Houyhnhnm Press (Mousehole: 2010) III.3§B

Edited by Danis Rose and John O'Hanlon (details)

— Amtsadam! Sirº, to you!º Eternest cittas, heil! Here we are again!º I am bubub brought up under a camel act of dynasties long sinceº out of print, the first of Shitric Shilkanbeard (or is it Owllaugh MacAuscullpth the Thord?), but, in pontofacts massimust, I am known throughout the world whereverº my good Allenglisches'º Angleslachsen is spoken by Sall and Will from Augustanus to Ergastulus, asº this is,º whether in Farnum's rath or Condra's ridge or the meadows of Dalkin or Monkish tunshep, by saints and
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eyeeye alike as a cleanliving man and, as a matter of fict,º by my halfwife, I think how our public at large appreciates it most highly from me that I am as cleanliving as could be and that my game was a fair average since I perpetually kept my ouija ouija wicket up. On my verawife I never was nor can afford to be guilty of breach,º crimº crig con,º malfeasance or trespassº against parson with the person of a youthful gigirl frifrif friend chirped Apples, acted by Miss Dashe, |shor withº annyº of my cousinessh| in Kissilov's Slutsgartern or Gigglotte's Hill,º when I would touch to her dot and feel most greenily of her unripe ones,º as it should prove most unnieceº and far too bahad, nieceless to say, to my reputation on Babbyl Malketº for daughters-in-trade being lightly clad. Yet, as my acquainters do me the complaisance of apprising me,º I should her have awristed under my duskguise of whippers through toombsº and deempeys, lagmen, was she but tinkling of such a tink. And, as a mere matter of ficfact,º I tell of myself how I popo possess the ripest littlums wifukie around the globelettes globes upon which she was romping off on Floss Mundai out of haram's way round Skinner's Circusalleyº first with her consolation prize in my serial dreams of fairº women,º Mannequins Passe,º with awards in |shfigure and smile subsectionssh|, handicapped by two breasts in operatops.º Aº remarkable little endowment garment. Fastened at various places. What spurt! I kickkickº keenly love such,º particularlyº while savouring of their flavours at their most perfect best when served with heliotrope ayelips, as this is,º where I do drench my jolly soul on theº pupureº beautyº of hers past.

She is my bestpreserved wholewife, sowell her as herafter, in Evans's eye,º with incompatibly the smallest shoenumber outside ofº Chinatinsº. They are jolly dainty, spekinº tluly. May we not recommend them? It was my proofpiece from my prenticeservingº. And, alas, our private chaplain of Lambeyth and Dolekey, bishopregionaryº, an always sadfaced man, in his lutestring dewcapeº with tabinet band, who has visited our various hard hearts and reins by imposition of fufuf fingersº, olsoº haddock's fumb, inº that Upper Room,º can speak loud to you some quite complimentary things about my clean characteractingº even, when detected,º in the duskº, distressful though such recital prove to me,º as this is,º when I introducedº her (frankfurters numbourines why drive fear!)º to our fourposter tunies chantreying, underº Castrucci Siniorº and De Mellos,º those whapping oldsteirs, with sycamode euphonium in either notation in our altogether cagehaused duckkyheimº gleegloomº on Goosna Greene,º that cabinteenyº homesweetened through affection's hoardpayns,º there'sº gnome sweeplacesº like theresweep Nowhergs. First Murkiss, or so they sankeyed. Dodo! O Clearly! And the gregorio at front with Johannes far in back. Aw aw!º By whom, asº my Kerk Findlater's, ye litel chuch rond ye coner,
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and K. K. Katakasm enjoineth upon all swaddleredº in the Belief andº asº you all know as a matter of pure fact, dear humans, of a childº one of my life'sº ambitions of my yougendº from an early peepee period while still to hedjeskool,º intended for broadchurch,º Iº was parruchially confirmed in Caulofat'sº bed by our bujibuji beloved curate-author.º Michael Engels is your man. Let Michael relay Sutton and tell you people here who have the phoney habit (it wasº remarketable)º in his clairaudience,º as this is,º as only our own Michael can, whenº reicherout at superstation,º to bring ruptures to our roars how I am amp amp amplify. Hiemlancollin.º Pimpim's Ornery fortninehalf.º Shaun Shemsen saywhen saywhen.º Holmstock unsteaden. Livpoomark lloyrge hoggs one four tupps noying.º Big Butter Boost! Sorry! Thnkyou! Thatll beall fortodayº.º Callº it off!º Godnotch, vrybolly!º End a muddy chrushmessº! Abbreciades anew York gustoms. Kyow!º Tak!º

— Tiktak. Tiktak.º

Awind abuzz awater falling.

Poor a cowsº his jew placator.

— It's the damp damp damp.

Calmº has entered. Big Bigº Calm, announcer!º It is ernst terooly a mostº moresome intartenmont!º Colt's tooth!º I will give tandsel to it. I protest there is luttrelly not one teaspoonspill of evidence at bottomlie to myº babad,º as you shall see,º as thisº is,º Keemun Lapsang of first pickings. And I contango Iº can take off my dudud myº dirtynine articles of quoting here in Pynix Park before those in heaven to provost myself by gramercy of justness aº virgomanº and moremon, stiff and staunch for ever, andº enter under the advicies to their favoured clientº from Misrs Norris, Sothebyº, Yates and Weston, Inc,º intoº my preprotestant Caveatº against the pupup publication of libel by any tixtim tipsyloon or tobtom towleyº of Keisserse Leanº toº that highest personage at moments holding down the throne. So to speak of beauty scoutsº in elegant pursuit of flowers, searchers forº tabernacles and the celluloid art! Happen seen sore eynes belived? The caca cad! A bloweyed lanejoyntº, waring lowbelt suit, withº knockbrecky kenees and bullfist rings round him and a fallse roude axehand (he is cunvesser to Saunter's Nocelettres and the Poe's Toffee's Directory in his pisness),º the best begrudged man in Belgradia,º who doth notº belease to our paviour,º heº walked by North Strandº with his Thom's towel in hand.º Snakeeye! Strangler of soffiacated green parrots! I protest it that he is,º by my wipehalf, my nomesuchº!º He was leaving out of my double inns while he was all teppling over my single ixits. So was keshaned onº for his recent behaviour. Sherlook is lorking for him. Allare beltspanners!º Hourspringlike his joussture, immitiate
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my chry! Asº urs now, so yous then!º Get your air curt! Shame upon pipip Private M—!º Shames on his foulsomenessº! Shamus on his atkinscum's lulul lying suulenº for an outcast mastiff littered in blood currish! Erestocrassº till Hanging Tower! Steck a javelin through his advowtried heart! Instaunton! Flap, my Larrybird! Dangle, my highflyer! Jiggety jig,º my jackadandyline! Let me never see his waddphez again! And mine it was, Barktholed von Hunarig,º Soesown afº Furrows,º when to our lot it fell on my poplarº Sexsex, my Sexencentaurnary, when byº gateº of Hal, before his hostel of the Wodin Man,º I hestened to freeholdit op to Hisº Mamº Hisº Mamamº Majusculesº His Magnus Maggerstickº first city's leasekuays of this Nova Tara,º our most noble, when hrossbuckedº on his pricelist chargerº, Pferdinamdº Allibusterº (yeddonot need light oar till Norewayº for you fanned one o'erº every doorway),º with my allbum'sº greethims through this whole of my promises:º Handshakey Congrandyoulikethems,º Ecclesency!ºº

Whosaw the jackery dares at handgripper thisa breast? Dose makkers ginder!º Some one we was with us all fours. Adversarian!º The spiking Duyvil! First liar inº Londsend!º Wulv! See yonº scargore on that skeepsbrow! And those meisies! Sulken taarts! Man sicker at I ere bluffitº konservateveº? Shucks! Such ratshause bugsmess so I cannot barely conceive of! Lowest basemeant in hystry! Ibscenest nansence! Noksagt!º Per Peeler and Pawr!º The brokerheartened shugon!º Hole affair is rotten muckswinish porcupig's draff!º Enouch!

— Is that yu, Whiteheadº?

— Have you headnoise now?

— Give us your mespilt reception, will yous?

— Pass the fish for Christ'º sake!

Oldº Whitehowth he is speaking again. Ope eustaceº tube! Pity poor Whiteoathº! Dear gone mumumº mummeries, goby! Tell the woyld I have livetº true thousand hells. Pity, please, lady, for poor O. W.º in this profundust snobbing I have caught. Nine dirty years mine age, hairs hoar, mummeryº failend, snowdrift to my ellpow, deff as Adder,º I askt you, dear lady, to judge on my tree by our fruits. I gave you of the tree. I gave two smells, three eats.º Myº freeandies, my celeberrimates!º My happybossomsº, my allfalling fruits of my boom. Pity poor Haveth Childers Everywhere with Mudder!

That was Communicatorº, a former colonel, disincarnated.º He is not all hear.º Aº spiritº called Sebastianº fromº the Rivera in Janueroº mayº fernspreak shortly with messuages from my deadported. He does not believe in ourº psychous of the Real Absence, neither miracle wheat nor soulsurgery of P. P. Quemby.º Let us cheer him up a little and make an appunkment for a future date. Hello, Communicatorº! Eh?º How'sº the buttes? Everscepistic! Heº
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has had some indiejestings, poor thing, for quite a little while, confused by his tonguer of baubble. Awayº with him! Poor Felix Culaperº! Ring his mind, ye staples (bonze!),º in my ould reekeries'º ballyheart andº in my krumlin and in aroundisements and stremmis! Sacks eleathury! Sacks eleathury!º Bam! I deplore over him ruely. Mongrieff! O Hone! Guestermed with the nobelities, todieº bronxitic in achershous! So enjoying of old thick whiles,º in haute white toff's hoyt of our formed reflections,º with stock of eisen all his prop, soº buckely hosiered from the Royal Leg, and his puertos mugnum, heº wouldº puffout a dhymful bock!º And the how he would husband her that verikerfully, his cigare divane (heº would redden her with his vestas, but 'tis naught),º with us,º his nephos and his neberls,º mest incensed and befogged by him and his smoke thereof!º But he shall have his glad stein of our zober beerbest in Oscarshal's winetavern. Buen retiro!º The boyce voyce is still flautish and his mounth still wears that soldierº scarlet though the flaxafloyeds, alas,º are peppered with salsedine. It is bycauseº of what he was ascend into his prisonce on account off. Iº whit it wellº. Hence he'sº deepraised words.º Some day I may tell of his second storey. Mood! Mood! It looks like someone other bearing my burdens. I cannot let it. Kanes nought.º

Well, yeamen, I have bared my whole past, I flatter myself, on both sides. Give me even myº two months by laxlaw in second divisionº and my first broadcloth is business will be to protest to Recorder at Thing of all Things, or court of Skivinis, with marchants grey, antient andº credibel, Zerobubble Barrentone, Jonah Whalley, Determined Codde or Cucumber Upright,º my jurats, if it does not occur again. O rhyme us! Haar Faagherº, wild heart in Homelan,º Harrod'sº be theeº naun, mineº kinder come, mine wohl be won!º There is nothing like leuther. O sheeº! And nosty mens in gladshouses they shad not peggottº stones. The elephant's house is his castle. I am here to tell you, indeed to goodness,º that, allbe I discountenanced beallpersuasions inº rinunciniation of myº pomps of heretofore, with a wax too held in hand, I am thorgtfulldt to do dope me of Ovocna'sº miscisprinks and by virchow of those filthered watersº presently,º like Browne umbracing Christina Anya, after the Irishers, toº convert me into a Seltº (but first I must proxy babetise my old antenaughties)º when,º being fully alive to it,º as Sigismond Stolterforth, withº Rabbin Robroostº for my auspicer and Leecher Rutty for myº lifearstº (Ehren tilº viktrae!),º I will westerneyes those poor sunuppers and outbreitenº their land's eng. A man should stump up and I will pay my pretty decent trade price for my glueglue glucoseº,º peebles, were it even, as this is,º the legal eric for wholewiping cleanº infelicitous conduict (here incloths placefined my pocketanchoredcheck) and, as a matter of fact,º I undertakeº to discontinue entyrely all practices
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and I deny inº toto at my own request in all stoytness to have confermentated and confoederated and agreed in times prebellic,º when here were waders for the trainsfolk, as it is now nuggently laid to me,º with a friend from mine,º Mr Billups,º pulleter, my quarterbrotherº, who sometimes he is doing my locum for me on a grubstake andº whom I have cleped constoutuent,º for so it was felt by me, atº goodbuy cootcoopº by usucapitureº a mouthless niggeress, Blanchette Brewster from Cherna Djamja, Blawlawnd-via-Brigstowº, or to illsell my fourth part in her, whichº although allowed of in Deuterogamy as in several places of Scripture (copyright)º and excluded books (they should quite rightlyº verbanned be) wouldº seem eggseggs excessively harroweenº to my feelimbs,º forº twaº punt scotch, oneº pollard and a crocardº or three pipples on the bitch. Thou, Frick's flameº, Uden Sulfer, who strikest only on the marryd bokks, entquickº me if so be I did cophetuise milady's maid! Inº spect of her beavers she is a womanly and sacret.º Such wear a frillick for my comic strip (Monsº Meg's Monthly, comesº out aich Fanagan's Weck) toº bray at by clownsillies in Donkeybrook Fairº. Itº would lackin mackin Hodder's and Cocker's erithmatic.º The unpurdonable preempson of all of her of yourn, by Juno Moneta! If she, irished Marryonn Teheresiann, has been disposed of for her consideration,º I, Ledwidge Salvatorious,º am tradefully unintiristid. And if she is still further talc slopping over her cocoa contours, I, hwat mick angars,º am strongly of opinion why I should not be. Improbable!º I do not credit one word of it from such and suchess mistraversers. Just feathers! Nanenities! Or to have ochtroyed to resolde or borrough by exchange same super melkkaart, means help,º best Brixton,º high yellow, no outings,º cent for cent on Auction's Bridge. 'Twereº a honnibel crudelty wert so tentement to their naktlives and scatab orgias we devour about in the mightyevil roohms of enceintº Cartageº. Utterly improperable! Not for alledº Crusos or white soul of gold!º A pipple on the panis, two claps on the cansill,º or three packº pocks cassey knocked on the postern!º Not for one testey tickey culprik's coyndeº ore for all écusº in cunziehowffse!º Soº humpº me Cash!º I meanit.

My herrings! The surdity of it, meanº to say. Her bare idears, itº is choochoo chucklesome.º Absurd bargain, mum,º will call.º One line,º with! One line, with,º with! Will ate everadayde saumone like a boyne alive O. The tew cherripickersº with their catheringnettesº, Lizzy and Lissyº Mycockº from Street Fleshshambles, were they moon at aube with hespermun and I their covin guardient, I would not know to contact such gretched youngsteys in my ways from Haddem or any suistersees or heiresses of theirn,º claiming by, through,º or under them. Ous of their freiung pfann into myne foyer!º Her is one which rassembled to mein enormally. The man what shocked
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his shanks at contey Carlow's
. He is Deucollion. Each habe goheard:º Uptakingº you are innersenceº but we sen you meet sose infance. Deucollion! Odor:º Evilling chimbes is smutsick rivulverblott but thee hard casted thereass pigstenes upann Congan's shootsmen in Schottenhof, ekeascent? Igen Deucollion! I liked his gothamnº chic! Stuttertub! What a shrubbery trick to play! Hear this!º I will put my oathhead unner my whitepot for ransom of beeves and will stand me where I stood mine in all free heat between Pelagios and little Chistayas by Roderick's,º our most monolith,º after my both earstoear and brebreeches buybibles and, minhatonº, testify to my unclothed virtue by the longstone erectheion of our allfirst manhere. I should tell you that honestly,º on my honour of a Nearwicked,º I always think (inº a wordsworthº of that primed favourite continental poet, Daunty, Gouty and Shopkeeper, A. G., whom the generality admoyers in this that is and that this is to come)º like asº my palmer'sº past policy I have had my best master's lessonº, as the public he knows. Andº do you know, homesters,º I honestly think ifº I have failed lamentably by accident benefits,º though shintoed, spitefired, perplagued and cramkrieged,º I am doing my dids bits and have made of my prudentials good. I have been told I own stolemines or something of that sortº in the sooth of Spainien. Hohohohoº! Have I said ogso how I abhorº myself vastly (truth to tell) and do repent meº to my nether heartº of suntry clothing? The amusin part is,º I will say, hotelmen,º that, afterº martiell siegewin with Abbot Warre to blesseº on yon slauchterday of cleantarriffs,º sinceº I,º yetnotº a bottlenim,º over the deep drowner Athacleeath to seek again Irrlanding, shamed in mind, with three plunges of my ruddertail,º vanced imperial standard by weaponright and platzed mine residenze, taking bourd and burgage under starrymisty,º and ran and operated my Brixtolº selection here at thollstall,º for mean straits male with evorage fimmel, in commune soccage,º amongº strange and enemy, among these plotlets,º atº Poplinstown, alore Fort Dunlip, then-on-seaº, hole of Serbonian bog, now city of magnificent distances, goodwalldabout, with talus and counterscarp and pale of palisades, inº that year which I have called myriabellous, and overdrave these markenº under patroonshaap of our good kingsinnturns,º T.R.H.º Urban First and Champaign Chollyman and Hungry the Loaved and Hangry the Hathed, hereº where my tenenure of office and my toils of domestication first began,º with weight of woman my skat and skuld but Flukie of the Ravens myº sure piloter, famine with Englisch sweat andº oppedemics, theº twotoothed Dragonwormsº with allsort serpents, has compolitely seceded fromº this landleagueº of many nations, and openº and notorious naughty livers are found not on our rolls.º This seat of our city it is of all sides pleasant, comfortable and wholesome. If you would traverse hills,
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they are not far off. If champain land, it lieth of all parts. If you would be delited with fresh water, the famous river called of Ptolemy
the Libnia Labiaº runneth fast by. If you will take the view of the sea, it is at hand. Give heed!

Do Drumcollogher whatever you do!º

Visitez Drumcollogher-la-Belle!

Be suke and sie so ersedº Drumcollogher!

Vedi Drumcollogher e poi Moonis!º

Thingsº are not as they were.º Let me briefly survey. Pro clam a shunº! Pip! Peep! Pipitch! Ubipop jay piped, ibipep goes the whistle. Hereº Tyeburn throttled, massed marmursº marchº: whereº the bus stops,º there shop I: here which ye see,º yea reste.º On me, your sleeping giant. Estoesto! Estote sunto! From the hold of my capt in altitude till the mortification that's my fate. The end of ourº aldest mosest ist the beginning of all thisorder so the last of their hansbailis shall the first in our sheriffsby. Peace and plenty!º New highs for all! Redu Negru may beº black in tawn but under them lintels are staying my horneymen meet each his mansiemagd. For peers and gints, quaysirs and galleyliers, fresk letties from the say and stale headygabblers,º gaingangers and dudder wagoners, pullars off societies andº pushers on rothmere'sº homes. Obeyance from the townsmen spills felixityº by the toun. Ourº bourse and our politico-ecomedyº are in safe with good Jock Shepherd,º our lives are on sure in sorting with Jonathans,º wild and great.º Been so free! Thank you,º besters! Hattentats have mindered, blaublazeº devilbobs have gone from the mode and hairtrigger nicks are quite out of time now. Thuggeriesº are reere as glovars' metins, lepers lack and ignorantsº show beneath suspicionº like the bitterhalves of esculapuloids. In midday'sº mallsight let Miledd discurverself,º Meluddº in her hide park seek Minuitetteº. All is waldlyº bonums. Blownose aerios,º we luft to you! Firebugs,º good blazes! Lubbersº, keepº your poudies drier! Seamen, we segn your skivs and wives!º

Sevenº ills sobarelyº as centripunts havd I habt,º seaventy seavens for circumference inkeptive are your hill prospect: Brayd,º Blackfordrock, the Calton, the Liberton, Craig and Lockhart's, A. Costofino, R. Thursittº. The chort of Nicholas Within was my guide and I raised a dome on the wherewithouts of Michan: by awful tors my wellworthº building sprang sky spearingº spires, cloud cupoled campaniles. Furtherº this. By fineounce and imposts I got andº grew and by grossscruple gat I grown outreachesly: murageº andº lestage were my mains for Ouerlord's tithing andº my drains for render and prender the doles and the tribute:º I was merely out of my mintº with all the percussors on my braincap till I struck for myself and muched morely
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by token: to Sirrherr of Gambeldenº oldº ruddy money andº to Madame of Pitymount I loue yous. Paybadsº floriners moved in hugheknots against us and I matt them, pepst to papst, barthelemew:º milreys (mark!)º onfellº and (luc!)º I arose,º Daniel in Leonden. Bulafests onvied me, Corkcuttas graachtedº. Atabey! The soord on Whencehislaws was mineº and mine the prusshing stock of Allbrecht the Bearn.º I wegschicked Duke Wellinghof to reshockle Roy Shackleton: Walhalloo, Walhalloo, Walhalloo, mourn in plein!º I braved Brien Berueme to berow him against the Loughlins, all her tolkies shraking: Fugabollags! Lusqu'au bouº! Ifº they had ire back of eyeball they got danage on front tooth: theres were revelries at ridottos, here was rivalry in redoubt.º Underº law's marshall and warschouw did I thole till lead's plumbate, ping on pang, reliefed me. I made praharfeast upon acorpolous and fastbroke downº in Neederthorpe. I let faireviews in on slobodensº but ranked rothgardes round wrathmindsers: I bathandbaddend on mendicity and I cowcuredº off the unoculated. Can youº tell their tale whom I filled ad liptum on the plain of Soulsbury? With three hunkered peepers and twa and twas!º For sleeking beauties I spinned their nightinveils, to slumbred beastsº I tummed the tiefº air.º Round the musky moved a murmelº but mewses whinninaird and belluas zoomed:º tendulcis tunes like water parted fluted up from the westinders while from gorges in the east came the strife of ourangoontangues. Allº in my thicville Escuterre ofen was thorough fear but in the meckling of my Burghº Belvaros was the site forbed: I meadeº uisanceº of wellpressedº champdamors andº peddled freely in the scrub:º tuberclerosies I reized spudfully from the murphyplantz Hawkinsoniaº andº berriberries from the pletoras of the Irish shou.º I heard my libertiladsº making frayº through their curraghcoombs andº my trueblues herusalamingº before Wailingtone's Wall: out of fundness for the outozone I carried them and curried them in my Putzemdownº cars to my Kommeandine hotels:º I richmounded the rainelag in my bathytubº of roundwood and conveyed it with cheers and cables, rearingº mighty shouts,º through my longertubes of elm:º Iº made sprouts fontaneously from Philuppe Sobriety in the coupe that's cheyned for noon inebriates: when they weaned weary of that bibbing I made infusion more infused:º sowerpacers of the vinegarth, obtemperate unto me! Whenº you think me in my coppeecuffs lookinwareº wouldº you meckamockame, as you pay in caabmand'sº sheltar tot the ites like you corss the tees. Wherefore watch ye well! For,º while I oploockedº the first of Janus's straight, I downsaw the last of Christmas steps: syndic podesterilº and on the rates, I for indigent and intendente: inº Forum Foster I demonsthrenatedº my folksfiendship,º enmy pupuls felt my burk was no worse than their brite: Sapphrageta and Consciencia were undecidedly
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attached to me but the maugher machrees and the auntieparthenopes my schwalby words with litted spongelets set their soakeypokeysº and botchbonsº afume: Fletcher-Flemmings, elizabothº, how interquackeringly they rogated me, their golden one, I inhesitantº made replique: Mesdememdes to leursieuresponsor: Andº who in hillsaide, Don'tº you let flyfire till you see their whites of the bunkers' eyes?º Mr Answers: Bringemº young, bringem young, bringem young!º in my bethel of Solyman's I accouched their rotundaties and I turnkeyed most insultantly over lutetias rapedº in the lock:º I gave bax obº biscums to the jacobeaters and pottage bakes to the esausted:º I dehlivered them with freakandesias by the constant droppings from my smalls instalmonths while I titfortotalled up their farinadays for them on my slataper's slate with my chandner's chauk:º I jaunted on my jingelbrett rapt in neckloth and sashesº and I beggaredº about the amnibushes like belly in a bowle.º In the humanity of my heart I sentº out heywheywomenº to refresh the ballwearied and then, doubling megalopolitan poleetness, my great great greatest of these charities, devaleurised the base fellows for the curtailment of their lower man:º with a slog to square leg I sent my boundary to Botany Bayº and I ran up a score and four of mes while the Yanksº were huckling the Empire:º I have been reciping om omominous lettersº and widelysigned petitions full of pieces of pottery about my monumentalness as a thingabolls and I have beenº inchanting causeries to the feshest cheoilboysº so that they are allcalling on me for the song of a birtch.º Attent! Couch hear! Iº have becket my vonderbilt hutch in sunsmidnought and at morningrise Iº was encampassed of mushroofs:º theº more secretlyº bi builtº, the more openly palastered.º Rest and bethinkful, with licence, thanks. I considered the lilies on the veldt and unto Balkis did I disclothe mine glory. Lo,º I have looked longº upon my pumpadears in their easancies and my drummers have tattled tall tales of me in the land.º

Andº this.º This maydsº my taughtersº and these manº my son, from my fief of the Villaº of the Ostmannorumº to Thorstan's,º recte Thomars Sraid,º and from Huggin Pleaze to William Inglis his house,º that man de Loundres, in all their barony of Saltus, bonders and foeburghers, helots and zelots, strutting oges andº swaggering macks, the darsy jeamses, the drury joneses, redmaids and bleucottsº, in hommage andº felony, all who have received tickets,º fair home overcrowded, tidy but very little furniture, respectable, whole family attends daily massº and is dead sickº of bread and butter, sometime in the militia, mentally strained from reading work on Germanº physics, shares closet with eight other dwellings, more than respectable, getting comfortable parish relief, wage-earnerº freshly shaven from prison, highly respectable, planning new departure in Mountgomeryº cyclefinishing,
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eldest son will not serve but peruses Big-Man-up-in-the-Skyº scraps, anoopanadoon lacking backway, quasi respectable, pays ragman in bones for faded windowcurtains, staircase continually lit up with guests, particularly respectable, house lost in dirt and blocked with refuse, getting on like Roe'sº distillery on fire, slovenly wife active with the jug, in business for himself, has a tenth illegitimate coming, partly respectable, following correspondence courses, chucked work over row, both cheeks kissed at levee by late marquess of Zetland, sharing closet which is profusely written over with eleven other subscribers, once respectable, open hallwayº pungent of Baltic dishes, bangs kept woman's head against wall thereby disturbing neighbours, private chapel occupies return landing, removal every other quarter day, case one of peculiar hopelessness, most respectable, nightsoilº has to be removed through snoring household, eccentricº naval officer not quite steady enjoys weekly churchwarden and laugh while reading foreign pictorialsº on clumpstumpº before door, known as the trap, widow rheumaticº and chars, haunted, condemned and execrated, of dubious respectability, tools too costly pledged or uninsured, reformed philanthropist whenever feasibleº takes advantage of unfortunates against dilapidating ashpits, serious student is eating his last dinners, floor dangerous for unaccompanied old clergymen, thoroughly respectable, many uncut pious books in evidence, nearest watertapº two hundred yards'º run away, fowlº and bottled gooseberry frequently on table, man has not had boots off for twelve months, infant being taught to hammer flat piano, outwardly respectable, sometimes hears from titled connection, one foot of dust between banister and cracked wall, wife cleans stools, eminently respectable, ottawark and regular loafer, should be operated onº would she consent, deplorable rent in roof, claret cellar cobwebbed since the pontificate of Leo, wears drill trousers and collects rare buddhas, underages very treacly and verminous have to be separated, sits up with fever casesº for one and threepence, owns two terraces (back to back breeze), respectable in every way, harmless imbecile supposingly weakminded, a sausage every Sunday, has a staff of eight servants, outlook marred by ne'er-do-wells |shusing the lanewaysh|, lieabed sons go out with sisters immediately after dark, has never seen the sea, travels always with her eleven trunks of clothing, starving cat left in disgust, the pink of respectability, resting after colonial service, labours at plant, the despair of his many benefactresses, calories exclusively from Rowntreesº and dumplingsº, one bar of sunlight does them all January and half Februaryº, the V. de V's (animal diet) live in fivestoriedº semidetached but rarely pay tradesmen, went security for friend who absconded, shares same closet with fourteen similar cottages and an illfamed lodginghouseº, more respectable than some,
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teawidow pension but held to purchase, inherited silk hat from father-in-law, head of domestic economy never mentioned, queryº how they live, reputed to procure, last four occupants carried out, mental companionship with mates only, respectability unsuccessfully aimed at, copious holes emitting mice, decoration from Uganda chief in locked ivory casket, grandmother has advanced alcoholic amblyopia, the terror of Goodmen's Fieldº, and respected and respectable, as respectable as respectable can respectably be, though their orable amission were the herrors I could have expected, all,º let them all come,º they are my vill villeins, withº chartularies I have talledged them.º

Wherforº I will and firmly command, as I willed and firmly commanded, upon my royal word,º and cause the great seal now to be affixed, that from the farthest of the farther of their fathers to their children's children'sº children they do inhabit it and hold it for me and my heirs,º unencumbered,º firmly and quietly, amply and honestly, and with all the liberties and free customs which the men of Tolbris, a city of Tolbris,º have at Tolbris, in the county of their city and through whole my land. Hereto my vouchers:º knifeº and snuffbuchs. Fee for farm. Enwreakº us wrecks.

Strugglingº forlongs I have livramentoed, millesº on milles of mancipelles.º Mined outskirts benlewd,º men breaches portpoinsed:º inº morgenattics litt I hope,º in seralcellars louched I bleakmealers:º on my siege of my mightyº I was parciful of my subjects,º but in streetwauksº that are darkest I debelled emº superb: I deemed the drugtails in my pettycourts and domstered dustyfeets in my husinclose:º at Guy'sº they were swathed, at Foulkes'sº slashed, the game for a Gomezº, the loy for a Lynch:º if I was magmonimoss as staidy lavgiver I revolucanized by my eructions:º onº hye and bye wayseeds I scattered em, in my graben fields sew sowage I gathered em:º in Sheridan's Circle my wits repose,º in black pitts of the pestered Lenfant he isº dummed. Heartsº of Oak, may ye root to piece! Rechabites,º obstain! Clayed sheets, pineshrouded, wake not, walk not!º Sigh lento, Morgh!º

Quoº warrantoº has his greatsº my soliven and puissant lord V. Kingº regards for me and he has given to me my necknamesh (flister it!)º which is second fiddler to nomen. These be my genteelician arms. At the crest, two young frish, etoiled, flappant,º devoiledº of their habiliments, vested sable, withdrewers argent. For the boss,º a coleopterº, pondant, partifessewiseº, blazoned sinister, at the slough, proper. In the lower field,º a terce of lanciers, shaking unsheathed shafts, their arms crossedº in saltire, embusked, sinople. Motto, in letters portent: Hery Crass Evohodie.

Idleº were it, repassing from elserground to the elder disposition,º in so and such a matter as me it so besitteth,º to inquire whether I, huddled til
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summone,º be the massproduct of teamwork or I, draggedasunder, theº forced generation of groupº marriageº or carried of cloud from land of locustº, in ouzel galley borne,º three surtouts wripped up in itchother's, two twinº pritticoaxes lived as one, troubled in trine or dubildin too, for,º holocryptogam of my essenses,º abram nude be I or roberoyed with the faineans orº Feejeean grafted ape on merfischº, surrounded by obscurity, most surely Iº pretendº and reclam byº my virtus of creation and by boon of promiseº my naturalbornº freeman's journeyman rightº and my Other Church's inher lightsº toº opt for simultaneous. Till daybow breakº and showshadows flee. Thus be Hek!º Verily! Verily!º Time, place!

— What is your numb? Bun!º

— Who gave you that numb? Poo!º

— Have you put in all your spare penniesº? I'm listening. Sree!º

— Keep clear of propennies!º Fore!º

Mr Televox, Mrs Taubiestimm,º and invisibleº friends!º I maymay mean to say. Annoyinº part of it was,º had myº faithful Fulvia, followingº the wiening courses of this world, turned her back on her ways to goº on uphills upon search of louvers, brunette men of Earalend, Chief Nightcloud by the Deeps and Chief Goes-in-Blackwater and Chief Northpaw and Chief Brown Poole,º or, again,º had Fluvia, amberº whitch she was, left her chivily crookcrook crocus bed at the bare suggestions of some prolling bywaymen from Moabit who wouldº have abused of her, the foxrogues, there might accrue advantage to ask wher in pellmell her deceivers sinned. Yet know of oldº it was vastly otherwise which I have heard it by mmummy goods waif,º asº I chieflyº endmost hartyly aver,º for Fulvia Fluvia, iddle woman to the plusneeborn, ever did ensue tillstead the things that pertained unto fairnessº, this wharom I am fawned on, that which was loost. Even so. Forº I waged love on her: and spoiled her undines: andº she wept.º O my lors!

Till we meet!

Ere we part!


This time a hundred years!

Butº Iº was firm with her. Andº I did take the reached of my delights, my jealousy, ymashkt, beyashmakt, earswathed, snoutsnooded,º and did raft her flumingworthily and did leftlead herº overland the pace, from lachsleapº up to liffsloup, tiding down, as portreeve should,º whimpering by Kevin's creekº and Hurdlesfjordº and Gardener's Mall, long rivierside driveº, embankment large, to Ringsend Flott and Ferry, where she began to bump a little bit,
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my dart to throw:º and there, byº wavebrink,º on strond of south,º with mace to masthigh, taillas Cowhowling, quailless Highjakes, did I upreizeº my magicianer's puntpole, the tridont sired a tritan stock, farruler, and I bade those pollyfizzyboisterousº seas to retire with hemselves from osº (rookwardsº, thou seasea stamoror!) and I abridged with domfineº norsemanship till I had done abate her maidan race, my baresark bride, and knew her fleshly whenº with all my bawdy did I her whorshipº, min bryllupswibe:º Heaven, he hallthundered; Heydaysº, he flung blissforhers. And I cast my tenspan joys on her, arsched overtupped, from bank of call to echobank, by dint of strongbow (Galata! Galata!),º so streng we were in one,º malestream in shegulf:º and to ringstresse with iern of Erin I thumbed herº and tradesmanmarked her lieflang mine for all and singular, iday, igone, imorgensº and for ervighedsº (base your peak, you! you, strike your flag! whatº screech of shippings! what low of dampfbulls!):º goosegaze annoynted uns, canailles canzoned;º from Livland,º hockº zivios, from Lettland,º skall vives!º Withº Impress of Asias and Queen Columbia for her pairanymphsº and the singing sands for herbrides'º music,º meº to she her shyblumes liftedº and Iº pudd a name andº wedlock boltoned round her the which to carry till her grave, Appa Lippia Pluviabille,º my durdin dearleyº, whilesº I herr lifer amstell and been:º I chained her chastemate to grippe fiuming snugglers, her chambrett I bestank so to spunish furiosos: I was her hochsized, her cleaveintoº, her everest, she was my annointedº, my laurelled,º my proved:º who cut her ribbons when nought my prowes?º who expoused that havenliness to beachalured ankerrides when not I,º freipforter?º in trinity huts they met my dama,º pick of their poke for me: when I forgetherº 'twas my sumbad, if I farseeker itch my list: hadº I not workit in my cattagut with dogshunds' crotts to cleneº and had I not giftetº of my coataways, constantonoble's aim?º and, fortiffed by my right as man of capitol,º I didº umgyrdle her about, my vermincelly vinegarette,º with all loving kindnessº as far as in man's might it lay andº enfranchised her to liberties of fringes:º and I gave until my lilienyounger turkeythighs soft goods and hardware (catalogue, passimº) and fineº ladderproof hosiery lines (see stockingers'º raiment) and cocquetteº coiffs (see Agnes' hats) and pennigsworthsº of the best ofº taste of knaggyº jets and silvered waterroses and geegawsº of my pretty novelties and wispywaspy frocks,º trancepearancesº of redferns and lauralworths,º suchº as women cattleº bare and peltries piled and samite supple, rosselling gowns,º the peak of Pim's and Slyne's and Sparrow's, loomends day lumineused,º luxories on looks, La Primamère, Pyrrha Pyrrhine, Or de Reinebeau, Sourireº d'Hiver,º and a crinoline, wide a shire, and pattens for her trilibies that know she might the tortuours of the boots and bedes of wampun with to toy and a murcery
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glaze of shard to mirrowº for all daintinessº by me and theetime, the cupandnaggin hour:º and I wound around my swanchen's neckplace a school of schellsº of moyles marine to swing their saysangs in her silents: and, upping her asº king's count,º her aldritch cry oloss unheading, what though exceeding bitter, I pierced her beak with order of the Danabrog (Cunnig's great! Soll leve! Soll leve!):º with mare's greaseº cressets at Leonard's and Dunphy's andº Madonna lanthorns before quintacasas and tallonkindles spearhead syngeing nickendbookers and mhutton lightburnes dipdippingdownes in blackholes, the tapers of the topers and his buntingpall at Hoist,º for days there was no night for nights were days and our folk had rest from Blackheathenº and the pagans from the prince of pacis: what was trembling sod quaked no more,º what wereº frozen loins were stirred and lived: gone the septuor, dark deadly dismal doleful desolate dreadful desperate, no more the tolvmaans, bloody gloomy hideous fearful furious alarming terrible horribleº mournful sorrowful frightful appalling: peace,º perfect peace: and I hung up at Yulº my duindleeng lunas, helphelped of Kettil Flashnose, for the souperhore of my frigidº one, coloumba mea, frimosa mea,º in Wastewindy Tarred Strateº and Elgin's marble halles,º lamping limp from black to block, through all Livania's volted ampire,º fromº anodesº to cathodes and from the topazolites of Mourne,º Wykinloeflare, by Arklow's sapphire siomen's lure and Wexterford's hook and crook lights to the polders of Hy Kinsella:º avenyue ceen my peurls ahumming, the crown to my estuarine munipicence?º threeº firths of the sea I swept with draughtness and all ennempties I bottled em up in bellomport:º whenº I stabmarooned jack and maturin I was a bad boy's bogey but it was when I went on to sankt piotersbarq that they gave my devil his dues: what is seizer can hack in the old wold a sawyer may hew in the green: on the island of Breasil the wildth of me perished and I took my plowshure sadly, feeling pity for me sored: where bold O'Connee weds on Alta Mahar, the tawny sprawlingº beside that silver burn, I sate me and settled with the little crither of my hearth: her intellects I charmed with I calle them utile thoughts,º her turlyhyde I plumped with potatums for amiens pease in plenty:º my biblous beadells shewed her triumphs of craftygild pageantries,º loftust Adamº duffed our cousterclother, Conn and Owel with cortoppled baskib, Sireº Noeh Guinnassº exposant of his bargenessº and Lordº Joe Starr to hump the body of the camell:º I screwed the Emperor down with ninepins gaelic with sixpennyhapennies for his hanger on: my worthies were bissed and trissed from Joshua to Godfrey but my processusº prophetarum they would have plauded to perpetuation. Moral: book to besure,º see press.
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— He's not all buum and bully.

— But his members handly food him.

— Steving's grain for's greet collegtium.º

— The S.S.º Padraic'sº in the harbour.º

And after these thingsº I fed her, my carlen, my barelean linsteer, upon spiceries for her garbage breath, italics of knobbylauchº and the rich morsel of the marroleboneº and shains of garleeks and swinespepper and gothakrautsº and pinkee dillisks, primes of meshallehs,º and subtletiesº in jellywork,º come the feast of Saintº Pancreas,º and shortcake nutrients for Paas and Pingster's pudding, bready and nuttalled,º and potted fleshmeats from stoveº dampkookinº and the drugs of Kafa and Jelapaº and shallots out of Ascalon, feeding her food convenient herfor, to pass thenº into earth:º and to my saffronbreathing mongoloid, the skinsyg, I gave Biorwik's powlver and Uliv'sº oils, unguentsº of cuticure, for the swarthy searchall's face on her andº handewers and groinscrubbers and a carrycam to teaseº her tuzzyº out, the brown but combly,º and aº mopsa's broom to duist her sateº and clubmoss and wolvesfoot for her more moister wards (amazing efficiencies!):º and forº my shopsoiled doveling, when weeks of kindness skinlyº civicised, in our saloons esquirial withº fineglas bowbays, draped embrasuresº and giltedged librariumsº I did devise my prizelessº telltale sports atº evenbread to wring her withers limberly, wheatears, slapbangº, drapier-cut-dean, bray, nap, spinado and ranter-go-round:º we had our lewd mayers and our lairdie meiresses kiotowing and smulingº fullface on us out of their framous latenesses, oilclothed over for cohabitation and allpointed by Hind:º Tamlane the Cussacke, Dirk Wettingstone, Pieterº Stuyvesant, Outlawrie O'Niell, Mrs Currens, Mrs Reyson-Figgis, Mrs Datteryº and Mrs Pruny-Quetch: in hym we trust, footwash and sects principles,º apply to the overseer,º Amos five six: she had dabblingtime for exhibiting her grace of aljambras and duncingk the bloodanoobs in her vauxhallsº while I, dizzed and dazed by the lumpty thumpty of our interloopings, fell clocksure off my ballast:º inº our windtor palast it vampared foreº elenden,º we lubded Sirº Gudd for the sleep and the ghoastsº: she chauffed her feusiesº at my Wigan's jewels while she skalded herº mermeries on my Snorryson's sagos:º in paycook's thronsaale she domineered:º lecking icies off the dormer panes all admired her in camises: on Rideau Row Duanna dwells, you merk well what you see:º let wellth were I our pantocreator would theirs be tights for the gods:º in littleritt reddinghats and cindery yellows and tinsel and glitter and bibs under hoods: Iº foredreamed for herº and,º more than fallmaked,º I prevened for herº in the haunts that joybelled frail light-a'-leavesº for sturdy traemen:º Pelves ad Hombres
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Sumus:º I said to the shiftless prostitute,º Letº me be your fodder; and to roadiesº and prater brothers,º Chau,º Camerade!º Evangelº of good tidings, omnient as the Healer's word, for the lost, loathsome and whomsoever will:º who, in regimentation through liberal donation in coordination for organisation of their installation and augmentation plus some annexation and amplification without precipitation towards the culmination in latification of what was formerly their utter privation, competence, cheerfulness, usefulness and the meed, shallº in their second Adamsº all be made alive.º

Myº tow tugs steered down canal grand, my lighters lay longside on Regalia Water:º andº I built in Urbs in Rureº for minne elskede, my shiny brows, under astrolobe from my upservatory, an erdcloset with showne ejector wherewithin to be squatquit in most convenienceº from her sabbathº needs, when open noise should stilled be: did not I festfix with mortarboard my unniversiriesº, wholly,º rational and gottalike, sorefister agen sowfisterº, life sizars all?º was not Iº rosetted on two stelasº of little egypt?º had not Iº rockcut redersº, hieros, gregos and democriticos, tricastellated, bimedallised?º and by my sevendialledº changing charties Hibernska Ulitzas made not Iº to pass through twelveº Threadneedles and Newgade and Vicus Veneris to cooinsight?º myº camels'º walk, kolossa! kolossa!,º no porte sublimer benared my ghates:º Oi polled ye Manyº but my fews were chousen (voterº, voter, early voter, he was never too oft for Old Sarum):º terminals four my staties were, the Geenar, the Greasouwea, the Debwickweck, the Migreawis:º andº I setº up twinminsters, the pro and the con, my stavekirks wove so norcely of peeled wands and attachattouchyº floodmud, now all loosebrick andº stonefest, freely masoned, arkedº for theº covenantersº and shinners' rifuge:º descendº from above on us, Hagiasofia of Astralia, our orisons thy nave and absedes, our aeone tone aeones thy studvaast vault!º Hams, circuitise! Shemites,º retrace!º horns,º hush! no barkeysº! hereround is't holied!º all truant trullsº made I comepull, all rubbeling gnomes I pushed, gowgow:º Cassels, Redmond, Gandon, Deane, Shepperd, Smyth, Neville, Heaton, Stoney,º Foley, Farrellº, Vnost,º with Thorneycroft and Hogan too:º sprids serve me,º gobelins guard!º tectº my tileries (O tribes! O gentes!),º keep my keep, the peace of my four great ways!º oathioseº infernals,º to Boothº Salivation!º arcaneº celestials,º to Sweatenburg'sº Welhell!º and thirdly, for evigsº, I did reform and restore for my smuggy piggiesknees, my sweet coolockedº, my auburn coyquailing one, her paddypalace on the crossknoll with massgo bell, sixtonº clashcloshant,º duominous and muezzatinties to commind the fitful: doom adimdim adoom adimadim:º and the oragel of the lauds to tellforth'sº glory: and Iº added thereunto a shallow laver to slub out her hellfire and posied windows for her oriel house: gospelly pewmillieu, christous pewmillieu:º zeº zackbutts
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babazounded, zeº ollguns tararulled: and she sass her nach, chillybombom and forty bonnets, upon the altarstane. May all have mossyhonours!

— Hoke!

— Hoke!

— Hoke!

— Hoke!

Andº wholehail,º snaefellº, dreardrizzle or sleetshowers of blessing,º whereº it froze in chalix eller swum in the vestry, with fairskin book and ruling rod, vienº of my vergin page, her chastener ever,º I did learn my little annaº countrymouse in alpabeaterº cameltemper,º from alderbirk to tannenyou,º withº myraw rattan atter dundrum,º ooah oyir oyir oyir:º myº seven wynds I trailed to maze her and ever a wynd had saving closes and all theseº closes fluggedº with the gust, hoops for her, hats offº for him and rerufflesº through Neeblow's garding. Andº that was why Blabus was razing his wall and eltering the suzannes of his nighboors.º Andº Iº did spread before my Livvy, whereº Lord Streetº lolls and ladies linger and Cammomileº Pass cuts Primrose Riseº and Coney Bend bounds Mulbreys Islandº but never a blid had bledded or bludded since long agore when the whole blighty acre was bladey well pessovered,º my selvage mats of lecheworked lawn, my carpet gardens of Guerdon Cityº, with chopes pyramidous and mouselimesº and beaconphires andº colossets and pensilled turrissesº for the busspleaches of the summiramiesº and esplanadas statuesqueº and templeogues:º the pardonellº of Maynooth, Fra Teobaldo, Nielsen, rare admirable, Jean de Porteleau, Conall Gretecloke, Guglielmus Caulis and the eiligh ediculous Passivucant (glorietta's inexcelsiored!):º for irkdays and for folliedays till the comple anniums of calendarias, gregoromaios and gypsyjuliennesº as such are pleased of theirs to walk: and I planted for my own hot lisbing lass a quickset vineyardº and rigs of barlow and bowery nooks and greenwished villas and pampos animosº and (N.I.) necessitades iglesiasº and pons for aguaducks,º a hawthorndene, a feyrieglenn, the hallaw vall, the dyrchace, Finmark's Howeº, and I fenced it about with huge Chesterfield elms and Kentish hopsº againstº budmonthº and gleanermonthº with a magicscene wall (rimrim! rimrim!) for a Queen's Gardenº of her Phoenixº: and (hush! hush!) I brewed for my alpine plurabelle, wigwarming wench (speakeasy!),º my granvilled brandold Dublin lindub, the free, the froh, the frothy freshener, theº pusspussº pussyfoot, to split the spleen of her maw: and I laid down before the trotters ofº my eblanite my stonybatteredº waggonways, my nordsoud circulums, my eastmoreland and westlandmore, running boullawardsº and syddenly paradingº (hearsemen, opslo! nuptiallers, get storting!)º
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whereon, in mantram of truemen like yahoomen (expectº till dutc cundoctor summoneth him all fahrts to pay, velkommen all hankinhunkn in this vognº of Hoseyeh!),º claudesdales withº arabinstreeds, Roamer Reich's rickyshaws with Hispain's king'sº trompateers,º madridden mustangs, buckarestive bronchos,º postershaysº and turnintaxis andº tall tall tilburys and nod nod noddies, others gigging gaily, some sedated in sedans,º my priccoping gentsº aroger, aroger, my damsells softsidesaddledº covertly, covertly,º and Lawdy Dawe a perch behind,º the mule and the hinny and the jennet and the mustard nag and piebald shjelties and skewbald awknees steppit lively for her pleashadure (lift ye the left and rink ye the right!):º and she lafaughedº in her diddydid dominoº to the switcheries of the whip. Down with them! Kick! Playyup!º

— Mattahah!º Marahah! Luahah! Joahanahanahana!