Jaunty Jaun, as I wasº shortly before that made aware, next halted to fetch a breath and to loosen (let God's son now be looking down on
toº the poor preambler!) both of his bruised brogues at the weir by Lazar's Walk (for far and wide was he noted for his humane treatment of any kind of abused footgear),º a matter of maybe nine
score or so barrelhours'º distance off,º as truly he merited to do. He was there,º I could see, when I took a closer look at him, greatly altered for the brighter thoughº still
the graven image of himself as he was used to be, perspiring but happy notwithstanding his foot was still asleep on him,º the way he thought he had a bullock's hoof in his
buskin, with his halluxes so splendid, through Ireland untranscended, bigmouthed poesther, propped up, restant,º against a |4slumbersome
butterblond4| warden of the peace, one comestabulish Sigurdsen,º who had tumbled |4slumbersomely4| on sleep at night duty behind the
curing station, equilebriated amid the embraces of a monopolisedº bottle.
Now, there were as many as twentynine daughters out of their national hedgeschool (for I seemed to remember how it was still a look before you leap
year) learning their antemeridianº lesson of life, |4aseated
beseatedº4| as they wereº upon the brink, attracted to the rare sight of the first human
|4yellowstone4| landmarkº while they paddled away keeping time with their eight and fifty pedalettes,
playing foolyfoolº jouay allo misto posto,
all barely in their teens, in a charming nocturne to the snores of the log who looked stuck to the sod as ever and oft he murmoaned in his Dutchener's native, visibly unmoved, over his treasure trove for the crown: Dotter dead bedstead mean diggy smuggy flasky!º
Jaunº (after he had in the first place doffed a hat and bowed to all the others in that chorus of praiseº of goodwill girls who they
were all rushing for the post, kitteringº about and making a tremendous fuss over him and his rosyposy smile, mussing his
hair and the gollywogº curls of him like a trayful of cloudberry tartlets and smilingly smelling the nice
perfumios that came peeling off him |4(O, nice!) (nice!)4| which was
angelic simply, savouring of wild thyme and parsley jumbled with breadcrumbs (O, nice!) and feeling his fine fat pouch for him and jingaling his
jellybags,º for he was just the killingest ladykiller by kindness now you, Jaun, asking kindlily after their
healths with those of their dollybegs)º nextº went on to make a few stray remarks anent their personal appearances and the contrary
tastes displayed in their short frockies, gently reproving one that the ham of her hom could be seen below her hem and whispering another that the hook of her hum was open a little at the back,º to have an eye to that, hom,º andº all of course just to fill up a form out of pure
human respect forº Jaun was becoming (I think, I hope he was) the most purely human being that ever was called
man.º Jaun easily made out the features of his fond sister Izzy,º for he knew his love by her waves of splabashing and she knew his love from her way of |4blabushing
blubushingº4|, norº could he forget her as easily as all that
since he was brotherbesides her godfather as well and heaven knows he thought the world and
all of her,º poor good true Jaun.
— Sister dearest, Jaun delivered himself with express cordiality as he began to take leave of her at once in the first place so as to gain time with deep affection, we honestly believe you
sorely will miss us the moment we exit yet we feel as a martyr to the discharge of duty that
it is about time we would shove off on our last long journey and not be the load on you. This
is the gross proceeds of your teachings in which we were raised, you, Sisº, that used to write to us the exceeding nice letters and be
telling us (full well do we recall to mind) thy oldworld tales of homespinning and derringdo and daddyho, thoseº
tales which whiskedº our heart so narrated by thou to perfection, our pet of the whole family and the mainsay of our house,º
the time we younkers were tossing ourselves in bed, having
been laid up with Parrish's syrup (the night we wellº remember) for to share our suite of affections with thee.
Now then apropos during our brief absence adhere to as many as |4possible
probable4| of the ten commandments and in the long run they will prove for your better guidance along your path of right of way.º
Never miss last mass whatever place you chance to worship. Never
eat bad pork of a good Friday. Never let a hog of the hill
trample underfoot your lily of the valley. Never play ladies' games |4on for4| the
Lord's sake. Makeº a strong point of not singing risky quiproquo songs at commercial travellers' smokersº the like of: White limbs they never stop teasing. Thou shalt not smile.º
Never park your |4best only4| stays in the men's convenience. Especially
please,º of being a party to any demoralisingº home life. That saps a chap.º Recollect in the first place the perils that beset green girls once they get hobbyhorsical. Put your best foot foremost onº lowdown shirtwaists and ribbons of lace,º limenick's disgrace. Sure what is it all only holes tied together. Whalebones and buskbutts may hurt you but never lay bare your heart to the first Jonas in the tramcar. The Sully vultures are on the prowl. Don't on any account acquire a paunchon for the fagend habit of chumming together in halldoorways under the curfew act.º Raw spirits is the thief of time. Nor must you omit to put the lid firmly on that jazz jiggery. Should you feel as though you needed healthy physical exercise to move your bowels, lassy, why,º out you go and skip. Likewise have your weathereye open for furnished lodgers paying for their feed on tally with company and piano tunes, the too friendly friend sort who may soon prove your undoing through the succeeding years should you, whilst Jaun is from home, get used to sitting in his loverslowlap
(it's not the thing,º you know) with the selfseeker
fumbling in your bodice after your billydoosº twain as a first go-offº (take care, would you!) and going on doing his idiot every time you gave him his chance bilgetalking about your glad neck and prying down with his pregnant questions into ourº past lives. It would be a terrible state of affairs altogether were you to have direct connectionº and in consequence be flummoxed by becoming a companykeeper on the dammymonde. Once and for all I'll have no college swankers (you seeº I have reason to know all those |4nightwalkers nightbirds4|, dosed
and otherwise, and what their fickle intentions look like, you make up your mind to that) trespassing on your danger zone in the danger years.
Take a brotherly advice that we,º Jaun, first of our name,º freely make all recipients of. Izzy, my dear, if they tingle you either say
|4no or say nothing nothing or no4|. Swear by pious
fiction.º Dip into the lives of |4the
our4| saintsº in fortnightly instalments for the betterment of your mind. Remember, maid, thou art
but powder |4and cinderella thou shalt return4|.º Keep cool your best preserved chastity.
Rather than part with that vestalite emerald of the first importance to our family which you treasure up so much in the
sanctuaryº where your netherº extremes meet, nay, rather let the whole
ekumene universe |4perish do whatever it
likes4|. Guard that gem, |4Sissy,4| rich and rare. In this cold world who'll find it?º The jewel you're all so cracked about there's very few of them gets it,º for there's nothing now but the sable stoles and a runabout to catch it. Sing him a ring.º Touch me low. And I'll love |4you, O you SO so4|, my so and so.
Divulge, suddenly jouted out hardworking Jaun, clenching his manlies and quite warming to her,º divulge to me the curname and address of any
lapwhelp who speaks to you upon the road where he took you to be a roller, O, and volunteers to trifle with your roundlings without producing his proper password
from the minister for strangers affairs in a cleanlooking way and (Iº don't care a tammany hang who the mucky is,º wereº he even a namesake of my own) asº sure as back we come from east the waves on schedule time from the land of breach of promise,º with the gravel spinning from beneath our feet,º rest assured that as we value the very name of sister that as soon as we do it will be worse for him. And why do we say that? Because then we'll damn soon show him what the Shaun way is like how we'll break his face for him for making up to you |4without before4| feeling the measurements of your nuptial finger. No, we'll tell you what we'll do instead. We'll burst his mouth: that'll be it. Moreover,º afterº that bad luck to meº if I don't think strongly about giving him into custody to the first policewoman I might chance to meet or for that matter if I get the windº up I might even take it into my head to swing for him and then wipe the street up with him. It should prove more or less of an event. In that case I won't be complete in fighting lust until I half kill him before his time especially should he turn out to be a man about town of about forty or so having the usual large family of upwards of a decade to boot and care for.
So lest there be no misconception you better keep in the straightº (you baggage, do you hear what I'm praying?) |4Or
or4| I'll be all over you myself
for knocking |4me and4| yourself down |4to a third party4| as cheap as all that or I'll smack your lips well for you so I will for you and I'll give you one puck in the crupper that will bring the blush of shame to your hindmost (do you hear me now?) that you won't obliterate for the better part of a whole year if you fail to give a good account of yourself and that's how I'll bottle your beauty for you,º my bulling heifer, for 'tisº I that have the pair of arms that carry a wallop between them.
How times out of oft shall we think of thee
far away on the pillow all through the empties whilst moidered by the rattle of the doppeldoorknockers. The poet puts it better. Little girl from Liffeybank you fill a big roomy corner in this unadulterated seat of the affections. |4Heavenheaven Sevenheavens4| O heaven! |4I want you.4| How I shall should I live as I am hoping to do, placing my arm in yours, positively cover the two pure cheeks of your plumpcake with sugary kissings one of those |4happy merry4| days, honestly I will,º when you will then of your own accord kiss me back with shouldered arms and in that way swap sweet smugs when cherries next come back to Erin immediately after my safe return from destination to ignorance and bliss with my ropes of pearls for gamey girls the way ye'll hardly know me.
'Tis purify the post we will and render social service, missus,
and help clean up things. Look at the sludge of Harrington street. Bear in mind all the banana peels alongº Henry, Moore, Earl and Talbot streets. Stand on, say, Aston's Quay
and take a good longing gaze into any nearby shopwindow you may choose andº in about twenty minutes' time turn on your heels towards the causeway and you will seeº how you will be topcoatedº with mush occasioned by the jam of the trafficº in transit. When will theº longsuffering face of our muckloved city getº its longpromised wash?º Do you know what? Oneº of those days I will positively strike off hiking for good and all until such time as some move is made to get me an increase of footwear as I think now, honest to John, that that's about the boundary limit.
Sis dearest, Jaun added, sadly this time,º is this the end? Personally I am in no violent hurry. I'd turn back as lief as not if I could only find the girl of my heart's
appointment to guide me homesick in her safe conduct. I'd ask no kinder fate than to
stay where I am at this present moment by local option in the birds' lodging the pheasants among,º tillº well on into the night.º I could sit on my side till the bark of the day.
What wouldn't I give — |4my heart, my head, my all, honest my socks,
my shoes, my shirt, honest!4| — for a holiday with the
finny ones, to be catching trophies of sturgeon by the armful and what small
coin I'd be possessed
of I'd sink it in the |4potheen poteen4| at prime cost and I bet you all you have on your back that I'm the boy that'd make it pay like fun and I'd come out tophole on the mart, nothing would stop me, and before you knew where you were I'd be staggering humanity and royally rolling over in my tons of clover and I'd never say die till I'd run my shoestring into near a million as a firstclass dealer and everything only for one thing,º that I'd be awful anxious about the terrible
colds playing around in the amstophere that would perish the Danes to be atramental to the better half of my health, not considering my capsflap,º and that's the truthº for |4sureº4| I never could tell the least falsehood that would likely give satisfaction.
Sis dearest, as I was saying to myself not very long ago it is transported with grief I am this night to go free upon this benedictine errand,º but it is the most glorious mission in all our history. Still we feelº all serene, never you fret, as far as regards our cask and 'tis a grand thing to be going to meet a king, not an everyday king, no, by gannies,º but the overking of Greater Dublin himself I'm saying. Before there was aº man at all in Ireland there was a lord in Lucan. We only wish everyone was as sure of anything in this weary world as we are of everything in the one that's bound to follow. Tell mother that. 'Twillº amuse her.
Well, to the dickens with the whole business! The ends of these our passing shows are notº so far off as you might suppose. So now I'll ask |4of4| you let ye create no scenes in my poor wake. Just a plain shays by the fire for absentee Jaun and I'll make ye all an Easter egg of myself the moment that you name the day. Cheer up all round, let ye all, and let ye not be getting grief out of it on my poor |4headsache headsake4| even should we forfeit our life. Some time soon shall we all be dead and happy together in the land of lost of time. So cut out the lonesome stuff!º Drink it up, ladies, please, as |4quick smart4| as you like, the last stirrup cup! Parting's fun.º Inflexibly yours.º Ann Posht.
Something of an amusing nature must have occurred to westminstrel Jaunahaun for a grand big hearty laugh hopped out of him at the bare thought of how jauny they'd love to be rolling his hoop and all of them were just starting to yell with the laughter, |4jauhauhauhauhaun Jauhauhauhauhaun4|,º so jokable and so |4geepee geepy4|, O,º when, quick as mercury,º he wheeled right round with his eyes blazing rather sternly, black as thunder. So they stood still and wondered. |4Then Till4| first he sighed so they nearly cried and then he replied:
— There is something moreº. It's prayers, prayers all the time in the suburbs of the heavenly gardens. No petty family squabbles up there, cuphurling nor no nothing. Ah, sure, what on earth is our miserable heretoday as compared beside the sheer pleasantries of the afterpiece when life begins properly speaking.º
Well,º I enjoyed your pick of hot luncheon fine, I did,º |4only |afora| your peas was a bit too
psalty4| and return
with my best condiments. All the vitamines is beginning to sozzle and presently from now posthaste it's off you'll see me roll on my usual rounds again to draw Terminus Lower and Killadown and the biggest house even in Ireland and my next item's programme it's how I'll try and collect my extraprofessional postages owing to me by Thaddeusº Kelly Esquire forº nondesirable printed matter. But I know what I'll do. Great pains of him I'll take and that'll be your redletterday calendar, window machree. I'll knock it out of him! I'll stamp it out of him! I'll rattattatter it out of him before I'll quit the doorstep of
old Tom Connolly's residence! By the horn of twenty of both of the two Saint Collopys blackmail him I will in arrears or my name's not Ferdinand! And it's daily and hourly I'll nurse him till he pays my fine fee.
Well,º here's looking at ye! You can stop as ye are and wait and wish |4and wish4| in vain till the grim reaper draws nigh as a blessing in disguise. Devil a hair I care. If any marauding highwayman was to try toº hold me up,º relieving me of my rights to my onus,º I'd let him haveº my best pair of galloper's heels in the face. Console yourself, drawhure deelish! And you'll miss me more as weeks wing by. Sunday, duly,º Monday, truly, Tuesday, newly till Whensdayº. A tear or two in time is all there's to it and then in a click of the clock off we pop en route for His Diligence Majesty, our longdistance lord that likes creation. To who?
— Of course, but listen, drawher nearest, Izzy intercepted, flushing as she
grabbedº her male correspondent to flusterº in his quickturned
ear, I know, benjamin brother. But listen. I want to whisper my wish. Of course I'm ashamed of my life
of the bit of memento nosepaper which is all I
can call my own but all the same, listen, |4Jaunik Jaunick4|, accept this last moment
gift from my hands in place of a linenhall handkerchief. It is heavily indulgenced by your friend the pope forty ways
|4for in4| forty nights and, listen, now do enhance me, oblige my fancy and bear it
with you morn till e'en and, of course, when you make use of it, listen, think again and again of one absent one. Of course I know you know who sent it on the face of the waters like that romance
in the bottle. Of course please forward it back by return in case anything happens
soº as I'll know in case I don't hear from you. Listen, I'll follow you publicly
with all my eyes and I'll be strictly true and private and, of course, never will I give you away no matter whatº. The Dargle shall run dry as soon as Iº you deny. Listen, hereº I'll wait on you all the time you're awhile away.º I swear to you I will, by Christmas! And,º listen, I'll dress only in pensive grey till you resemble me and, listen, always about this hour |4I'll when I4| steal |4along and home to bed but first I'll4| poke straight |4all4| under my isonbound for the night's males. So now coach me how to tumble, Jaun, and,º listen, Jaun, I know, warn me which to wed.