^|aConcerning the ^|borigin genesis^b|a| of his ^|aHarold or^a| Humphrey Coxon's agnomen ^|aand discarding finally those theories which would link him either with the Glues & Gravys & Earwickers of Sidlehamº ^|bin the hundred of manhood^b| or proclaim him a descendant of vikings who had settled in Herwick (?) or Erwick (?)^a| the most authentic version has it that ^|alike it was this way. Like^a| Cincinnatus ^|ahe the G.O.G. (grand old gardener)^a| was one ^|asabbath^a| day ^|aat following^a| his plough ^|a|bfor rootles^b| in the rear garden of his Royal Marine Hotel^a| when royalty was announced ^|aby runner to have been pleased to halt on^a| on the highroad ^|aalong which a dogfox had cast^a|. Forgetful of all but his fealty ^|ahe stayed not to saddle or yoke but^a| he ^|ahastened stumbled ^|bhotface^b|a| out ^|aof his forecourts in his ^|bsurcingle plus fours &^b| bulldog boots ^|bcoated with red clay marlº^b|a| on to the road^|a, jingling ^|bthe his^b| turnpike keys ^|ba sweatdrenched bandana hanging from his coat pocket^b|a| holding aloft ^|aamid the fixed ^|bbayonets pikes of the royal hunting party^b|a| a long perch atop of which a flowerpot was affixed. On his majesty, who was ^|arather noticeably^a| longsighted from ^|ahis^a| early youth, inquiring whether he had been engaged in lobstertrapping ^|ahonest^a| Humphrey bluntly answered ^|avery similarly^a|: 'No, my liege, I was only a cotching of them bluggy earwigs'. The king ^|awho held a draught of obvious water in his hand^a| upon this smiled heartily ^|abeneath his walrus moustaches^a| and, giving way to that none too genial humour which ^|ahe William the Conk^a| had inherited from his great aunt Sophy, turned ^|ato towards^a| two ^|agunmen^a| of his retinue the lord of Offaly ^|xhero in unread^x| and the mayor of Waterford (the ^|asecond gun being^a| Syndic of Drogheda according to a later version ^|acited by the learned Kouavan^a|) remarking '^|aHolybones,^a| How our brother of Burgundy would fume did he know that he have ^|athis for^a| trusty vassal ^|awho is^a| a turnpiker who is also an earwicker'. ^|aWhether th Are these^a| True facts ^|aare recorded in^a| as this legend ^|amay be^a|? ^|aWe shall perhaps see. But^a| it is certain that from that ^|ahistoric^a| date all documents initialled by Humphrey bear the sigla H.C.E. and while he was always Coxon for his cronies and good duke Humphrey for the ragged tiny folk of Lucalizod it was certainly a
{ms, 097v}
a pleasant turn of the populace which gave him as sense of these initials the nickname 'Here Comes ^|aEverything Everybody^a|'. ^|aAn^a| Imposing ^|aenough everybody^a| indeed he looked and worthy of that title as he ^|asat surveyed the playhouse^a| on gala nights ^|ain from^a| the royal booth ^|awhere he sat with all his house^a| with ^|abroadstretched kerchief cooling neck & shoulders &^a| wardrobepanelled ^|acoat ^|bclawhammer tuxedo^b|a| thrown back from a shirt wellnamed a swallowall far outstarching the laundered ^|aladies clawhammers^a| and marbletopped highboys of the pit. A baser meaning has been read into these letters, the literal sense of which decency d_unread can but touch. It has been suggested that he suffered from a vile disease. To such a suggestion the only selfrespecting answer is to affirm that there are certain statements which ought not to be, and one would like to be able to add, ought not to be allowed to be made. ^|aThere was a case of the kind implicating a man named Lyons ^|bwho who was posted at Mallon's &^b| years afterwards dropped dead whilst waiting for a chop in Hawkins street.^a| Nor have his detractors ^|awho^|b, an imperfectly warmblooded race,^b| apparently think him capable of any & every enormity ^|brecorded to the discredit of the Juke & Kellikek families^b|,^a| mended their case by insinuating that he was at one time under the ^|aludicrous^a| imputation of annoying soldiers in the ^|apark ^|brushes blank^b|a|. To anyone who knew and loved H- C- E- the suggestion is preposterous. Slander, let it do its worst, has never been able to convict that good and great man of any ^|agreater misdemeanour worse impropriety^a| than that of ^|aan incautious exposure and partial at that ^|bone incautious exposure and partial at that of having behaved in an ungentlemanly manner^b|a| in the presence of certain ^|anursemaids ^|b|ctwo a pair of^c|b| maidservants in the rushy hollow whither nature as they alleged had spontaneously & at the same time sent them both but each of^a| whose ^|atestimony is testimonies are^a|, if not dubious, at any rate slightly divergent ^|a|bin on^b| minor points ^|btouching what was certainly an incautious, but at the most, a partial exposure with attenuating circumstances,^b| during an ^|bexceptional abnormal^b| S Martin's summer^a|.