Jaunty Jaun, as I wasº shortly before that made aware, next halted to fetch a breath and to loosen (let God's son now be looking down on to the poor preambler!) both of his bruised brogues at the weir by |3Lazar's Lazars'3| Walk (for far and wide was he noted for his humane treatment of any kind of abused footgear) a matter of maybe nine score or so barrelhours distance off, as truly he merited to do. He was there, I could see, when I took a |3better closer3| look at him, greatly altered for the brighter, though still the graven image of himself as he was used to be, perspiring but happy, |3notwithstanding his foot was asleep on him, |athe way he thought he had a calf's hoof in his buskin,a| |aand witha| his halluxes all splendid, in Ireland untranscended, bigmouthed Posther,3| propped up restant against a slumbersome warden of the peace, one comestabulish Sigurdsen, who had tumbled on sleep at night duty behind the curing station |3equilebriated3| amid the embraces of a monopolised bottle.
Now, there were as many as twentynine daughters out of
their national hedgeschool (for I seemed to remember how it was still a look before you leap year) learning their antemeridianº lesson of life, aseated as they were upon the brink, attracted to the |3rare3| sight of the first human landmark while they paddled away |3keeping time3| with their eight and fifty pedalettes, |3playing foolyfool jeway allo misto posto3| all barely in their teens, in a charming |3concert nocturne3| to the snores of the log who looked stuck to the sod as ever and oft he murmoaned in his Dutchener's native, visibly unmoved, over his treasure trove for the crown: Dotter deadbedstead mean lily diggy smuggy flasky.
Jaun (after he had in the first place doffed a hat and bowed to all the others in that chorus of praise to men of goodwill girls, who they were all |3|arushing for the posta| kittering about him
and3| making a tremendous fuss over him and his rosyposy smile |3mussing his hair & |athe gollywog
curls of him like a trayful of cloudberry tartletsa|3| and smilingly smelling the nice |3perfume
|3peeling3| off him |3|awhich was angelic
simply!a| savouring of |awilda| thyme, parsley |aand
jumbled witha| breadcrumbs |aand feeling his fine fat pouch for him |b&
|cjingling jingalingc| his |cjellibags jellybagsc|b|a|3| for he was
just the killingest ladykiller |3by kindness3| now you, Jaun, asking kindlily after their healths |3and
with3| those of their |3dollies dollybegs3|, he next went on to make a few stray remarks anent their personal appearances and the
|3contrary3| tastes displayed in their short frocks |3gently reproving one that |athe hem ofa| her
hem was could be seen below her hem and quickly telling another |aher — was down too low, to pull it up, that the hook of her hum was open a little at the back, to have an eye to that,
hum,a|3| and all, of course, |3just to fill up form3| out of pure human respect for Jaun was |3becoming, I think
|aI hope,a| he was,3| the most purely
human being that ever was called man, Jaun, easily made out the features of his fond sister Izzy |3for he knew his love by her |away wavesa| of splabashing and she knew his love from her way of blabushing3| nor could he forget her as easily as all that ever after because he was brotherbesides her godfather as well and heaven knows he thought the world and all of her, poor good fond Jaun.
— Sister dearest, Jaun delivered himself |3with3| express |3cordiality3| as he began to take leave of her
|3at once3| in the first place |3so as to gain time3| with deep affection, we
honestly believe you sorely will miss us the moment we exit yet we feel as a martyr to the discharge of duty that it is about time we would go on our last long journey |3and not be the load on you3|. This is
the |3net results gross proceeds3| of your teachings in which we were raised, you, Sis, that used to write to us the exceeding nice letters and be telling us (full well do we recall to mind)
your thy oldworld tales of homespinning and derringdo and daddyho, those tales which whisked our heart so narrated by thou |3to perfection3|, our pet
of the whole family and the mainsay of our house, the time we |3younkers3| were tossing ourselves in bed, having been laid up with Parrish's syrup
|3(the night we well remember)3| for to share |3sweet affections our suite of
affections3| with thee.
Now then |3apropos3| during our brief absence adhere to as many of the ten commandments as possible for you |3and in the long run they
will prove for your better guidance on your |apathway patha| of right
|aof waya|3|. Never miss your last mass |3whatever place you worship3|. Never eat bad meat of a Good
Friday. |3Never park your stays in the men's convenience.3| Never let a hog of the hill trample underhoof your lily of the valley. Never play ladies' games on the Lord's day. Make a strong point
of not singing risky |3quiproquo3| songs at |3commercial travellers'3| smokers the like of: White limbs they never stop teasing.
|3Thou shalt not smile.3| Especially beware please of being a party to any demoralising home life. That saps a chap. Recollect in the first place the perils that beset green girls |3when they get
hobbyhorsical3|. Put your best foot foremost on lowcut shirtwaists. |3|aand ribbons of lace,
|blimerick's limenick'sb| disgrace. Sure what is it only all holes tied
together.a| This one and that one may Whalebones and napkins may hurt you3|
|3Never blank3| lay bare your
|3bottomost3| heart to the first man in the |3street
tramcar3|. Don't on any account acquire a penchant for the fagend habit |3of chumming together3| in
halldoorways between night and morning. |3It's not the thing.3| Raw spirits is the
|3root of all evil thief of time3|.
|3Nor must you omit to3| Put the lid firmly on that jazz craze. If you feel |3as
if3| you want healthy physical exercise to move your bowels|3, lassy,3| why go out and skip.
|3Likewise3| Have your weathereye out for furnished lodgers paying for their grub on tally with company and piano tunes, the too friendly friend sort who may soon prove
your undoing |3through the succeeding years3| should you, whilst Jaun is from home, grow accustomed to sitting |3unreadn on3| his |3knees loverslowlap3| at petting parties with |3him the selfseeker3| fumbling in your bodice |3after your billydoos |atwaina|3| as a |3lead first go3| off and going on doing his idiot every time you gave him his chance |3|aand a lot of bilge talking talking bilgea|3| about your glad neck|3, take care wd you,3| and prying down |3with his pregnant questions3| into our past lives. It would be a terrible state of affairs altogether were you to |3have direct connection and in consequence3| be flummoxedº by becoming a company keeper |3on the dammymonde3|. Once |3and3| for all |3make up your mind to it3| I'll have no college swankers (you see I |3have reason to3| know |3all3| those nightwalkers|3, dosed and otherwise,3| and |3what3| their |3fickle3| intentions look like) |3playing around trespassing on3| your danger zone in the danger years.
Take a |3brother's brotherly3| advice |3that we Jaun, first of
|athe oura| name, freely make all recipients of. Either Izzy, my dear, if they
|atickle tinglea| you either say no or say nothing3|.
|3Swear by pious fiction3| Dip into the lives of the saints in fortnightly instalments for the betterment of your mind.
|3Remember, maid, thou art but powder3| Keep as cool as a cucumber your best preserved chastity. Rather than part with that vestalite emerald of the first importance to our family which you treasure up so much
in the sanctuary situate where your nether extremes meet, nay, rather let the entire ekumene universe perish off to pot first in a pitfall a thousand times over. Guard that gem, dearest sister: there is nothing on this cold world of ours to |3touch
top3| it. This jewel dear you're
cracked about there's very few of them gets it for there's nothing now but |3the3| sable stoles and a runabout to catch it. Sing him a ring, touch me low. And I love you, O, my so and so.
|3⇑3| So and so be careful during this lenten pastoral season, I mean to say, when the spring is in the bubbling.
Divulge, suddenly jouted out |3hardworking3| Jaun, clenching his manlies |3and quite warming to
it, her,3| divulge to me the |3name
|asurname curnamea|3| and address of any lapwhelp who speaks to you |3on
upon3| the |3street road3| and volunteers to trifle with your roundlings without producing his proper letter of introduction first
|3in a clean way3| and, I don't care a |3twopenny
|atamanny tammanya|3| hang who the mucky is, |3even were he a namesake of my
own3| as sure as back we come from east the |3sea wave3|, |3on
schedule time from the land of breach of promise3| with the gravel spinning from beneath our feet rest assured that as we value the very name of sister that as soon as we do it will be worse for him. And why do we say
that? Because then |3we'll Shaun'll3| damn soon show you |3what the
Shaun way is unread like3| how we'll break his face for him for making up to you before
|3taking feeling3| the measurements of your |3nuptial3| finger. No, we'll
tell you what we'll do instead. We'll burst his mouth that's what we'll
do. Moreover after that bad luck to me if I don't think strongly about giving him into custody to the first policewoman I would |3chance to3| meet or for that matter |3if I got the wind up3| I might even take it into my head to swing for him and then wipe the street with him. |3It should prove more or less an event3| In that case I won't be complete |3in fighting lust3| until I half kill him |3before his time3| especially should he turn out to be a man about town of about forty or so having the usual large family |3of upwards of a |adozen decadea|3| to |3support care for3|.
So |3lest there be no misconception3| you better keep in the straight, |3you baggage,3| do you hear what I'm praying?, or I'll be all over you myself |3for selling yourself as cheap as |aalla| that |aor I'll smack your lips well for you so I will for youa|3| and I'll give one puck in the crupper that will bring the blush of shame to your |3cheek |abehind hindmosta|3| do you hear me now?, and that you won't obliterate for the better part of a whole year if you fail to give a good account of yourself and that's how I'll bottle your beauty for you, my bulling heifer, for 'tis I that have the pair of arms that carry a wallop between them.
How times |3and out of3| oft shall we think of thee far away on the pillow all through the empty years whilst moidered by the rattle of the
The poet puts it better. Little girl from |3Liffeyside Liffeybank3| you fill a big roomy corner in my |3unadulterated3| seat of the affections. |3O heavens, Heavenheaven, O heaven!3| how I shall, if I live as I am hoping to do, placing my arm in yours, strain positively cover your |3the3| two |3pure |aplump purea|3| cheeks |3of your |aface |bpure face plumpcakeb|a|3| with kisses one of those happy days|3, honestly I will,3| when you will |3then3| of your own accord kiss me back |3shoulder to shoulder3| and in that way swap smug for smug when cherries next come back |3to Erin3| immediately |3after3| my safe return from my destination to ignorance and bliss |3with my ropes of pearls for gamey girls the way yiz'll hardly know me3| when the both of us will show our kindness by adopting all the sickest and poorest babes who. We will render social service, missus, |3Purify the post we will3| and help clean up things. Look at the sludge of Harrington street. Bear in mind all the banana peels along Henry, Moore, Earl and Talbot streets. Stand on, say, Aston's Quay and take a good longing gaze into any adjacent shopwindow you may choose and in about twenty minutes' time turn on your heels towards the causeway and you will see how you will be |3coated topcoated3| with mush occasioned by the |3jam of the3| traffic |3there3| in transit. Ask any disgusted lady cyclist who happened to be proceeding from her
suburban groove or returning from her May devotions at Adam and Eve's, m womanoovering her Dunlop roadster along a cartrut, during the bank holiday gale and downpour when slates came freely off too many of our grand old tenements and pedestrianism was even difficult, you ask her what her laundry bill ran up to on last Monday. Don't wait for the answer for if you were to do so what would be the answer which would greet your ears? Both of them. When will the longsuffering face of our beloved city get that longpromised wash? Or, better again, account to me for the fact that should you |3opt to3| purchase any fish and vegetables you fancy at the moment from the same child's perambulator and having deposited your, let us say, mackerel as well as its cauliflower upon either of the edges of the two sidewalks you take your stand in some nearby hallway to carefully note result the restingplaces selected are visited in rotation with such celerity by all the bowlers in |3the town Dublin dear from |afar fonda| and near3|. Do you know what? One of those days I will |3positively3| |3refuse to walk strike off walking3| altogether |3until such time as some move is made |ato get me an increase of shoeweara|3| for I |3honestly3| think now |3honest to John3| |3that3| that's about the |3boundary3| limit.
Sis dearest, Jaun added, sadly this time, is this the end? |3Personally I'm in no violent hurry. In fact I'd |aas liefa| turn back |aas lief as nota| if I could only find the girl of my heart |aby appointmenta| to guide me |ahomesicka| in her safe conduct.3| I'd ask no kinder fate than to stay where I am at this present moment by local option in the birds' lodging the pheasants among till well on into the night |3|aI could sit on my side till the bark of the daya| What wouldn't I give |amy heart, my head, my all — honest —a| for a frolic with the finny ones to be3| catching trophies of sturgeon by the armful and what small money I'd be possessed of by poaching I'd put it into the potheen at prime cost and I bet you all you have on |3your back3| that I'm the boy that'd make it pay like fun (come back to me!) and I'd come out tophole |3on the mart3|, nothing would stop me, and before you knew where I was I'd be staggering humanity and royally rolling over in my tons of |3cash on the nail clover3| and I'd never say die till I'd run my shoestring into near a million as a firstclass dealer and everything only for one thing that I'd be awful anxious about the terrible cold |3playing around3| in the amstophere that would perish the Danes to be atramental to the better half of my health |3not considering my capsflap3| and that's the truth |3for I never could tell |aa lie the least falsehooda| that would likely give satisfaction3|.
Sis dearest, as I was saying to myself not very long ago it is |3our transported with3| grief
|3I am this night3| to go |3free3| upon this benedictine errand but it is the
most glorious mission in all our history. But we feel all serene, never you fret, as far as regards our cask
and it is a grand thing to be going to meet a king, not an everyday king, no, by gannies, but the overking of greater Dublin. |3Himself I'm saying. Before there was even a man in Ireland there was a lord in Lucan.3| We only wish everyone was as sure of anything in this |3present weary3| world as we are of everything in the one that's |3sure bound3| to come. Tell mother that. 'Twill amuse her.
Well, to the dickens with the whole business! The ends of these our passing lives are not now so far off as you might suppose. So now |3I'll ask you3| let ye create no scenes after me. Just a plain shays by the fire for absenter Jaun |3and I'll make |aa an Eastera| present of myself to yous the moment that you name the day3|. Cheer up all round, let ye all, and let ye not be getting grief from it on my poor |3head headsake3| even should we forfeit our life. Some time soon shall we all be dead and happy together in the land of lost of time. So no lonesome stuff, ladies! Drink it off, ladies, please, |3as soon as you like3| the last stirrup cup! Parting's fun. |3Inflexibly yours. Ann |aPosht Phoshta|.3|
|3Something of an amusing nature must have occurred to |aShauhauhaun westminstrel
Jaunahauna| for3| A grand big hearty laugh hopped out of |3him Jauny3| at the bare thought
|3of how they'd love to be rolling his hoop3| and all of them were just starting to yell with the laughing, Jaun, |3so jokable and so
geepee, O,3| when quick as |3curly3| mercury, he wheeled right
|3round3| with his eyes blazing rather sternly |3as he turned black back on
them as black as midnight3|. First he sighed and they nearly cried and then he replied:
— There is something more. It's prayers, prayers all the time in the suburbs of the heavenly gardens. There are no petty family squabbles up there, I can tell you. |3Ah,3| What |3on earth3| is our miserable here today compared beside the pleasures of the |3morrow afterpiece3| when life begins properly speaking.
Well, I enjoyed your pick of |3dinner luncheon3| fine, I did |3& return my |amany thanks best condimentsa|3|. |3It's All the |avitamines vitalminesa| is3| beginning to work and presently now you'll see me |3roll3| off on my usual rounds again |3posthaste3| to draw Terminus Lower and Killadown and the biggest house |3even3| in Ireland and |3it's there my |anext item'sa| programme is how3| I'll try and collect my extra |3fees postages3| owing to me by |3Thaddeus3| Kelly Esquire for undesirable printed matter. |3But I know what I'll do. My panes I'll take for every day in his calendar year.3| I'll knock it out of him. I'll box it out of him. I'll stamp it out of him. I'll rattattattatter it out of him before I'll quit |3his the3| doorstep |3of his desirable residence3|. |3By the horn of |athe seconda| S. Collopy3| I'll blackmail him in arrears |3or my name's not Ferdinand. |aAmbrose.a|3| and |3|ait's botha|3| daily and hourly I'll |3curse nurse3| him till he pays my fine fee.
Well, here's looking at ye! You can stop as you are and wait and wish in vain till the grim reaper heaves anigh as a blesing in disguise. Devil a hair I care. If any highwayman was to try to hold me up and rob me of my rights I'd let him have |3a my
best3| pair of galloper's heels in the
face. Console yourself |3the best manner you can with something of an amusing nature3| |3drawhure dearest.3| One or two tears is all there is to it and then in a click of the clock off we pop en route for His Blessed Majesty, our longlived lord |3|aof that likesa| creation3|. Hooray!
— Of course, |3but3| Listen, |3benjamin brother drawher
|adearest nearesta|,3| Izzy |3said
intercepted3|, flushing as she grabbed her male correspondent |3to
flusper fluspher fluster in his quickturned ear3|, |3of I know
|abenjamin brothera|. But listen. I want to whisper a wish.3| |3of
Of3| course I'm ashamed of my life of the bit of |3memento why3| nosepaper which is all I can call my own but all the same,
listen, |3Jaunik3| accept this last minute gift from my hands in place of a proper handkerchief. It is
|3heavily3| indulgenced for forty nights and, listen, |3for to enhance me oblige
my fancy &3| bear it with you |3ever and always morn till e'en3| and, of course, when you make use of it, listen,
|3don't deceive me, for if you believe me what would I was or who but3| think
|3again and again3| of one absent one, of course |3I
know3| you know who sent it, on the face of the waters, like that romance in the bottle. Of course please forward it back by return in case anything happens so as I'll know in case I don't hear from you. Listen. I will follow you publicly with all my eyes and will always show you in private the most truest proof of my
sympathy constancy to you, and, of course, never will I give you away to anyone. You may trust me. |3I know. My
May The |ariver Darglea| shall run dry before I you deny.3| Listen, here I'll wait on you all the time you're
I swear to you I will, by Christmas, and I'll dress only in pensive grey till you remember me and, listen, I swear to you again every night at this hour I'll poke |3well straight3| under my bed for any males. So now teach me how to tumble, Jaun, and, listen, Jaun, |3I know,3| warn me |3who when3| to wed.º