Whoº do you no tonigh, lazy and gentleman?
(Shaunº Mac Irewick, briefdragger, for the concern of Messrs Jhon Jhamiesonº and Song, rated one hundrick and thin per storehundred on this nightly quisquiquock of the twelve apostrophes, set by Jockit Mic Ereweak. He misunderstruck anº aim of number three of them and left his free natural ripostes to four of them in their own fine artful disorder.)º
H 1.º What secondtonone myther rector and maximost bridgesmaker was the first to rise taller through his beanstale than the bluegum
baobabbaum or the giganteous Wellingtonia Sequoia;º went nudiboots with trouters into a liffeyette when she was barely in her trickliesº; was well known to claud a conciliation cap onto the
esker of his hooth; sports a chainganger's albert solemenly over his hullender's epulence; thought he weighed a new ton when there felled his
first lapapple; gave the heinousness of choice to |2us everyknight2| betwixt yesterdicks
and twomaries; had sevenal successivecoloured |2serevanmaids serebanmaids2| on the same big white drawringroam horthrug; is a Willbeforce to this hour at house
as he was in heather; pumped the catholick wartrey and shocked the prodestung boyne; killed his own hungery self in anger as a young man;º found fodder for five when allmarken rose goflooded; bred manyheaded
stepsonsº for one leapyourown taughter; is too funny for a fish and has too much outside for an insect; bears a raaven gueulantº on a fjeld duiv; wore a halo to his varlet and appeared to his
shecook; pressed the beer of aled age out of the nettles of rashness; put a roof on the lodge for Hymn and a coq in his pot for homo; |2was dapifer,º then pancircensor,º then hortifex
magnus; won the freedom of new yoke for the minds of jugoslaves; wanama acts active, meddles in passivism and is a monster of selfridgeousness; pours a laughsworth of his illformation over a larmsworth of salt; he stands in a lovely park, sea is not far, importunate towns of X, Y and Z are easily reached; is an excrescence to civilised
humanity and but a wart on Europe; wanamade singsigns to soundsense an yit he wanna git all his flesch nuemaid motts truly prural and plusible;2| was waylaid byº a parker and beschotten by a buckeley; kicks lintils when he's cuppy and casts Jacob's arroroots, dime after dime, to poor childer
on his parish; soaps you soft to your face and slaps himself when he's badend; owns the bulgiest bungbarrel that ever was tiptapped in the privace of the Mullingar Inn; was born with a nuasilverº tongue in his mouthe and went round the
coast of Iron with his lift hand to the scene; raised but two fingers and yet smelt it would day; for whom it is easier to found a see in Ebblannah than for I or you to find a dubbeltye in Dampsterdump; to live
with whom is a lifemayor and to know whom a liberal education; was dipped in Hoily Olives and chrysmed in Scent Otooles;º hears cricket on the earth but annoys the life out of predikants; still turns the dure'sº ear of Darius to the now thoroughly
infuriatedº man of God; made Man with juts that jerk and minted money mong maney; likes a six acup pudding when he's come whome sweet
whomeº; was dubbed out of joke and limned in raw ochre; has come through all the eras of livsadventure from
noonshineº and shampaying down to clouts and pottled porter; with one touch
of nature set a veiled world agrin and went within a sheet of tissuepaper of the option of three gaols; who could see at one blick a saumon taken with a spear, hunters pursuing a deer, a swallowship in full sail, a whiterobe lifting a host; faced flappery like old King Cnut and turned his back like Cincinnatus; is a farfar and morefar and a hoar father Nakedbucker in villas old as new; sits aquart and cracks aquaint when it's flaggin in town and on haven; blows whiskery around the head but thinks stout upon his feet; stutters fore he falls and goes mad entirely when he's waked; is Timb to the pearly morn and Tomb to the mourning night; and an he had the best |2bay baked bunbaked2| bricks in bould Babylon for his lustingplays he'd be lostº for the want of his wan wubblin wall?
A 2.º Does your mutter know your mike?
slipt by his side.
kneel and quaff a lyre!
If Dann's dane, Ann's dirty,
if he's plane,º she's purty,
if he's fane, she's flirty,
with her auburnt streams,
and her coy cajoleries,
and her dabblin drolleries,
for to rouse his rudderup,
or to drench his dreams.
If hot Hammurabi,
or cowld Clesiastes,
could espy her pranklings,
they'd burst bounds agin,
and renounce their ruings,
and denounce their doings,
for river and iver,
and a night. Amin!º
N 3.º Which title is the true-to-type motto-in-lieu for that Tick for Teac thatchment |2painted witt wethº
one one darknessº, |awhere asnake is under clover and birds aprowl are in the rookeries and a magda went to monkishouse and a riverpaard was
spotted,ºa|2| which is not Whichcroft Whorort not Ousterholm Dreyschluss not Haraldsby, grocer, not Vatandcan, vintner, not Houseboat and Hive not Knox-atta-Belle not O'Faynix Coalprince not Wohn Squarr Roomyeck not Ebblawn Downes not
Le Mieux not Benjamin's Lea not Tholomew's Whaddingtun gnot Antwarp |2not Thermopyle gnat Musca2| not Corry's not Weir's notº Theº Arch not The Smug not The Dotch House not The Uval nothing Grand nothing Splendid (Grahot orº Spletel) nayther Erat Est Erit noor Non michi sed lucefro?
answer:º Thine obesity, O civilian, hits the felicitude of our orb!
X 4.º What Irish capitol city |2(a dea o dea!)2| of two syllables and six letters, with a deltic origin and a nuinous endº (ah dust oh dust!),º can boost of having a)º the most extensive public park in the world, b)º the most expensive brewing industry in the world, c)º the most expansive peopling thoroughfare in the world, d)º the most phillohippuc theobibbous paupulationº in the world?
answer:º a)º Delfas. And when ye'll hear the hommers of my heart, my floxy loss, bingbanging again the ribs of yer resistance and the tenderbolts of my rivets working to your destraction ye'll be sheverin wi' all yer dinful sobs when we'll
go riding a cope-a-curlyº, you with yer orange garland and me with my conny cordial, down the greaseways of rollicking into the waters of wetted life. b)º Dorhqk. And sure where can you have such
good old chimes anywhere, and leave you, and how 'tisº I would be engaging you with my plovery soft accents and descanting upover the scene beunder me of your loose vines in their hairafall with them two loving loofs braceleting the slims of your ankles and your mouth's flower rose and sinking ofter the soapstone of speech. c)º Nublid. Isha, why wouldn't we be happy, avourneen, on the mills' moneyº he'll soon be leaving you as soon as I've my own owned brooklined Georgian mansion's lawn to recruit upon by Doctor Cheek's special orders and my panful of soybeans and Irish in my east hand and a James's Gate in my west, after all the errears and erroriboose of embottled history, and your goodself churningº over the newleaved butter (more power to you!),º the choicest and the cheapest from Atlanta to Oconee, while I'll be drowsing in the gaarden. d)º Dalway. I hooked my
thoroughgoing trotty the first down Spanish Place, Mayo I make, Tuam I take,º Sligo's sin but Galway'sº grace. Holy eel and sainted salmonº, chucking chub and ducking dace, I never felt your aequal! says she, leppin half the lane.
Y 5.º Whadº slags of a loughladd would retten smuttyflesks, emptout old mans, melk vitious geit, scareoff jackinjills fra tiddle anding, smoothpick waste papish pastures, sprink dirted water, bearº around village, newses, tobaggon and sweeds, plain general kept, louden on the kirkpeal, foottreats given to malafides, outskriekº hyelp hyelpº nor his hair efter buggelawrs, might underhold three barnets, putzpolish crotty bottes, nightcoover all fireglims, serve's time till baass, grindstone his kniveses, fullest boarded, lewd man of the method inº godliness, perchance he nieows and thans sits in the spoorwaggen, will, on advices, blank, must begripe fallstandinglyº irers' langurge, jublander or northquain bigger prefurred, may get earnst, no get combitsch, profusional drinklords to please obstain, he is fatherlow soundigged inmoodmined pershoon but aleconnerman, nay, that must he isn't?
answer:º Pore ole Joe!
} 6.º What means the saloon slogan Summon In The Housesweep Dinah?
answer:º Galory bit of the sales of Cloth nowand I have to beeswax
the bringing in all the claub of the parks to us how I thawght I knew his stain on the flower Oº if my ashº and can could speak and he called by me midden name I am your honey honeysugger phwhtphwht tha Bay and who bruk the dandleass and who seen the blackcullen jam for Tomorrha's big pickneck I hope it'll pour prais the Climate of all Ireland who eight the last of the goosebellies that was mowlding from hoopincoff years and who leff that there and who put that here and who let the kilkenny stale the chop and whowasit youwasit propped the pot in the yard and whatinthe nameofsen lukeareyou rubbinthe sideofthe flureofthe lobbywith.º Shite! Willº you have a plateful?
O 7.º Who are those component partners of our societate, the doorboy, the cleaner, the sojer, the crook, the squeezer, the lounger, the curman, the tourabout, the mussroomsniffer, the bleakablue tramp, the funpowtherplother, the christymansboxer, from their prés salés and Donnybrook prater and Roebuck's campos and the agerº Arountownº and Crumglen's grassy but Kimmage's champ and Ashtown fields and Cabra fields and Finglas fields and Santry fields and the feels of Raheny and their fails and Baldoygle to them,º who are latecomers all the yearsº round by anticipation, are the porters of the passions in virtue of retroratiocination, and, contributting their conflingent controversies of differentiation, unify their voxes in a vote of vaticination, who crunch the crusts of comfort due to depredation, drain the mead for misery to incur intoxication, condone every evil by practical justification and condamnº any good to its own gratification, who are ruled, roped, duped and driven by those angel daimons, the feekeepers of their laws,º nightly consternation, fortnightly fornication, monthly miserecordation and omniannual recreation, Matey, Teddy, Simon, Jorn, Pedharº, Andy, Barty, Philly, Jamesy Mor,º and Tom, Matt and Jakes MacCortyº?
answer:º The Morphies!
Q 8.º And how war yore maggies?
answer:º They war loving, they love laughing, they laugh weeping, they weep smelling, they smell smiling, they smile hating, they hate thinking,º they think feeling, they feel tempting, they tempt daring, they dare waiting, they wait taking, they take thanking, they
thankº seeking, asº born for lorn in lore of love to live and wive by wile and rile and rule by runeº of
ruse 'reathed rose and
hose |2held hol'd2| home, but cometh elope year, coach and four, Sweet Peck-at-my-Heart picks one man more.
o 9.º Now, to be on anew and basking again in the panaroma of all flores of speech, if a human being,º duly fatigued by his dayety in the sooty, having plenxty off time on his gouty hands and vacants of space at his sleepish feet and as hapless |2beyond behind2| the dreams of accuracy as any camelot prince of dinmurk, were,º at this auctual futule preteriting unstant, in the states of suspensive exanimation, accorded, throughº the eye of a noodle, with an earsighted view of old hopeinhaven with all the ingredient and egregiunt wights and ways to which in the curse of his persistenceº the course of his tory will had been having recourses, the reverberration of knotcracking awes, the reconjungation of nodebinding ayes, the redissolusingness of mindmouldered ease and the thereby hang of the Hoel of it, could such a none, whiles even led comesilencers to comeliewithhers and till intempestuous Nox should catch the gallicry and spot lucan's dawn, byhold at ones what is main and why 'tisº twain, how one once meet melts in tother wants poignings, the sap rising, the foles falling, the nimb now nihilant round the girlyhead so becoming, the wrestless in the womb, all the rivals to allsea, shakeagain, O disaster!º shakealose, Ahº how starring!º but Heng's got a bit of Horsa's nose and Jeff's got the signs of Ham round his mouth and the beauº that |2was spun2| beautiful pales as it palls, what roserude and oragious grows gelb and greem, blue out the ind of it!º Violet's dyed!º then what would that fargazer seem to seemself to seeming of, dimnº it all?
answer:º A |2collidorscape collideorscape2|!
answer:º I know, pepette, of course, dear, but listen, precious! Thanks, pette, those are lovely, delicious! But mind the wind, sweet! What exquisite hands you have, |2you angel,2| if
you didn't gnaw your |2nails, nails! Isn'tº it a wonder you're not ashamedº of me,2| you
pig|2, you perfect little pig2|! I bet you use her best French cream
to make them look so rosetop glowstop nostop. When I think of that Dan Hishon, the foodbrawlerº of the sociationist party and all his fourteen other maulers. Stoop a littleº closer, fealse! Delicious simply! I haven't fell so turkish for ages and ages! Why, what are they all, the mucky lot of them only? Peppt! That's rightº, hold it steady! Poo! Listen, loviest! Of course it was too kind of you, miser, to remember my sighs in shockings and I'll always in always remind of them with my very best gloves even if he was to be vermillion |2times my age miles my youth2| to live on, creaking around on his old axle like a crosty old cornquake. I'm fine, thanks ever! O,º mind you poo fingies!º Mummum!º I'm terribly sorry, I swear to you I am! May you never see me in my figure how I sleep |2gracefully2| in myº
birthday pelts and that her blanches mainges may rot leprous off her,º whatever winking |2whore maggis2| I'll bet by your cut you go chasting after,º with jumps in her stomewhere! Of course I know, pettest, you're so learningful and considerate in yourself, you long cold cat you! |2Please tooº meek my acquointance!2| Codling, snakelet, icicle! My diaper has more life to it! Whoº drowned you,º |2inkman so youngº in |atears drears, man, or are you pillale with dunread inka|2|? Can't you read myº dazzled eyes through me true? Count all your quick of my rhythmic ticks, pore into me, volumes, spell me stark and spill me swooning.º Transnameº me loveliness, now meº and here me for all times! I'd risk a policeman passing by, Magrath or even that beggar |2of a boots at the Post2|. The flame? O, pardone! That was what? Ah, did you speak, stuffstuff? More poestries from Sakespeare's?º Holy bug, how my highness would jump to make you flame your halve a banan in two when I'd run my blazing torchlightº through
your hairmejig if you had one!º |2Toº adore me |atherea| and then cease to be?º2| If I am laughing with you? No, lovingest, I'm not |2so2| dying to take my rise out of you. It's only because I'm only any girl, you lovely fellow of my dreams, and because old somebooby is not a roundabout, my trysting of the tulipies, |2like that puffpapeº bucking Daveran,º assoiling us behinds,2| and because, you |2pluckless2| lankaloot, I hate the very thought of the thought of you and because, dearling, of course, adorest, I was always meant for an engindear which please businessº |2now2| won't be long. I beg your pardon, I was listening to every word I said fell from |2your my dear mot's2| lip otherwise how could I see what you were thinking |2of yourº granny2|? Move your mouth towards |2me minth2|, more, more on more! Don't be a, I'm not going to! Sh! Nothingº! A cricri somewhere:º Buybuy! I'm fly! Let them|2, their whole four courtships2|! Let them!º |2Bigbawl and his boosers' eleven makes twelve!º And my waiting twenty classbirds, sitting on their stiles2|! |2We keeps all the and sundry papers.2| In the limelight, O my dawrlingº! No, I swear to you by all I hold secret and |2goddest goddesst2| in this worldº and in my underworld and inº all the other wonderwearlds! Close your, |2mustn't notmust2| look, nowº open, pet, your lips, pepette, like I used my sweet parted |2lips lipsabuss2| with Dan Holohan taught me, pipetta mia, when you learned me the linguo to melt. Wholohamº would have ears like ours, the blackhaird!º Do you like that, silenziosa?º Are you enjoying, my life, my love? Is it not divinely deluscious? Misi,º misi! I am enjoying it still, I swear I am! Why do you prefer its in |2this these2| dark nets, if why may ask, my |2sweety sweetykins2|? Shsh!º Longears is flying. No, |2sweetest sweetissest2|, why would that ennoy me? But don't! Your lips, love, be careful! Mind my dress above all! So, so, my precious! |2O, I know the cost, charaº! Don't tell me!2| If I sell |2who, dear whose, dears2|? |2Was I sold here's,º tears?2| How awful! I wouldn't not for all the juliettes in the twinkly way! Shshsh! Don't start like that, you wretch! I thought ye knew all and more, ye aucthors. It's only another queer fish in the damned old river again, God bless us and spare her! Excuse me for swearing, love, I swear I didn't mean to! Did you really never in all our lives speak clothse to a girl's before? No! How mawfellousº! Of course I believe you, my own dear doting liest, when you tell me. |2As I'd live to, O, I'd love to! |aLiss, liss! I muss whiss!a|2| Never that |2ever or2| I can |2ever2| remember |2|atearstreaming dearstreaminga| faces2|! Never in all my whole |2sweet white2| lightº of my matchless and pair!º |2With my whiteness I thee woo and by my bind my silk breaths I thee bound!2| Always, Amory, amor andmore! Till always, thou lovest! Shshshsh! |2Till So2| long as the lucksmith. Laughsº!
when the tune of his tremble shook shimmy on shin,
while his countrary raged in the weak of his wailing,
like a rugilant pugilant Lyon O'Lynn;
if he maundered in misliness, plaining his
orº played fox and lice, pickingº and dropping hips teeth,
or wringing his handcuffs for peace, the blind blighter,
praying Dieufº and Domb Nostrums foh thomethinks to eath;
if he weapt while he leapt and guffalled quith a quhimper,
made cold blood a blue mundy and no bones without flech,
taking kiss, kake or kick with a suck, sigh or simper,
a diffle to larn and a dibble to lech;
if the |2vain fain2| shinner pegged you to shave his immartial,
|2sore wee2| skillmustered shoul with |2Ho! How doodoo!, his ooh, hoodoodoo!º2|
broking wind that to wilesº woemaid sin he was partial,
we don't think, Jones, we'd care to this evening, would you?
answer:º No, blank ye! But before proceeding to conclusively confute this begging question it would be far fitter for you (if ye dare!)º to |2hasitate
to2| consult with and consequentially attempt at my disposalsº of the same dime-cash problem elsewhere, naturalistically,º of course, from the blinkpoint of so eminent a spatialist. From it you will here notice, Schott, upon my for the first remarking you that the
sophology of Bitchson while driven as under by a purely dime-dime urge is not withoutº his cash-cashº characktericksticks, borrowed for its nonce ends from the fiery goodmother Miss Fortune (who
|2the lost time we had the pleasure2| we have had our little |2private
recherché2| brush with, what, Schott?) andº as I |2further2| could have told you,º
|2as brisk as your D.B.C.,º2| behaviouristically pailletés with a coat of homoid icing which
is in reality only a |2done by chance2| ridiculisation of the whoo-whoo and where's hairs theorics of Winestain. To put it all the more plumbsily, theº speechform is a mere sorrogate
whilstº the quality and tality (I shall explex what you ought to mean by this |2with its proper when and where and why and how2| in the subsequent sentence) are
alternativomentally harrogate and arrogate, as the gates may be. Talis is a word often abused by many passims. A pessim may frequent you to say: Have you been
seeing much of Talis and Talis those times?,º optimately meaning: Will you put up a threeº of irish? Or a ladyeater may perhaps have casualised to youº as you temptoed her à la sourdine: Of your plates, isº Talis de Talis, the swordswallower, who is on at the Craterium the same Talis von Talis, the penscrusher (no funk you!),º who runs his duly mile? Or this is a perhaps cleaner example. At a recent postvortex piece infustigation of a determinised case of chronic |2spinosism spinosis2| an extension lecturer on The Ague |2who out of matter of form2| was tergingº his seesers, Dr 's Hetº Ubeleeft, borrowed the question: Why's which Suchman's talis qualis?º Toº whom, as a fatter of macht, Dr Gedankje of Stoutgirth, who was wiping his whistle, toarsely retoarted: While thou beastº one zoom of a whorl! (Talis and Talis originally mean the same thing).