— Read! Shaun replied. I am most potent to play it backwardsº like anything with my eyes shut and all. But it is woful bad on the hands. As far as that goes I
associate myself with your remarks just now and quite agree in your descriptions for indeed it is not a nice production. It is
a pinch of scribble. Nothing beyond clerical errors et omnia to be entered as secondclass matter.
Flummery is what I would call it if you were to ask me what pronounced opinion I might have about them bagses of trash which the mother and Mr Shem has reduced to writing. An infant sailing eggshells on the floor of a wet day would have more sabby.
Letter, carried by Shaun, son of |4Hek Hec4|, written by Shem,º brother of Shaun, for Alp, mother of Shem, about |4Hek Hec4|, father of Shaun.
— Kind Shaun, we all requested, much as weº hate to say it but since you came to the use of language have you not, without suggesting for an instant, millions of times used language ten times as worse as the slanguage used up by your celebrated brotherº Shem?
— Celebrated! Shaun replied.º Notorious I rather would feel inclined in myself in the first place to describe Mr Shem as should I be called upon to pass myº opinion. But I would not like to be so insulting to my own self as to swearº for the moment positively as to the other but let me say my belief before my God is that I much doubt it. She, the mother, was put up to itº by him, the iniquity,º that ought to be placed in irons into some institution for such matters if heº could pass the panel doctors for |4it that4| is well celebrated how he has consumption on the premises. Rot him! |4Flanelfeet Flannelfeet4|! Homo! Isº he on my keeping or are my?º With his prince of the apauper's pride! He'sº no cousin of mine. Norº wants to.
— You may and welcome, Shaun replied. Sure I thought you knew about that long ago. Sure that is as well known as Nelson his pillar. For |4three two4| days she kept howling and bawling and him narrating to |4the pen to his ganderpan4| with his hiccup. I gaveº him that too. And it was entirely the latter to blame. It was given me to assist at the whole thing by special licence. As often as I think of that |4fellow unbloody housewarmer4| Shem Iº declare I get the jawache. |4You know,º he's peculiar,º that fellow. He was grey at three.4| Fourteen hours they lasted..
— For his language,º Shaun replied, which he put inside his |4letter lettruce4|
— But you could come near it, we suppose, strong Shaun |4O'4|, we supposed.
— Undoubtedly but that is show, Shaun replied,º and by the powers of war I could do it any timeº ever I liked
as,º you see, it is an |4open open air4| secret how I am extremely ingenious at the
clerking even with my left hand and as easy as a keg of beer and |4it my librotto4|
would far exceedº what that bogus bolshy of a Shem, my soamheisº brother, is conversant with and one of those fine days
Iº will be moved to do it just like a work of merit, mark my words,º that will open your eye for you, brother boor, only for as an
|4amateur immature4| and a hundred and one other
things I would never for anything take so much trouble of so doing. And why so? Because I am altogether a chap too fly and hairy for to do the like of
that. And by all I hold sacred I swear to you on my pipe
and oath by the awe of Shaun (and that's a hell of a name!) that I will commission to the flames any incendiarist whosoever who would endeavour to set ever a mother of mine on fire.º I will soho.
And big hottempered husky pugiliserº such as he was,º he all but broke down,º
overpowered by himself for sure he was the soft slob of the world and as innocent as theº freshfallen calf. Still he laughed it off with a gulp apologetic. Mind you, that he was in the dumpest of earnestº orthough him jawr war hoo hleepy hor halk urthing hurther. Likeº that only he stopped short and,º in looking up uponº the heavens as they were to feel out what age he might find by Charles' Wain his thumbs fellº into his fists and over he balanced by the mightyfine weight of his barrel and, as the wisest course he could take, collapsedº together and rolled buoyantly backwards in less than a twinkling via Rattigan's corner out of furtherº earshot with his highly curious mode of slipashod motion a fairish and easy way enough behind theº times in the direction of MacAuliffe'sº, the crucethouseº, before he was really uprighted.
Well,º it is to be regretted that thou art passing hence,º able Shaun,º fromº carnal relations and
familiarº faces, more is the pity, but for allº your deeds of goodness you were foreverº
doing as our humbler classes, whose favourite virtue is humility, can tell it is hardly we can
part you,º for you were the walking saint, you were. Musha, be thinking of us sometime or other any time you find the time.
And may the mossº of prosperousness gather you rolling home!º May foggy dews bediamondise your hooprings! May the fireplug of filiality reinsure your bunghole! May the barleywind behind glow luck to your bathershins! 'Tisº well we know you were loth to leave us, winding your hobbledehorn, right royalº post, but sure, pulse of our slumber, you will round up some boxing day or other like the good man you are with your pockets turned inside out for fresh remittances,º and from that till this in any case may the grass grow quickly under your feet and the daisies trip lightly over your toetops.