Houyhnhnm Press (Mousehole: 2010) III.1§D

Edited by Danis Rose and John O'Hanlon (details)

— Now? Howº good you are in explosition! How farflung is your fokloire and how velktingeling your volupkabulary! Qui vive sparanto qua muore contanto. O foibler, O flip, you've that wandervogl wail withyin! It falls easily upon the earopen and goes down the friskly shortiest like treacling tumtim with its tingtingtaggleº. The blarneyest blather in all Corneywall! But could you, of course, decent Lettrechaun (to change your name ifº not your nation), we knew,º while still in the barrel, read the strangewrote anaglyptics of those Shemlettersº patent for His Christian's Em?

— Greek! Handº it to me! Shaun replied plosively,º pointing to the cinnamon quistoquill behind his acoustrolobe. I'm as afterdusk nobly Roman as pope and water could christen me. Look at that for a ridingpin! I am,º thingº Sing Larynx,º letterpotentº to play the sem backwardsº like Oscan wild or inshantº Persse |shtransluding from the Othermansh| or offº the Topticº off the types
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of my finklers
in the draught or with buttles, with my oyes thickshut and all. But, hellas,º it is harrobrew bad on the corns and callouses. As far as that goes I associate myself with your remark just now from theodicy re furloinedº notepaper and quite agree in your prescriptions for indeed I am, pay Gay,º in juxtaposition to say it is not a nice production. It is a pinch of scribble. Notº worth aº bottle of cabbis. Overdrawn! |shPuffedly offal tosh!ºsh| Besides,º it'sº auctionable, all about crime and libel! Nothing beyond clerical horrors et omnibus to be entered for the foreign as secondclass matter. |shThe fuellest filth ever fired since Charley Lucan's!ºsh| Flummery is what I would call it if you were to ask me to put it on a single dimension what pronounced opinion I might orallyº have about them bagses of trash which the mother and Mr Unmentionable (O,º breed not his same!) has reduced to writing without making news out of my sootynemm. When she slipped under her couchman. And where he made a cat with a peep. How they wore two madges on the makewater. And why there were treefellers in the shruburbsº. Then he hawks his handmud figgers from Francie to Fritzie down in the kookin. Phiz is me mother and Hair's me father, Bauvº Betty Fammº and Pig Pig Pike. Their livetree (may it flourish!) by their ecotaph (let it stayne!).º With balsinbal bimbies swarming tiltop. Comme bien!º Comme bien! Feefeel! Feefeel! And the Dutches dyin loffin at his pon peck de Bareeº. And all the mound reared!º Tillº he wot not wot to begin he should. An infant sailing eggshells on the floor of a wet day would have more sabby.

Letter, carried of Shaun, son of Hek, written of Shem,º brother of Shaun, |shutteredsh| for Alp, mother of Shem, for Hek, father of Shaun. Initialled. Gee. Gone. 29 Hardwareº Saint. Lendet till Laonunº. Baile-Atha-Cliath. 31 Jan. 11.32º A.D.º Here Commerces Enville. Tried Apposite House. 13 Fitzgibbets. Loco. Dangerous. Tax 9d. B. L. Guineys, esqueer. L.B. Not known at 1132 a. 12 Norse Richmoundº. Nave unlodgeable. Loved noa's dress. Sinned, Jetty Pierrse. Noon sick parson. 92 Windsewer.º Ave. No such no. Vale. Finn's Hot. Exbelled from 1014 d. Pulldown. Fearview. Opened by Miss Take. 965 nighumpledansextiffitsº. Shout at Site. Roofloss. Fit Dunlop and Be Satisfied.º Mr Domnall O'Domnally. Q.V. 8 Royal Terrors. None so strait. Shutter up. Dining with the Danes. Removed to Philip's Burke. At sea. D.E.D. Place scent on. Clontalk. Father Jacob, Rice Factor. 3 Castlewoos. P.V. Arrusted. J.P. Converted to Hospitalism. Ere the March past ofº Civilisation.º Once Bank of Ireland's. Return to City Arms. 2 Milchbrokeº. Wrongly spilledº. Traumcondraws. Now Bunk of England's. Drowned in the Laffey. Here. The Reverest Adam Foundlitter. Shown geshotten. 7 Streetpetres. Since Cabrankº. Seized of the Crownd. Well, Sir Arthur. Buy Patersen's Matches.º Unto his promisk hands. Blown up last Lemmas by Orchid Lodge. Search Unclaimedº Male. House
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Condamned by Ediles. Back in Few Minutes. Closet for Repeers. 60 Shellburn. Key at Kate's. Kiss. Isaac's Butt, Poor Man. Dalicious arson. Caught. Missing. Justiciated. Kainly forewarred. Abraham Badly's King, Park Bogey. Salved. All reddy berried. Hollow and eavy. Desert it. Overwayed. Understumpedº. Back to the P.O. Kaer of. Ownsº owe M.O. Too Let. To Be Soiled. Cohabited by Unfortunates. Lost all Licence. His Bouf Toe is Frozen Over. X, Y and Z, Ltd, Destinied Tears. A.B, ab, Sender. Boston (Mass). 31 Jun.º 13.12º P.D.º Razed. Lawyered. Vacant. Mined. Here's the Bayleaffs. Step out to Hall out of that, Ereweaker, with your Bloody Big Bristol. Bung. Stop. Bung. Stop. Cumm Bumm. Stop. Came Baked to Auld Aireen. Stop.

— Kind Shaun, we all requested, much as weº hate to say it, but since you rose to the use of money have you not, without suggesting for an instant, millions of moods used up slanguage tun times as words as the penmarks used out in sinscript with such hesitancy by your cerebrated brotherº — excuse me not mentioningahem?

— CelebrAted! Shaun replied under the sheltar of his broguish,º vigorously rubbing his magic lantern to a glow of fullconsciousness.º HeCitEncyº! Your words grates on my ares. Notorious I rather would feel inclined to myself in the first place to describe Mr O'Shem the Draper |shwith before lettersh|º as should I be accentually called upon for a |shdieoguinnsissh| to pass myº opinions, |shproperly spewingsh|, into impulsory irelitz. But I would not care to be so unfruitful to my own part as to swearº for the moment positively as to the views of Denmark.º No, sah! But let me say my every belief before my high Gee is that I much doubt of it. I've no room for that fellow |shon my fagroastersh|.º I just can't. As I hourly learn from Rooters and Havers through Gilligan's maypoles in a nice pathetic notice,º he, the pixillated doodler, is on his last with |shillegible clergimanitissh|,º boasting always of his ruddy complexious.º She, the mammyfarº, was put up to itº by him, the iniquity,º that ought to be depraved of his libertins, |shtoº be silenced, sackclothed and suspendedsh|, and placed in irons into some draperyº institution off the antipopees for wordsharping only if heº was klanver enough to pass the panel fleischcurers and the |shfieldpost censorsh|. Gach! For that is a fullblown fact and well celibated before the four divorce courts and all the King's paunches, how he has the solitary from seeing Scotch snakes and has a lowsense for the |shproduction ofsh| consumption and dalickeycyphalosº on his brach premises where he can purge his contempt,º dejeunerate into a skillyton andº be thinking himself to death. Rot him! Flannelfeet! Flattyro! I will describe you in a word. |shThou. (Iº beg your pardon.)ºsh| Homo! Then putting his bedfellow on me! |shLikeº into mikesh| and nick onto post.º The criniman!º I'll give it to him for
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|shMaking the lobbard change his stopssh|º, |shas we say in the long booksh|.º Isº he on whosekeeping or are my?º |shObnoximostsh| |shposthumust!sh|º With his unique hornbook and his prince of the apauper's pride,º blundering all over the two worlds! If he waits till I buy him a mosselman's present! He'sº nos halfcousin of mine, pigdish! Norº wants to! I'd famish with the cuistha first. A ham!º

— May we petition you, Shaun illustrious, then, to |shput his prentis' pride in yourº aproper's pursesh| and to unravel in your own sweet way with words of style to your very humbleº and most obsequient, we suggested,º |shwith yet an esiop's foible,ºsh| as to how?

|shWell,º it is partly my own, isn't it,sh|º and you may, ought and welcome, Shaun replied, taking at the same time, as his hunger got the bitter of him, a hearty bite out of the honeycombº of his Braham and Melo's edibleº hat, tryone, tryon and triune. Ann wunkum. Sure, I thunkum you knew all about that, |shHonoreysº causessh|, through thelementaryº channels long agum. Sure, that is as |shold as the Baden bees of Saint Dominoc'ssh| and as commonpleas now to allus |shpueblowssh| and bunkum as Nelson his trifulgurayous pillar. However. |shLet me see,| Beerman's bluff was what begun it, Old Knoll and his barrowing.º And then the lilies ofº the veldt, Nancy Nickies and Folletta Lajambe.º Then mem and hem and the jaquejack. |shAll about Wucherer and righting his name for| I regret to announce, after laying out |shhis litterery bedsh|, forº two days she kept squealing down for noisy priors and bawling out to her |shjameymock farcesonsh| in Shemish like a mouther of the incas with a garcielasso huw Ananymus |shpinched her tightssh| and about the Balt with the markshaire parawag and his loyal divorces, |shwhen he feraxiouslyº shed ovassh| in Alemaney, tse, tse,º all the tell of the tud with the bourighevisien backclack;º and him, the cribibber,º like an ambitrickster, |shaspiringsh| like the decan's, fast asloopedº in the intrance to his polthronechair with his sixth finger between his catseye and theº index, |shmaking his pillgrimace of Childº Horridsh|, engrossing to his ganderpan theº idioglossary he invented under hicks hyssop! Hock!º Ickick gaveº him that toock, imitator! And it was entirely theck latter to blame. Does he drinkº because I am sorely there shall be no moreº Kates and Nells?º |shIf you see him it took place thensh|º. It was given meeck, |shthank the Benchsh|, to assist at the whole thing byck special chancery licence. As often as I think of that unbloody housewarmer, Shem Skrivenitch , always cutting my prhose to please his phrase, bigorrorº, Iº declare I get the jawache! |shBe mesh| punting |shhis reflectionsh| |shhe'd begin his beogrefright in muddyass ribaldssh|. Digteter! Grundtsagar! Swop beef! You know,º he's peculiar,º that eggschicker, |shwith the smell of old woman off himsh|, to suck nothing of his |shswitched-upsºsh|. |shM.D. made his ante mortem for| He was grey at three |shlikeº Sygnusº the swansh|º when he made his boo to the
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public and barnacled up to the eyes when he repented after seven. The alum that winters on his top is the stale of the staun that will soar when he stamblesº till that hag of the coombe rapes the pad off his lock. |shHe was down with the whooping laugh at the age of the loss of reason the whopping first time he prediseased| He's weird, I tell you, andº middayevil down to his vegetable soul. |shNever mind his falls feetsh| and |shhis tanbark complexionsh|. That's whyº he was forbidden tomate and was warmed off the ricecourse of marrimoney underº the |shHelpless Corpses Enactmentsh|. |shI'm not at all surprised the saint kicked himsh| whereby the sum taken Berkeley showed the reason genrously. |shNegas, negasti — negertop, negertoe, negertoby, negrunter!sh| Then he was pusched out of Thingamuddy's school by Miss Garterdº for itching. Then he caught the europicolas andº went into the society of jewses. With Bro Cahlls and Fran Czeschs and Bruda Pszths and Brat Slavos. One temp, whenº he foiled to be killed,º the freak wanted to put his bilingual head intentionally through the Ikish Tames and go and join the clericy as a demonican skyterrier. |shThrowing dust in the eyes of the Hooley Fermerssh|!º |shHe used to be avowdeed as he ought to be vitandustsh|º. For onced I squeaked by twyst I'll squelch him. Then he went to Cecilia's treat on his solo to pick up Galen. |shAsbestopoulossh|! Inkupot! |shHe has encaust in the| Shim! I have the outmost contempt for. Prost bitten! |shConshy!sh| Tiberia is waiting on you, arestocrank! Chaka a seagull ticket at Gattabuia and Gabbiano's! Go o'er the sea, haythen, from me,º and |shleavesh| |shyour libber to T.C.D.ºsh| Your puddin is cooked! You're served, cram ye! Fatefully yaourth... Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex.

— But for what, thrice |shtruthfulsh| teller,º Shaun of grace,º weakly we went on to ask now of the gracious one. Vouchsafeº to say. You will now, goodness, won't you? Why?

— For his root language,º if you ask me whys,º footinmouther,º which he picksticked into his lettruce invrention,º Shaun replied asº he blessed himself devotionally like a crawsbomb, making act of oblivion, whatº the thickuns else?º Ull­hod­turden­weir­mudgaardgringnir­urdr­molnir­fenrirlukki­lokki­baugi­mandodrerinsurt­krinm­gern­rackina­rockar!º Thor's for youº!

|shThe hundredlettered name again, lostº word of perfect| But you could come near it, we do suppose, strong Shaun O', we foresupposedº. How?

— Peax! Peax! Shaun repliedº in vealar penultimatum as he swigged a slug of Jon Jacobsen from his treestem sucker cane.º 'Tis pebils before Sweeney's.º Mild butº likesome! I mightº as well be talking to the four waves till Tibbs' gray eveº and the west'sº asleep. Frost! Nope! No one in his seven senses could,º as I have before said,º onlyº you missed my drift,º for it's being incendiary. Every dimmed letter in it is a copy and not a few of the silbils and wholly words I can show you in my Kingdom of Heaven. The lowquacity of him!
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With his threestarº monothong! Thaw! The last word in stolentelling! And what's more,º rightdown lowbrown schisthematic robblemint! Yes. As he was rising my lather. Like you. And as I was plucking his goosybone. Like yea. He store the tale of me shurº. Like yup. |shHow's that for Shemese?sh|

Still in a way, not to flatter you, we fancyº you thatº are so strikingly brainy and well letterread onº yourshelves as ever were the |shShamous Shamonous, Limited,sh| could use worse of yourself, ingenious Shaun, we still so fancied, if only you would take your time so and the trouble of so doing it. Upu now!

— Undoubtedly but that is show, Shaun replied,º the muttermelk of his blood donor beginning to work,º and while |shinnocent of disseminating the foul emanationsh|º it would be a fall day I could not, sole, so you can keep your space,º and by the power of blurry wards I am loyable to do it (I am convicted of it!) any timeº ever I cheesed toº (bet ye fippence off me boot allowance!) with the allergrossest transfusiasm as,º you see, while I can soloquiseº the Siamanish better than most, it is an openear secret, be it said, how I am extremely ingenuous at the clerking even with my badily left and, arrah go braz,º I'd pinsel it |shwith immenuensoessh| as easy as I'd perorate a chickerow of beans |shfor the price of two maricles,ºsh| and my trifolium librotto, the authordux Book of Lief, would, ifº given to daylight (|shI hold a most incredible faith about itsh|),º far exceedº what that bogus bolshy of a shame, my soamheisº brother, Gaoy Fecks, is conversant with in audible black and prink. Outragedy of poetscalds! |shAcomedy of letters! I have them all, tame, deep and harried, in my mine's Ish|. And one of these fine days, man dear, |shwhen the mood is on mesh|, that I mayº cut my throat with my tongue tonight but Iº may willhapº be ormuzd moved to take potlood in handº and introvent it Paatryk just like a work of merit, mark my words,º and |shappend to my mark twangsh|, that will open your pucktricker's ops for you, broather brooher, only for, as a papst and an immature and a nayophightº and a spaciaman spaciosum and a hundred and eleven other things, I would never for anything take so much trouble of such doing. And why so? Because I am altogether a chap too fly and hairyman for to infradig the like of that ultravirulence. And by all I hold sacred on earth,º clouds and in heaven I swear to you on my piop and oath by the awe of Shaun (and that's a howl of a name!) that I will commission to the flames any incendiarist whosoever or ahriman howsoclever who would endeavour to set ever annyma roner moother of mine on fire.º Rock me, Julie,º but I will soho!

And, with that crickcrackcruck of his threelungged squool from which grief had usupped every smile, big hottempered husky fusky krenfy strenfy pugiliserº such as he was,º he |shvirtuallysh| broke down on the mooherhead,º
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getting quite jerry over her, overpowered by himself with the love of the tearsilver that he twined through her hair,º for, sure, he was the soft semplgawn slob of the world with a heart like Montgomery's in his showchest and harvey |shloads of feeling in himsh| and as innocent and undesignful as theº freshfallen calef. Still, |shgrossly unselfishsh| |shin sickselfsh|, he |shdished allarmes away andsh| laughed it off with a wipe at his pudgies and a gulp apologetic, healingº his tare be the smeyle of his oye, oogling aroondº. |shHim belly no belong sollow mole| Ally bullyº. Fu Li's gulpa. Mind you, now, that he was in the dumpest of earnestº orthough him jawr war hoo hleepy hor halk urthing hurther. Moe. Likeº that only he stopped short and,º in looking up up upfrom his tideshackledº wrists through the ghost of an oceanº uponº the wieds of pansiful heathvens of joepeter's gaseytotum as they are telling not but were and will be, all told,º scruting foreback into the fargoneahead to feel out what age in years tropical, ecclesiastic, civil or sidereal he might find by the sirious pointstand ofº Charley's Wain (what betune the spheres sledding along the lacteal and the mansions of the blest turning on old times), asº erewhile had he craved of thus, |shthe dreamskhwindel necklassoed him,sh| his thumbs fellº into his fists and, lusosing theº harmonical balance of his ballbearing extremities, by the holy kettle,º like a flask of lightningº over he careened (O the sons of the fathers!) by the mightyfine weight of his barrel (all that prevented the happening of, who,º if not the asterisks betwinkº themselves,º shall ever?) and, as the wisest postludeº he could playact, collapsedº in ensemble and rolled buoyantly backwards in less than a twinkling via Rattigan's corner out of furtherº earshot with his highly curious mode of slipashod motion, surefoot, sorefoot, slickfoot, slackfoot, linkman laizurely, lampman loungey, and by Killesther's lapes and falls, with corks andº staves and treeleaves and more bubbles to his keelrow,º a fairish and easy way enough as the town cow cries behind theº times in the direction of MacAuliffe'sº, the crucethouseº, Open the Door Softly, down in the valley,º before he was really uprighted ere in a dip of the downs (uila!) he spoorlessly disappaled and vanesshed, like a popo down a papa, from circular circulatio. Ah, mean!º

Gaogaogaone! Tapaa!

And the stellas were shinings.º And the earthnight strewed aromatose. His pibrook creppt mong the donkness. A reek was waft on the luftstream. He was ours, all fragrance. And we were his for a lifetime. O dulcid dreamings,º languidous! Taboccoo!º

It was sharming! But scharmeng!º

|shAnd the lamp went outsh| as it couldn't glow on burning, yep, the lmp wnt out for it couldn't stay alight.
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Well (how dire do we thee hours when thylike fades!),º all's dall and youllow and it is to bedowern that thou art passing hence,º mine bruder, able Shaun,º with a twhistingº of the robe, ere the morning of light calms our hardest throes, fromº carnal relations and familiarº faces, beyond cods' cradle and porpoise plain,º to the indsº of Tuskland where the Oliphantsº scrum from, tillº the ousts of Amiracles where the tollº stories grow proudest,º more is the pity, but for allº your deeds of goodness you were soo ooft and foreverº doing, manomano and myriamilia even to mulimuli, as our humbler classes, whose virtue is humility, can tell, it is hardly we in the country of the old, Sean Moy, can part you,º for, oleypoe, you were the walking saint, you were, tootoo too stayer, the graced of gods and pittites and the salus of the wake. Countenance whose disparition afflictedly fond Fuinn feels. Winner of the gamings, primed at the studience, propredicted from the storybouts, the choice of ages wise! Spickspookspokesman of our specturesque silentiousness! Musha, beminded of us out there in Cockpit, poor twelve o'clockº scholars, sometime or other anywhen you think the time. Wisha, becoming back to us way home in Biddyhouse one way or the otherº anywhere,º we miss your smile. Palmwine breadfruit sweetmeat milksoup! Suasusupo! However! |shOur peoplesh| here in Samoanesia |shwill not be after forgetting yoush| and the elders luking and marking the jornies, chalkingº up drizzle in drizzle out,º on the four bare mats. |shHow you would be thinking in your thoughtsº how the deepings did it all begin and how you would be scrimmaging through your scruples to collar a hold of an imperfection being| Sireland calls you. Mery Loye is saling moonlike. And Slyly Mamourneen isº ladymaid at Gladshouseº Lodge. Turn your coat, strong character, and tarry among us down the vale, yougander,º only once more! And may the mossº of prosperousness gather you rolling home!º May foggy dews bediamondise your hooprings! May the fireplug of filiality reinsure your bunghole! May the barleywind behind glow luck to your bathershins! 'Tisº well we know you were loth to leave us, winding your hobbledehorn, right royalº post, but, aruah sure, pulse of our slumber, dreambookpogeº, by the grace of Votre Dame,º |shwhen the natural mourningº of your nocturne blankmerges into the national morning of golden sunupsh| and |shDon Leary gets his own back from old grog Georges Quartasº as that goodship the Jonnyjoys takes the wind from waterloogged Erin's kingsh|, you will skiffº across the Moylendsea and round up in your own escapology some canonisator's day or other, sack on back, alack,º digging snowº (not so?)º like the good man you are, with your picture pockets turned knockside out in the rake of the rain for fresh remittances,º and from that till this in any case, timus tenant, may the tussocks grow quickly under your trampthicketsº and the daisies trip lightly over your battercops.