faded orange blossomsº and a torn bridal veil, her face worn and noseless, green with grave mould.º Her hair is scant and lank. She fixes her bluecircled hollow eyesockets on Stephen and opens her toothless mouth uttering a silent word. A choir of virgins and confessors sing voicelessly.)
THE CHOIR
Liliata
rutilantium te confessorum …
Jubilantiumº te virginum …
(From the top of a tower Buck Mulligan, in particoloured jester's dress of puce and yellow and clown's cap with curling bell, stands gaping at her, a smoking buttered split scone in his hand.)
BUCK MULLIGAN
She's beastly dead. The pity of it! Mulligan meets the afflicted mother. (He upturns his eyes.) Mercurial Malachi.º
(With the subtle smile of death's madness.) I was once the beautiful May Goulding. I am dead.
STEPHEN
(Horrorstruck.) Lemur, who are you?º What bogeyman's trick is this?
BUCK MULLIGAN
(Shakes his curling capbell.)
The mockery of it!
Kinch killed her dogsbody
{u22, 540}
bitchbody.º She kicked the bucket.
(Tears of
molten butter fall from his eyes
intoº the scone.) Our great
sweet mother! Epi
oinopa pontonº.
THE MOTHER
(Comes nearer, breathing upon him softly her breath of wetted ashes.) All must go through it, Stephen. More women than men in the world. You too. Time will come.
STEPHEN
(Choking with fright, remorse and horror.) They saidº I killed you, mother. He offended your memory. Cancer did it, not I. Destiny.
THE MOTHER
(A green rill of bile trickling from a side of her mouth.) You sang that song to me. Love's bitter mystery.
STEPHEN
(Eagerly.) Tell me the word,º mother, if you know now. The word known to all men.
THE MOTHER
Who saved you the night you jumped into the train at Dalkey with Paddy Lee? Who had pity for you when you were sad among the strangers? Prayer is all powerfulº. Prayer for the suffering souls in the Ursuline manual,º and forty daysº indulgence. Repent, Stephen.
STEPHEN
The ghoul! Hyena!
THE MOTHER
I pray for you in my other world. Get Dilly to make you that boiled rice every night after your brain workº. Years and years I loved you, O my son, my firstborn, when you lay in my womb.
ZOE
(Fanning herself with the grate fanº.) I'm melting!
FLORRY
(Points to Stephen.) Look! He's white.
{u22, 541}
BLOOM
(Goes to the window to open it more.) Giddy.
THE MOTHER
(With smouldering eyes.) Repent! O, the fire of hell!
STEPHEN
(Panting.) Theº corpsechewer! Raw head and bloody bones!º
THE MOTHER
(Her face drawing near and nearer, sending out an ashen breath.) Beware! (She raises her blackened,º withered right arm slowly towards Stephen's breast with outstretched fingersº.) Beware!º God's hand!º (A green crab with malignant red eyes sticks deep its grinning claws in Stephen's heart.)
STEPHEN
(Strangled with rage.) Shite! (His features grow drawn and grey and old.)
BLOOM
(At the window.) What?
STEPHEN
Ah non, par exemple!º The intellectual imagination! With me all or not at all. Non serviam!º
FLORRY
Give him some cold water. Wait. (She rushes out.)
THE MOTHER
(Wrings her hands slowly, moaning desperately.) O Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on him! Save him from hell, O divineº Sacred Heart!
STEPHEN
No! No! No! Break my spiritº all of youº if you can! I'll bring you all to heel!
THE MOTHER
(In the agony of her
deathrattle.) Have mercy on Stephen, Lord, for my
{u22, 542}
sake! Inexpressible was my anguish when expiring with love, grief and agony on Mount Calvary.
STEPHEN
Nothung!
(He lifts his ashplant high with both hands and smashes the chandelier. Time's livid final flame leaps and, in the following darkness, ruin of all space, shattered glass and toppling masonry.)
THE GASJET
Pwfungg!
BLOOM
Stop!
LYNCH
(Rushes forward and seizes Stephen's hand.) Here! Hold on! Don't run amok!
BELLA
Police!
(Stephen, abandoning his ashplant, his head and arms thrown back stark, beats the ground and fleesº from the roomº past the whores at the door.)
BELLA
(Screams.) After him!
(The two whores rush to the halldoorsº. Lynch and Kitty and Zoe stampede from the room. They talk excitedly. Bloom follows, returns.)
THE WHORES
(Jammed in the doorway, pointing.) Down there.
ZOE
(Pointing.) There. There's something up.
BELLA
Who pays for the lamp? (She seizes Bloom's
coattail.) There. Youº were with him. The lamp's broken.
{u22, 543}
BLOOM
(Rushes to the hall, rushes back.) What lamp, woman?
A WHORE
BELLA
( Her eyes hard with anger and cupidity, points.) Who's to pay for that? Ten shillings. You're a witness.
BLOOM
(Snatches up Stephen's ashplant.) Me? Ten shillings? Haven't you lifted enough off him? Didn't he …!º
BELLA
(Loudly.) Here, none of your tall talk. This isn't a brothel. A ten shillingº house.
BLOOM
(His handº under the lamp, pulls the chain. Pullingº, the gasjet lights up a crushed mauve purple shade. He raises the ashplant.) Only the chimney's broken. Here is all he …
BELLA
º (Shrinksº back and screams.) Jesus! Don't!
BLOOM
(Warding off a blow.) Toº show you how he hit the paper. There's not a sixpenceworthº of damage done. Ten shillings!
FLORRY
(With a glass of water,º enters.) Where is he?
BELLA
Do you want me to call the police?
BLOOM
O, I know. Bulldog on the premises. But he's a Trinity
student. Patrons of your establishment. Gentlemen that pay the rent. (He makes a masonic
{u22, 544}
sign.) Know what I mean? Nephew of the vicechancellor. You don't want a scandal.
BELLA
(Angrily.) Trinity.º Coming down here ragging after the boat racesº and paying nothing. Are you myº commander hereº? Where is he? I'll charge him. Disgrace him, I will.º (She shouts.) Zoe! Zoe!
BLOOM
(Urgently.) And if it were your own son in Oxford!º (Warningly.) I know.
BELLA
(Almost speechless.) Who areº you incog?º
ZOE
(In the doorway.) There's a row on.
BLOOM
What?º Where? (He throws a shilling on the table and shoutsº.) That's for the chimney. Where? I need mountain air.
(He hurries out through the hall. The whores point. Florry
follows, spilling water from her tilted tumbler. On the doorstep all the whores
clustered talk volubly, pointing to the right where
the fog has cleared
off. From the left arrives a jingling hackney car. It slows to in front of
the house. Bloom at the halldoor perceives Corny Kelleher who is about to
dismount from
the car with two silent lechers. He
averts his face.
Bella from within the hall urges on her whores. They blow ickylickysticky yumyum
kisses. Corny Kelleher replies with a
ghostlyº
lewd smile. The silent lechers turn to pay the jarvey. Zoe and Kitty still
point right. Bloom, parting them swiftly, draws his caliph's hood and
poncho and hurries down the steps with sideways face. Incog
Haroun
alº
Raschid,º
he flits behind the silent lechers and hastens on by the railings with fleet
step of a pard
strewing the drag
behind him, torn envelopes drenched in aniseed. The ashplant marks
his stride. A pack of
bloodhoundsº
led by Hornblower of Trinity brandishing a
dogwhipº in tallyho
cap,º and an old pair of grey
trousers, followsº from far,
picking up the
scent, nearer, baying, panting,
at fault,
breaking away,
throwing their
tongues, biting his heels, leaping at his tail. He walks, runs,
zigzags,
{u22, 545}
gallops, lugs laid back. He is
pelted with
gravel,
cabbagestumps, biscuitboxes, eggs, potatoes, dead codfish, woman's
slipperslappers. After him,
freshfound,º
the hue and cry
zigzag gallops in
hot pursuit of
follow my
leader:
65
Cº 66
Cº night watch, John Henry Menton,
Wisdom Hely, V.B.º Dillon,
Councillor Nannetti, Alexander Keyes, Larry O'Rourke, Joe Cuffe, Mrs
O'Dowd, Pisser Burke, Theº
Nameless One, Mrs Riordan, Theº
Citizen,
Garryowen,
Whatdoyoucallhim,
Strangeface, Fellowthatslikeº
, Sawhimbefore,
Chapwithº
,
Chris Callinan, sir Charles Cameron, Benjamin Dollard, Lenehan, Bartell
d'Arcy, Joe
Hynes, red
Murray, editor
Brayden,
T.M. Healy,
Mr Justice
Fitzgibbon, John
Howard Parnell, the reverend Tinned Salmon, Professor Joly, Mrs Breen, Denis
Breen, Theodore
Purefoy, Mina Purefoy, Theº
Westland Row postmistress, C.P. M'Coy, friend of Lyons,
Hoppy
Holohan,
man in the
street, other man in the street,º
Footballboots,
pugnosed driver,
rich protestant
lady, Davy
Byrne, Mrs Ellen M'Guinness, Mrs Joe Gallaher,
George Lidwell,
Jimmy Henry on
corns, Superintendent
Laracy,
Father Cowley,
Crofton out of
the Collector General's,º Dan
Dawson, dental surgeon Bloom with tweezers, Mrs Bob Doran, Mrs Kennefick, Mrs
Wyse Nolan, John Wyse Nolan,
handsomemarriedwomanrubbedagainstwidebehindinClonskea
tramº
, the
bookseller of Sweets of Sin,º Miss
Dubedatandshedidbedad, Mesdames Gerald and Stanislaus Moran of
Roebuck, the
managing clerk of Drimmie's,º
colonel Hayes, Mastiansky, Citron, Penrose,
Aaron Figatner,
Moses Herzog, Michael E. Geraghty, Inspector Troy, Mrs
Galbraith, the constable off Eccles
Streetº corner, old doctor Brady
with stethoscope, the mystery man on the beach, a retriever, Mrs
Miriam Dandrade and all her lovers.)
THE HUE AND CRY
(Helterskelterpelterwelter.) He's Bloom! Stop Bloom! Stopabloom! Stopperrobber! Hi! Hi! Stop himº on the corner!
(At the corner of Beaver Streetº beneath the scaffolding Bloom panting stops on the fringe of the noisy quarellingº knot, a lot not knowing a jot what hi! hi! row and wrangle round the whowhat brawlaltogether.)
STEPHEN
(With elaborate gestures, breathing deeply and slowly.) You are my guests.
{u22, 546}
The uninvitedº. By virtue of
the fifth of
Georgeº
and seventh of
Edward.
History to blame.
Fabled by
mothersº
of memory.
PRIVATE CARR
(To Cissy Caffrey.) Was he insulting you?
STEPHEN
Addressed her in vocative feminine. Probably neuter. Ungenitive.
VOICES
No, he didn't. The girl's telling lies.º He was in Mrs Cohen's. What's up? Soldiers and civiliansº.
CISSY CAFFREY
I was in company with the soldiers and they left me to do — you know and the young man ranº up behind me. But I'm faithful to the man that's treating me though I'm only a shilling whore.
STEPHEN
(Catches sight of Kitty's and Lynch'sº heads.) Hail, Sisyphus. (He points to himself and the others.) Poetic. Neopoetic.
VOICES
She's faithfultheman.º
CISSY CAFFREY
Yes, to go with him. And me with a soldier friend.
PRIVATE COMPTON
He doesn't half want a thick ear, the blighter. Biff him one, Harry.
PRIVATE CARR
(To Cissy.) Was he insulting you while me and him was having a piss?
LORD TENNYSON
( Inº Union Jack blazer and cricket flannels, bareheaded, flowingbearded.) Their'sº not to reason why.
PRIVATE COMPTON
Biff him, Harry.
{u22, 547}
STEPHEN
(To Privateº Compton.) I don't know your name but you are quite right. Doctor Swift says one man in armour will beat ten men in their shirts. Shirt is synechdoche. Part for the whole.
CISSY CAFFREY
(Toº the crowd.) No, I was with the privateº.
STEPHEN
(Amiably.) Why not? The bold soldier boy. In my opinion every lady for example …
(His cap awry, advancingº to Stephen.) Say, how would it be, governor, if I was to bash in your jaw?
STEPHEN
(Looks up inº the sky.) How? Very unpleasant. Noble art of selfpretence. Personally, I detest action. (He waves his hand.) Hand hurts me slightly. Enfin,º ce sont vos oignonsº. (To Cissy Caffrey.) Some trouble is on here. What is it,º precisely?
DOLLY GRAY
(From her balcony waves her handkerchief, giving the sign of the heroine of Jericho.) Rahab. Cook's son, goodbye. Safe home to Dolly. Dream of the girl you left behind and she will dream of you.
(The soldiers turn their swimming eyes.)
BLOOM
(Elbowing through the crowd, plucks Stephen's sleeve vigorously.) Come now, professor, that carman is waiting.
STEPHEN
(Turns.) Eh? (He disengages himself.) Why should I not speak to him or to any human being who walks upright upon this oblate orange? (He points his finger.) I'm not afraid of what I can talk to if I see his eye. Retaining the perpendicular.
(He staggers a pace back.)
{u22, 548}
BLOOM
(Propping him.) Retain your own.
STEPHEN
(Laughs emptily.) My centre of gravity is displaced. I have forgotten the trick. Let us sit down somewhere and discuss. Struggle for life is the law of existence butº modernº philirenists, notably the tsar and the king of England, have invented arbitration. (He taps his brow.) But in here it is I must kill the priest and the king.
BIDDY THE CLAP
Did you hear what the professor said? He's a professor out of the collegeº
CUNTY KATE
I did. I heard that.
BIDDY THE CLAP
He expresses himself with muchº marked refinement of phraseology.
CUNTY KATE
Indeed, yes. And at the same time with such apposite trenchancy.
PRIVATE CARR
(Pulls himself free and comes forward.) What's that you're saying about my king?
(Edward the Seventh appears in an archway. He wears a white jersey on which an image of the Sacred Heart is stitched, with the insignia of Garter and Thistle, Golden Fleece, Elephant of Denmark, Skinner's and Probyn's horse, Lincoln's Inns'º bencher and ancient and honourable artillery company of Massachussetsº. He sucks a red jujube. He is robed as a grand elect perfect and sublime mason with trowel and apron, marked made in Germany. In his left hand he holds a plasterer's bucket on which is printed: Défense d'uriner. A roar of welcome greets him.)
(Slowly, solemnly but indistinctly.)
Peace, perfect
peace. For
identificationº
bucket in my hand. Cheerio, boys. (He turns to his subjects.) We have come
{u22, 549}
here to witness a clean straight fight and we heartily wish both men the
best of good luck.
Mahak makar a
backº.
(He shakes hands with Private Carr, Private Compton, Stephen, Bloom and Lynch. General applause. Edward the Seventh lifts the bucket graciously in acknowledgementº.)
PRIVATE CARR
(To Stephen.) Say it again.
STEPHEN
(Nervous, friendly, pulls himself up.) I understand your point of view though I have no king myself for the moment. This is the age of patent medicineº. A discussion is difficult down here. But this is the point. You die for your country, suppose.º (He places his arm on Private Carr's sleeve.) Not that I wish it for you. But I say: Let my country die for me. Up to the present it has done so. I don'tº want it to die. Damn death. Long live life!
EDWARD THE SEVENTH
(Levitates over heaps of slain in the garb and with the halo of Joking Jesus, a white jujube in his phosphorescent face.)
My methods are new and are causing surprise.
To make the blind see I throw dust in their eyes.
STEPHEN
Kings and unicorns! (He falls back a pace.) Come somewhere and we'll … What was that girl saying? …º
PRIVATE COMPTON
Eh, Harry, give him a kick in the knackers. Stick one into Jerry.
BLOOM
(To the privates, softly.) He doesn't know what he's saying. Takingº a little more than is good for him. Absinthe, the greeneyed monster. I know him. He's a gentleman, a poet. It's all right.
STEPHEN
(Nods, smiling and laughing.)
Gentleman, patriot, scholar and judge of impostors.
{u22, 550}
PRIVATE CARR
I don't give a bugger who he is.
PRIVATE COMPTON
We don't give a bugger who he is.
STEPHEN
I seem to annoy them. Green rag to a bull.
(Kevin Egan of Paris in black Spanish tasselled shirt and peep-o'-day boy's hat signs to Stephen.)
KEVIN EGAN
H'lo! Bonjour!º The vieille ogresse with the dents jaunes.
(Patrice Egan peeps from behind, his rabbit faceº nibbling a quince leaf.)
PATRICE
Socialiste!
DON EMILE PATRIZIO FRANZ RUPERT POPE HENNESSY
(In medieval hauberk, two wild geese valantº on his helm, with noble indignation points a mailed hand against the privates.) Werf those eykes to footboden, big grand porcos of johnyellows todos covered of gravy!
BLOOM
(To Stephen.) Come home. You'll get into trouble.
STEPHEN
(Swaying.) I don't avoid it. He provokes my intelligence.
BIDDY THE CLAP
One immediately observes that he is of patrician lineage.
THE VIRAGO
Green above the red, says he. Wolfe Tone.
THE BAWD
The red's as good as the green, and better. Up the soldiers! Up King Edward!
{u22, 551}
A ROUGH
(Laughs.) Ay! Hands up to De Wet.
THE CITIZEN
(With a huge emerald muffler and shillelagh, calls.)
May the God above
Send down a dove
With teeth as sharp as razors
To slit the throatº
Of the English dogs
That hanged our Irish leaders.
THE CROPPY BOY
(The rope nooseº round his neck, gripes in his issuing bowels with both hands.)
I bear no hate to a living thing,
But I love my country beyond the king.
(Accompanied by two blackmasked assistants, advances with aº gladstone bag which he opens.) Ladies and gents, cleaver purchased by Mrs Pearcy to slay Mogg. Knife with which Voisin dismembered the wife of a compatriot and hid remains in a sheet in the cellar, the unfortunate female's throat being cut from ear to ear. Phial containing arsenic retrieved from theº body of Miss Barronº which sent Seddon to the gallows.
(He jerks the rope, theº assistants leap at the victim's legs and drag him downward, grunting: the croppy boy's tongue protrudes violently.)
Horhot ho hray ho rhother'sº hestº
(He gives up the ghost. A violent erection of the hanged sends gouts of sperm spouting through his death clothesº on to the cobblestones. Mrs Bellingham, Mrs Yelverton Barry and the Honourable Mrs Mervyº Talboys rush forward with their handkerchiefs to sop it up.)
RUMBOLD
I'm
near it myself. (He undoes the noose.) Rope which hanged the awful
{u22, 552}
rebel. Ten shillings a time asº
appliedº to
Hisº Royal Highness. (He plunges his
head into the gaping belly of the hanged and draws out his head again clotted
with coiled and smoking
entrails.) My
painful duty has now been done. God save the king!
EDWARD THE SEVENTH
(Dances slowly, solemnly, rattling his bucketº and sings with soft contentment.)
On coronation day, on coronation day,
O, won't we have a merry time,
Drinking whisky, beer and wine!
PRIVATE CARR
Here. What are you saying about my king?
STEPHEN
(Throws up his hands.) O, this is too monotonous! Nothing. He wants my money and my life, though want must be his master, for some brutish empire of his. Money I haven't. (He searches his pockets vaguely.) Gave it to someone.
PRIVATE CARR
Who wants your bleeding money?
STEPHEN
(Tries to move off.) Will some oneº tell me where I am least likely to meet these necessary evils? Ça se voit aussi à Paris. Not that I … Butº by Saint Patrick! …º
(The women's heads coalesce. Old Gummy Grannyº in sugarloaf hat appears seated on a toadstool, the deathflower of the potato blight on her breast.)
STEPHEN
Aha! I know you, gammer! Hamlet, revenge! The old sow that eats her farrow!
OLD GUMMY GRANNY
(Rocking
to and fro.)
Ireland's
sweetheart, the
king of Spain's daughter,
alanna.
Strangers imº my house,
bad manners to them! (She keens with banshee
{u22, 553}
woe.) Ochone! Ochone!
Silk of the
kine! (She wails.) You met with poor old Ireland and
how does she stand?
STEPHEN
How do I stand you? The hat trick! Where's the third person of the Blessed Trinity? Soggarth Aroon? The reverend Carrion Crow.
CISSY CAFFREY
(Shrill.) Stop them from fighting!
A ROUGH
Our men retreated.
PRIVATE CARR
(Tugging at his belt.) I'll wring the neck of any buggerº says a word against my fucking king.
BLOOM
(Terrified.) He said nothing. Not a word. A pure misunderstanding.
THE CITIZEN
Erin go hragh!
(Major Tweedy and the Citizen exhibit to each other medals, decorations, trophies of war, wounds. Both salute with fierce hostility.)º
PRIVATE COMPTON
Go it, Harry. Do him one in the eye. He's a proboerº.
STEPHEN
Did I? When?
BLOOM
(To the redcoats.) We fought for you in South Africa, Irish missile troops. Isn't that history? Royal Dublin Fusiliers. Honoured by our monarch.
THE NAVVY
(Staggering past.) O, yes. O,º God, yes! O, make the kwawr a krowawr! O! Bo!
(Casqued halberdiers in armour thrust forward a pentice
of gutted spear
pointsº.
Major Tweedy, moustached like
Turko the
terrible, in bearskin
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cap with hackle plume and
accoutrements,
with epauletteº, gilt
chevrons and
sabretacheº, his breast bright
with medals, toes the line. He
gives the pilgrim
warrior's sign of the knights templars.)
MAJOR TWEEDY
(Growls gruffly.) Rorke's Drift! Up, guards, and at them! Mahalº shalal hashbaz.
PRIVATE CARR
I'll do him in.
PRIVATE COMPTON
(Wavesº the crowd back.) Fair play, here. Make a bleeding butcher's shop of the bugger.
(Massed bands blare Garryowen and God save the king.)
CISSY CAFFREY
They're going to fight. For me!
CUNTY KATE
The brave and the fair.
BIDDY THE CLAP
Methinks yon sable knight will joust it with the best.
CUNTY KATE
(Blushing deeply.) Nay, Madamº. The gules doublet and merry Saintº George for me!
STEPHEN
The harlot's cry from street to street
Shall weave oldº Ireland's windingsheet.
PRIVATE CARR
(Loosening his belt, shouts.) I'll wring the neck of any fucking bastard says a word against my bleeding fucking king.
BLOOM
(Shakes Cissy Caffrey's shoulders.) Speak, you! Are you struck dumb? You
{u22, 555}
are the link between nations and generations. Speak, woman, sacred life
giverº!
CISSY CAFFREY
(Alarmed, seizes Private Carr's sleeve.) Amn't I with you? Amn't I your girl? Cissy's your girl.º (She cries.) Police!
STEPHEN
(Ecstatically, to Cissy Caffrey.)
White thy fambles, red thy gan
And thy quarrons dainty is.
VOICES
Police!
DISTANT VOICES
Dublin's burning! Dublin's burning! On fire, on fire!
(Brimstone
fires spring up.
Dense clouds roll past. Heavy
Gatling guns boom.
Pandemonium.
Troops deploy.
Gallop of hoofs. Artillery. Hoarse commands. Bells clang. Backers shout.
Drunkards bawlº Whores screech.
Foghorns hoot. Cries of valour. Shrieks of dying.
Pikes clash on
cuirasses. Thieves rob the slain. Birds of prey, winging from the sea, rising
from marshlands, swooping from eyries, hover screaming, gannets, cormorants,
vultures, goshawks,
climbing
woodcocks,
peregrines,
merlins,
blackgrouse, sea
eagles, gulls, albatrosses, barnacle geese. The midnight sun is darkened. The
earth trembles. The dead of Dublin from Prospect and Mount Jerome in white
sheepskin overcoats and black goatfell cloaks arise and appear to many. A chasm
opens with a noislessº yawn. Tom
Rochford, winnerº in
athlete's singlet and breeches, arrives at the head of the national hurdle
handicap and leaps into the void. He is followed by a race of runners and
leapers. In wild attitudes they spring from the brink. Their bodies plunge.
Factory lasses with fancy clothes toss redhot Yorkshire baraabombs.
Society ladies lift
their skirts above their heads to protect themselves. Laughing
witches in
red cutty sarks ride through the air
on
broomsticks. Quakerlyster plasters blisters. It rains
dragon'sº teeth. Armed heroes
spring up from furrows. They exchange in amity
{u22, 556}
the pass of
knights of the red
cross and fight
duels with cavalry
sabres: Wolfe
Tomeº
against Henry
Grattan, Smith
O'Brien against Daniel O'Connell, Michael
Davitt against Isaac
Butt, Justin
M'Carthy against Parnell,
Arthur Griffith
against John Redmond, John O'Leary against Lear O'Johnny, Lord
Edward Fitzgerald against Lord Gerald Fitzedward,
The
O'Donoghue of the Glens against The Glens of The
Donoghueº.
On an eminence, the
centre of the
earth, rises the
field altar
of Saint Barbara.
Black candles
rise from its gospel and epistle horns. From the high
barbacansº
of the tower two shafts of light fall on the smokepalled altarstone. On the
altarstone Mrs Mina Purefoy, goddess of unreason, lies, naked, fettered,
a chalice resting
on her
swollen
belly. Father
Malachi O'Flynn in a longº
petticoat and reversed chasuble, his two left feet back to the front,
celebrates camp mass. The Reverend Mr Hugh
Cº Haines Love M.A. in a plain
cassock and mortar board,º his
head and collar back
to the front, holds over the celebrant's head an open umbrella.)
FATHER MALACHI O'FLYNN
Introibo ad altare diaboli.
THE REVEREND MR HAINES LOVE
To the devil which hath made glad my young days.
FATHER MALACHI O'FLYNN
(Takes from the chalice and elevates a blooddripping host.) Corpus Meum.
THE REVEREND MR HAINES LOVE
(Raises high behind the celebrant's petticoatsº, revealing his grey bare hairy buttocks between which a carrot is stuck.) My body.
THE VOICE OF ALL THE DAMNED
Htengier Lnetopinmoº Dog Drol eht rof, Aiulella!
(From on high the voice of Adonai calls.)
ADONAI
Dooooooooooog!
{u22, 557}
THE VOICE OF ALL THE BLESSED
Alleluia, for the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth!
(From on high the voice of Adonai calls.)
ADONAI
Goooooooooood!º
(In strident discord peasants and townsmen of Orange and Green factions sing Kick the Pope and Daily, daily sing to Mary.)
PRIVATE CARR
(With ferocious articulation.) I'll do him in, so help me fucking Christ! I'll wring the bastard fucker's bleeding blasted fucking windpipe!
OLD GUMMY GRANNY
(Thrusts a dagger towards Stephen's hand.) Remove him, acushla.º At 8.35 a.m. you will be in heaven and Ireland will be free. (She prays.) O good God, take him!
BLOOM
(Runs to Lynch.) Can't you get him away?
LYNCH
He likes dialectic, the universal language. Kitty! (To Bloom.) Get him away, you. He won't listen to me.
(He drags Kitty away.)
STEPHEN
(Points.) Exit Judas. Et laqueo se suspendit.
BLOOM
(Runs to Stephen.) Come along with me now before worse happens. Here's your stick.
STEPHEN
Stick, no. Reason. This feast of pure reason.º
CISSY CAFFREY
(Pulling Private Carr.) Come on, you're boosed. He
insulted me but I forgive him. (Shouting in his ear.) I forgive him for insulting me.
{u22, 558}
BLOOM
(Over Stephen's shoulder.) Yes, go. You see he's incapable.
PRIVATE CARR
(Breaks loose.) I'll insult him.
(He rushes towards Stephen, fistsº outstretched, and strikes him in the face. Stephen totters, collapses, falls stunned. He lies prone, his face to the sky, his hat rolling to the wall. Bloom follows and picks it up.)
MAJOR TWEEDY
(Loudly.) Carbine in bucket! Cease fire! Salute!
THE RETRIEVER
(Barking furiously.) Ute ute ute ute ute ute ute ute.
THE CROWD
Let him up! Don't strike him when he's down! Air! Who? The soldier hit him. He's a professor. Is he hurted? Don't manhandle him! he'sº fainted!
(The retriever, nosing on the fringe of the crowd, barks noisily.)º
A HAG
What call had the redcoat to strike the gentleman and he under the influence.º Let them go and fight the Boers!
THE BAWD
Listen to who's talking! Hasn't the soldier a right to go with his girl? He gave him the coward's blow.
(They grab at each other's hair, claw at each other and spit.)
THE RETRIEVER
(Barking.) Wow wow wow.
BLOOM
(Shoves them back, loudly.) Get back, stand back!
{u22, 559}
PRIVATE COMPTON
(Tugging his comrade.) Here buggerº off, Harry. There'sº the cops!º (Two raincaped watch, tall, stand in the group.)
FIRST WATCH
What's wrong here?
PRIVATE COMPTON
We were with this lady andº he insulted us andº assaulted my chum. (The retriever barks.) Who owns the bleeding tyke?
CISSY CAFFREY
(With expectation.) Is he bleeding?º
A MAN
(Rising from his knees.) No. Gone off. He'll come to all right.
BLOOM
(Glances sharply at the man.) Leave him to me. I can easily …
SECOND WATCH
Who are you? Do you know him?
PRIVATE CARR
(Lurches towards the watch.) He insulted my lady friend.
BLOOM
(Angrily.) You hit him without provocation. I'm a witness. Constable, take his regimental number.
SECOND WATCH
I don't want your instructions in the discharge of my duty.
PRIVATE COMPTON
(Pulling his comrade.) Here, bugger off, Harry. Or
Bennett'll haveº you in the lockup.
{u22, 560}
PRIVATE CARR
(Staggering as he is pulled away.) God fuck old Bennett!º He's a whitearsed bugger. I don't give a shit for him.
FIRST WATCH
(Takingº out his notebook.) What's his name?
BLOOM
(Peering over the crowd.) I just see a car there. If you give me a hand a second, sergeant …
FIRST WATCH
Name and address.
(Corny Kelleher, weepers round his hat, a death wreath in his hand, appears among the bystanders.)
BLOOM
(Quickly.) O, the very man! (He whispers.) Simon Dedalus' son. A bit sprung. Get those policemen to move those loafers back.
SECOND WATCH
Night, Mr Kelleher.
CORNY KELLEHER
(To the watch, with drawling eye.) That's all right. I know him. Won a bit on the races. Gold cup. Throwawayº. (He laughs.) Twenty to one. Do you follow me?
FIRST WATCH
(Turns to the crowd.) Here, what are you all gaping at? Move on out of that.
(The crowd disperses slowly, muttering, down the lane.)
CORNY KELLEHER
Leave it to me, sergeant. That'll be all right. (He laughs, shaking his head.) We were often as bad ourselves, ay or worse. What? Eh, what?
FIRST WATCH
(Laughs.) I suppose so.
{u22, 561}
CORNY KELLEHER
(Nudges the second watch.) Come and wipe your name off the slate. (He lilts, wagging his head.) With my tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom. What, eh, do you follow me?
SECOND WATCH
(Genially.) Ah, sure we were too.
CORNY KELLEHER
(Winking.) Boys will be boys. I've a car round there.
SECOND WATCH
All right, Mr Kelleher. Good night.
CORNY KELLEHER
I'll see to that.
BLOOM
(Shakes hands with both of the watch in turn.) Thank you very much, gentlemen, thankº you. (He mumbles confidentially.) We don't want any scandal, you understand. Father is a well known, highly respected citizen. Just a little wild oats, you understand.
FIRST WATCH
O, I understand, sir.
SECOND WATCH
That's all right, sir.
FIRST WATCH
It was only in case of corporal injuries I'd have to report it at the station.
BLOOM
(Nods rapidly.) Naturally. Quite right. Only your bounden duty.
SECOND WATCH
It's our duty.
CORNY KELLEHER
Good night, men.
{u22, 562}
THE WATCH
(Saluting together.) Night, gentlemen.º (They move off with slow heavy tread.)
BLOOM
(Blows.) Providential you came on the scene. You have a car? …º
CORNY KELLEHER
(Laughs, pointing his thumb over his right shoulder to the car brought up against the scaffolding.) Two commercials that were standing fizz in Jammet's. Like princes, faith. One of them lost two quid on the race. Drowning his grief andº were on for a go with the jolly girls. So I landed them up on Behan's car and down to nighttown.
BLOOM
I was just going home by Gardiner street when I happened to …
CORNY KELLEHER
(Laughs.) Sure they wanted me to join in with the mots. No, by God, says I. Not for old stagers like myself and yourself. (He laughs again and leers with lacklustre eye.) Thanks be to God we have it in the houseº what, eh, do you follow me? Hah! hah! hah!º
BLOOM
(Tries to laugh.) He, he, he! Yes. Matter of fact I was just visiting an old friend of mine there, Virag, you don't know him (poor fellowº he's laid up for the past week) and we had a liquor together and I was just making my way home …
(The horse neighs.)
THE HORSE
Hohohohohohoh! Hohohohome!
CORNY KELLEHER
Sure it was Behan, our jarvey there, that told me after we
left the two commercials in Mrs Cohen's and I told him to
pull up and got
off to see. (He laughs.)
Sober
hearsedrivers a
specialtyº. Will I give him a lift
home? Where does he hang out? Somewhere in Cabra, what?
{u22, 563}
BLOOM
No, in Sandycove, I believe, from what he let drop.
(Stephen, prone, breathes to the stars. Corny Kelleher, asquint, drawls at the horse. Bloomº in gloom, looms down.)
CORNY KELLEHER
(Scratches his nape.) Sandycove! (He bends down and calls to Stephen.) Eh! (He calls again.) Eh! He's covered with shavings anyhow. Take care they didn't lift anything off him.
BLOOM
No, no, no. I have his money and his hat here and stick.
CORNY KELLEHER
Ah,º wellº he'll get over it. No bones broken. Well, I'll shove along. (He laughs.) I've a rendezvous in the morning. Burying the dead. Safe home!
THE HORSE
(Neighs.) Hohohohohome.
BLOOM
Good night. I'll just wait and take him along in a few …
(Corny Kelleher returns to the outside car and mounts it. The horse harnessº jingles.)
CORNY KELLEHER
(From the car, standing.) Night.
BLOOM
Night.
(The jarvey chucks the reins and raises his whip
encouragingly. The car and horse back slowly, awkwardly and turn. Corny Kelleher
on the sideseat sways his head to and fro in sign of mirth at Bloom's
plight. The jarvey joins in the mute pantomimic merriment nodding from the
farther seat. Bloom shakes his head in mute mirthful reply. With thumb and palm
Corny Kelleher reassures that the two bobbies will allow the sleep to continue
for what else is to be done. With a slow
{u22, 564}
nod Bloom conveys his gratitude as that is exactly what Stephen needs.
The car jingles
tooraloom
round the corner of the
tooraloom
lane. Corny Kelleher again
reassuralooms
with his hand. Bloom with his hand assuralooms Corny Kelleher that he is
reassuraloomtay.
The tinkling hoofs and jingling harness grow fainter
with their
tooralooloo looloo lay. Bloom, holding in his hand
Stephen's hatº festooned with
shavings and ashplant, stands irresolute. Then he bends to him and shakes him by the shoulder.)
BLOOM
Eh! Ho! (There is no answer; heº bends again.) Mr Dedalus! (There is no answer.) The name if you call. Somnambulist. (He bends again and, hesitating, brings his mouth near the face of the prostrate form.) Stephen! (There is no answer. He calls again.) Stephen!
STEPHEN
(Groans.º) Who? Black panther vampireº. (He sighs and stretches himself, then murmurs thickly with prolonged vowels.)
Who …
drive … Fergus now.º
And pierce … wood's woven shade? …º
(He turns on his left side, sighing, doubling himself together.)
BLOOM
Poetry. Well educated. Pity. (He bends again and undoes the buttons of Stephen's waistcoat.) To breathe. (He brushes the woodshavings from Stephen's clothes with light handsº and fingers.) One pound seven. Not hurt anyhow. (He listens.) What!º
STEPHEN
(Murmurs.)
…
shadows …
the woods.º
… white breast … dim …º
(He stretches out his arms, sighs again and curls his body.
Bloomº holding
hisº hat and
ashplantº stands erect. A dog
barks in the distance. Bloom tightens and loosens his grip on the ashplant. He
looks down on Stephen's face and form.)
{u22, 565}
BLOOM
(Communes with the night.) Face reminds me of his poor mother. In the shady wood. The deep white breast. Ferguson, I think I caught. A girl. Some girl. Best thing could happen him …º (He murmurs.) … swear that I will always hail, ever conceal, never reveal, any part or parts, art or arts … (He murmurs.) … in the rough sands of the sea … a cabletow's length from the shore … where the tide ebbs … and flows …
(Silent, thoughtful, alert, he stands on guard, his fingers at his lips in the attitude of secret master. Against the dark wall a figure appears slowly, a fairy boy of eleven, a changeling, kidnapped, dressed in an Eton suit with glass shoes and a little bronze helmet, holding a book in his hand. He reads from right to left inaudibly, smiling, kissing the page.)
BLOOM
(Wonderstruck, calls inaudibly.) Rudy!
(Gazes unseeing into Bloom's eyes and goes on reading, kissing, smiling. He has a delicate mauve face. On his suit he has diamond and ruby buttons. In his free left hand he holds a slim ivory cane with a violet bowknot. A white lambskinº peeps out of his waistcoat pocket.)