ULYSSES
Key: 1922 text
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Preparatory to anything else Mr Bloom brushed off the greater bulk of the
shavings and handed Stephen the hat and ashplant and bucked him up generally in
orthodox Samaritan
fashion, which he very badly needed. His (Stephen's) mind was not exactly
what you would call wandering but a bit unsteady and on his expressed desire for
some beverage to drink Mr Bloom, in view of the hour it was and there being no
pumpsº of Vartry water available for
their ablutions,
let alone drinking purposes,
hit upon an
expedient by suggesting,
off the reel, the
propriety of the cabman's shelter, as it was called, hardly a stonesthrow
away near Butt Bridgeº where they might
hit upon some drinkables in the shape of a milk and soda or a
mineral. But how
to get there was the rub. For the nonce he was rather nonplussed but inasmuch as
the duty plainly devolved upon him
to take some
measures on the subject he pondered suitable
ways and means
during which Stephen repeatedly yawned. So far as he could see he was rather
pale in the face
so that it occurred
to him as highly advisable to get a conveyance of some description which
would answer
in their then
condition, both
of them being e.d. ed, particularly Stephen, always assuming that there was
such a thing to be found. Accordingly,º
after a few such
preliminaries,º
as,º in spite of his
having forgotten
to take up
his rather
soapsuddy
handkerchief
after it had done
yeoman service
in the shaving line, brushingº they both
walked together along Beaver Streetº, or,
more properly, lane, as far as the farrier's and the distinctly fetid
atmosphere of the livery stables at the corner of Montgomery street where they
made tracks to the left
from thence
debouching into
Amiens Streetº round by the corner of Dan
Bergin's. But, as
he confidently
anticipated, there
was not a sign of a
Jehu plying for
hire anywhere to be seen except a fourwheeler, probably engaged by some fellows
inside on the spree, outside the North Star Hotel and there was no symptom of
its budging a quarter of an inch when Mr Bloom, who was
anything but a
professional
whistler,
endeavoured to
hail it by emitting a kind of a whistle,
holding his arms arched over his head, twice.
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This was a quandary but, bringing commonsenseº to bear on it, evidently there was nothing for it but put a good face on the matter and foot it which they accordingly did. So, bevelling around by Mullet'sº and the Signal House, which they shortly reached, they proceeded perforce in the direction of Amiens Streetº railway terminus, Mr Bloom being handicapped by the circumstance that one of the back buttons of his trousers had, to vary the timehonoured adage, gone the way of all buttons,º though, entering thoroughly into the spirit of the thing, he heroically made light of the mischance. So as neither of them were particularly pressed for time, as it happened, and the temperature refreshing since it cleared up after the recent visitation of Jupiter Pluvius, they dandered along past by where the empty vehicle was waiting without a fare or a jarvey. As it so happened a Dublin United Tramways Company's sandstrewer happening to be returning andº the elder man recounted to his companion à propos of the incident his own truly miraculous escape of some little while back. They passed the main entrance of the Great Northern railway station, the starting point for Belfast, where of course all traffic was suspended at that late hour, andº passing the back door of the morgue (a not very enticing locality, not to say gruesome to a degree, more especially at night), ultimately gained the Dock Tavern and in due course turned into Store Streetº, famous for its C division police station. Between this point and the high, at present unlit, warehouses of Beresford Place Stephen thought to think of Ibsen, associated with Baird's, the stonecutter'sº in his mind somehow in Talbot Place, first turning on the right, while the other, who was acting as his fidus Achatesº inhaled with internal satisfaction the smell of James Rourke's city bakery, situated quite close to where they were, the very palatable odour indeed of our daily bread, of all commodities of the public the primary and most indispensable. Bread, the staff of life, earn your bread, O tell me where is fancy bread? At Rourke's the baker's, it is said.
En
route, to his taciturn, and, not to put too fine a point on it, not yet
perfectly sober companion, Mr Bloom, who
at all
events,º was in complete possession
of his faculties,
never more so, in
fact disgustingly
sober, spoke a
word of caution re the dangers of
nighttown,
women of ill fame
and swell mobsmen,
which, barely permissible once in a while, though
not as a habitual
practice, was of the nature of a regular deathtrap for young fellows of his
age particularly if they had
acquired drinking
habits under the
influence of liquor unless you knew a little
juijitsuº
for every
contingency
as even a fellow on
the broad of his back could administer a nasty kick if you didn't look
out. Highly providential was the appearance on the scene of
Corny Kelleher when Stephen
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was blissfully unconscious that, but for that man in the gap
turning up
at the eleventh
hour, the finis might have been that he might have been
a candidate for the
accident ward,º or,
failing that,
the bridewell and an appearance in the court next day before Mr Tobias, or, he
being the solicitor, ratherº old Wall, he
meant to say, or Malonyº which
simply spelt ruin
for a chap when it got bruited about.
The reason he
mentioned the fact was that a lot of those policemen, whom he
cordially
disliked, were admittedly unscrupulous in the service of the Crown and, as
Mr Bloom put it, recalling a case or two in the
A Division in
Clanbrassil Streetº, prepared to
swear a hole through a
ten gallon pot. Never
on the spot when
wanted but in quiet
parts of the city, Pembroke Road,º
for example, the
guardians of the law were well in evidence, the
obvious reason
being they were paid
to protect the upper classes.
Another thing he
commented on was equipping soldiers with
firearms or
sidearms of any
description,
liable to go off at any timeº
which was tantamount
to inciting them against civilians
should by any chance
they fall out over anything. You
frittered away your
time, he very sensibly maintained, and health and also character besides
whichº the
squandermania of
the thing, fast
women of the
demimonde
ran away with a lot
of £. s.
d. into the bargain and the greatest danger of all was who you got drunk
with though,
touching the
much vexed question of stimulantsº he
relished a glass of
choice old wine
in season as both nourishing and bloodmaking and possessing aperient virtues
(notably a good burgundy which he was a staunch
believer in)
still never beyond a
certain point where he
invariably drew
the line as it simply led to trouble all round to say nothing of your being at
the tender mercy
of others praticallyº. Most of all he
commented adversely on the desertion of Stephen by all his
pubhunting
confrères but one,
a most glaring piece
of ratting on the part of his
brother medicos
under all the circs.
— And that one was Judas, said Stephen, who up to then had said nothing whatsoever of any kind.
Discussing these and kindred topics they
made a beeline
across the back of the Customhouse and passed under the Loop Line bridge
whenº a brazier of coke burning in front
of a sentrybox, or something like one, attracted their rather lagging footsteps.
Stephen of his own accord stopped for no special reason to look at the heap of
barren cobblestones and by the light emanating from the brazier he could just
make out the darker figure of the corporation watchman inside the gloom of the
sentrybox. He began to remember that this had happened, or had been mentioned as having happened, before but it cost
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him no
small effort before he remembered that
he recognised in
the sentry a
quondamº
friend of his father's, Gumley. To avoid a meeting he drew nearer to the pillars of the railway bridge.
— Someone saluted you, Mr Bloom said.
A figure of middle height on the prowl, evidently, under the arches saluted again, calling: Night! Stephen, of course, started rather dizzily and stopped to return the compliment. Mr Bloom, actuated by motives of inherent delicacy, inamsuchº as he always believed in minding his own business, moved off but nevertheless remained on the qui vive with just a shade of anxiety though not funkyish in the least. Although unusual in the Dublin area,º he knew that it was not by any means unknown for desperadoes who had next to nothing to live on to be about waylaying and generally terrorising peaceable pedestrians by placing a pistol at their head in some secluded spot outside the city proper, famished loiterers of the Thames embankment category they might be hanging about there or simply marauders ready to decamp with whatever boodle they could in one fell swoop at a moment's notice, your money or your life, leaving you there to point a moral, gagged and garrotted.
Stephen, that is when the accosting figure came to close quarters, though he was not in anyº over sober state himself, recognised Corley's breath redolent of rotten cornjuice. Lord John Corley, some called him, and his genealogy came about in this wise. He was the eldest son of Inspector Corley of the G Division, lately deceased, who had married a certain Katherine Brophy, the daughter of a Louth farmer. His grandfather, Patrick Michael Corley, of New Ross, had married the widow of a publican there whose maiden name had been Katherine (also) Talbot. Rumour had it,though not proved, that she descended from the house of the Lords Talbot de Malahide, in whose mansion, really an unquestionably fine residence of its kind and well worth seeing, her mother or aunt or some relative had enjoyed the distinction of being in service in the washkitchen. This, therefore, was the reason why the still comparatively young though dissolute man who now addressed Stephen was spoken of by some with facetious proclivities as Lord John Corley.
Taking Stephen
on one side he had the customary doleful ditty to tell. Not as much as a
farthing to purchase a night's lodgings. His friends had all deserted him.
Furthermore, he had a row with Lenebanº
and called him to Stephen a mean bloody
swab
with a sprinkling of
other uncalledfor expressions.
He was out of a job
and implored of Stephen to tell him where on God's earth he could get
something, anything at allº to do. No, it was the daughter of the
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mother in the washkitchen that was
fostersister to
the heir of the house or else they were connected through the mother in some
way, both occurrences happening at the same time if the whole thing wasn't
a complete
fabrication from start to finish. Anyhow, he was all in.
— I wouldn't ask you, only, pursued he, on my solemn oath and God knows I'm on the rocks.
— There'll be a job to morrowº or the next day, Stephen told him, in a boys' school at Dalkey for a gentleman usher. Mr Garrett Deasy. Try it. You may mention my name.
— Ah, God, Corley replied, sure I couldn't teach in a school, man. I was never one of your bright ones, he added with a half laugh,º Got stuck twice in the junior at the Christian Brothers.
— I have no place to sleep myself, Stephen informed him.
Corley, at the first go-off, was inclined to suspect it was something to do with Stephen being fired out of his digs for bringing in a bloody tart off the street. There was a dosshouse in Marlborough Streetº, Mrs Maloney's, but it was only a tanner touch and full of undesirables but M'Conachie told him you got a decent enough do in the Brazen Head over in Winetavern Streetº (which was distantly suggestive to the person addressed of friar Bacon) for a bob. He was starving too though he hadn't said a word about it.
Though this sort
of thing went on every other night or very near it still Stephen's
feelings got the better of him
in a sense
though he knew that Corley's brandnew rigmarole, on a par with the others,
was hardly deserving of much credence. However,
haud ignarus
malorum miseris succurrere disco, etcetera, as the Latin poet remarks,
especially as luck
would have it he
got paid his screw
after every middle of
the month on the sixteenth which was the date of the month as a matter of
fact though a good bit of the
wherewithal was
demolished. But
the cream of the joke was nothing would get it out of Corley's head that he
was living in affluence and hadn't a thing to do but hand out the needful
— whereas. He put his hand in a pocket anyhow, not with the idea of
finding any food there, but thinking he might lend him anything up to a bob or
so in lieu so
that he might
endeavour at all
events and
get sufficient to
eat. But the
result was in the negative for,
to his chagrin,
he found his cash
missing. A few broken biscuits were all the result of his
invetiongstiaº.
He tried his hardest to
recollect for
the moment whether he had lost, as well he might have, or left, because in that
contingency it
was not a pleasant lookout, very much the reverse, in fact. He was altogether
too fagged out to institute a thorough search though
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he tried to
recollect
aboutº biscuits he
dimly
remembered. Who now exactly gave them, or where was, or did he buy? However,
in another pocket he came across what he surmised in the dark were pennies,
erroneously, however, as it turned out.
— Those are halfcrowns, man, Corley corrected him.
And so in point of fact they turned out to be. Stephen lent him one of them.
— Thanks, Corley answered. You're a gentleman. I'll pay you back some time. Who's that with you? I saw him a few times in the Bleeding Horse in Camden street with Boylan the billsticker. You might put in a good word for us to get me taken on there. I'd carry a sandwichboard only the girl in the office told me they're full up for the next three weeks, man. God, you've to book ahead, man, you'd think it was for the Carl Rosa. I don't give a shite anyway so long as I get a jobº even as a crossing sweeper.
Subsequently, being not quite so down in the mouth after the two-and-six he got, he informed Stephen about a fellow by the name of Bags Comisky that he said Stephen knew well out of Fullam's, the shipchandler's, bookkeeper there, that used to be often round in Nagle's back with O'Mara and a little chap with a stutter the name of Tighe. Anyhow, he was lagged the night before last and fined ten bob for a drunk and disorderly and refusing to go with the constable.
Mr Bloom in the meanwhile kept dodging about in the vicinity of the
cobblestones near the brazier of coke in front of the corporation
watchman's sentrybox, who, evidently a
glutton for work,
it struck him, was having a quiet forty winks
for all intents and
purposes on his own private account while Dublin slept. He threw an odd eye
at the same time now and then at Stephen's
anything but
immaculately
attired
interlocutor as
if he had seen that nobleman somewhere or other though where he was
not in a position to
truthfully state
nor had he the
remotest idea when. Being a
levelheaded
individual who could
give points to not
a few in point of shrewd observation, he also remarked on his very dilapidated
hat and slouchy
wearing apparel generally, testifying to a
chronic
impecuniosity. Probably he was one of his hangerson but for the matter of
that it was merely a
question of one preying on his nextdoor neighbour all round, in every deep,
so to put it, a deeper depth and for the matter of that if
the man in the
street chanced
to be in the dock himself penal servitude, with or without the option of a
fine,º
would be a very
rara avis altogether. In any case he had a consummate amount of cool assurance
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intercepting people at that hour of the night or morning.
Pretty thick that was certainly.
The pair parted company and Stephen rejoined Mr Bloom, whoº with his practised eye, was not without perceiving that he had succumbed to the blandiloquence of the other parasite. Alluding to the encounter he said, laughingly, Stephen, that is:
— He's down on his luck. He asked me to ask you to ask somebody named Boylan, a billsticker, to give him a job as a sandwichman.
At this intelligence, in which he seemingly evinced little interest, Mr Bloom gazed abstractedly for the space of a half a second or so in the direction of a bucket dredgerº, rejoicing in the farfamed name of Eblana, moored alongside Customhouse Quay and quite possibly out of repair, whereupon he observed evasively:
— Everybody gets their own ration of luck, they say. Now you mention it his face was familiar to me. But leaving that for the moment, how much did you part with, he queried, if I am not too inquisitive?
— Half-a-crown, Stephen responded. I daresay he needs it to sleep somewhere.
— Needs,º Mr Bloom ejaculated, professing not the least surprise at the intelligence, I can quite credit the assertion and I guarantee he invariably does. Everyone according to his needs and everyone according to his deeds. Butº talking about things in general, where, added he with a smile, will you sleep yourself? Walking to Sandycove is out of the question and, even supposing you did, you won't get in after what occurred at Westland Row station. Simply fag out there for nothing. I don't mean to presume to dictate to you in the slightest degree but why did you leave your father's house?
— To seek misfortune, was Stephen's answer.
— I met your respected father on a recent occasion, Mr Bloom diplomatically returned, Todayº, in fact, or, to be strictly accurate, on yesterday. Where does he live at present? I gathered in the course of conversation that he had moved.
— I believe he is in Dublin somewhere, Stephen answered unconcernedly. Why?
— A gifted man, Mr Bloom said of
Mr Dedalus
senior, in more respects than one and a born raconteur if ever there
was one. He takes great pride, quite legitimately, out of you. You could go
back, perhaps, he hazarded, still thinking of the very unpleasant scene at Westland Row terminus when it
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was perfectly evident that the other two, Mulligan, that is, and that
English tourist friend of his, who
eventually
euchred their
third companion, were patently trying, as if the whole bally
stationbelongedº to them, to give Stephen
the slip in the confusion.º
There was no response forthcoming to the suggestion, however, such as it was, Stephen's mind's eye being too busily engaged in repicturing his family hearth the last time he saw it, with his sister Dilly sitting by the ingle, her hair hanging down, waiting for some weak Trinidad shell cocoa that was in the sootcoated kettle to be done so that she and he could drink it with the oatmeal water for milk after the Friday herrings they had eaten at two a penny, with an egg apiece for Maggy, Boody and Katey, the cat meanwhile under the mangle devouring a mess of eggshells and charred fish heads and bones on a square of brown paperº in accordance with the third precept of the church to fast and abstain on the days commanded, it being quarter tense or, if not, ember days or something like that.
— No, Mr Bloom repeated again, I wouldn't personally repose much trust in that boon companion of yours who contributes the humorous element, Dr Mulligan, as a guide, philosopher, and friend, if I were in your shoes. He knows which side his bread is buttered on throughº in all probability he never realised what it is to be without regular meals. Of course you didn't notice as much as I did but it wouldn't occasion me the least surprise to learn that a pinch of tobacco or some narcotic was put in your drink for some ulterior object.
He understood, however, from all he heard, that Dr Mulligan was a versatile allround man, by no means confined to medicine only, who was rapidly coming to the fore in his line and, if the report was verified, bade fair to enjoy a flourishing practice in the not too distant future as a tony medical practitioner drawing a handsome fee for his services in addition to which professional status his rescue of that man from certain drowning by artificial respiration and what they call first aid at Skerries, or Malahide was it?º was, he was bound to admit, an exceedingly plucky deed which he could not too highly praise, so that frankly he was utterly at a loss to fathom what earthly reason could be at the back of it except he put it down to sheer cussedness or jealousy, pure and simple.
— Except it simply amounts to one thing and he is what they call picking your brains, he ventured to throw out.
The guarded
glance of half solicitude, half curiosity,
augmented by
friendlinessº which he gave at
Stephen's at present morose expression of features
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did not throw a flood of light, none at all in fact, on the problem as to
whether he had let himself be badly bamboozled, to judge by
two or three
lowspirited
remarks he let
drop, or, the
other way about, saw through the affair, and,
for some reason or
other best known to himself, allowed matters to more or less …
Grinding poverty did have that effect and he more than
conjectured
that, high educational abilities though he possessed, he experienced no little difficulty in making both ends meet.
Adjacent to the men's public urinal heº perceived an icecream car round which a group of presumably Italians in heated altercation were getting rid of voluble expressions in their vivacious language in a particularly animated way, there being some little differences between the parties.
— Putannaº madonna, che ci dia i quattrini! Ho ragione? Culo rotto!
— Intendiamoci. Mezzo sovrano più …
— Farabutto! Mortacci sui!
Mr Bloom and Stephen entered the cabman's shelter, an unpretentious wooden structure, where, prior to then, he had rarely, if ever, been before; the former having previously whispered to the latter a few hints anent the keeper of it, said to be the once famous Skin-the-Goat, Fitzharris, the invincible, though he wouldn'tº vouch for the actual facts, whichº quite possibly there was not one vestige of truth in. A few moments later saw our two noctambules safely seated in a discreet corner, onlyº to be greeted by stares from the decidedly miscellaneous collection of waifs and strays and other nondescript specimens of the genus homo, already there engaged in eating and drinking, diversified by conversation, for whom they seemingly formed an object of marked curiosity.
— Now touching a cup of coffee, Mr Bloom ventured to plausibly suggest to break the ice, it occurs to me you ought to sample something in the shape of solid food, say a roll of some description.
Accordingly his first act was with characteristic sangfroid to order these commodities quietly. The hoi polloi of jarvies or stevedores, or whatever they were, after a cursory examinatiouº, turned their eyes, apparently dissatisfied, away, though one redbearded bibulous individual, portion of whose hair was greyish, a sailor, probably, still stared for some appreciable time before transferring his rapt attention to the floor.
Mr Bloom, availing himself of the right of free speech,
he having just a
bowing acquaintance with the language in
disputeº though,
to be sure,
rather in a quandary
over voglio, remarked to his protégé in an audible tone of voice,
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aproposº of the
battle royal in
the street which was still raging fast and furious:
— A beautiful language. I mean for singing purposes. Why do you not write your poetry in that language? Bella Poetria!º itº is so melodious and full. Belladonna voglioº.
Stephen, who was trying his dead best to yawn, if he could, suffering from deadº lassitude generally, replied:
— To fill the ear of a cow elephant. They were haggling over money.
— Is that so? Mr Bloom asked. Of course, he subjoined pensively, at the inward reflection of there being more languages to start with than were absolutely necessary, it may be only the southern glamour that surrounds it.
The keeper of the shelter in the middle of this tête-à-tête put a boiling swimming cup of a choice concoction labelled coffee on the table and a rather antediluvian specimen of a bun, or so it seemed, after which he beat a retreat to his counter.º Mr Bloom determining to have a good square look at him later on so as not to appear to … for which reason he encouraged Stephen to proceed with his eyes while he did the honours by surreptitiously pushing the cup of what was temporarily supposed to be called coffee gradually nearer him.
— Sounds are impostures, Stephens aidº after a pause of some little time. Like names,º Cicero, Podmore, Napoleon, Mr Goodbody,º Jesus, Mr Doyle,º Shakespeares were as common as Murphies. What's in a name?
— Yes, to be sure, Mr Bloom unaffectedly concurred. Of course. Our name was changed too, he added, pushing the socalled roll across.
The redbearded sailor, who had his weather eye on the newcomers, boarded Stephen, whom he had singled out for attention in particular, squarely by asking:
— And what might your name be?
Just in the nick of time Mr Bloom touched his companion's boot but Stephen, apparently disregarding the warm pressure,º from an unexpected quarter, answered:
— Dedalus.
The sailor stared at him heavily from a pair of drowsy baggy eyes, rather bunged up from excessive use of boose, preferably good old Hollands and water.
— You know Simon Dedalus? he asked at length.
—
I've heard of him, Stephen said.
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Mr Bloom was all at sea for a moment, seeing the others evidently eavesdropping too.
— He's Irish, the seaman bold affirmed, staring still in much the same way and nodding. All Irish.
— All too Irish, Stephen rejoined.
As for Mr Bloom he could neither make head or tail of the whole business and he was just asking himself what possible connection when the sailor, of his own accord, turned to the other occupants of the shelter with the remark:
— I seen him shoot two eggs off two bottles at fifty yards over his shoulder. The left handº dead shot.
Though he was slightly hampered by an occasional stammer and his gestures being also clumsy as it was still he did his best to explain.
— Bottleº out there, say. Fifty yards measured. Eggs on the bottles. Cocks his gun over his shoulder. Aims.
He turned his body half round, shut up his right eye completely, then he screwed his features up some wayº sideways and glared out into the night with an unprepossessing cast of countenance.
The entire audience waited, anticipating an additional detonation, there being still a further egg.
—º Egg two evidently demolished, he nodded and winked, adding bloodthirstily:
—º
Buffalo Bill shoots to kill,
Never missed nor he never will.
A silence ensued till Mr Bloom for agreeableness' sake just felt like asking him whether it was for a marksmanship competition like the Bisley.
— Beg pardon, the sailor said.
— Long ago? Mr Bloom pursued without flinching a hairsbreadth.
— Why, the sailor replied, relaxing to a certain extent under the magic influence of diamond cut diamond, it might be a matter of ten years. He toured the wide world with Hengler's Royal Circus. I seen him do that in Stockholm.
— Curious coincidence, Mr Bloom confided to Stephen unobtrusively.
— Murphy's my name, the sailor continued, W.B. Murphy, of Carrigaloe. Know where that is?
{u22, 580}
— Queenstown Harbour, Stephen replied.
— That's right, the sailor said. Fort Camden and Fort Carlisle. That's where I hails from. My little woman's down there. She's waiting for me, I know. For England, home and beauty. She's my own true wife I haven't seen for seven years now, sailing about.
Mr Bloom could easily picture his advent on this scene — the homecoming to the mariner's roadside shieling after having diddled Davy Jonesº — a rainy night with a blind moon. Across the world for a wife. Quite a number of stories there were on that particular Alice Ben Bolt topic, Enoch Arden and Rip van Winkle and does anybody hereabouts remember Caoc O'Leary, a favourite and most trying declamation piece, by the way, of poor John Casey and a bit of perfect poetry in its own small way. Never about the runaway wife coming back, however much devoted to the absentee. The face at the window! Judge of his astonishment when he finellyº did breast the tape and the awful truth dawned upon him anent his better half, wrecked in his affections. You little expected me but I've come to stay and make a fresh start. There she sits, a grass widowº, at the selfsame fireside. Believes me dead. Rockedº in the cradle of the deep. And there sits uncle Chubb or Tomkin, as the case might be, the publican of the Crown and Anchor, in shirtsleeves, eating rumpsteak and onions. No chair for father. Boo!º The wind! Her brandnew arrival is on her knee, post mortem child. With a high ro! and a randy ro! and my galloping tearing tandy O! Bow to the inevitable. Grin and bear it. I remain with much love your brokenhearted husband, W.B. Murphy.
The sailor, who scarcely seemed to be a Dublin resident, turned to one of the jarvies with the request:
— You don't happen to have such a thing as a spare chaw about you, do you?
The jarvey addressed, as it happened, had not but the keeper took a die of plug from his good jacket hanging on a nail and the desired object was passed from hand to hand.
— Thank you, the sailor said.
He deposited the quid in his gob and, chewing, and with some slow stammers, proceeded:
— We come up this morning eleven o'clock. The threemaster Rosevean from Bridgwater with bricks. I shipped to get over. Paid off this afternoon. There's my discharge. See? W.B. Murphy,º A.B.S.
In confirmation of which statement he extricated from an inside pocket and
handed to his neighboursº a not very cleanlooking folded document.
{u22, 581}
— You must have seen a fair share of the world, the keeper remarked, leaning on the counter.
— Why, the sailor answered,º upon reflection upon it, I've circumnavigated a bit since I first joined on. I was in the Red Sea. I was in China and North America and South America. I seen icebergs plenty, growlers. I was in Stockholm and the Black Sea, the Dardanelles, under Captain Dalton, the best bloody man that ever scuttled a ship. I seen Russia. Gospodi pomilooyº. That's how the Russians prays.
— You seen queer sights, don't be talking, put in a jarvey.
— Why, the sailor said, shifting his partially chewed plug, I seen queer things too, ups and downs. I seen a crocodile bite the fluke of an anchor same as I chew that quid.
He took out of his mouth the pulpy quid and, lodging it between his teeth, bit ferociously.º
— Khaan! Like that. And I seen maneaters in Peru that eats corpses and the livers of horses. Look here. Here they are. A friend of mine sent me.
He fumbled out a picture postcard from his inside pocket, which seemed to be in its way a species of repository, and pushed it along the table. The printed matter on it stated: Choza de Indios. Beni, Bolivia.
All focussed their attention onº the scene exhibited, atº a group of savage women in striped loincloths, squatted, blinking, suckling, frowning, sleeping, amid a swarm of infants (there must have been quite a score of them) outside some primitive shanties of osier.
— Chews coca all day long, the communicative tarpaulin added . Stomachs like breadgraters. Cuts off their diddies when they can't bear no more children. See them there stark ballocknaked eating a dead horse's liver raw.
His postcard proved a centre of attraction for Messrs the greenhorns for several minutes, if not more.
— Know how to keep them off? he inquired genially.
Nobody volunteering a statement, he winked, saying:
— Glass. That boggles 'em. Glass.
Mr Bloom, without
evincing
surprise, unostentatiously
turned over the
card to
peruse the
partially obliterated
address and
postmark. It ran as follows: Tarjeta
Postal.º Señor
A.º Boudin, Galeria Becche,
Santiago, Chile. There was no message
evidently,º
as he took
particular notice.º Though not an
implicit believer
in the lurid
story narrated (or the eggsniping transaction for that matter
despite William
Tell and the Lazarillo-Don Cesar de Bazan incident
{u22, 582}
depicted in Maritana on which occasion
the former's ball
passed through the latter's
hat)º having
detected a
discrepancy between his name
(assuming he was the
person he represented himself to be and not sailing
under false
colours after having
boxed the compass
on the strict q.t. somewhere), and the
fictitious
addressee of the missive which made him
nourish some
suspicions of our friend's
bona
fides nevertheless it reminded him in a way of a longcherished plan he
meant to one day realise
some Wednesday or
Saturday of
travelling to
London
via
long sea not to
say that he had ever travelled extensively to any great extent but he was at
heart a born
adventurer though
by a trick of
fate he had
consistently
remained a landlubber except you call going to Holyhead which was his longest.
Martin Cunningham frequently said he would work a pass through Egan but some
deuced hitch or other eternally cropped up with the net result that the
scheme fell
through. But even suppose it did come to planking down the needful and
breaking Boyd's heart it was not so dear,
purse
permitting, a few guineas at the
ousideº, considering
the fare to
Mullingar where he
figured on going
was five and six
there and back. The trip would
benefit health on
account of the bracing ozone and be in every way
thoroughly
pleasurable, especially for a chap whose
liver was out of
order, seeing
the different places along the route,
Plymouth,
Falmouth, Southampton and so on,
culminating in
an instructive tour
of the sights of the great metropolis, the
spectacle of our
modern Babylon where doubtless he would see the greatest
improvementº tower, abbey, wealth of Park
Lane to renew acquaintance with. Another thing just struck him as a
by no means bad
notion was he might have a gaze around
on the spot to
see about trying to
make
arrangements about a concert tour of
summer music
embracing the most
prominent pleasure
resorts, Margate with
mixed bathing
and firstrate
hydros and spas,
Eastbourne, Scarborough, Margate and so on,
beautiful
Bournemouth, the
Channel islands
and similar bijou
spots, which might
prove highly
remunerative. Not, of course, with
a hole and
corner scratch company or local ladies on the job, witness Mrs C.P.
M'Coy type — lend me your valise and I'll post you the ticket.
No, something top
notch, an all
star Irish caste, the
Tweedy-Flower
grand opera company with his own legal consort as
leading lady as a
sort of counterblast
to the Elster Grimes and Moody-Manners,
perfectly simple
matter and he was quite
sanguine of
success,
providing
puffs in the local
papers could be managed by some fellow with a bit of
bounce who could
pull the
indispensable wires and thus combine business with pleasure. But
who? That was the rub.
{u22, 583}
Also, without being actually positive, it struck him a great field was to be opened up in the line of opening up new routes to keep pace with the times apropos of the Fishguard-Rosslare route which, it was mooted, was once more on the tapis in the circumlocution departments with the usual quantity of red tape and dillydallying of effete fogeydom and dunderheads generally. A great opportunity there certainly was for push and enterprise to meet the travelling needs of the public at large, the average man, i.e.º Brown, Robinson and Co.
It was a subject
of regret and absurd as well
on the face of it
and no small blameº to our vaunted
society that the man
in the street, when the
system really needed
toning up, for a
matter of a couple
of paltry pounds, was debarred from seeing more of the world they lived in
instead of being always
cooped up
since my old
stick-in-the-mud took me for a wife. After all,
hang it, they
had their eleven and more
humdrum months
of it and merited a radical change of venue after the
grind of city
life in the summertime,
for choice, when
Dame Nature is
at her
spectacular
best, constituting
nothing short of a new
lease of life. There were
equally
excellent opportunities for
vacationists in
the home island, delightful
sylvan spots for
rejuvenation,
offering a plethora
of attractions as well as
a bracing tonic for
the system in and around Dublin and its picturesque
environs,º
even,º Poulaphouca, to which there was a
steam tram, but also farther away from the madding crowd, in Wicklow, rightly
termed the garden of Ireland, an ideal neighbourhood for
elderly
wheelmen, so long as it didn't come down, and in the wilds of Donegal
where, if report spoke true, the
coup
d'œilº
was exceedingly
grand, though the
lastnamed
locality was not
easily getatable so that the
influx of
visitors was not as yet all that it might be considering the
signal benefits
to be derived from it, while Howth with its
historic
associations and otherwise, Silken Thomas,
Grace
O'Malley, George IV, rhododendrons several hundred feet above sealevel
was a favourite haunt with
all sorts and
conditions of men, especially in the spring when young men's fancy, though
it had its own toll of deaths by falling off the cliffs by design or
accidentally, usually,
by the way, on
their left leg, it being only about three quarters of an hour's run from
the pillar. Because of course uptodate tourist travelling was as yet merely
in its infancy,
so to speak, and
the accommodationº left much to be
desired. Interesting to fathom, it seemed to him, from a motive of curiosity
pure and simple, was whether it was the traffic that created the route or
viceversa or the two sides in fact. He turned back the other side of the
cardº
pictureº and passed it along to Stephen.
{u22, 584}
— I seen a Chinese one time, related the doughty narrator, that had little pills like putty and he put them in the water and they opened, and every pill was something different. One was a ship, another was a house, another was a flower. Cooks rats in your soup, he appetisingly added, the Chinese does.
Possibly perceiving an expression of dubiosity on their faces, the globetrotter went onº adhering to his adventures.
— And I seen a man killed in Trieste by an Italian chap. Knife in his back. Knife like that.
Whilst speaking he produced a dangerous looking claspknife, quite in keeping with his character, and held it in the striking position.
— In a knockingshop it was count of a tryon between two smugglers. Fellow hid behind a door, come up behind him. Like that. Prepare to meet your God,º says he. Chuk! It went into his back up to the butt.
His heavy glance, drowsily roaming about, kind of defied their further questions even should they by any chance want to. That'sº a good bit of steel, repeated he, examining his formidable stiletto.
After which harrowing dénouement sufficient to appal the stoutest he snapped the blade to and stowed the weapon in question away as before in his chamber of horrors, otherwise pocket.
— They're great for the cold steel, somebody who was evidently quite in the dark said for the benefit of them all. That was why they thought the park murders of the invincibles was done by foreigners on account of them using knives.
At this remark, passed obviously in the spirit of where ignorance is bliss, Mr Bloom and Stephen, each in his own particular way, both instinctively exchanged meaning glances, in a religious silence of the strictly entre nous variety however, towards where Skin-the-Goat, alias the keeper, was drawing spurts of liquid from his boiler affair. His inscrutable face, which was really a work of art, a perfect study in itself, beggaring description, conveyed the impression that he didn't understand one jot of what was going on. Funny, very.
There
ensued
a somewhat lengthy
pause. One man was reading
by fits and starts
a stained by coffee
evening journal;
another, the card with the natives choza de; another, the seaman's
discharge. Mr
Bloom, so far as he was personally concerned, was just pondering in pensive
mood. He vividly
recollected when
the occurrence alluded
to took place as
well as yesterday, some score of years previously, in the days of the land
troubles when it
took the civilised world
{u22, 585}
by storm,
figuratively speaking, early
in the eighties,
eightyone to be correct, when he was just turned fifteen.º
— Ay, boss, the sailor broke in. Give us back them papers.
The request being complied with, he clawed them up with a scrape.
— Have you seen the Rock of Gibraltar? Mr Bloom inquired.
The sailor grimaced, chewing, in a way that might be read as yes, ay, or no.
— Ah, you've touched there too, Mr Bloom said, Europa point, thinking he had, in the hope that the rover might possibly by some reminiscences but he failed to do so, simply letting spurt a jet of spew into the sawdust, and shook his head with a sort of lazy scorn.
— What year would that be about? Mr Bloom interpolated. Can you recall the boats?
Our soi-disantº sailor munched heavily awhile, hungrily, beforeº answering.
— I'm tired of all them rocks in the sea, he said, and boats and ships. Salt junk all the time.
Tired,
seemingly, he
ceased. His questioner, perceiving that he was
not likely to get a
great deal of change out of such a
wily old customer,
fell to woolgathering on the enormous dimensions of the water about the globe.
Suffice it to say
that, as a casual
glance at the map revealed,
it covered fully
three fourths of it and he fully realised accordingly what it
meant,º
to rule the
waves. On more
than one occasion —
a dozen at the
lowest — near the North Bull at Dollymount he had remarked a superannuated
old salt,
evidently
derelict,
seated habitually near
the not particularly redolent
sea on the wall,
staring quite
obviouslyº
at it and it at
him, dreaming of
fresh woods and pastures new as someone somewhere sings. And it left him
wondering why.
Possibly he had
tried to find out the secret for himself,
floundering up
and down the
antipodes
and all that sort of
thing and over and under — well, not exactly under —
tempting the
fates. And the
odds were twenty
to nil there was
really no secret about it at all. Nevertheless,
without going into
the minutiae of the business, the eloquent
fact remained
that the sea was there in all its glory and in the natural course of things
somebody or other had to sail on it and
fly in the face of
providence though
it merely went to
show how people usually
contrived to load
that sortofº
onus on to
the other fellow
like the hell idea and the lottery and
insurance,º which were run on
identically the same lines so that for that very reason, if no other,
lifeboat Sunday
was a very
laudable
institution to which
the public at
large, no matter
where living, inland or seaside,
as the case might
be, having it
brought home to them like that, should extend its
{u22, 586}
gratitude also to the
harbourmasters and
coastguard service who had to man the rigging and push off and out amid
the elements,
whatever the
season, when duty called Ireland expects that every man and so
on,º and sometimes had a terrible time of
it in the wintertime
not forgetting the
Irish lights, Kish and others, liable to
capsize at any
moment rounding
which he once with his daughter had
experienced some
remarkably choppy, not to say stormy, weather.
— There was a fellow sailed with me in the Rover, the old seadog, himself a rover, proceeded. Wentº ashore and took up a soft job as gentleman's valet at six quid a month. Them are his trousers I've on me and he gave me an oilskin and that jackknife. I'm game for that job, shaving and brushup. I hate roaming about. There's my son now, Danny, run off to sea and his mother got him took in a draper's in Cork where he could be drawing easy money.
— What age is he? queried one hearer who, by the way, seen from the side, bore a distant resemblance to Henry Campbell, the townclerk, away from the carking cares of office, unwashed, of course, and in a seedy getup and a aº strong suspicion of nosepaint about the nasal appendage.
— Why, the sailor answered with a slow puzzled utterance.º My sonº Danny? He'd be about eighteen now, way I figure it.
The Skibereenº father hereupon tore open his grey or unclean anyhow shirt with his two hands and scratched away at his chest on which was to be seen an image tattooed in blue Chinese ink, intended to represent an anchor.
— There was lice in that bunk in Bridgwater, he remarked.º Sureº as nuts. I must get a wash tomorrow or next day. It's them black lads I objects to. I hate those buggers. Sucks your blood dry, they does.
Seeing they were all looking at his chest, he accomodatinglyº dragged his shirt more open so that, on top of the timehonoured symbol of the mariner's hope and rest, they had a full view of the figure 16 and a young man's sideface looking frowningly rather.
— Tattoo, the exhibitor explained. That was done when we were lying becalmed off Odessa in the Black Sea under Captain Dalton. Fellow the name of Antonio done that. There he is himself, a Greek.
— Did it hurt much doing it? one asked the sailor.
That worthy, however, was busily engaged in collecting round the somewayº in his. Squeezing or …
—
See here, he said,
showing Antonio. There he is, cursing the mate. And there he is now, he added.
Theº
same fellow, pulling
the skin with his fingers, some special knack evidently, and he laughing at
a yarn.
{u22, 587}
And in point of fact the young man named Antonio's livid face did actually look like forced smiling and the curious effect excited the unreserved admiration of everybody, including Skin-the-Goatº who this time stretched over.
He let go of the skin so that the profile resumed the normal expression of before.
— Neat bit of work, longshoreman oneº said.
— And what's the number for? loafer number two queriedº.
— Eaten alive? a third asked the sailor.
— Ay, ay, sighed again the latter personage, more cheerily this time, with some sort of a half smile, for a brief duration only, in the direction of the questioner about the number. A Greek he was.
And then he added, with rather gallowsbird humour, considering his alleged end:
—º As bad as old
Antonio,º
For he left me on my ownio.
The face of a streetwalker, glazed and haggard under a black straw hat, peered askew round the door of the shelter, palpablyº reconnoitring on her own with the object of bringing more grist to her mill.º Mr Bloom, scarcely knowing which way to look, turned away on the moment, flusterfied but outwardly calm, andº picking up from the table the pink sheet of the Abbey street organ which the jarvey, if such he was, had laid aside, he picked it up and looked at the pink of the paper though why pink? His reason for so doing was he recognised on the moment round the door the same face he had caught a fleeting glimpse of that afternoon on Ormond Quay, the partially idiotic female, namely, of the lane, who knew the lady in the brown costume does be with you (Mrs B.), and begged the chance of his washing. Also why washing, which seemed rather vague than not?
Your washing. Still, candour compelled him to admit that
he had washed his
wife's undergarments when soiled in Holles
Streetº and women would and did too a
man's similar garments initialled with
Bewley and
Draper's marking ink (hers were, that is) if they really loved him,
that is to say. Love me, love my dirty shirt. Still, just then,
being on
tenterhooks, he desired the female's room more than her company so it
came as a genuine relief when the keeper made her a rude sign to take herself off. Round the side of the
{u22, 588}
Evening Telegraph he just caught a
fleeting glimpse
of her face round the side of the door with a kind of demented glassy grin
showing that she was not exactly
all there,
viewing with evident amusement the group of gazers round Skipper Murphy's
nautical chest and then there was no more of her.
— The gunboat, the keeper said.
— It beats me, Mr Bloom confided to Stephen, medically I am speaking, how a wretched creature like that from the Lock Hospital, reeking with disease, can be barefaced enough to solicit or how any man in his sober senses, if he values his health in the least. Unfortunate creature! Of course, I suppose some man is ultimately responsible for her condition. Still no matter what the cause is from …
Stephen had not noticed her and shrugged his shoulders, merely remarking:
— In this country people sell much more than she ever had and do a roaring trade. Fear not them that sell the body but have not power to buy the soul. She is a bad merchant. She buys dear and sells cheap.
The elder man, though not by any manner of means an old maid or a prude, said that it was nothing short of a crying scandal that ought to be put a stop to instanter to say that women of that stampº (quite apart from any oldmaidish squeamishness on the subject), a necessary evil, were not licensed and medically inspected by the proper authorities, a thing he could truthfully state he, as a paterfamilias, was a stalwart advocate of from the very first start. Whoever embarked on a policy of the sort, he said, and ventilated the matter thoroughly would confer a lasting boon on everybody concerned.
— You, as a good catholic, he observed, talking of body and soul, believe in the soul. Or do you mean the intelligence, the brainpower as such, as distinct from any outside object, the table, let us say, that cup? I believe in that myself because it has been explained by competent men as the convolutions of the grey matter. Otherwise we would never have such inventions as X rays, for instance. Do you?
Thus cornered, Stephen had to make a superhuman effort of memory to try and concentrate and remember before he could say.º
— They tell me
on the best
authority it is a simple substance and therefore incorruptible. It would be
immortal, I understand, but for the possibility of its annihilation by its
First Cause, Who,
from all I can hear, is quite capable of adding that to the number of His other
practical jokes, corruptio per se and corruptio per accidens both being excluded by court etiquette.
{u22, 589}
Mr Bloom thoroughly acquiesced in the general gist of this though the mystical finesse involved was a bit out of his sublunary depth still he felt bound to enter a demurrer on the head of simple, promptly rejoining:
— Simple? I shouldn't think that is the proper word. Of course, I grant you, to concede a point, you do knock across a simple soul once in a blue moon. But what I am anxious to arrive at is it is one thing for instance to invent those rays Röngtenº did, or the telescope like Edison, though I believe it was before his time, Galileo was the man I mean. The same applies to the laws, for example, of a farreaching natural phenomenon such as electricity but it's a horse of quite another colour to say you believe in the existence of a supernatural God.
— O that, Stephen expostulated, has been proved conclusively by several of the best knownº passages in Holy Writ, apart from circumstantial evidence.
On this knotty point, however, the views of the pair, poles apart as they were, both in schooling and everything else, with the marked difference in their respective ages, clashed.
— Has been? the more experienced of the two objected, sticking to his original point. I'm not so sure about that. That's a matter of every man's opinion and, without dragging in the sectarian side of the business, I beg to differ with you in toto there. My belief is, to tell you the candid truth, that those bits were genuine forgeries all of them put in by monks most probably or it's the big question of our national poet over again, who precisely wrote them, like Hamlet and Bacon, asº you who know your Shakespeare infinitely better than I, of course I needn't tell you. Can't you drink that coffee, by the way? Let me stir it andº take a piece of that bun. It's like one of our skipper's bricks disguised. Still, no oneº can give what he hasn't got. Try a bit.
— Couldn't, Stephen contrived to get out, his mentlalº organs for the moment refusing to dictate further.
Faultfinding being a proverbially bad hat, Mr Bloom
thought well to
stir, or try to, the clotted sugar from the bottom and reflected with
something approaching acrimony on the
Coffee Palace and
its temperance (and lucrative) work. To be sure it was a
legitimate object
and beyond yea or nay did a world of good.
Sheltersº such as the present one they
were in run on
teetotal lines for vagrants at night, concerts, dramatic
evenings,º and useful lectures
(admittance free)
by qualified men
for the lower orders. On the other hand, he had a distinct and painful
recollection
they paid his wife, Madam Marion Tweedyº
who had been prominently associated with it at one time,
{u22, 590}
a very modest remuneration indeed for her pianoplaying. The idea, he was
strongly inclined to believe, was to
do good and net a
profit, there being no competition to speak of.
Sulphate of copper
poison,º
SO4
or something in some dried peas he remembered reading of in a cheap
eatinghouse somewhere but he couldn't remember when it was or where.
Anyhow, inspection, medical inspection, of all eatables, seemed to him more than
ever necessary which possibly accounted for the vogue of
Dr Tibble's
Vi-Cocoa on account of the medical analysis involved.
— Have a shot at it now, he ventured to say of the coffee after being stirred.
Thus prevailed on to at any rate taste it, Stephen lifted the heavy mug from the brown puddle — it clopped out of it when taken up — by the handle and took a sip of the offending beverage.
— Still, it's solid food, his good genius urged, I'm a stickler for solid food, hisº one and only reason being not gormandising in the least but regular meals as the sine qua non for any kind of proper work, mental or manual. You ought to eat more solid food. You would feel a different man.
— Liquids I can eat, Stephen said. But oblige me by taking away that knife. I can't look at the point of it. It reminds me of Roman history.
Mr Bloom promptly did as suggested and removed the incriminated article, a blunt hornhandled ordinary knife with nothing particularly Roman or antique about it to the lay eye, observing that the point was the least conspicuous point about it.
— Our mutual friend's stories are like himself, Mr Bloom, apropos of knives, remarked to his confidante sotto voce. Do you think they are genuine? He could spin those yarns for hours on end all night long and lie like old boots. Look at him.
Yet still, though his eyes were thick with sleep and sea air, life was full of a host of things and coincidences of a terrible nature and it was quite within the bounds of possibility that it was not an entire fabrication though at first blush there was not much inherent probability in all the spoof he got off his chest being strictly accurate gospel.
He had been
meantime
taking stock of the
individual in front of him and
Sherlockholmesing
him up,º ever since he clapped eyes on
him. Though a
wellpreserved man
of no little
stamina, if a
trifle prone to baldness, there was something spurious in the cut of his
jib that
suggested a jail
delivery and it required no violent stretch of imagination to associate such
a weirdlooking
specimen with the
oakum and
treadmill fraternity.
{u22, 591}
He might even have
done for his
man, supposing it was
his own case he
told, as people often did about others, namely,
that he killed him
himself and had
served his four or
five goodlooking years
in durance vile
to say nothing of the Antonio personage (no relation to the dramatic personage
of identical name who sprang from the pen of
our national
poet) who
expiated his
crimes in the melodramatic manner above described. On the other hand he
might be only bluffing, a pardonable weakness, because meeting unmistakable
mugs, Dublin residents, like those jarvies waiting news from abroad, would tempt
any ancient mariner who sailed the ocean seas to
draw the long
bow about the
schooner Hesperus and etcetera. And when all was said and done,
the lies a fellow
told about himself couldn't probably hold a proverbial candle to the
wholesale whoppers other fellows coined
about him.
— Mind you, I'm not saying that it's all a pure invention, he resumed. Analogous scenes are occasionally, if not often, met with. Giants, though, that is rather a far cry youº see once in a way. Marcella, the midget queen. In those waxworks in Henry street I myself saw some Aztecs, as they are called, sitting bowlegged. They couldn't straighten their legs if you paid them because the muscles here, you see, he proceeded, indicating on his companion the brief outline, the sinews, or whatever you like to call them, behind the right knee, were utterly powerless from sitting that way so long cramped up, being adored as gods. There's an example again of simple souls.
However, reverting to friend Sinbad and his horrifying adventures (who reminded him a bit of Ludwig, alias Ledwidge, when he occupied the boards of the Gaiety when Michael Gunn was identified with the management in the Flying Dutchman, a stupendous success, and his host of admirers came in large numbers, everyone simply flocking to hear him though ships of any sort, phantom or the reverse, on the stage usually fell a bit flat as also did trains), there was nothing intrinsically incompatible about it, he conceded. On the contrary, that stab in the back touch was quite in keeping with those Italianos, though candidly he was none the less free to admit those ice creamers and friers in the fish way, not to mention the chip potato variety and so forth, over in little Italy there, near the Coombe, were sober thrifty hardworking fellows except perhaps a bit too given to pothunting the harmless necessary animal of the feline persuasion of others at night so as to have a good old succulent tuckinkº with garlic de rigueur off him or her next day on the quiet and, he added, on the cheap.
— Spaniards, for instance, he continued,
passionate temperaments like
{u22, 592}
that, impetuous as
Old Nick, are
given to taking the law into their own hands and give you your quietus double
quickº with those poignards they carry in
the abdomen. It comes from the great heat, climate generally. My wife is,
so to speak,
Spanish, half,
that is.
Point of fact
she could actually
claim Spanish nationality if she wanted, having been born in (technically)
Spain, i.e. Gibraltar. She has the
Spanish type.
Quite dark, regular
brunette, black.
I, for one,
certainly believe climate accounts for character. That's why I asked you if you wrote your poetry in Italian.
— The temperaments at the door, Stephen interposed with, were very passionate about ten shillings. Roberto ruba roba sua.
— Quite so, Mr Bloom dittoed.
— Then, Stephen said, staring and rambling on to himself or some unknown listener somewhere, we have the impetuosity of Dante and the isosceles triangle, Miss Portinari,º he fell in love withº and Leonardo and san Tommaso Mastino.
— It's in the blood, Mr Bloom acceded at once. All are washed in the blood of the sun. Coincidence, I just happened to be in the Kildare Street Museum today, shortly prior to our meeting, if I can so call it, and I was just looking at those antique statues there. The splendid proportions of hips, bosom. You simply don't knock against those kind of women here. An exception here and there. Handsome, yes, pretty in a way you find, but what I'm talking about is the female form. Besides, they have so little taste in dress, most of them, which greatly enhances a woman's natural beauty, no matter what you say. Rumpled stockings — it may be, possibly is, a foible of mine, but still it's a thing I simply hate to see.
Interest, however, was starting to flag somewhat all round and the others got on to talking about accidents at sea, ships lost in a fog, collisions with icebergs, all that sort of thing. Shipahoy, of course, had his own say to say. He had doubled the Cape a few odd times and weathered a monsoon, a kind of wind, in the China seas and through all those perils of the deep there was one thing, he declared, stood to him, or words to that effect, a pious medal he had that saved him.
So then after that they drifted on to the
wreck
ofº
Daunt's
rock, wreck of that
illfated
Norwegian barque
— nobody could think of her name for the moment till the jarvey who had
really quite a look of Henry Campbell remembered it, Palme, on
Booterstown Strand, that was the talk of the town that year (Albert William
Quill wrote a fine piece of
original verse
of distinctive merit
{u22, 593}
on the topic for the Irishº
Times)º
breakers running
over her and crowds and crowds on the shore in commotion
petrified with
horror. Then someone said something about the case of the
s.s. Lady
Cairns of Swansea, run into by the Mona, which was on an opposite
tack, in rather muggyish weather
and lost with all
hands on deck. No
aid was given. Her master, the Mona's, said he was
afraidº
his collision bulkhead
would give way. She had no water, it appears, in her hold.
At this stage an incident happened. It having become necessary for him to unfurl a reef, the sailor vacated his seat.
— Let me cross your bows, mate, he said to his neighbour, who was just gently dropping off into a peaceful doze.
He made tracks heavily, slowly, with a dumpy sort of a gait to the door, stepped heavily down the one step there was out of the shelter and bore due left. Whileº he was in the act of getting his bearings, Mr Bloom, who noticed when he stood up that he had two flasks of presumably ship's rum sticking one out of each pocket for the private consumption of his burning interior, saw him produce a bottle and uncork it, or unscrew, and, applying its nozzle to his lips, take a good old delectable swig out of it with a gurgling noise. The irrepressible Bloom, who also had a shrewd suspicion that the old stager went out on a manœuvreº after the counterattraction in the shape of a female, who, however, had disappeared to all intents and purposes, could, by straining, just perceive him, when duly refreshed,º by his rum puncheon exploit, gazingº up at the piers and girders of the Loop Line, rather out of his depth, as of course it was all radically altered since his last visit and greatly improved. Some person or persons invisible directed him to the male urinal erected by the cleansing committee all over the place for the purpose but, after a brief space of time during which silence reigned supreme, the sailor, evidently giving it a wide berth, eased himself closeº at hand, the noise of his bilgewater some little time subsequently splashing on the ground where it apparently wokeº a horse of the cabrank.
A hoof scooped anyway for new foothold after sleep and harness jingled.
Slightly disturbed in his sentrybox by the brazier of live coke, the watcher of
the corporation, who, though now broken down and
fast breaking up,
was none other in stern reality than the Gumley aforesaid, now practically on
the parish rates, given the temporary job by Pat Tobin in all human
probability,º from
dictates of
humanity, knowing him before — shifted about and shuffled in his box
before composing his limbs again in the arms
{u22, 594}
of Morpheus. Aº
truly amazing
piece of hard times in
its most virulent form on a fellow most
respectably
connected and
familiarised
with decent home comforts all his life who
came in for a cool
£100 a year at one time which of course the
doublebarrelled
ass proceeded to make general ducks and drakes of. And there he was at the
end of his tether after having often
painted the town
tolerably pink, without
a
beggarly stiver.
He drank,
needless to be told, and
it pointed only once
more a moral when he might quite easily be
in a large way of
business if
— a big if,
however — he had
contrived to cure
himself of his particular partiality.
All, meantime, were loudly lamenting the falling off in Irish shipping, coastwise and foreign as well, which was all part and parcel of the same thing. A Palgrave Murphy boat was put off the ways at Alexandra Basin, the only launch that year. Right enough the harbours were there only no ships ever called.º
There were wrecks and wrecks, the keeper said, who was evidently au fait.
What he wanted to ascertain was why that ship ran bang against the only rock in Galway Bay when the Galway Harbour scheme was mooted by a Mr Worthington or some name like that, eh? Ask herº captain, he advised them, how much palmoil the British Government gave him for that day's work. Captain John Lever of the Lever lineº.
— Am I right, skipper? he queried of the sailor now returning after his private potation and the rest of his exertions.
That worthy, picking up the scent of the fagend of the song or words, growled in wouldbe music, but with great vim, some kind of chanty or other in seconds or thirds. Mr Bloom's sharp ears heard him then expectorate the plug probablyº (which it was), so that he must have lodged it for the time being in his fist while he did the drinking and making water jobs and found it a bit sour after the liquid fire in question. Anyhow in he rolled after his successful libation-cum-potation, introducing an atmosphere of drink into the soirée, boisterously trolling, like a veritable son of a seacook:
—º
The biscuits was as hard as brass,
And the beef as salt as Lot's
wife'sº
arse.
Oº
Johnny Lever!
Johnny Lever, O!
After which
effusion the
redoutableº
specimen duly arrived on the
{u22, 595}
scene and,
regaining his
seat, he sank
rather than sat heavily on the form provided.
Skin-the-Goat,º assuming he was he, evidently with an axe to grind, was airing his grievances in a forcible-feeble philippic anent the natural resources of Ireland, or something of that sort, which he described in his lengthy dissertation as the richest country bar none on the face of God's earth, far and away superior to England, with coal in large quantities, six million pounds' worth of pork exported every year, ten millions between butter and eggs, and all the riches drained out of it by England levying taxes on the poor people that paid through the nose always, and gobbling up the best meat in the market, and a lot more surplus steam in the same vein. Their conversation accordingly became general and all agreed that that was a fact. You could grow any mortal thing in Irish soil, he stated, and there was Colonel Everard down there in Cavanº growing tobacco. Where would you find anywhere the like of Irish bacon?º But a day of reckoning, he stated crescendo with no uncertain voice — thoroughly monopolising all the conversation — was in store for mighty England, despite her power of pelf on account of her crimes. There would be a fall and the greatest fall in history. The Germans and the Japs were going to have their little lookin, he affirmed. The Boers were the beginning of the end. Brummagem England was toppling already and her downfall would be Ireland, her Achilles heel, which he explained to them about the vulnerable point of Achilles, the Greek hero — a point his auditors at once seized as he completely gripped their attention by showing the tendon referred to on his boot. His advice to every Irishman was: stay in the land of your birth and work for Ireland and live for Ireland. Ireland, Parnell said, could not spare a single one of her sons.
Silence all round marked the termination of his finale. The impervious navigator heard these lurid tidings undismayed.
— Take a bit of doing, boss, retaliated that rough diamond palpably a bit peeved in response to the foregoing truism.
To which cold douche, referring to downfall and so on, the keeper concurred but nevertheless held to his main view.
— Who's the best troops in the army? the grizzled old veteran irately interrogated. And the best jumpers and racers? And the best admirals and generals we've got? Tell me that.
— The Irishº
for choice,
retorted the cabby like Campbell, facial blemishes apart.
{u22, 596}
— That's right, the old tarpaulin corroborated. The Irish catholic peasant. He's the backbone of our empire. You know Jem Mullins?
While allowing him his individual opinions, as every man, the keeper added he cared nothing for any empire, ours or his, and considered no Irishman worthy of his salt that served it. Then they began to have a few irascible words, when it waxed hotter, both, needless to say, appealing to the listeners who followed the passage of arms with interest so long as they didn't indulge in recriminations and come to blows.
From inside information
extending over a
series of years Mr Bloom was rather inclined to
poohpooh the
suggestion as
egregious
balderdash for,
pending that
consummation devoutly to be or not to be wished for, he was
fully cognisant
of the fact that their neighbours across the channel, unless they were much
bigger fools than he took them for,
rather concealed
their strength than the opposite. It was quite on a par with the
quixotic idea in
certain quarters that
in a hundred million
years the coal seam of the sister island would be played out and
if, as time went
on, that turned out
to be how the cat jumped all he could personally say on the matter
was that as a
host of
contingencies,
equally relevant to
the issue, might occur
ere then it was
highly advisable in the interim to try to
make the most of
both countries, even though
poles apart.
Another
littleinterestingº
point, the amours of
whores and
chummies, to put it
in common
parlance, reminded him
Irish soldiers had
as often fought for England as against her, more so, in fact. And now, why?
So the scene between
the pair of them,
the licensee of the place, rumoured to be or have been Fitzharris, the famous
invincible, and the other, obviously
bogus,º
reminded him
forcibly as being
on all fours
with the confidence trick, supposing, that is, it was prearranged, as the
lookeron, a student of the human soul, if anything, the others seeing least of
the game. And as for the
lessee or keeper,
who probably wasn't the other person at all, he (Bloom) couldn't help
feeling, and most properly, it was better to give people like that the goby
unless you were a
blithering idiot
altogether and refuse to have anything to do with them as a
golden rule
in private life
and their
felonsetting,
there always being the offchance of a
Dannyman
coningº forward and turning
queen's
evidence — or king's, now — like Denis or Peter Carey, an
idea he utterly repudiated. Quite apart from that, he disliked those careers of
wrongdoing and crime on principle. Yet, though
such criminal
propensities had never been an inmate of his bosom in
any shape or form,
he certainly did feel, and no denying it (while
inwardly remaining what he was), a certain
{u22, 597}
kind of admiration for a man who had actually brandished a knife, cold
steel, with the courage of his political convictions
thoughº, personally, he would never
be a party to any
such thingº, off the same bat as those
love vendettas of the south — have her or
swing for her
— when the husband frequently, after some words passed between the two
concerning her relations with the other lucky mortal (he
manº having had the pair
watched)º inflicted fatal injuries on his
adored one as a result of an alternative postnuptial liaison by plunging
his knife into her until it just struck him that Fitz, nicknamed Skin-the-Goat,
merely drove the car for the actual
perpetrators of the
outrage and so was not, if he was reliably informed, actually party to
the ambush
which, in point of
fact, was the plea some
legal luminary
saved his skin on. In any case that was very ancient history by now and as for
our friend, the
pseudo
Skin-the-etcetera, he had
transparently
outlived his
welcome. He ought to have either died naturally or on the scaffold high.
Like actresses, always farewell — positively last performance — then
come up smiling again.
Generous to a
fault, of course,
temperamental,
no economising or any
idea of the sort, always snapping at the
bone for the
shadow. So similarly he had a very shrewd suspicion that Mr Johnny Lever
got rid of some
£. s. d. in the course of his
perambulations
round the docks in
the congenial atmosphere of the Old Ireland
tavern, come back
to Erin and so on. Then as for the
othersº, he had heard not so long before
the same identical lingo, as
he told Stephen how
he simply but effectually
silenced the
offender.º
— He took umbrage at something or other, that muchinjured but on the whole eventemporedº person declared, I let slip. He called me a jew, and in a heated fashion, offensively. So I, without deviating from plain facts in the least, told him his God, I mean Christ, was a jew too, and all his family, like me, though in reality I'm not. That was one for him. A soft answer turns away wrath. He hadn't a word to say for himself as everyone saw. Am I not right?
He turned a long you are wrong gaze on Stephen of timorous dark pride at the soft impeachment, with a glance also of entreaty for he seemed to glean in a kind of a way that it wasn't all exactly …
— Ex quibus, Stephen mumbled in a noncommitalº accent, their two or four eyes conversing.º Christus or Bloom his name is, or, after all, any other, secundum carnem.
— Of course, Mr Bloom proceeded to stipulate, you must look
at both sides of the question.
It is hard to lay down any hard and fast rules as to right
{u22, 598}
and wrong but room for improvement all round there certainly is though
every country, they
say, our own distressful included,
has the government it
deserves. But with
a little goodwill all round. It's
all very fine to
boast of mutual
superiority but what about mutual equality? I resent
violence
orº
intolerance
in any shape or
form. It never
reaches anything or stops anything. A revolution must come on the due
instalments plan. It's a patent absurdity
on the face of it
to hate people because they live round the corner and speak another vernacular,
soº
to speak.
— Memorable bloody bridge battle and seven minutes' war, Stephen assented, between Skinner's alley and Ormond market.
—º Yes, Mr Bloom thoroughly agreed, entirely endorsing the remark, that was overwhelminglyº right andº the whole world was overwhelmingly full of that sort of thing.
— You just took the words out of my mouth, he said. A hocuspocus of conflicting evidence that candidly you couldn't remotely …
All those wretched quarrels, in his humble opinion, stirring up bad blood —º bump of combativeness or gland of some kind, erroneously supposed to be about a punctilio of honour and a flag, —º were very largely a question of the money question which was at the back of everything, greed and jealousy, people never knowing when to stop.
— They accuse —º remarked he audibly.º He turned away from the others, who probably … and spoke nearer to, so as the others … in case they …
— Jews, he softly imparted in an aside in Stephen's
ear, are accused of ruining. Not a vestige of truth in it,
I can safely say.
History,º —
would you be surprised
to learn? —
proves up to the
hilt Spain
decayed when the Inquisition hounded the jews out and England prospered when
Cromwell, an
uncommonly able
ruffian, who, in other respectsº
has much to answer
for, imported
them. Why? Because they are practical and are
proved to be so. I
don't want to indulge in any … because you know
the standard works
on the subject, and then, orthodox as you are … But in the
economic, not
touching
religion, domain, the priest spells poverty. Spain again, you saw in the war,
compared with
goahead America.
Turks,º
it'sº in the dogma. Because
if they didn't
believe they'd go straight to heaven when they die they'd try to live
better — at least, so I think. That's the juggle on which
the p.p.'s
raise the wind on false pretences. I'm, he
resumed,º
with dramatic
force, as good an Irishman as that rude person I told you about
at the outset and I want to see
{u22, 599}
everyone, concluded he,
all creeds and
classes pro
rata having a comfortable
tidysized income,
in no niggard
fashion either, something in the neighbourhood of £300 per annum.
That's the vital issue at stake and it's feasible and would be
provocative of friendlier intercourse between man and man. At least that's
my idea for what it's worth. I call that patriotism.
Ubi patria,
as we learned a small smattering of in our classical
dayº in
Alma Mater,
vita beniº. Where you can live well, the sense is, if you work.
Over his untasteableº apology for a cup of coffee, listening to this synopsis of things in general, Stephen stared at nothing in particular. He could hear, of course, all kinds of words changing colour like those crabs about Ringsend in the morning,º burrowing quickly into all colours of different sorts of the same sand where they had a home somewhere beneath or seemed to. Then he looked up and saw the eyes that said or didn't say the words the voice he heard said — if you work.
— Count me out, he managed to remark, meaning toº work.
The eyes were surprised at this observation,º because as he, the person who owned them pro. tem. observed, or rather,º his voice speaking did: Allº must work, have to, together.
— I mean, of course, the other hastened to affirm, work in the widest possible sense. Also literary labour, not merely for the kudos of the thing. Writing for the newspapers which is the readiest channel nowadays. That's work too. Important work. After all, from the little I know of you, after all the money expended on your education, you are entitled to recoup yourself and command your price. You have every bit as much right to live by your pen in pursuit of your philosophy as the peasant has. What? You both belong to Ireland, the brain and the brawn. Each is equally important.
— You suspect, Stephen retorted with a sort of a half laugh, that I may be important because I belong to the faubourg Saint-Patrice called Ireland for short.
— I would go a step farther, Mr Bloom insinuated.
— But I suspect, Stephen interrupted, that Ireland must be important because it belongs to me.
— What belongs? queried Mr Bloom, bending, fancying he was perhaps under some misapprehension.º Excuse me. Unfortunately I didn't catch the latter portion. What was it you? …º
Stephen, patently crosstempered, repeated and shoved aside his mug of coffee, or whatever you like to call it, none too politely, adding:
— We can't change the country. Let us change the subject.
{u22, 600}
At this pertinent
suggestion, Mr Bloom, to change the subject, looked down, but in a quandary,
as he couldn't
tell exactly what
construction to put on belongs to which sounded
rather a far
cry. The rebuke of some kind was clearer than the other part. Needless to
say, the fumes of his recent orgy spoke then
whichº some
asperity in a
curious bitter way,º foreign
to his sober
state. Probably the home life, to which Mr Bloom
attached the utmost
importance, had not been all that was needful or
he hadn't
been familiarised
with the
theº
right sort of
people. With a touch of fear for the young man beside him, whom he furtively
scrutinised with an
air of some consternation, remembering he had just come back from Paris,
the eyes more
especially reminding him forcibly of father and sister, failing to throw
much light on the
subject, however, he brought to mind instances of cultured fellows that
promised so brilliantly,º nipped in the
bud of premature decay, and
nobody to blame but
themselves. For instance, there was the case of
O'Callaghan,
for one, the
half crazy
faddist,
respectably
connected, though of
inadequate
means, with his mad vagaries,
among whose other
gay doings when rotto and making himself a nuisance to everybody all round
he was in the habit of
ostentatiously
sporting in public a suit of brown paper
(a fact). And then
the usual dénouement after the fun had gone on
fast and furious
he got
landed
into hot water and
had to be spirited away by a few friends, after a strong hint to a blind horse
from John Mallon of Lower Castle Yard, so as not to be
made amenable
under section two of the Criminal Law Amendment Act, certain names of those
subpœnaed
being handed in but not divulged,
for reasons which will
occur to anyone with a pick of
brains.
Briefly, putting
two and two
together, six
sixteen, which he
pointedly turned a deaf ear to, Antonio and so forth, jockeys and
esthetesandº
the tattoo which
was all the go in
the seventies or thereabouts, even in the House of Lords, because
early in life
the occupant of the
throne, then
heir apparent, the other members of the
upper ten and
other high
personages simply following in the footsteps of the
head of the
state, he reflected about the errors of notorieties and
crowned heads
running counter to
morality such as the
Cornwall case a number of years before under their
veneer in a way
scarcely intended by
nature, a thing good Mrs Grundyº
as the law
stands, was terribly down on, though not for the reason they thought they
were probably, whatever it was, except women chiefly, who were always fiddling
more or less at one another, it being largely a matter of dress and all the rest
of it. Ladies who like distinctive underclothing should, and every
{u22, 601}
welltailored man must, trying to make the gap wider between them by
innuendo and
give more of
a
genuine
filipº
to
acts of impropriety
between the two, she unbuttoned his and then he untied her, mind the pin,
whereas savages in the cannibal islands, say, at
ninety degrees in the
shade not caring
a
continental.
However, reverting
to the original, there were on the other hand others who had forced their
way to the top
from the lowest rung by the aid of their bootstraps. Sheer force of natural
genius, that. With brains, sir.
For which and further reasons he feltº it wasº interest and duty even to wait on and profit by the unlookedfor occasion, though why,º he could not exactly tell, being, as it was, already several shillings to the bad, having, in fact, let himself in for it. Still, to cultivate the acquaintance of someone of no uncommon calibre who could provide food for reflection would amply repay any small … Intellectual stimulation as such was, he felt, from time to time a firstrate tonic for the mind. Added to which was the coincidence of meeting, discussion, dance, row, old salt, ofº the here today and gone tomorrow type, night loafers, the whole galaxy of events, all went to make up a miniature cameo of the world we live in, especially as the lives of the submerged tenth, viz.,º coalminers, divers, scavengers etc.,º were very much under the microscope lately. To improve the shining hour he wondered whether he might meet with anything approaching the same luck as Mr Philip Beaufoy if taken down in writing. Suppose he were to pen something out of the common groove (as he fully intended doing) at the rate of one guinea per column, My Experiences, let us say, in a Cabman's Shelter.
The pink edition,
extra sporting, of the Telegraph, tell a graphic lie, lay,
as luck would have
it, beside his elbow and as he was just puzzling again,
far from
satisfied, over a country belonging to him and the preceding rebus the vessel
came from Bridgwater
and the postcard was
addressed to A. Boudin, find the captain's age, his eyes went aimlessly
over the respective captions which
came under his special
province, the
allembracing give
us this day our daily press.
First he got a bit
of a start but it turned out to be only something about somebody named H. du
Boyes, agent for typewriters or something like that.
Great battle
Tokio. Lovemaking
in Irish
£200
damages. Gordon
Bennett.
Emigration
swindleº.
Letter from His
Graceº
William
+.
Ascotº
Throwaway recalls Derby of '92 when Captain Marshall's dark
horse, Sir Hugo, captured the blue ribband at long odds.
New-Yorkº disaster, thousand lives lost.
Foot and Mouth. Funeral of the late Mr Patrick Dignam.
{u22, 602}
So to change the subject he read about Dignam, R.I.P., which, he reflected, was anything but a gay sendoff.
— This morning (Hynes putº in, of course), the remains of the late Mr Patrick Dignam were removed from his residence, n° 9 Newbridge Avenue, Sandymount, for interment in Glasnevin. The deceased gentleman was a most popular and genial personality in city life and his demise, after a brief illness, came asº great shock to citizens of all classes by whom he is deeply regretted. The obsequies, at which many friends of the deceased were present, were carried outº (certainly Hynes wrote it with a nudge from Corny) byº Messrs. H.J. O'Neill & Son, 164 North Strand roadº. The mourners included: Patk. Dignam (son), Bernard Corrigan (brother-in-law), Johnº Henry Menton, solr.,º Martin Cunningham, John Power eatondph 1/8 ador dorador douradora (must be where he called Monks the dayfather about Keyes's ad.)º Thomas Kernan, Simon Dedalus,º B.A., Edward J. Lambert, Cornelius Kelleher, Joseph M'C. Hynes, L. Bloom,º C.P. M'Coyº — M'Intosh, and several others.
Nettled not a little by L. Boomº (as it incorrectly stated) and the line of bitched type, but tickled to death simultaneously by C.P. M'Coy and Stephen Dedalus, B.A., who were conspicuous, needless to say, by their total absence (to say nothing of M'Intosh), L. Boom pointed it out to his companionº B.A., engaged in stifling another yawn, half nervousness, not forgetting the usual crop of nonsensical howlers of misprints.
— Is that first epistle to the Hebrews, he asked, as soon as his bottom jaw would let him, in? Text: open thy mouth and put thy foot in it.
— It is, really, Mr Bloom said (though first he fancied he alluded to the archbishop till he added about foot and mouth with which there could be no possible connection)º overjoyed to set his mind at rest and a bit flabbergasted at Myles Crawford's after all managing the thing, there.
While the other was reading it on page two Boom (to give him for the nonce
his new misnomer) whiled away
a few odd
leisure moments
in fits and
starts with the account of the third event at Ascot on page three, his
side-valueº
1,000 sovs., with
3,000 sovs. in specie added
forº
entire colts and
fillies. Mr F. Alexander's
Throwaway,
b.h.
by
Rightaway,
5 yrs, 9 st 4
lbs, Thraleº
(W. Lane) 1.
Lord Howard de
Walden's Zinfandel (M. Cannon) 2.
Mr W. Bass's
Sceptre,º
3.
Bettingsº
5 to 4 on
Zinfandel, 20 to 1 Throwaway (off).
Throwaway and
Zinfandel stood close order. It was
anybody's
race then the rank outsider
drew to the
foreº
got long lead,
beating lord Howard
de Walden's chestnut colt and
Mr W. Bass's
bay filly Sceptreº on a
2½ mile
course. Winner
{u22, 603}
trained by Braineº so that
Lenehan's
version of the business was all pure buncombe.
Secured the
verdict
cleverly
by a length.
1,000 sovs. with
300º
in specie.
Also ran J. de
Bremond's (French horse Bantam Lyons was anxiously inquiring after not in
yet but expected any minute) Maximum II. Different ways of
bringing off a
coup. Lovemaking damages. Though that halfbaked Lyons ran off at a tangent
in his
impetuosity to
get left. Of course, gambling
eminently lent
itself to that
sort of thing though, as the event turned out, the poor fool hadn't
much reason to
congratulate himself
on his pick, the
forlorn hope.
Guesswork it reduced itself to eventually.
— There was every indication they would arrive at that, Mr Bloomº said.
— Who? the other, whose hand by the way was hurt, said.
—º One morning you would open the paper, the cabman affirmed, and read, Return of Parnell. He bet them what they liked. A Dublin fusilier was in that shelter one night and said he saw him in South Africa. Pride it was killed him. He ought to have done away with himself or lain low for a time after Committee Room n° 15 until he was his old self again with no-one to point a fiingerº at him. Then they would all to a man have gone down on their marrowbones to him to come back when he had recovered his senses. Dead he wasn't. Simply absconded somewhere. The coffin they brought over was full of stones. He changed his name to De Wet, the Boer general. He made a mistake to fight the priests. And so forth and so on.
All the same Bloom (properly so
dubbed) was rather
surprised at their memories for in nine cases out of ten it was a case of
tarbarrels, and not
singly but in their thousands, and then complete oblivion because it was
twenty odd
years. Highly unlikely, of course, there was even a shadow of truth in the
stones and, even
supposing, he thought a return highly inadvisable, all things considered.
Something evidently riled them in his death. Either he
petered out too
tamely of acute pneumonia just when his various different political arrangements
were nearing
completion or whether
it transpired he
owed his death
to his having
neglected to change his boots and clothes after a wetting when a cold
resulted and failing to
consult a
specialist he being
confined to his
room till he eventually died of it amid
widespread regret
before a fortinghtº was at an end or
quite possibly they were
distressed to
find the job was taken out of their hands. Of course nobody being
acquainted with his
movements even before, there was absolutely
no clue as to his
whereabouts which were decidedly of the Alice, where art thou order
even prior to his starting to go under several aliases such as Fox and Stewart, so the
{u22, 604}
remark which
emanated from friend cabby might be within the bounds of possibility.
Naturally then, it would
prey on his mind
as a born leader of
men, which undoubtedly he was, and a
commanding figure,
a sixfooter or at any rate five feet ten or eleven
in his
stockinged
feet, whereas
Messrs.º So-and-So who, though
they weren't even
a patch on the former man, ruled the roost after their
redeeming
features were very few and far between. It certainly
pointed a moral,
the idol with feet
of clay. And then seventytwo of his trusty henchmen rounding on him with
mutual mudslinging. And the identical same with murderers. You had to come back
— that haunting sense kind of drew you — to show the understudy in
the title
rôle how to.
He saw him once
on the
auspicious
occasion when they broke up the type in the Insuppressible or was it
United Ireland,
a privilege he
keenly appreciated, and,
in point of fact,
handed him his silk hat when it was
knocked off and
he said Thank you, excited as he undoubtedly was under his frigid
expressionº notwithstanding the little
misadventure mentioned
between the cup and
the lip,º — what's bred in
the bone. Still, as regards return, you were a lucky dog if they didn't
set the terrier at
you directly you
got back. Then a lot of
shillyshally
usually followed.º Tom for and Dick and
Harry against. And then, number one, you came up against the man in possession
and had to produce your credentials, like the claimant in the
Tichborne case,
Roger Charles Tichborne, Bella was the boat's name
to the best of his
recollection he, the heir, went down in, as the
evidence went to
show, and there was a tattoo mark too
in Indian ink, Lord
Bellew, was it? As he might very easily have picked up the details from some
pal on board ship and then, when got up to tally with the description given,
introduce himself with, Excuse me, my name is So-and-So or
some such
commonplace remark. A more prudent course,
Mrº Bloom said to the
not over effusive,
in fact like the distinguished personage under discussion beside him, would have
been to sound the lie of the land first.
— That bitch, that English whore, did for him, the shebeen proprietor commented. She put the first nail in his coffin.
— Fine lump of a woman, all the same, the soi-disant townclerk,º Henry Campbell remarked, and plenty of her. Iº seen her picture in a barber's. Her husband was a captain or an officer.
— Ay, Skin-the-Goat amusingly added. He was, and a cottonball one.
This
gratuitous
contribution of a
humorous character occasioned a fair amount of laughter among his
entourage.
As regards Bloom, he, without the faintest suspicion of a smile, merely
gazed in the direction of the door and reflected
{u22, 605}
upon the
historic story
which had aroused
extraordinary interest at the time when
the facts,
to make matters
worse, were made
public with the usual
affectionate letters
that passed between them, full of
sweet nothings.
First, it was strictly
platonic till
nature intervened
and an attachment
sprang up between them, tillitº bit
by bit matters came to a climax and the matter became
the talk of the
town till the
staggering blow
came as a welcome
intelligence to not a few
evildisposedº
however, who were
resolved upon
encouraging his
downfalº though the thing was
public property
all along though not
to anything like the sensational extent that it subsequently blossomed into.
Since their names
were coupled, though, since he was
her declared
favoriteº, where was the particular
necessity to
proclaim it to
the rank and
file from the
housetops, the factº namely, that he
had shared her
bedroom, which came out in the witnessbox on oath when a
thrill went through
the packed court literally electrifying everybody in the shape of witnesses
swearing to having witnessed him on such and such a particular date in the act
of scrambling out of an
upstairs apartment
with the assistance of a ladder in night apparel, having
gained
admittance in the same fashion,
a fact that the
weeklies, addicted
to the lubric
a little, simply coined shoals of money out of. Whereas
the simple fact of
the case was it was simply a case of the husband
not being up to
the scratch with
nothing in common
between them beyond the name and then a real man
arriving on the
scene, strong to the
verge of weakness,
falling a victim to
her siren
charms and
forgetting home
ties. The usual
sequel, to
bask in the loved
one's smiles. The eternal question of the life connubial, needless to
say, cropped up. Can
real love, supposing there happens to be
another chap in the
case, exist
between married folk? Though it was
no concern of theirs
absolutely if he
regarded her with
affectionº
carried away by a
wave of folly. A
magnificent specimen
of manhood he was truly,
augmented
obviously by gifts of
a high order as compared with the other military supernumerary, that is (who
was just the usual everyday farewell, my gallant captain kind of an
individual in the light dragoons, the 18th hussars to be accurate),
and inflammable doubtless (the fallen leader, that
isº not the other)
in his own peculiar
way which she of course, woman, quickly perceived as highly likely to
carve his way to
fame, which he almost
bid fair to do
till the priests and
ministers of the
gospel as a whole, his erstwhile
staunch
adherents and his
beloved evicted tenants for whom he had done
yeoman service
in the rural parts
of the country by
taking up the
cudgels on their behalf in a way that
exceeded their most
sanguine expectations, very
effectually cooked
his
matrimonial
goose, thereby
heaping
{u22, 606}
coals of fire on his head-muchº
in the same way as the fabled ass's kick. Looking back now in a
retrospective kind of arrangement, all seemed a kind of dream. And
theº coming back was
the worst thing you
ever did because it went without saying you would feel out of place as
things always moved
with the times. Why, as he reflected,
Irishtown
Strand, a locality
he had not been in for quite a number of years, looked different somehow
since, as it happened, he went to reside on
the north side.
North or southº
however, it was just
the wellknown case of hot passion, pure and simple,
upsetting the
applecart with a
vengeance and just bore out the very thing he was saying, as she also was
Spanish or half so, types that wouldn't do things by halves,
passionate abandon
of the south, casting every shred of decency to the winds.
— Just bears out what I was saying, he,º with glowing bosom said to Stephen. And, if I don't greatly mistake, she was Spanish too.
— The king of Spain's daughter, Stephen answered, adding something or other rather muddled about farewell and adieu to you Spanish onions and the first land called the Deadman and from Ramhead to Scilly was so and so many …
— Was she? Bloom ejaculatedº surprised, though not astonished by any means. I never heard that rumour before. Possible, especially thereº it was, as she lived there. So, Spain.
Carefully avoiding a book in his pocket Sweets of, which reminded him by the by of that Capel street library book out of date, he took out his pocketbook and, turning over the various contents rapidly, finally he …
— Do you consider, by the by, he said, thoughtfully selecting a faded photo which he laid on the table, that a Spanish type?
Stephen, obviously addressed, looked down on the photo showing a large sized lady, with her fleshy charms on evidence in an open fashion, as she was in the full bloom of womanhood, in evening dress cut ostentatiously low for the occasion to give a liberal display of bosom, with more than vision of breasts, her full lips parted, and some perfect teeth, standing near, ostensibly with gravity, a piano, on the rest of which was In oldº Madrid, a ballad, pretty in its way, which was then all the vogue. Her (the lady's) eyes, dark, large, looked at Stephen, about to smile about something to be admired, Lafayette of Westmoreland street, Dublin's premier photographic artist, being responsible for the esthetic execution.
— Mrs Bloom, my wife the
prima
donna,º Madam Marion Tweedy,
Bloom indicated. Taken a few years since. In or about '96. Very like her then.
{u22, 607}
Beside the young man he looked also at the photo of the lady now his legal wife who, he intimated, was the accomplished daughter of Major Brian Tweedy and displayed at an early age remarkable proficiency as a singer having even made her bow to the public when her years numbered barely sweet sixteen. As for the face, it was a speaking likeness in expression but it did not do justice to her figure, which came in for a lot of notice usually and which did not come out to the best advantage in that getup. She could without difficulty, he said, have posed for the ensemble, not to dwell on certain opulent curves of the … He dwelt, being a bit of an artist in his spare time, on the female form in general developmentally because, as it so happened, no later than that afternoon, he had seen those Grecian statues, perfectly developed as works of art, in the National Museum. Marble could give the original, shoulders, back, all the symmetry. All the rest, yes, Puritanismº. It does though, St. Joseph's sovereign … whereas no photo could, because it simply wasn't art, in a word.
The spirit moving him, he would much have liked to follow Jack Tar's good example and leave the likeness there for a very few minutes to speak for itself on the plea he … so that the other could drink in the beauty for himself, her stage presence being, frankly, a treat in itself which the camera could not at all do justice to. But it was scarcely professional etiquette so, though it was a warm pleasant sort of a night now yet wonderfully cool for the season considering, for sunshine after storm … And he did feel a kind of need there and then to follow suit like a kind of inward voice and satisfy a possible need by moving a motion. Nevertheless, he sat tight, just viewing the slightly soiled photo creased by opulent curves, none the worse for wear, however, and looked away thoughfullyº with the intention of not further increasing the other's possible embarrassementº while gauging her symmetry of heaving embonpoint. In fact, the slight soiling was only an added charm, like the case of linen slightly soiled, good as new, much better, in fact, with the starch out. Suppose she was gone when he? …º I looked for the lamp which she told me came into his mind but merely as a passing fancy of his because he then recollected the morning littered bed etcetera and the book about Ruby with met him pike hoses (sic) in it which must have fell down sufficiently appropriately beside the domestic chamberpot with apologies to Lindley Murray.
The vicinity of the young man he certainly relished, educated,
distingué,
and impulsive into the bargain, far and away the
pick of the
bunch, though
you wouldn't
think he had it in him … yet you would. Besides he said the
{u22, 608}
picture was handsome which, say what you like, it
was,º though at the moment she was
distinctly
stouter. And why not? An awful lot of makebelieve went on
about that sort of
thing
involving
a lifelong slur
with the usual splash
page of letterpressº about the same
old matrimonial
tangle alleging misconduct with professional golfer or the newest stage
favourite instead of being
honest and
aboveboard about the whole business.
How they were
fated to meet and an
attachment sprang up between the two so that their
names were
coupled in the
public eye was
told in court with letters
containing the
habitual mushy
and compromising expressions,
leaving no
loophole, to show that they openly
cohabited two or
three times a week at some wellknown seaside hotel and relations, when the thing
ran its normal
course, became in due course intimate. Then the
decree
nisi and the
King's Proctor
toº
show cause why
and, he failing to
quash it, nisi was made absolute. But as for
that,º the two misdemeanants,
wrapped up as
they largely were
in one another,
could safely afford
to ignore it as they very
largely did
till the matter was
put in the hands of a solicitor,º who
filed a petition for the party wronged in due course. He, Bloom,
enjoyed the
distinction of being close to Erin's uncrowned king
in the flesh
when the thing
occurred on the
historic
fracas when
the fallen leader's — who notoriously
stuck to his guns
to the last
drop even when
clothed in the
mantle of adultery — (leader's) trusty henchmen
to the number of ten
or a dozen or possibly even more than that
penetrated into
the prinitngº
worskº of the Insuppressible or no
it was United Ireland (a by no means, by the
byº
appropriate appellative) and broke up the typecases with hammers or something
like that all on account of some scurrilous
effusions from
the facile pens
of the O'Brienite scribes at the usual mudslinging
occuaptionº, reflecting on the erstwhile
tribune's private morals. Though
palpably a
radically
altered man, he was still
a commanding
figure, though carelessly garbed as usual, with that
look of settled
purpose which went a long way with the
shillyshallyers
till they discovered to their vast discomfiture that their
idol had feet of
clay,º after placing him upon a
pedestal, which she, however, was the first to perceive.
As those were
particularly hot
times in the
general hullaballoo Bloom
sustained a
minor injury from
a nasty prod of
some chap's elbow in the crowd that of course congregated
lodging
some place about
the pit of the
stomach,
fortunately not of a grave character. His hat
(Parnell's),º was inadvertently
knocked off and, as a
matter of strict
history,
Bloom was the man
who picked it up in the crush
after witnessing the
occurrence meaning to return it to him
(and return it to
him he did with the utmost
{u22, 609}
celerity) who, panting and hatless and whose thoughts were miles away from
his hat at the time, being a gentleman born with a
stake in the
country, he, as a matter of fact, having gone into it more for
the kudos of the
thing than anything else, what's bred in the bone,
instilled into
him in infancy at his mother's knee in the shape of knowing what
good form was came
out at once because he turned round to the donor and thanked him
with perfect
aplomb, saying: Thank you,
sirº though in a very different tone
of voice from the ornament of the legal profession whose headgear Bloom also set
to rights earlier in the course of the day, history repeating itself with a
difference, after the burial of a mutual friend when they had left him alone in
his glory after the grim task of having committed his remains to the grave.
On the other hand what incensed him more inwardly was the blatant jokes of the cabmenº and so on, who passed it all off as a jest, laughing immoderately, pretending to understand everything, the why and the wherefore, and in reality not knowing their own minds, it being a case for the two parties themselves unless it ensued that the legitimate husband happened to be a party to it owing to some anonymous letter from the usual boy Jones, who happened to come across them at the crucial moment in a loving position locked in one another's armsº drawing attention to their illicit proceedings and leading up to a domestic rumpus and the erring fair one begging forgiveness of her lord and master upon her knees and promising to sever the connection and not receive his visits any more if only the aggrieved husband would overlook the matter and let bygones be bygones, with tears in her eyes, though possibly with her tongue in her fair cheek at the same time, as quite possibly there were several others. He personally, being of a sceptical bias, believed, and didn't make the smallest bones about saying so either, that man, or men in the plural, were always hanging around on the waiting list about a lady, even supposing she was the best wife in the world and they got on fairly well together for the sake of argument, when, neglecting her duties, she chose to be tired of wedded life,º and was on for a little flutter in polite debaucheryº to press their attentions on her with improper intent, the upshot being that her affections centred on another, the cause of many liaisons between still attractive married women getting on for fair and forty and younger men, no doubt as several famous cases of feminine infatuation proved up to the hilt.
It was a
thousand pities a young fellow
blessed with an
allowance of
brains, as his
neighbour obviously was, should waste his valuable time with
profligate women,
who might present him with a nice dose to
last him his lifetime. In
{u22, 610}
the nature of
single
blessedness he would one day
take unto
himself a wife when whenº Miss Right
came on the scene but in the interim ladies' society was a conditio
sine qua
non though he had the
gravest possible
doubts, not that he wanted
in the smallest
to pump Stephen about Miss Ferguson (who was very possibly the particular
lodestar who
brought him down to Irishtown so early in the morning), as to whether he would
find much satisfaction
basking in the
boy and girl
courtship idea and the company of smirking misses
without a penny to
their names bi-orº tri-weekly with
the orthodox
preliminary
canter of complimentpaying and walking out leading up to
fond lovers'
ways and flowers and chocs. To think of him house and homeless,
rooked by some
landlady worse than any stepmother, was really too bad at his age. The
queer suddenly
things he popped out with attracted the elder man
who was several
years the other's senior or like his father. But something substantial
he certainly ought to eat, were it only an
eggflip made on
unadulterated
maternal
nutriment or,
failing that, the homely Humpty Dumpty boiled.
— At what o'clock did you dine? he questioned of the slim form and tired though unwrinkled face.
— Some time yesterday, Stephen said.
— Yesterday,º exclaimed Bloom till he remembered it was already tomorrow, Friday. Ah, you mean it's after twelve!
— The day before yesterday, Stephen said, improving on himself.
Literally astounded at this piece of
intelligenceº
Bloom,º reflected. Though they
didn't see eye
to eye in everything, a certain analogy there somehow was, as if both their
minds were
travelling, so to
speak, in the one train of thought. At his age when
dabbling in
politics roughly
some score of years previously when he had been a quasi
aspirant to
parliamentary
honours in the Buckshot Fosterº days
he too
recollected
in retrospect
(which was a source of keen satisfaction in itself) he had
a sneaking
regard for those
same ultra ideas. For instance, when the evicted tenants question, then at
its first
inception,
bulked largely
in people's mindº though, it goes
without saying, not
contributing a copper or
pinning his faith
absolutely to its
dictums, some of
which wouldn't
exactly hold water, he
at the outset in
principle, at all
events, was in thorough sympathy with peasant possession, as
voicing the
trend of modern opinion,a
partiality,
however, which, realising his mistake,
he was subsequently
partially cured of, and even was
twitted with going
a step further than Michael
Davitt in the
striking views he
at one time inculcated as a backtothelander, which was one reason he strongly
resented the
innuendo put upon
him in so barefaced a fashion
{u22, 611}
at the
gathering of the
clans in Barney Kiernan's so that he, though often
considerably
misunderstood and the least
pugnacious of
mortals, be it
repeated, departed from his customary habit to give him (metaphorically) one
in the gizzard thoughº so far as politics
themselves were concerned, he was only too conscious of the casualties
invariably
resulting from propaganda and
displays of mutual
animosity and the
misery and suffering it entailed as a
foregone
conclusion on fine young fellows, chiefly, destruction of the fittest, in a word.
Anyhow, upon
weighingº the
pros and cons,
getting on for one as it was, it was high time to be
retiring for the
night. The
crux was it was
a bit risky to bring
him home as
eventualities might
possibly ensue (somebody having a temper of her own sometimes) and
spoil the hash
altogether as on the night he misguidedly
brought home a
dog (breed unknown) with a lame paw,not that the cases were either
identical or the
reverse, though he
had hurt his hand too, to Ontario Terrace, as
he very distinctly
remembered, having
been there, so
to speak. On the other hand
it was
altogether far and away
too late for the
Sandymount or Sandycove suggestion so that he was in some perplexity as to
which of the two
alternatives …
Everything pointed
to the fact that it behoved him
to avail himself
to the full
of the
opportunity, all things considered. His
initial
impression was that he was a bitº
standoffish or not
over effusive but it
grew on him
someway. For one
thing he mightn't what you call jump at the idea, if
approached, and
what mostly worried him was he didn't know
how to
lead up to it or
word it exactly,
supposing he did
entertain the
proposal, as it would
afford him very
great personal pleasure if he would allow him to help to
puº
coin in his way
or some wardrobe, if found suitable.
At all events he
wound up by
concluding, eschewing for the nonce
hidebound
precedent, a cup of Epps's cocoa and a shakedown for the night
plus the use of
a rug or two and overcoat doubled into a pillow. At least he would be
in safe hands
and as warm as a
toast on a trivet.
He failed top
erceiveº
any very vast amount
of harm in that always
with the proviso
no rumpus of any sort was kicked up. A move had to be made because that
merry old soul,
the grasswidower in question who appeared to be
glued to the
spot, didn't appear
in any particular
hurry to wend his
way home to his dearly beloved Queenstown and it was highly likely some
sponger's bawdyhouse of retired beauties off Sheriff street lower would be
the best clue to
that equivocal character's
whereabouts for
a few days to come, alternately
racking their
feelings (the mermaids') with
sixchamber
revolver anecdotes
verging on the
tropical calculated
to freeze the marrow
of anybody's bones and mauling their largesized charms between
whilesº with
rough and tumble
gusto
{u22, 612}
to the accompaniment of large
potations of
pottheenº and the usual
blarney about
himself for as to who he in reality was let
XXº equal my right name and address, as
Mr Algebra remarks passim. At the same time he inwardly chuckled over his
repartee to the blood and ouns champion about his God being a jew. People could
put up with being bitten by a wolf but what properly riled them was a bite from
a sheep. The most vulnerable point too of tender Achilles, your God was a jew,
because mostly they appeared to imagine he came from Carrick-on-Shannon or
somewhere aboutsº in the county Sligo.
— I propose, our hero eventually suggested, after mature reflection, while prudently pocketing her photo, as it's rather stuffy here, you just come home with me and talk things over. My diggings are quite close in the vicinity. You can't drink that stuff. Wait,º I'll just pay this lot.
The best plan clearly being to clear out, the remainder being plain sailing, he beckoned, while prudently pocketing the photo, to the keeper,º of the shanty, who didn't seem to …
— Yes, that's the best, he assured Stephen, to whom for the matter of that Brazen Head or him or anywhere else was all more or less …
All kinds of Utopian plans were flashing through his (Bloom's) busy brain. Education (the genuine article), literature, journalism, prize titbits, up to date billing, hydros and concert tours in English watering resorts packed with theatres, turning money away, duets in Italian with the accent perfectly true to nature and a quantity of other things, no necessity of course to tell the world and his wife from the housetops about itº and a slice of luck. An opening was all was wanted.º Because he more than suspected he had his father's voice to bank his hopes on which it was quite on the cards he hadº so it would be just as well, by the way no harm, to trail the conversation in the direction of that particular red herring just to …
The cabby read out of the paper he had got hold of that the former viceroy, Earlº Cadogan, had presided at the cabdrivers' association dinner in London somewhere. Silence with a yawn or two accompanied this thrilling announcement. Then the old specimen in the corner who appeared to have some spark of vitality left read out that Sir Anthony MacDonnell had left Euston for the chief secretary's lodge or words to that effect. To which absorbingº piece of intelligence echo answered why.
— Give us a squint at that literature, grandfather, the ancient mariner put in, manifesting some natural impatience.
— And welcome, answered the elderly
party thus addressed.
{u22, 613}
The sailor lugged out from a case he had a pair of greenish goggles which he very slowly hooked over his nose and both ears.
— Are you bad in the eyes? the sympathetic personage like the town clerkº queried.
— Why, answered the seafarer with the tartan beard, who seemingly was a bit of a literary cove in his own small way, staring out of seagreen portholes as you might well describe them as, I uses goggles reading. Sand in the Red Sea done that. One time I could read a book in the dark, manner of speaking,º The Arabian Nights Entertainment was my favourite and Red as a Rose is She.
Thereupon he pawed the journal open and pored upon Lord only knows what, found drowned or the exploits of King Willow, Iremonger having made a hundred and something second wicket not out for Notts, during which time (completely regardless of Ire) the keeper was intensely occupied loosening an apparently new or secondhand boot which manifestly pinched him, as he muttered against whoever it was sold it, all of them who were sufficiently awake enough to be picked out by their facial expressions, that is to say, either simply looking on glumly or passing a trivial remark.
To cut a long story short Bloom, grasping the situation, was the first to rise from his feetº so as not to outstay their welcome having first and foremost, being as good as his word that he would foot the bill for the occasion, taken the wise precaution to unobtrusively motion to mine host as a parting shot a scarcely perceptible sign when the others were not looking to the effect that the amount due was forthcoming, making a grand total of fourpence (the amount he deposited unobtrusively in four coppers, literally the last of the Mohicans)º he having previously spotted on the printed pricelist for all who ran to read opposite toº him in unmistakable figures, coffee 2d.,º confectionery d°, and honestly well worth twice the money once in a way, as Wetherup used to remark.
— Come, he counselled, to close the séance.
Seeing that the ruse worked and the coast was clear, they left the shelter or shanty together and the éliteº society of oilskin and company whom nothing short of an earthquake would move out of their dolce far niente. Stephen, who confessed to still feeling poorly and fagged out, paused at the, for a moment … the door to …
— One thing
I never
understood, he said, to be original
on the spur of the
moment, why they
put tables upside down at night, I mean chairs upside
downº
on the tables in cafés.
{u22, 614}
To which impromptu the neverfailing Bloom replied without a moment's hesitation, saying straight off:
— To sweep the floor in the morning.
So saying he skipped around nimbly, considering frankly,º at the same time apologetic,º to get on his companion's right, a habit of his, by the byeº theº right side being, in classical idiom, his tender Achilles. The night air was certainly now a treat to breathe though Stephen was a bit weak on his pins.
— It will (the air) do you good, Bloom said, meaning also the walk, in a moment. The only thing is to walk then you'll feel a different man. It's not far. Lean on me.
Accordingly he passed his left arm in Stephen's right and led him on accordingly.
— Yes, Stephen said uncertainly, because he thought he felt a strange kind of flesh of a different manº approach him, sinewless and wobbly and all that.
Anyhow, they passed the sentrybox with stones, brazier, etc.º where the municipal supernumerary, ex-Gumleyº, was still to all intents and purposes wrapped in the arms of Murphy, as the adage has it, dreaming of fresh fields and pastures new. And apropos of coffin of stones, the analogy was not at all bad, as it was in fact a stoning to death on the part of seventytwo out of eighty odd constituencies that ratted at the time of the split and chiefly the belauded peasant class, probably the selfsame evicted tenants he had put in their holdings.
So they passed on to chatting about music, a form of art for which Bloom, as
a pure amateur,
possessed the greatest love, as they made tracks arm-in-arm across Beresford
Placeº. Wagnerian music, though
confessedly
grand in its way, was a bit too heavy for Bloom and hard to follow at the first
go-off but the music of
Mercadante's
Huguenots,
Meyerbeer's
Seven Last Words on the Cross, and Mozart's Twelfth
Mass,º he
simply revelled
in, the Gloria in that being to his mind the acme of
first class
music as
such, literally
knocking everything
else into a cocked hat. He infinitely preferred the sacred music of the
catholic church to anything the opposite shop could offer in that line such as
those Moody and Sankey hymns or
Bid me to live
and I will live thy protestant to be. He also yielded to none in his
admiration of Rossini's Stabat Mater, a work simply
abounding in
immortal numbers, in which his wife, Madam Marion Tweedy, made a hit, a
veritable sensation,
he might
safely
sayº
greatly adding to
her other laurels and putting the others totally in the
{u22, 615}
shadeº in the jesuit fathers'
church in Upperº Gardiner
Streetº,
the sacred
edifice being thronged to the doors to hear her with
virtuosos, or
virtuosi rather. There was the unanimous opinion that
there was none to
come up to her and,
suffice it to
say in a place
of worship for music of a sacred character, there was a generally voiced
desire for an encore. On the whole, though favouring preferably light opera of
the Don Giovanni description, and
Martha,º a gem in its line, he had
a penchant, though with only a
surface
knowledge, for the severe classical school such as Mendelssohn. And talking
of that, taking it
for granted he knew all about the old favourites, he mentioned
par
excellence Lionel's air in Martha,
M'appari,º which, curiously
enough, he heard, or overheard, to be more accurate,
on yesterday, a
privilege he keenly appreciated, from the lips of Stephen's respected
father, sung to perfection, a study of the number, in fact, which made all the
others take a back
seat. Stephen, in reply to a politely put query, said he
didn'tº but launched out into
praises of Shakespeare's songs, at least of in or about that period, the
lutenist Dowland who lived in Fetter Lane near Gerard the herbalist, who anno
ludendo hausi, Doulandus, an instrument he was contemplating purchasing from
Mr Arnold Dolmetsch, whom Bloom did not quite recall, though the name certainly
sounded familiar, for sixtyfive guineas and Farnaby and son with their
dux and comes conceits and
Byrd (William), who
played the virginals, he said, in the Queen's Chapel or anywhere else
he found them and one Tomkins who made
toys or airs and
John Bull.
On the roadway which they were approaching whilst still speaking beyond the swing chain,º a horse, dragging a sweeper, paced on the paven ground, brushing a long swathe of mire up so that with the noise Bloom was not perfectly certain whether he had caught aright the allusion to sixtyfive guineas and John Bull. He inquired if it was John Bull the political celebrity of that ilk, as it struck him, the two identical names, as a striking coincidence.
By the chains, the horse slowly swerved to turn, which perceiving, Bloom, who was keeping a sharp lookout as usualº plucked the other's sleeve gently, jocosely remarking:
— Our lives are in peril to nightº. Beware of the steamroller.
They thereupon stopped.
Bloom looked at
theº
head of a horse
not worth anything like sixtyfive guineas, suddenly in evidence in the dark
quite near, so that it seemed new, a different grouping of bones and even flesh,
because palpably
it was a fourwalker, a hipshaker,
a
blackbuttocker, a taildangler, a headhanger,
putting his hind foot
foremost the while the lord of his creation
{u22, 616}
sat on the perch, busy with his thoughts. But such a good poor brute, he
was sorry he hadn't
a lump of sugar
but, as he wisely reflected, you could scarcely be prepared for every
emergency that
might crop up. He was just a big foolish
nervousº noodly kind of a horse,
without a second
care in the
world. But even a
dog, he reflected, take that mongrel in Barney Kiernan's, of the same size,
would be a holy horror to face. But it was no animal's fault in
particular if he was built that way like
the camel, ship of the
desert, distilling grapes into potheen in his hump. Nine tenths of them all
could be caged or trained, nothing beyond the art of man barring the bees; whale
with a harpoon hairpin,
alligator, tickle the
small of his back and he sees the joke; chalk a circle for a rooster; tiger,
my eagle eye. These timely reflections
anent the brutes
of the field occupied his mind, somewhat distracted from Stephen's words,
while the ship of the street was
manœuvringº
and Stephen went on about the highly interesting old …
— What's this I was saying? Ah, yes! My wife, he intimated, plunging in medias res, would have the greatest of pleasure in making your acquaintance as she is passionately attached to music of any kind.
He looked sideways in a friendly fashion at the sideface of Stephen, image of his mother, which was not quite the same as the usual blackguard type they unquestionably had an indubitable hankering after as he was perhaps not that way built.
Still, supposing he had his father's gift, as he more than suspected, it opened up new vistas in his mind, such as Lady Fingall's Irish industries concert on the preceding Monday, and aristocracy in general.
Exquisite variations he was now describing on aº air Youth here has End by Jans Pieter Sweelinck, a Dutchman of Amsterdam where the frows come from. Even more he liked an old German song of Johannes Jeepº about the clear sea and the voices of sirens, sweet murderers of men, which boggled Bloom a bit:
Von der Sirenen Listigkeit
Tun die Poeten dichten.
These opening bars he sang and translated extempore. Bloom, nodding, said he perfectly understood and begged him to go on by all means, which he did.
A phenomenally
beautiful tenor
voice like that,
the rarest of
boons, which Bloom appreciated at the very first note he got out, could
easily, if properly
{u22, 617}
handled by some
recognised authority
on voice production such as Barraclough and being able to
read music into
the bargain, command
its own price where baritones were ten a penny and
procure for its
fortunate possessor in
the near future an
entréeº into
fashionable
houses in the
best residential
quarters of
financial
magnates in a
large way of business and titled people where, with his university degree of
B.A. (a huge ad
in its way) and gentlemanly bearing
to all the more
influence the good impressionº he
would infallibly
score a distinct
success, being
blessed with
brains which also could be
utilised for the
purpose and other
requisites, if
his clothes were properly attended to, so as to the better worm his way into
their good graces
as he, a youthful
tyro in society's
sartorial
niceties, hardly understood how a little thing like that could
militate against
you. It was in fact only
a matter of
months and he could easily foresee him participating in their musical and
artistic
conversaziones
during the
festivities of the
Christmas
season, for
choice, causing a slight
flutter in the
dovecotes of the fair sex and
being made a lot
of by ladies out for sensation, cases of which,
as he happened to
know, were on
record,º in fact, without giving the
show away, he himself once upon a time, if he cared to, could easily
have …
Added to
whichº of course, would be the
pecuniar
yº
emolument by no
means to be sneezed at, going hand in hand with his
tuition fees.
Not, he
parenthesised,
that for the sake of filthy lucre he need necessarily
embrace
the lyric
platform as a
walk in life
for any lengthy
space of time but
a step in the
required direction it was, beyond yea or nay, and both
monetarily and
mentally it
contained no
reflection on his dignity
in the smallest
and it often turned in uncommonly handy to be
handed a cheque
at a muchneeded moment when
every little
helped. Besides, though taste latterly had
deteriorated
to a degree,
original music like that, different from the conventional rut, would rapidly
have a great
vogue, as it would be a
decided novelty
for Dublin's
musical world
after the usual
hackneyed run of
catchy tenor solos
foisted on a confiding public by Ivan St Austell and Hilton St Just and their
genus omne. Yes, beyond a shadow of a doubt, he could, with all the cards
in his handº and he had a
capital opening
to make a name for himself and win
a high place in the
city's esteem where he could
command a stiff
figure and,
booking ahead,
give a grand concert for
the patrons of
the King
Streetº
house, given a
backer-upº, if one were
forthcomingº
to kick him
upstairs, so to speak,º
— a big
if, however — with some
impetus of the
goahead sort to
obviate the
inevitable procrastination which often tripped up a too much fêted prince
of good fellows and it need not detract from the
{u22, 618}
other by one
iota as, being his
own master, he would have
heaps of time to
practise literature in his spare moments when desirous
of so doing
without its clashing
with his vocal career or containing anything
derogatory what
soeverº as it was
a matter for himself
alone. In fact, he had the
ball at his feet
and that was the very reason why the other,
possessed of a
remarkably sharp nose for
smelling a rat of any sort, hung on to him at all.
The horse was just then … and later on, at a propitious opportunity he purposed (Bloom did), without anyway prying into his private affairs on the fools step in where angels principleº advising him to sever his connection with a certain budding practitioner, who, he noticed, was prone to disparage, and even, to a slight extent, with some hilarious pretext, when not present, deprecate him, or whatever you like to call it, which, in Bloom's humble opinion, threw a nasty sidelight on that side of a person's character — no pun intended.
The horse, having reached the end of his tether, so to speak, halted, and, rearing high a proud feathering tail, added his quota by letting fall on the floor, which the brush would soon brush up and polish, three smoking globes of turds. Slowly, three times, one after another, from a full crupper, he mired. And humanely his driver waited till he (or she) had ended, patient in his scythed car.
Side by side Bloom, profiting by the contretemps, with Stephen passed through the gap of the chains, divided by the upright, and, stepping over a strand of mire, went across towards Gardiner Streetº lower, Stephen singing more boldly, but not loudly, the end of the ballad:
Und alle Schiffe brücken.
The driver never said a word, good, bad or indifferent. He merely watched the two figures, as he sat on his lowbacked carº, both black — one full, one lean — walk towards the railway bridge, to be married by Father Maher. As they walked, they at times stopped and walked again, continuing their tête à têteº (which of course he was utterly out of), about sirens, enemies of man's reason, mingled with a number of other topics of the same category, usurpers, historical cases of the kind while the man in the sweeper car or you might as well call it in the sleeper car who in any case couldn't possibly hear because they were too far simply sat in his sestº near the end of lower Gardiner street and looked after their lowbacked car.