Houyhnhnm Press (Mousehole: 2010) III.1§A

Edited by Danis Rose and John O'Hanlon (details)

{f10, 313}


Tolv two elf kater ten (it can't be) sax.


Pedwar pemp foify trayº (it must be) twelve!º

And low stole o'er the stillness the heartbeats of sleep.

White fogbow spans. The arch embattled. Mark hasº capsules. The nose of the man who was nought like the nasoes. It is selftinted, wrinkling, ruddled. His kep is a gorsecone. He am Gascon Titubante of Tegmine-sub-Fagiº whose fixtures are mobiling so wobiling befear my remembrandts. She, exhibit next, his Anastashie. She has prayings in lowdelph. Zeehere green eggbrooms. What named blautoothdmand is yon who stares? Gugurtha! Gugurtha! He has becco of wild hindigan. Ho, he hath hornhide! And hvis now is for you. Pensée! The most beautiful of woman of the veilch veilchen veilde.º She would kidds to my voult of my palace with obscidian lupasº, her aal in her dhove's suckling. Apagemonite! Come not nere! Black! Switch out!º

Methought as I was dropping asleep somepart in nonland of where's please (and it was when you and they were we) I heard at zero hour as 'twere the peal of vixen's laughter among midnight's chimes from out the belfry of the cute old speckled church tolling so faint a goodmantrueº as nighthood's unseen violet rendered all animated greatbritish and Irish objects nonviewable to human watchers save 'twere perchance anon some glistery gleam darkling adown surface of affluvial flowandflow as again might seem garments of laundry reposing a leasward close at hand in full expectation. And as I was jogging along in a dream as dozing I was dawdling,º arrah,º methought broadtone was heard and the creepersº and the gliders and theº flivvers of the earthbreathº and the dancetongues of the woodfires and the hummers in their ground allº vociferated,º echoating, Shaun! Shaun! Post the post!º withº a high voice and,º O, the higher on high the deeper and low.º I
{f10, 314}
heard him so!º And lo,º meseemedº somewhat came of the noise and somewho might amove amongº allmurk. Now 'twasº as clump, now mayhap. When, look,º was light and now 'twasº as flasher, now moren as the glaow. Ah, in unlitness 'twas in very similitude, bless me, 'twas his belted lamp! Whom we dreamt was a shaddo, sureº he's lightseyes, the laddo! Blessed momence, O romence, he's growing to stay! Ay, he who so swayed a will of a wisp before me, handº prop to hand, prompt side to the pros, dressed like an earl in just the correct wear, in a classy mac Frieze o'coat of far suparior ruggedness, indigo braw, tracked and tramped, freeswingingº from his shoulthern,º and an Irish ferrier collar,º and thick welted brogues on him with mereswine lacersº hammered to suit the scotsmost public and climate, iron heels and sparable soles, and his jacket of providence wellprovided woolliesº with a softrolling lisp of a lapel to it and great sealingwax buttons, a good helping bigger than the slots for them, of twentytwo carrot krasnapoppsky'sº red,º and his invulnerable burlap whiskcoat and his popular choker, Tamagnum sette-and-forte,º and his loudboheem toyº and the damasker's overshirt he sported inside, a starspangled zephyr with a decidedly surpliced crinklydoodle front with his motto throughº dear life embrotheredº over it in peas, riceº and yeggyyolk, Or for royal, Am for Mail, R.M.D. hard cash on the nail,º and the most successfully carried gigot turnups now you everº (|shwhat a pairfact crease! how amsolookly kersse!sh|) breaking over the ankle and hugging the shoeheel, everythingº the best, wasº none other from (ahº, then,º may the turtle's blessings of God and Mary and Haggispatrick and Huggisbrigid be souptumbling all over him!) other than (and may his hundred thousand welcome stewed letters, |shrelayedsh| andº |shpostchased,sh| multiply, ay,º faith, and plultiply!) Shaun himself.

|shWhat a picture primitive!sh|

Had I the concordant wiseheads of Messrs Gregory and Lyons alongside of Dr Tarpey's and, |shI dorsaysh|,º the reverend Mr MacDougall's,º but I, poor ass, am but as their fourpart tinckler's dunkey. Yet methought Shaun (holy messengerº angels be uninterruptedly nudging him among and along the winding ways of random ever!) Shaun in proper person (now may all the bluebackslidingº constellations continue to shape hisº changeable timetable!) stood before me. And I pledge you my agricultural word, byº the hundred and sixty odds rods and conesº of this even's vision,º that young fellow looked the stuff, the Bel of Beaus' Walk, a prime card if ever was! Pep? Now without deceit it is hardly too much to say he was looking grand, so fired smart, in much more than his usual health. No mistaking that beamish brow, those jehovial oyeglances!º The heart of the rollº! |shAnd hit the| There was one for you that |shne'er would nunch with good Dukeº Humphreysh| but |shwould
{f10, 315}
aight through the months withoutº a sign of an err in hem and then, otherwise rounding, fourale to the lees of Traroesh|.º He was immense, topping swell,º for he was after having a great time of it, |sha twentyfour hours every moment matters maltsightsh|, in a porterhouse, scutfrank,º if you want to know, Saint Lawzenge of Toole's,º |shtheº Wheel of Fortunesh|, leave your clubs in the hallº and wait on yourself, |shno chucks for walnut ketchups, Lazenby's and Chutney graspissh| (the house the once queen of Bristol and Balrothery twice admired because her frumped door looked up Dacent Street),º where in the sighed of lovely eyes,º while his knives of hearts made havoc,º he had recruited his strength by meals of spadefuls of mounded food, in anticipation of the faste of tablenapkins, constituting his threepartite pranzipal eatingsº plusº a collation, his breakfast of, first,º a bless us O blood and thirsthy orange, next,º the half of a pint of baconº with newled googs andº a segment of aº rice plummyº paddingº, met of sunder suigar,º and some cold |shforsoakensh| steak |shpeatrefiredsh| from the batblack night o'erflown,º then, |shwithout prejuicesh| to evectuals, came along merendally his |shstockpotsh| dinner of a half a pound of round steak,º very rare,º Blong's best from Portarlington's Butchery,º withº a side of riceypeasy and Corkshireº alla mellonge and bacon with (a little mar pliche!) a pair of chops and,º thrown in from the silver gridº by the proprietoress of the roastery who lives on aº hill,º and gaulusch gravy and pumpernickel to wolp up and a gorger's bulby onion (Margareatar, Margareatar,º Margarasticandeatarº) andº as well with second course and then,º finally, after his avalunch o'clockº snack at Appelredt's or Kitzy Broten'sº of saddlebag steak and a Botherhim with her old phoenix porter, jistr to gwen his gwistell, andº praties sweet and Irish too |shand mock gurglesh| to whistle his way through |shfor the swallyingsh|, swp by swp, and he getting his tongue aroundº it |shand Boland's broth broken into the bargainsh|,º to his regret his soupay avic nightcap, vitellusit,º a carusal consistent with second course andº eyers andº bacon (the rich of) withº broad beans, hig, steakº, hag, pepper,º the diamondº bone,º hotted upº timmtomm and while 'twasº after that he scoffed a drakeling snuggily stuffed following cold loin of veal moreº cabbage and, in their green free state,º a clister of peas, suppositorilyº petty, last. P.S. Butº a fingerhot of rhein geneverº to give the Pax cum Spiritututuº. Drily thankful. Burud andº dulse and typureely jam, all free of charge, aman, andº. And the best of wine avec. For his heart was as big as himself, so it was, ay, and bigger!º While the loaves are aflowering and the nachtingale jugs. All St Jilian'sº of Berry, hurrah there for tobies!º Mavrodaphneº, brown prideº of our custard house quay, amiable with repastful, cheer us, graciouslyº cheer us! Ever of thee, Anne Lynch, he'sº deeply draiming! Houseanna!º Tea is the Highest! For auld lang Ayternitay! Thus thicker will he grow now, grew
{f10, 316}
new. And better and better on butter and butter. At the sign of Mesthress Vanhungrig. However! Mind you, nuckling down to |shnourrituressh|, were they menuly |shsome ham and jaffassh|, and I don't mean to |shmake the ingestionsh| for the moment that he was guilbey of gulpable gluttony asº regards chewable boltaballs, but, |shbiestings be biestingssh|, and upon the whole,º when not off his oats,º given prelove appetite and postlove pricing,º goodcoup,º goodcheap,º |shwere it thermidor oogst or floreal may while the whistling prairialº roysters play,sh| between |shgormandising and gourmeteeringºsh| he grubbed his tuck all right, deahº smorregos, every time he |shwas for doing dirt to a mealsh| or felt like a bottle of ardilaun alongwithº a smag of a lecker |shbiss of a welldressedsh| taart orº. |shThough his net intrants wight weighed nought but a flyblow to his gross and ganz exit'sº| And he was so jarvey jaunty with a romp of a schoolgirl's completion sitting pretty over his Oyster Monday printfaceº and he was plainly out on the ramp and mash, asº you might say, for he sproke.

Overture and beginners!º

When lo (whish, O whish!) mesaw mestreamed, as the green to the gridº was flew, was flown, through deafths of durkness greengrown deeper I heard a voice, the voce of Shaun, vote of the Irish, voiceº from afarº (and,º cert,º no purer puer palestrine e'er chanted Panis Angelicusº mid the clouds of Tu es Petrusº, not Michaeleen Kelly, not Mara O'Mario, and,º sure, what more numerose Italicussº ever rawsuckedº frish uov in urinal?), a brieze to Yverzone o'er the brozaozaozing sea, from Inchigeela call the way how it suspired (morepork! morepork!º) to scented nightlife as softly as the loftly marconimasts from Clifden sough open tireless secrets (mauveport! mauveport!º) to Nova Scotia's listing sisterwands. Tubetube!

His handpalm lifted, his handshell cupped, his handsign pointed, his handheart mated, his handaxe risen, his handleaf fallen. Helpsome hand that halemostº heals! What is het holy! It gested.

And it said:

Alo, alass, aladdin,º amobus! Does she lag soft fall means rest down?º

Shaunº yawned, as his general address rehearsal (thatº was antepropreviousday's pigeons-in-a-pie with rough dough for the carrier and the hash-say-ugh of overgestern pluzz the 'stuesday's shampain in his head |shwithº the memories of the past and the hicnuncs of the present embelliching the musics of the futures from Miccheruni's bandsh|),º addressing himself ex alto and complaining with vocal discontent it was so close as of the fact the rag was up and of the briefs and billpasses, a houseful of deadheads, of him to dye his paddycoats to morn his hesternmost,º earningº his board in the swealth of his fate as, having moistened his manducators upon the quiet and scooping
{f10, 317}
molars and grinders clean with his two forefingersº, he sank his hunk, dowanouet,º to reszkº at once, |shexhaust as winded haresh|, |shutterly spentsh|, it was all he could doº (disgusted with himself that the combined weight of his tons of iosals was a hundred men's massed too much for him), upon the native heath he loved,º covered kneehighº with virgin bush, for who who e'er trod sod of Erin could ever sleep off the turf!º

Well,º I'm literallyº dished seeing myself in this trim! How all too unwordy am I, a mere mailman of peace, a poor loust hastehater of the first degree,º the principot of Candia, no legs and a title, for such eminence, or unproº promenade rather, to be much more exact,º as to be the bearer extraordinary of these postoomany missive on his majesty's service,º while me and yous and them we're extending us after the pattern of reposiveness! Weh is me, yeh is ye! I, |shthe mightif beam maircannysh|, |shwhich bit his mirth too early or met his birth too latesh|! It should of been my other with his leickname for he's the head and I'm an everdevoting fiend of his. I can seeze tomirror in tosdays of yer when we lofobsed os so ker. Those sembal simon pumpkel pieman yers! We shared the twin chamber and we winked on the one wench and what Sim sobs todie I'll reeveº tomorry,º for 'twill be, I have hopes of, Sam Dizzier's feedst. |shTune in, tune on, old Tighe, high, high, high, I'm thine| Be old! He looks rather thin, |shimitating mesh|. I'm very fond of that other of mine. Fish hands, Macsorley!º Elien! Obsequies! Bonzeye! Isaac Egan'sº Ass! We're the musichall pair that won the swimmyease bladdhers at the Guinness gala in Badeniveagh. I ought not to laugh with him on this stage. But he'sº such a game loser! I lift my disk to him. Brass and reeds, brace and ready! How is your napper, Handy,º and hownow does she stand? First he was living to feel what the eldest daughter she was panseying and last he was dying to know what old Madre Patriack does be up to. Take this John's Lane in your toastingfourch. Shaunti and shaunti and shaunti again! And twelve coolinder moons! I am no helotwashipper but I revere her! For my own aº coant! She has studied!º Piscisvendolor! You're grace! Futs droukº of Wouldndom! But, Gemini,º he'sº looking frightfully thin!º I heard the man Sheeº shinging in the pantry bay. Down among the dustbins let him lie! Ear! Ear! Not aye!º Eye! Eye! For I'm at the heart of it. Yetº I cannot on my solemn merits as a recitativer recollect ever having done of anything of the kind to deserve of such. |shNot the phost of a nationsh|!º Nor by a long trollop!º |shI just didn't have the time| Saint Anthony Guide!º

But have we until now ever besought you, dear Shaun, we remembered,º who it was, good boy, out of symphonyº to begin with, whoº gave you the permit?
{f10, 318}

Goodbye now, Shaun replied |shwithº a voice pure as a churchmodesh|, inº echo rightdainty, withº a good catlick tug at his cocomoss candylock, a foretaste in time of his |shcabbageous brain's curlyflowersh|. Athiacaro! Comb his tar odd gee sing your mower O meeow? Greet thee Good!º How are them columbuses?º Lard have mustard on them! |shFatiguing, very| |shHobos hornknees and the corveeture of my| Poumeerme! My heaviest crux and dairy lot it is, |shwith a bed as hard as the thinkamuddles of the Greeks and a board as bare as a Roman altarsh|. |shI'm off rabbitedº kitchens and relief| |shNo later than a very few fortnichts since I was meeting on the Thinker's Dam with a pair of mensh| out of |shglasshousesh| |shwhom I shuffled hands with named MacBlacks — I think their names is MacBlakessh| — from the |shHeadfiresh| Clumpº |shand they were informingº me and making me beliek no five hour factory life with insufficient emollient and industrial diseasesº for them that day o'| |shI have the highest gratification by anuncingsh| how I have it from whowho but Hagios |shColleenkiller'ssh| prophecies. |shAfter suns and moons, dews and wettings, thunders and fires, comes| Solvitur palumballando! Tilvido! Adie!

— Then, we explained, |shsalve a tour, ambly andy,sh| you possibly might be so by order?º

Forgive me, Shaun repeated from his liquid lipes, |shnot what I wants to do a strike of worksh| but it was condemned on meº |shpremitiallysh| by Hireark Books and Chiefoverseer Cooks in their |shEusebian Concordant Homiliessh|,º and there does be a power coming over me that is put upon me from on high |shout of the book of breedingssh| and so as it is becoming hairydittary I have |shof coercesh| nothing in view to look forward at unless it is Swann and beating the blindquarters out of my oldfellow's orologium oloss oloriumº. |shA bad attack of maggot it feels|º |sh'Tis tropesh|, |shcustodiansh| said. Almost might I say of myself, while |shkeeping out of crimesh|, I am now becoming about fed up be going circulating about them new |shhikler's highwayssh| |shlike them nameless soulssh|, ercked and skorned and grizzild all over, |shtill it's rusty October in this bleak forestsh| and that is why Iº was veribally complussed by thinking of |shthe crater of some noted volcanosh| or the Dublin river |shor the catchalot trouth subsiditysh| as a wayº out or to isolate i from my multiple Mes on the spits of Lumbage Island or buryº meself, |shclogssh|, coolcellar |shand allsh|, deep in my wineupon ponteen, |shunless Morrissey's colt could help me or the gander maybe at 49sh|,º as it is a tithe fish so it is, |shthis pig's stomach businesssh|, and where on dearth or |shinsh| |shthe miraculous meddle ofsh| |shthis expending umniversesh| to turn since it came into my hands I am hopeless off course to be doing anything concerning.

We expect you are, honest Shaunº, we agreed, but a whisper reaches usº from |shfranking machinessh|, limricked,º that in the end it may well turn
{f10, 319}
outº to be you, our belated, who will bear these open letter. Speak to us of Emailia.

As, Shaun replied patly, with |shtootlepick tactsh| tooº and a down of his |shdamperssh|, to that I have the gumpower and, |shby the benison of Barbesh|, that is a lock to say with everything, my beloved.

— Would you mind telling us, Shaun honey, beg little big moreboy, we proposed to such a dear youth, where mostly are you able to work?º |shAh, you might!sh| Whimper and we shall.

— Here! Shaun replied whileº he was fondling one of his cowheel cuffs. There'sº |shno sabbath for nomadssh| andº I mostly was able to walk, being too soft for work proper, |shsixty odd eilish mires a week between three masses a morn and two chaplets at evesh|. I am always telling those pedestriasts|sh, my answerers,ºsh| |shTop, Sid and Huckysh|, how (and it is |shasº |shveriest throthsh| as the thieves' rescensionsh|) itº was foretoldº for me byº brevet |shfor mysh| |shvacation in lifesh|,º while possessing stout legs,º to be disbarred after huilyº orders from unnecessary servile work of |shreckless walkingsh| of all sorts for the relics of my time,º for otherwise by my so douching I would get into a blame there where sievesº fall out.º Excelsior tips the best. |shWeak stop work stop walk stop| Go thou this island, one housesleep there, then go thou other island, two housesleep there, then catch one nightmaze, then home to dearies. Never back a woman you defend,º never get quit of a friend on whom you depend, never make face to a foe till he's rife,º and never get stuck to another man's pfife. Hisº hungry will be done! On the continent as in Eironesia. But,º believe me,º in my simplicity I am awful good, I believe, so I am,º at the root of me, praised be |shright cheek Disciplinesh|! And I can now truthfully declaret before my Geity's Pantokreator,º with my fleshfettered palumsº on the epizzles of the apossels,º that I do my reasonabler's best to recite my grocery beans for mummy mit dummy mot muthar mat bouzarº regular, genuflections enclosed. Hek domov muy, there thou beest on the hummock, ghee up, ye dog, for your daggily broth, etc.º Happy Maria and Glorious Patrick, etc., etc. In fact, always have, Iº believe. Greedo! Her's me hongue! Amen, ptah!º

|shAnd it is the fullsoot of a| Yet one minute's observation, dear dogmestic Shaun, as we point out how you have while away painted our town a wearing greenridinghued.

O murder mere, how did you hear? Shaun replied, smoiling the ily way up his lampsleeveº |sh(it just seemed the natural thing to do)sh|, so shy of light was he then. Well, so be it!º The gloom hath rays, her lump is love. And I will confess to have, yes. Your |shdiognesessh| is anonest man's. Thrubedore I did.º |shInditty I didsh|. All lay I did. Down with the Saozon ruze! From Pontoffbellek till the Kisslemerched our ledan striz will be.º And I am afraid it wouldn't
{f10, 320}
be my first
coat's wasting after striding on the vampire and blazing on the focoal. See! Blazingº on the focoal. As see! Blazingº upon the foe. Like the regular redshank I am. |shImpregnablesh| as the |shmulesh| himself. Somebody may perhaps hint at an aughter impression of I was wrong. No such a thing!º You never made a more freudful mistake, excuse yourself!º |shWhat's pork to you means meatº to me while you behold how I be| But it is grandiose, byº my ways of thinking,º from the prophecies. New worlds for all! And they were scotographically arranged for gentlemen only by a scripchewer in Whofoundlandº who finds he is a relative. And it was with my extravert davy. Like glue. Be through. Moyhard's daynoightº, tomthumb. Phwum!

— How mielodorous is thy bel chant, O songbird, and how exqueezit thine afterdraughtº! Buccinate in Emenia tuba insigni volumnitatis tuae. But do you mean, O |shphausdheen phewnsh|, weº gathered substantively,º whether furniture would or verdure varnish?

It is a confoundyousº injective so to say, Shaun,º the fiery boy,º shouted, naturally incensed, asº he shook the red pepper out of his auricles. And another time please confine your glaring intinuations to some other mordant body. What on the physiog of this furnaced planet would I be doing besides your verjuice?º That is more than I can fix, for the teom bihanº anyway. So let I and you now kindly drop that, angryman! That's not French pastry!º |shYou can take it from| Understand me when I tell you (|shand I will ask you not to whisple, cry golden or quoth mecbacksh|)º that under the pastº purcell's office,º so deeply deplored by my erstwhile elder friend, Miss Enders, poachmistress and gay receiver ever for in particular to the Scotic Poorº Men's Thousand Gallonº Cow Society (I was thinking of her in sthore),º allbethey blessed with twentytwo thousand sorters out of a biggest poss of twentytwo thousand,º mine's won,º too much privet stationery and safty quipu was ate up larchly by those nettlesome goats out of pension greed. Colpa di Becco,º buon apartita! Proceding, I will say it is also one of my avowal's intentionsº at some time,º pease Pod pluse |shmurthers of goutsh|,º whenº I am not prepaidº to say,º so apt as my pen is upt to scratch, to compound quite the makings of a verdigrease savingsbook in the form of a pair of |shscapesheepsh|º boxing gloves surrounding this matter of the |shWelsfusel mascoteers and their sindybuck that saved a citysh| for my publickers,º Nolaner and Browno, Nickil Hopstout, Christcross,º so long as, thanks to force of destiny, my selary as a paykelt is propaired andº there is a peg under me and there is a tum till me.

To the Very Honourable The Memory of Disgrace,º the Most Noble,º Sometime Sweepyard at the Service of the Writer. Salutem dicint. The just defunct Mrs Sanders who (the Loyd insure her!) I was shift and shuft too, with her shester Mrs
{f10, 321}
Shunders, both mudical dauctors from highschoolhorse and aslyke as Easther's leggs. She was the niceliest person of a wellteached nonparty woman that I ever acquired her letters, only too fat, used to babies and tottydean verbish,º this is her entertermentdags for she shuk the bottle and tuk the medascene all times a day. She was well under ninety,º poor late Mrs,º and had tastes of the poetics, me having stood the pilgarlick a fresh at sea when the moon also was standing in a corner of sweet Standerson my ski.º P.L.M. Mevrouw von Andersen was her who gaveº me a mutton broochº, stakkers,º for her begfirst party. Honourº thy farmer and my litters. This, my tears, is my last will intesticle wrote off in the strutforit about their absent female assauciations which I, or perhaps any other person |shwhat squat onº a toffettesh|, have the honour to have had with themº upon their polite sophykussens in the real presence of devouted Mrs Grumby when her skin was exposed to the air. O,º what must the grief of my mund be for two little ptpt coolies worth twenty thousand quad here witnessedº with both's Maddlemassº wishes to Pepette for next match from their dearly beloved Roggers, M.D.D.O.D. May doubling drop of drooghtº! Writing.º

|shHapsolooselyº kiddingsh| you are totetherº with your cadenus and goat along nose how |shwe shall complete that white papersh|. Two venusstas! Biggerstiff! Qweer but gaouº! Be trouz and wholetrouz! Otherwise, frank Shaun, we pursued, what would be the autobiography of your softbodied fumiform?

— Hooraymost! None whomsoever, Shaun replied (heº hadº intendedº and was peering now rather close to the paste of his rubiny winklering),º though it ought to be more or less rawcawcaw romanticalº. |shHeavenly blank!sh|º By the wag, how is Mr Fry? All of it, I might say, in ex-voto, pay and perks and wooden halfpence (some rhino, rhine, O joyoust rhine!),º was handled over spondaneouslyº by me (and bundle end to |shmy illwishers'sh| Miss Anders! she woor her wraith of ruins the night she lost I left!º) in the ligname of Mr van Howten of Tredcastles, Clowntalkin, timbreman,º among my prodigits nabobs and navious of every subscription,º entitled theº Bois in the Bosco orº our evicted tenemants. What I say is, andº I am noen roehorn or culkilt,º permit me to tell you,º if uninformed.º I never spont it. Nor have I the ghuest of innation on me the way to. It is |shmy rulesh| so. It went anyway like hot pottagebake. And this brings me to my fresh point. Quoniamº I am as plain as portable enveloped, inhowmuchº you will now parably receive, care of one of Mooseyearsº Goonness's registered andouterthus barrels. Quick take um whiffat andrainit. Now!