— Amtsadam! Sir, to you! Here we are again! I am bubub brought up under a camel act of dynasties long since out of print, the first of Shitric Shilkanbeard, but I am known throughout the world wherever my good Allenglisches' Angleslachsen is spoken by Sall and Will from Augustanus to Ergastulus, as this is, protested by saints and
sinners eyeeye alike as a cleanliving man and, as a matter of fact, by my halfwife, I think how our public at large appreciates it most highly from me that I am as cleanliving as could be and that my game was a fair average since I perpetually kept my ouija ouija wicket up. On my very wife I never was nor can afford to be guilty of breach, crim crig con, malfeasance or trespass against parson with the person of a youthful girl frifrif friend chirped Apples, acted by Miss Dashe, when I would touch to her dot and feel most greenily of her unripe ones, as it should prove most unniece and far too baad to my reputation for daughters-in-trade being lightly clad. And as a mere matter of fact I tell of myself how I popo possess the ripest littlums wifukie |9whom I streike ownly on her bux9| around the globelettes globes upon which she was raping away first with the consolation prize in my serial dreams of fair women, Mannequins Passe, handicapped by two breasts in opera tops. A remarkable little garment. I kickkick keenly love
such, particularly while savouring of their flavours at their most perfect best when served with heliotrope eyelips, as this is, where I do drench my jolly soul on the pupure beauty of hers past.
She is my bestpreserved wholewife, sowell her as herafter, in Evans's eye, with the smallest shoenumber outside of Chinatins. They are jolly dainty. May we not recommend them? And, alas, our private chaplain of Lambeyth and Dolekey, an always sadfaced man, who has visited our various hard hearts and reins by imposition of fufuf fingers, can speak loud to you some quite complimentary
things about my clean characteracting even, when detected, in the dark, painful though such recital prove to me, as this is, when I introduced her to our fourposter singing with euphonium in our altogether duckkyheim homesweetened gleegloom there's gnome sweeplaces like theresweep Norwage. |9First
Murkiss, or so they sang. Dodo! O Clearly! And the gregorio at front with Johannes far in back.
Aw aw!º9| By whom, as my Church Findlaters
enjoineth and as you all know as a matter of pure fact, dear humans, of a child one of the ambitions of my yougend from an early peepee period intended for broadchurch, I was confirmed in bed by our bujibuji beloved curate-author. Michael Angel is your man. Let Michael tell you people here (it was remarketable) in his clairaudience, as this is, as only our own Michael can, when reacherout at superstation, to bring ruptures to our roars how I am amp amplify Guinness's Ornery fortninehalf. Shaun Shemsen saywhen saywhen. Livpoomark lloyrge hoggs one four tupps noying. Sorry! Thnkyou! Thatll beall fortoday.
Call it off! Godnat, vrybolly! Abbreciades York gustoms. Kyow! Tak!
Calm has entered. Big Big Calm, announcer! It is ernst terooly most moresome immusin. Colt's tooth! I protest there is not one teaspoonspill of evidence at bottomlie to my baad as you shall see, as this is, Keemun Lapsang of first pickings. And I contango I can take off my dudud my dirtynine articles of quoting here before those in heaven to prove myself a virgoman and enter into my preprotestant Caveat against the pupup publication of libel by any Ticks Tipsyloon to that highest personage at moments holding down the throne. So to speak of beauty scouts and the celluloid art! The caca cad! I protest it that he is, by my wipehalf! Shame upon pipip Private M—! Shames on his foulsomeness! Shamus on his lulul lying suulen! And mine it was, Barktholed von Hunarig, Soesown af Furrows, when to my lot it fell on my sexsex, my sexencentaurnary, when I holded up to His Mam His Mamam His Maggerstick the keys of our city when hrossbucked on his pricelist charger with my allbum's greethims: Handshakey Congrandyoulikethems, Excellency!
Whosaw dares at handgripper thisa breast? Dose makkers ginder! Some ome we was with us all fours. Adversarian! First liar in landend. And those |s9'meisie meisiess9'|! Sulk e'en taarts! Man sicker at I are bluffit konservateve? Shucks! Such bughouse filth so I cannot barely conceive of! The brknhrtd vlln! Hole affair is rotten pig's draff!
— Is that yu, Whitehead?
— Have you Headnoise now?
— Give us your muddy reception, will yous?
— Pass the fish for Christ' sake!
Old Whitehowth is speaking again. Pity poor Whiteoath! Dear gone mumum mummeries, goby! Tell the woyld I have livet true thousand hells. Pity, please, lady, for poor O. W. in this profoundest snobbing I have caught. Nine dirty years mine age, hairs white, mummery failing, deaf as Adder, I askt you, dear lady, to judge on my tree by our fruits. I gave you of the tree. I gave two smells, two eats. My happybossoms, my allfalling fruits of my boom. Pity poor Haveth Children Everywhere with Mudder!
That was Communicator, a former colonel, disincarnated. A
spirit called Sebastian may phone shortly. He does not believe in psychous. Let us cheer him up a little and make an appointment for a future date. Hello, Communicator! How's the butts? Everseptic! He
has had some indiejestings, poor thing, for quite a little while. Poor Felix Culaper! I deplore over him. So enjoying of old thick whiles, in tall white hat of four reflections, he would puffout a smokeful bock! He shall have his glad stein of our beerbest. The voice is still flutish and his mounth still wears that soldier scarlet though the hairs, alas, are peppered with silvern. It is bycause of what he was ascend into his prisons on account of. I wit it well. Hence he's deepraised words. Some day I may tell the story. Mood! Mood! It looks like someone else bearing my burdens. I cannot let it. Cans nought.
Well, sir, I have bared my whole past on both sides. Give me even my two months by laxlaw in second division and my first broadcloth is business will be to protest if it does not occur again. I am here to tell you I am thoughtful to become a Selt. A man should stump up and I will pay my pretty decent trade price for my glueglue glucose, peebles, were it even, as this is, the legal eric for
wholewiping clean infelicitous conduct and, as a matter of fact, I undertake to discontinue all practices
and I deny in toto at my own request in all stoutness to have confermentated and agreed, as it is laid to me, with a friend from mine, Mr Billups, whom I have called clean, at goodbuy cootcoop a mouthless niggeress, Blanchette Brewster, or to illsell my fourth part in her, which although allowed of in Deuterogamy would seem eggseggs excessively harroween to my feelimbs, for twa punt scotch or three pipples on the bitch. Thou, Frick's flame, Uden Sulfer, who strikest only on the marryd bokks, entquick me if so be I did cophetuise milady's maid, The preemption
of her, by Juno Moneta! If she has been disposed of for her consideration, I am tradefully unintiristid. And if she is still further talc slopping over her cocoa contours I am strongly of opinion why I should not be. Improbable! Or to have resold same means help, best Briston, high yellow, no outings, cent for cent on Auction's Bridge. Utterly improperable! So help me Cash! I meanit.
My herrings! The surdity of it, mean to say. Her bare idears, it is too chucklesome. Absurd bargain, mum, will call. One line, with! One line, with, with! The two cherrypickers Lizzy and Lissy Mycock I would not know to contact such gretched youngsters in my ways from Hadem or any suistersees or heiresses of theirn, claiming by, through, or under them. What a shrubbery trick to play! Hear
this! I will put my oathhead unner my whitepot and will stand me where I stood mine in all free heat between Pelagios and little
Chistaias by our most monolith, after my both earstoear and brebreeches buybibles and public testify to my unclothed virtue by the longstone erectheion of our allfirst manhere. I should tell you that honestly, on my honour of a Nearwicked, I always think (in a wordsworth of that favourite continental poet, Daunty, Gouty and Shopkeeper, A. G.,) as my best policy I have had my master's lesson as the public he knows. And do you know, homesters, I honestly think if I have failed lamentably by accident benefits, though shintoed, spitefired, perplagued and cramkrieged, I have made of my prudentials good. I have been told I own stolemines or something of that sort in the sooth of Spainien. Hohohoho! Have I said ogso how I abhor myself vastly (truth to tell) and do repent me to my nether heart of sundry clothing? The amusin part is, I will say, hotelmen, that since I ran a Brixtol selection here, in common soccage, among strange and enemy, among these building sites, at Hoplinstown, then-on-sea, in that year which I have called mirabellous, and overdrave these marken under our good kingsabout T.R.H. Urban First and Champaign Chollyman and Hungry the Loaved and Hangry the Hathed, here where my toils of domestication first began, with weight of woman wund my nack famine has completely seceded from this landleague of many nations. New highs for all! Our bourse and our politico-ecomedy are in safe with good Jock Shepherd, our lives are on sure in sorting with Jonathans, wild and great. |9'Are Been9'| so free! Thank you, besters! Hattentats have mindered, thuggeries are rere as glovers meeting, lepers lack and ignorants show beneath suspicion like the bitterharfs of esculapuloids. All is waldly bonums. Aeros, we luft to you! Firebugs, good blazes! Lubbers, keep your poudies drier! Seamen, we bless your ship and wives!
Seven ills havd I habt, seaventy seavens are your prospect. The chort of Nicholas Within was my guide and I raised a dom on the bog of Michan. By fineounce I grew and by grossscruple I grew outreachesly: To Milud old money and to Madame fresh advances. Dutch florinners moved against us and I met them Bartholomew: milreys onfell and I arose, Daniel in Leonden. Can you tell their tale whom I filled ad liptum on the plain of Soulsbury? I have reared my hut in the night and at morn I was encompassed of mushroofs: the more secretly bi built, the more openly plastered. I considered the lilies on the veldt and unto Balkis did I disclothe mine glory. Lo, I have looked long upon my pompadours in their easancies and my drummers have told tall tales of me in the land. Fulgent I funked forth (drat it!); voldsom (veh!) they veered. This mayds my taughters and these man my son, from the Villa of the Ostmannorum to Thorstan's, recte |9'blank Thomars Sraid,º9'| they are my vill villeins, with chartularies I have talledged them. Wherefore has my sovereign lord regards for me and he has given to me my neckname which is second fiddler to nomen. Idle were it, repassing to the elder disposition, in so and such a matter as me it so besitteth, to inquire whether I, huddledtogether, be the massproduct of teamwork or I, draggedasunder, the forced outcome of group marriage or carried of cloud from land of locust, for, holocryptogam of my essenses, surrounded by obscurity, most surely I pretend by virtue of creation and by boon of promise my naturalborn freeman's journeyman right and my Other Church's inher lights to opt for simultaneous. Till daybow break and showshadows flee. Thus be Hek! Verily! Verily!
— What is your numb? Bun!
— Who gave you that numb? Poo!
— Have you put in all your spare pennies? I'm listening. Sree!
— Keep clear of propennies! Kore!
Invisible friends! I maymay mean to say. Annoyin part of it was, had my faithful Fulvia, following the courses of this world, turned her back on her ways to go on the hills in search of brunette men of Iarland, Chief Nightcloud by the Deeps and Chief Goes-in-Blackwater and Chief Northpaw and Chief Brown Pool, or, again, had Fluvia left her crookcrook crocus bed at the bare
suggestions of some bywaymen
who would have abused of her there might accrue advantage to ask. Yet know of old it was vastly otherwise which I have heard it by my goods waif, as I chiefly endmost heartily aver, for Fulvia Fluvia ever did ensue tillstead the things that pertained unto fairness. Even so. For I waged love on her: and spoiled her undines: and she wept. O my lors!
— Till we meet!
— Ere we part!
— This time a hundred years!
But I was firm with her. And I did take the reached of my delights, my jealousy, and did raft her riverworthily and did leftlead her overland the pace, whimpering by Kevin's port and Hurdlesford and Gardener's Mall to Ringsend Ferry
: and there, on wavebrink, by mace of masthigh, did I uplift my magicianer's puntpole and I bade those pollyfizzyboisterous seas to retire with hemselves from os (rookwards, thou seasea stammerer!) and I abridged with domfine |s9Norsemanship norsemanships9| her maiden race, my baresark bride, and knew her fleshly when with all my bawdy did I her worship, min bryllupswipe: Heaven, he hallthundered; Heydays, he flung blissforhers. And I cast my tenspan joys on her by dint of strongbow, so strong we were in one, malestream and shegulf: and with |s9iron irens9| of ierne I thumbringed her and tradesmanmarked her lieflang mine for all and singular, iday, igone, imorgens and for ervigheds (what screech of shippings! what low of dampfbulls!):
and I chained a name and wedlock round her the which to carry till her grave, my dirty deary: and, fortiffed by my right, I did encompass her about, my vermincelly vinegarette, with all loving kindness as far as in man's might it lay and enfranchised her to liberties of fringes: and I gave until my lilienyounger turkeythighs soft goods and hardware and fine ladderproof hosiery lines and potted fleshmeats and pennigsworths of the best of taste of knaggy jets and silvered waterroses and geegaws of my pretty novelties and wispy frocks of redferns and lauralworths such as women cattle wear, the pick of Pim's and Slyne's and Sparrow's, La Primamère, Pyrrha Pyrrhine, Or de Reinebeau, Sourire d'Hiver, and a crinoline, wide a shire, and pattens for her trilibies for all daintiness by teatime: and I wound around my swanchen's neckplace a school of joys of moyles marine to |s9ring sings9| their seasangs in her silence: and, upping her as king's count, I pierced her beak with order of the
Danabrog: and I hung up at Yule my pigmy suns, helphelped of Kettil Flashnose, for the supperhour of my frigid one, coulomba mea, frimosa mia, through all Livania's volted ampire, from anods to cathods and from the topazolites of Mourne by Arklow's sapphire seamanslure and Waterford's hook and crook lights to the polders of Hy Kinsella:
and I fed her, my carleen, my little lean steer, upon spiceries for her garbage breath, italics of knobbyleek and swinespepper and gothakrauts and the drugs of Kafa and Jelapa and shallots out of Ascalon: and to my saffronbreathing mongoloid I gave powlver and gentle oils for the swarthy face on her and handewers and loinscrubbers and a currycomb to tease her tuzzy out and clubmoss and wolvesfoot for her more moister wards: and for my shopsoiled doveling I did devise my prizeless telltale sports at evenbread to wring her withers limberly, wheatears, slapbang, draper-cut-dean, bray, nap, spinado and ranter-go-round: I foredreamed for her and, more than fallmaked, I prevened for her in the haunts that joybelled frail light-a'-leaves for sturdy traemen: Pelves ad Hombres
Sumus: I said to the shiftless prostitute, Let me be your fodder; and I said to the roadies, Chau, Camerade! and I built in Urbs in Rure for mine elskede, my shiny brows, an earthcloset wherewithin to be quit in most convenience from her sabbath needs: did not I festfix my unniversiries, wholly, rational and gottalike? was not I rosetted on two stelas of little egypt? had not I rockcut reders, hieros, gregos and democriticos? and by my syvendialed changing charties Hibernska Ulitzas made not I to pass through twelve Threadneedles and Newgade and Vicus Veneris to cooinsight? Oi polled ye Many but my fews were chousen: and I set up twinminsters, the pro and the con, woven of peeled wands and attachattouchy floodmud, Arched for the covenanters and shinners' rifuge: all truant trulls made I comepull, all rubbeling gnomes I pushed, go, go: and thirdly, for evigs, I did reform and restore for my smuggy piggiesknees her paddypalace on the crossknoll and I added thereunto a shallow laver to put out her hellfire and posied windows for her oriel house and she sass her nach, chillybombom and forty bonnets, upon the altarstane, may all have mossyhonours!
And hail or rain or drizzle or sleet, with fairskin
book and ruling rod, vain of my vergin page, I did learn my little anna countrymouse in alpabeater cameltemper, from alderbirch to tannenyou, with my rattan at her drum ooah oyir oyir oyir: and I did spread before my Livvy, where Lord Street lolls and ladies linger, my selvage mats of softest lawn, my carpet gardens of Guerdon City: and I planted for my own hot lass a vineyard and I fenced it about with huge Chesterfield elms and Kentish hops against budmonth and gleanermonth: and (hush! hush!) I brewed for my alpine plurabelle (speakeasy!) my brandold Dublin lindub, the free, the froh, the frothy freshener, the pusspuss pussyfoot, to split the spleen of her maw: and I laid down before the trotters of my eblanite my stonybattered waggonways, my nordsoud circulums, my eastmoreland and westlandmore,
whereon, in mantram of truemen like yahoomen, claudesdales with arabstreeds, the mule and the hinny and the jennet and the mustard nag and piebald shjelties and skewbald awknees steppit lively for her pleashadure (lift ye the left and rink ye the right!): and she lafaughed in her diddydid domino to the switcheries of the whip. Down with them! Kick! Playyup!
— Mattahah! Marahah! Luahah! Joahanahanahana!