— Sir, to you. I am brought up under an ^|2old camel^2| act of ^|2Edward ^|aBalder Sitric Silkenbeard^{a|2| |2}the First of his dynasty now out of print,^2| but I am known throughout the world wherever good English is spoken ^|2by saint & sinner alike^2| as a cleanliving man & ^|2as a matter of fact^2| I think our public at large appreciates it most highly of me that I am cleanliving ^|2as cd be^{2| |2}& that my game was good fair average ^|aas I ^|balways perpetually^b| kept my wicket up^a|2| & as a matter of fact I possess the sweetest little wife on the globe who won the consolation prize in the ^|2serial^2| dream of fair women's handicap by 2 breasts ^|2in opera tops^2|. ^|2I ^|akeenly^a| love such particularly with heliotrope ^|aeyelids eyelips^a| where I can drench my soul on beauty of the past.^2| She is my ^|2best^2| cherished wife and my private chaplain, an always sadfaced man who has visited our very ^|2hard^2| hearts & reins, can speak ^|2loudly^2| to you some quite complimentary things of my clean character acting in the dark painful though such recital ^|2be prove^2| to me. ^|2|a|bby whom^b| As you all know^|b, dear humans, as a matter of ^|cpure^c| fact^b| one of the ambitions of my early youth ^|bof a child from an early pea period^b| I was confirmed in bed by our beloved ^|bcurate curate-author^b|. Michael Angel is your man.^a| Let Michael tell you ^|ahumans people here^{a| |a}himself as only our own Michael can to bring ruptures to our oars^a| how I am ^|a(megaphone —— ^|bLarge hog^b| Guinness's Ornery fortninehalf Shau Shameson saywhen saywhen Lighwar Dabinbar Dub^{a| |x}Lloyrge hoggs one four tups noying^{x| |x}Call ^|ait^a| off! Sorry! Godnat^|a, vrybody^a|! Kyow! ^|aAppreciate Yohr custom^{a| |a}Tha. Kyow!^a| Tak! ^|aAppreciate Yohr custom^a|x|2| There is not a teaspoonspill of evidence to my bad & I ^|2must & do protest can take off my coats to enter my caveat of protestant^2| against future publication of libel by any Ticks Tipsylon to that highest personage at present holding down the throne. ^|2|aAnd ^|blow^b| it fell to my lot when I presented to His Royalty on his charger the keys of our city and with the greeting words: Hail, Caesar Hearty congratulations excellency^{a| |a}Who accuses me. My adversary. He is the first liar in the land. Shucks!^a| Such ^|abughouse^a| filth as I cannot ^|abarely^a| conceive ^|aof^a|. The broken hearted villain! The The whole hole ^|aof the^a| affair is rotten pigs' draff!^2| As a matter of fact ^|2even were you to give me even 2 months in second divisions and, thank you, I will pay the great price, ^|atightwad though I be,^a| were it fated to be the legal eric,^2| I undertake to discontinue all practices
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^|2which I stoutly deny ^|ato have ^|bbought confederated & agreed to buy^b| a ^|bnegress niggeress^b| for 8 pounds scotch, ^|bwhich would be excessively harrowing to my feelings,^b|a|2| & honestly as my best policy I have had my lesson. ^|2& do you know^|a, truth to tell, homesters,^a| I honestly think I ^|ahave^a| made good. ^|aI abhor myself and repent me of blank^a|2| The amusing part is I will say that since ^|2I ran a selection here^{2| |2}my toils of domestication began^2| famine has receded from this land ^|2where my toils of domestication began^2|. Idle were it to inquire whether I be the mass product of team work or a forced outcome of group marriage for, surrounded by obscurity, I claim ^|2by virtue of creation & by boon of promise^2| my natural born freeman's right to opt for ^|2simultaneous.^2| Amen.

^|2— What is your ^|aname numb^a|?

— 3 Verily, verily!
4 I am listening ^|xexcessively unread success^x|2| I ^|2may^2| mean to say had my faithful Fulvia ^|2following the fashion of this world^2| turned her back on her ways to go on the hills in search of brunette men ^|2of Iraland Chief Night Town Cloud ^|aby the Deeps,^a| and Chief ^|aBlack Water North Paw^a| and Chief Bear ^|aNorth Paw Black Water^a|,^2| or had she left her ^|2cukuk^2| crocus bed at the mere suggestion of some infamous fishermen who wd have abused of her there might accrue advantage to ask ^|2but yet know from of old it was vastly otherwise because^2| she ever did ensue the things that pertained unto fairness. ^|2Even so, O Lord. But I was firm with her^2| and I did take the hand of my delights, my jealousy, & did ^|2lead raft^2| her whimpering ^|2|ariverworthily^a| overland ^|athe pace^a| by Gardiner's Mall to & Gormanstown^2| to Ringsend ferry ^|2& there by the p pollyfizzyboisterous sea ^|aI ^|bthumbringed & tradesmanmarked her^b| I chained a name & wedlock ^|bon her round her ^|cthe which to carry to her grave^c|b|, my dirty deary,^a|2| & I did encompass her about, my verminbreeder, with all
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lovingkindness ^|2so far as in my might it lay^2| & I gave unto my ^|2little wife lilyyounger^2| turkeythighs soft goods & hardware ^|2potted flesh^2| & fine ^|2ladderproof^2| hosiery lines & ^|2pennigsworths of the best of taste^2| geegaws ^|2of wispy frocks^2| such as women ^|2cattle^2| wear & all daintiness by teatime ^|2and blank^2| and I hung up my pigmy suns for the supperhour of my frigid one ^|2from the ^|atopaz lights topazolites^a| of Mourne ^|asouth by Waterford's hook light & crooklight^a| & Arklow's ^|asapphire^a| lure to the polders of Hy Kinsella,^2| & I fed her^|2, my carleen, my little lean steer,^2| upon spiceries for her garbage breath^|2, ^|aItalic^a| knobbyleek & swinespepper & Frankish onion,^2| and to my saffronbreathing mongoloid I gave ^|2powlver ^|ato mine swarthy one unto my swarthy & gentle oils^a| for the face of her ^|a& grace of her,^a|2| handewers & loinscrubbers & a currycomb for her tuzzy with clubmoss & wolvesfoot for her more moister ^|2places wards ^|aand I planned ^|bmy prizeless^b| telltale sports to wring her withers ^|blimberly^b|, bray & spinado & ranter go round,^a|2| & I built for mine elskede, my shiny brow, an earth closet ^|2of wattle & daub^2| wherein to be quit ^|2in most convenience^2| of her sabbath & needs & I restored for ^|2her my ^|apretty pigeoness smuggy piggisnees^a|2| her paddypalace ^|2|aof wattle and daub^a| stablished upon the crossknoll^2| & added thereunto a shallow laver to put out her hellfire ^|2& she sat her down upon the altarstone^|a, the Lord have mercy on her, ^|bAmen^{b|a|2| |2|x}

— Destiny!^x|2|
and, rain or shower or drizzle or sleet, I did learn my little anna countrymouse ^|2her in^2| alphabeater cameltemper from ashenbirch to hazelyou
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with my rattan at her drum ooah oyir oyir oyir & I did spread before my Livvy my selvage mats of softest lawn & I planted for my own hot lass a vineyard & fenced it about with Chesterfield elms ^|2& Kentish hops ^|aagainst budmonth of her spring & gleanermonth^a|2| & ^|2(hush! hush!)^2| I brewed for her^|2, my plurabelle,^2| my ^|2first ^|abranded brandold^a|2| Dublin lindub^|2, the ^|afree, the froh,^a| foamy ^|afoll_unread freshener^a|, the pusspuss pussyfoot,^2| to split the spleen of her maw & I ^|2lay laid^2| down before the trotters of my eblanite my stonybattered waggonways whereon the mule & the hinny & the jennet & the mustard nag and piebald Shetlands & skewbald Orkneys stepped lively for her pleashadure & she laughed at the switchering of the whip.

— Mattahah! marahah! luahah! joahah!